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Dating.....Fastlane style!!

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Russ H

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Great points, Yves.

I would hasten to add that in person, if you're a good looking guy, you have some real advantages when approaching someone. Like it or not, it is what it is.

Being mindful of this when going out is important-- Lex, I'm sure if you approached some ladies smelling of last week's unwashed laundry, w/unkempt hair and bad breath, you wouldn't find them nearly as interested in talking to you. Am I right?

Online stuff takes it another step-- you can be at home, in your jammies, funky hair, no make up or nice smelling cologne, and can still be enticing/engaging to someone.

That has some real advantages.

Because after a few years together, this is the person they're gonna see anyway. :)

-Russ H.

PS Nice to see ya 'round these parts, Yves! :tiphat:
 
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yveskleinsky

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Great points, Yves.

I would hasten to add that in person, if you're a good looking guy, you have some real advantages when approaching someone. Like it or not, it is what it is.

Being mindful of this when going out is important-- Lex, I'm sure if you approached some ladies smelling of last week's unwashed laundry, w/unkempt hair and bad breath, you wouldn't find them nearly as interested in talking to you. Am I right?

Online stuff takes it another step-- you can be at home, in your jammies, funky hair, no make up or nice smelling cologne, and can still be enticing/engaging to someone.

That has some real advantages.

Because after a few years together, this is the person they're gonna see anyway. :)

-Russ H.

PS Nice to see ya 'round these parts, Yves! :tiphat:

...If I ever internet date again, I've decided that I am going to post a picture of me first thing in the morning with me in my PJs and no makeup. Mainly because everyone always has their best photo and then when you meet them in person there's always that certain level of disappointment. I figure if I give a terrible pic, then meeting in person shouldn't be such a let down!
 

Russ H

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...If I ever internet date again, I've decided that I am going to post a picture of me first thing in the morning with me in my PJs and no makeup. Mainly because everyone always has their best photo and then when you meet them in person there's always that certain level of disappointment. I figure if I give a terrible pic, then meeting in person shouldn't be such a let down!

Or be like Sonya and post a pic of your pet chicken. ;)

THAT will keep them guessing . . .

-Russ H.
 

ITA

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Russ, it was interesting to read your insight. As I get older (I'm now 32), I also feel this way, and I now screen girls on more than hotness (well, I did before too, just less). My current girlfriend is an entrepreneur with a lot of drive (AND a former fitness coach ;-) ).

BUT, I've tried online dating once in the past. In my experience, it takes A LOT of time and back and forth emails...then, and maybe this is just me being weird or having high standards here, but when I met the women, there was always something to put me off. Not necessarily that they were 20 kilos heavier than their pics let on, but say their voice was weird...or they had tacky taste in clothes...etc etc. Or sometimes I couldn't put my finger on it but the chemistry just wouldn't be there.

So I would have spend 5 or 10 or 20 hours interacting with this person, and within 5 mins of meeting her I would know this could not work. Talk about a waste of time. I gave up on online dating right away after 3-4 tries.

Is this just my problem, or what?

So far I've been much happier meeting women in the real world. It's not that hard. And at least you don't waste your time.
 
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Cat Man Du

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Or be like Sonya and post a pic of your pet chicken. ;)

THAT will keep them guessing . . .

-Russ H.

or like Reds squirrel...................lol :notworthy:
 

Russ H

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Russ, it was interesting to read your insight. As I get older (I'm now 32), I also feel this way, and I now screen girls on more than hotness (well, I did before too, just less). My current girlfriend is an entrepreneur with a lot of drive (AND a former fitness coach ;-) ).

BUT, I've tried online dating once in the past. In my experience, it takes A LOT of time and back and forth emails...then, and maybe this is just me being weird or having high standards here, but when I met the women, there was always something to put me off. Not necessarily that they were 20 kilos heavier than their pics let on, but say their voice was weird...or they had tacky taste in clothes...etc etc. Or sometimes I couldn't put my finger on it but the chemistry just wouldn't be there.

So I would have spend 5 or 10 or 20 hours interacting with this person, and within 5 mins of meeting her I would know this could not work. Talk about a waste of time. I gave up on online dating right away after 3-4 tries.

Is this just my problem, or what?

So far I've been much happier meeting women in the real world. It's not that hard. And at least you don't waste your time.

ITA-

Well said, and from the heart.

I never considered meeting someone a waste of time. Even if we didn't "click", by that point we still had enough in common to be friends-- which was cool. We often became buddies (and emailed each other about our subsequent 'online meets', to try and get a greater understanding of the whole process). Again, none of that felt like a waste to me. On the contrary. :)

For me, it was WAY more efficient meeting a dozen women online (did take time, tho) then constantly talking to everyone I'd meet that looked interesting. Bear in mind that I was living out in the country (Napa Valley) and working from home, so meeting people was not as easy as when you're working in an office, going out, etc. My daily/weekly contact was pretty much limited to the cashiers at my local grocery store and the UPS guy.

*******

I think the most important take away from the transition (online to in person) is that there will be a certain adjustment/shock to the system. Took me by surprise the first few times-- then I just prepared for it (and openly talked about it, both before (via email) and after (in person) w/the person I was going to meet.

Here's the thing that was the wake up call for me:

There was ALWAYS something a bit "off". Like you say-- hair, clothes, piercings in wild places-- or they smoked cigs (and had never mentioned it), etc. Or they were manic-depressive (!) or had some other interesting affliction. Never had one be a guy, but I always figured that would happen sooner or later. :eek:

Aside from it being a guy (sorry, deal breaker for me), I learned to be pretty open to whatever I met.

Why?

Because if we'd already been writing to each other for 6-8 weeks, we had a LOT in common, and shared mutual views on a LOT of things.

So we had plenty to talk about.

Sometimes, I even made it into a game-- I'd tell them ahead of time I'd sent them a follow up email after the first meeting where I'd share my biggest shocks about meeting them (hey, you never told me you were over 6 feet tall in your bare feet!).

(yes, that happened)

Actually, sometimes, when I'd email them to tell them I was gonna do this after our first meet up, they actually emailed me back w/things they hadn't said. Some of it was important. Some not.

But I had to completely un-learn what felt "right" when I went from in person dating to meeting online ladies for the first time.

It IS different. So it's natural that it would feel *very* different from what you'd done before.

*******

I guess for me, bottom line, after dating what could be called "model types" (slender, beautiful, size 0/size 1, 5'4"-5'8") in my 20s and 30s, I went to personals and online stuff more out of frustration than hope. I was never the world's best conversationalist (got all tongue tied when I'd first meet someone). But for me, writing came easy.

I just got really, really tired of meeting someone, getting infatuated w/the great sex and "how wonderful they were" (or more accurately, what I was imagining them to be), then waking up beside them months later either bored out of my mind, or feeling like this was NOT the person I'd met a year earlier (hint: They were-- but I'd been in such a hormonal fog, I'd 'made' them into something else-- something that fit me better, but wasn't really who they were). THAT is what took a lot of time. Not getting to know several dozen women over a period of weeks via email.

*************

Lots of rambling there. Hope some of it was helpful! :)

-Russ H.
 

ITA

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Russ, interesting perspective. What was the shocking thing when you met your wife then? ;-)

And you are saying you were sort of bracing yourself for "something" to feel weird on the first meet IRL with women...but then what? How did you take it from there? Did you find that the personality match and conversation just made whatever else fade away with time?

All your points are well taken, especially about all the time lost in hormonal fog...LOL

And the thing is, matching algorithms are becoming better and better on online sites (or so I read), so it seems like within a few years, you will be presented with "perfect personality matches" on a silver platter. That might be the time I try that game again...:)
 
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Red

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Squirrel pictures aside :) I'm another one of those online dating casualties -after meeting several men on several occasions (over the course of several years), I've learned that I'm just not wired that way.

I have to meet someone organically -as in, real life. Get to know them, be it through work, sports I play, etc, etc, whatever. I can't just meet someone, sit down, have a glass of wine and go "hey, I think I might like you on a romantic level, but I don't know yet, want to get to know each other more?" *shudder*

I've learned to listen to my gut and when it's not there, it's not there -don't try and make it be. Just own up, tell him you're not feeling it on that level and move on.

I'm by no means an expert (ha, never married and no kids at 32? that qualifies me as a bona fide anomaly), so I wouldn't suggest taking my advice, but I have learned that loneliness may suck, but it won't kill you. And don't settle, you owe it to yourself to hold out for what you want.
 

PaulRobert

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I'm by no means an expert.


And don't settle, you owe it to yourself to hold out for what you want.

And you claim your not an expert!? This advice is golden, too many people settle for less with someone or for something when they can have so much more. Whether it be someone that truly understands them and loves them for who they are or to have a better life. When they do settle for less the result is: They are unhappy and wonder what went wrong.
 
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Bobo

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LOL....

For all the doubters. I first knew Jill as 'Jill109' on Matchmaker... 13 years ago.

To Yves' point it is better to NOT have a 'personals' section on a forum, if people meet there great but lol, Jill and I left a lot of folks on Matchmaker once we 'retired' and had no reason to go back.

For Jill it was her usual laziness/brilliance in short circuiting the process. She had a list of criteria and sifted through everyone on the site who met 90% of the list items.

Then I came along and oddly, she read my profile and saw that even though I only hit like 30% of her checkboxes it was my serious demeanor that really intrigued her, she was just sure she could help me come out of my shell and learn not to take everything so seriously (cough).

Anyhow... withing about a month we quit MM and the rest is history.

For me it was simple: I had a baby at home, did not have time for bars and/or bullshit and had a lot more time at the computer than I had to go out so it was an efficiency thing. Jill's essay questions told me she was smart and ironic, picture was a bad one of her (mistakenly thought she was an 8).. so I pick her up for our first date and she opens the door and I shit thee not - I fell off her porch.

Told her I knew she was funny and smart but had no idea she was such a babe. (That worked, wasn't planned though).

I recommend it. Better to read about someone and get to know their brain sans hormonal interaction for a bit. At least then you improve your odds of finding a compatible partner
 

MJ DeMarco

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that qualifies me as a bona fide anomaly

I believe that trait is an asset, not a liability. All of us "never married w/no kids" who are > 30 are anomalies.
 

Russ H

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Wow those are very good insights. Looks like everyone here are dating experts.

Zed-

I don't think any of us (except maybe Lex) consider themselves dating experts.

We're just sharing the sh*t that happened to us, and what we've learned.

If you do *anything* enough times, you (hopefully) learn about yourself in the process. That's the only difference between a guy like me (who dated for decades) and someone who hasn't.

It's not an expert thing at all. I never meant for it to come off that way.

-Russ H.
 
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Icy

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If you do *anything* enough times, you (hopefully) learn about yourself in the process. That's the only difference between a guy like me (who dated for decades) and someone who hasn't.

Isn't that how you become an expert at something? Trial and error? :smxB:
 

Cat Man Du

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And you claim your not an expert!? This advice is golden, too many people settle for less with someone or for something when they can have so much more. Whether it be someone that truly understands them and loves them for who they are or to have a better life. When they do settle for less the result is: They are unhappy and wonder what went wrong.

YES, Lambo.........remember that when it's your turn at the wheel !! :smx9:
 

TK1

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I would like to know how fastlane members date - do you do online dating?

Nice thread!
 
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The-J

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I'm curious about this too.

I'd imagine a lot of new Fastlaners who don't have husbands or wives would use online dating simply to speed up the process. It's a pain to go out and talk to a million guys/girls in order to find the one that's right for them.
 

theag

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I'd never use online dating, I think its lame. But I have a girlfriend (and game in case of a breakup), so who am I to chime in ;)
 

AndrewNC

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I would like to know how fastlane members date - do you do online dating?

I don't online date... I fastlane date online.

I find an online dating relationship consultant on a freelance site. They friend me on Facebook and choose the best 4 pictures from the thousands I have on my Facebook page. Usually ones with me with other girls/having fun/doing cool things (social proof).

At this point, I hire someone (a copywriter) to create an enticing profile that makes me stand out (purple cow), and entice a response. Now I purchase advertisements on pof.com that have a picture of me on it, and use their advertisement tool to make sure single females between the ages of 23 an 27 in the Phoenix, AZ area see my 'advertisement' (AKA brand building with seeing a picture of me on there).

After that, they my freelancers will search the web through pickup artist forums and find out the top 3 most successful first messages. They will send each of the 3 messages out to 100 girls. The message with the highest response rate will be the message I will use (sales letter).

Once I have the profile setup, the perfect profile (advertisement), and the brand recognition from them seeing my picture in pof advertisements previously... I will hire a software programmer to write a program that will automatically message every girl from pof in the Phoenix, AZ area with a click of a button.

Out of the responses I get, I will have my freelancers banter with the girls through my profile. The ones that show interest will give me (my freelancers) their number, and it will be delivered to me with a copy of their profiles and pictures.

I will then create different profiles with different pictures and test out which messages and profiles have the highest response rate.

Once I have a proven formula in Phoenix, I will expand my market to other cities, and countries.
 
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AndrewNC

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I will also test out different age ranges to see which girls are most interested in me. If the demographic is 40+, I will transition my marketing platform over to cougarLife.com and repeat.

To make it even more fastlane, I will have a lab develop clones of me to go on first, 2nd and 3rd dates. Now I have an army of Andrew's dating all the attractive girls on POF. Now I can date millions of hot model girls from online dating sites across the globe...without dating them.


Then I go down to the bar and meet the girl of my dreams.


</story>
 

The-J

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I'd never use online dating, I think its lame. But I have a girlfriend (and game in case of a breakup), so who am I to chime in ;)

Online dating, I'd imagine, would be amazing if you knew how to optimize it. Especially for people who don't enjoy the whole 'dating' thing.
 

theag

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it's true

be careful and cut ties quickly out there.
Love is just an emotion after all.
don't confuse it with lust.

blah blah blah
 

theag

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Online dating, I'd imagine, would be amazing if you knew how to optimize it. Especially for people who don't enjoy the whole 'dating' thing.

I think online dating is a great way for shy or not-so-good-looking people with low self-esteem to meet/find a partner. Or of course for lazy goodlooking people ;). But I personally wouldn't enjoy online dating. I like the feeling of "real" dating, just talking to girls you randomly meet and go from there. Life would be pretty boring if everything would be optimized.
 

elliot

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I joined a dating site and was lucky first girl I met was a match from start, a year later still going well and I only joined without really thinking of it as a serious thing. Must say I was scared on first meeting how do you do a quick exit if it goes wrong without being a bad person?
 
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danoodle

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Lol, not sure why so many people seem to be against online dating. I personally know people who have met online and eventually got married and are still married today. Online game is definitely one of the fastest and most efficient ways to meet and lay new women, especially if you aren't into the whole bar/club scene. Don't be fooled into thinking only ugly or crazy people use these sites. You can easily find very attractive women, but you have to put in the numbers. You can't just message a handful of women and expect to find Miss Right.

Haha AndrewNC is actually somewhat right in his exaggerated plan. If more guys approached online dating in a similar way by testing response rate and tweaking their profiles instead of throwing up a photo, writing a generic, boring profile, sending out a few messages and getting no response and then claiming "online dating sucks and doesn't work", there would be a lot more successful guys out there getting laid. :)
 

AndrewNC

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Haha AndrewNC is actually somewhat right in his exaggerated plan. If more guys approached online dating in a similar way by testing response rate and tweaking their profiles instead of throwing up a photo, writing a generic, boring profile,

Who say's I'm exaggerating ;) lol. Ok, maybe a little. Ever since I studied marketing/sales/etc., my success in online dating went up tenfold.

My profile used to be the whole: 'I am andrew, blah blah blah blah, i like reading blah blah blah, i like hiking, blah blah blah....not much luck.


Now I can easily get a date anytime I log on there:
My main picture is of a taco bell sauce wrapper that is bright orange and says "Marry Me" as one of their stupid quotes.
My secondary picture is of a girl kissing me on the cheek.
My tag line is "The biggest mistake of your life"

My entire profile
"So I learned from experience that people don't really read these profiles. You probably clicked on my profile because its a picture of a Taco Bell wrapper. Then you decide to message me based on if you think I am attractive in my pictures or not.

Fair assessment?

If you're interested, send me a message. I'll take it from there.

-Drew

Oh, and I have a thing for brunettes :)"

...and it's working.

Be bold
Be different
Show them how you can make their lives better
Don't comment on their appearance
 

The-J

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Must say I was scared on first meeting how do you do a quick exit if it goes wrong without being a bad person?

You cut off contact. I don't see that as being a bad person.

People who do online dating tend to have multiple dates per month.
 
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FastNAwesome

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I thought I'd find some awesome idea here, the title looked promising:)

But as a future dating coach (yeah, I'm into that:cool:), here's my take:

OFFLINE: This is my favorite. Real thing is the best thing. Chemistry, energy and you can SEE, HEAR and FEEL the person you meet. Every weekend I go out to places of my preference, find girls of my preference and end up at my home. It's simple and beautiful. Right now all my game is 100% offline.

ONLINE: This works too, but it's amazing how many people don't have a clue how to do it correctly. So that's a good thing, because others mess it up so much, you just need to be NORMAL to succeed, and if in addition you got game, that will be a real unfair advantage.

Downsides: Low entry, just about anyone can play at that table (so to say). Both photos and personal traits can and are being faked. You need to waste time on building trust before you meet, just to find out she laughs awkwardly and has posted a photos from 4 years ago.

All the while, I'll be in the club tonight, checking out ladies while they're checking out me, and some romance is gonna happen, as it always does. If it's special we'll keep in touch, if it's not, at least we had fun.

Btw.I still love the title, now I'm thinking, what spin could be added to dating sites to make it really fastlane...any ideas?:)
 

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I think Russ said interesting things in this thread, in his use and thoughts behind his online dating.
There is certain advantages, but it's also about playing to your strengths (as Russ said about himself).
I think what someone said on the 1st page about meeting certain types of people is also true

For me personally, my preference is I'd rather use the time to meet people in person than on the computer as I'm a bit sensitive if I'm on them too long etc and would rather spend that time meeting people in person, though this also plays to my strengths; I'm generally a good communicator in person, not so much in words- so it suits me better.



I'd never use online dating, I think its lame. But I have a girlfriend (and game in case of a breakup), so who am I to chime in

The stigma behind this and other dating services is changing fortunately, and for some can be an excellent vehicle to meet people.
It has a lot of advantages
I haven't ruled trying it in the future and actually are considering doing what the OP said and outsourcing what I can to others to do for me to supplement a hopefully healthy dating life.
 

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