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BizyDad

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You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.'
Such an awful cliche.

No wonder successful people are often lonely. Too many people propogate this myth.

First off, the five people you spend the most time with, as an entrepreneur, is often either your family or your employees. So you're the average of 3 kids and a partner? The average of your top employees?

Taken literally, this triteness makes no sense.

Sure, it is great to be in rooms with people smarter or more successful than you. But how much time do you really get with people like that? They've got their own lives too. And it gets harder to do as everyone gets older and more settled.

But people act like Musk, Jobs, Gates, Bezos, and Buffet all hang out with only each other and that's how they got to be so grrrrreat. Puh-lease.

Sure, some people "hold you back", if you let them.

Those same people are often the best ones to "keep you grounded".

It's all perspective. Truly, we can't answer this question for you

If you have real friends, not just "people I hang out with", but I'm talking true blue philos-love level friends, don't cut those people from your life for any reason. Maybe you spend less time while you pursue your dreams, and you'll know they're there for you when they celebrate your successes.

If these are just "friends for now" then so what? What's wrong with having beers with sidewalkers and sharing some laughs?

Ultimately the only one holding you back from your dreams is you.

If you have bigger dreams than your friends what are you doing to pursue them? What action can you take today to make those dreams a reality?

That's what you need to worry about...
 

WestCoast

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Such an awful cliche.
Respectfully disagree.
You might not like the saying, but there is a reason it's so popular.


Spend time with low ambition people who have less fire and passion than yourself - is a recipe for mediocrity.
Sit around with low energy complainers, and you become a complainer.
Sit around drinkers and drug users - you'll become one too.
Sit around with slowlaners, it's likely you'll be a slowlaner.

Surround yourself with hard working, forward thinking, ambitious people - and it can't help but rub off on you.

It's a choice. From your partner, to your family.
I stand by my words - chose carefully.

In 18 years of owning businesses now with 40+ people and $17M/year in revenue - I know it's true for me.
Who you surround yourself with is a huge consideration in how successful you will be.
 

MJ DeMarco

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How do you feel when you are with them? Do you have fun? Are you Inspired? Happy? Thankful? Morose? Depressed?

Do they support you? Do you support them?

There's no reason why you can't be friends with Slowlane or Sidewalkers, the answer depends on your relationship interactions. If they depress you and subject you to awful situations, then by all means, kiss 'em goodbye.
 

BizyDad

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In my case they are people without ambition who simply aspire to a quiet and "normal" life, without shocks. The classic script: study, get good grades and find a good job to pay the bills.
So what?

MOVE. What country are you moving to? Where are you in that process?

Why are you so focused on them being somehow "lesser"? You decision has nothing to do with "them".

You didn't answer my original question. What are you doing TODAY to move your forward towards your goals?

If you don't have answers to that question, then all this "debate" about "what kind of friends should I have" is just action faking.

Their scripting is not your problem. Their scripting isn't holding you back.

You are holding you back. Get to work.
 

Pink Sheep

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I hang out with a group of friends. Together we have a good relationship,however they are all either sidewalkers or slowlaners. Their only ambition is to stay and live in their country/region,get a job,get a paycheck.My ambitions (also because I attend this forum) are inevitably different from theirs,and do not match theirs at all.What to do ? Continue with them or go my own way ?
No reason to cut them off. You can choose to spend less time with them though.
 

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I hang out with a group of friends. Together we have a good relationship,however they are all either sidewalkers or slowlaners. Their only ambition is to stay and live in their country/region,get a job,get a paycheck.My ambitions (also because I attend this forum) are inevitably different from theirs,and do not match theirs at all.What to do ? Continue with them or go my own way ?
I have different work buddies who do work together with personal laptops in cafe. They are mostly employee who happen to work from home.

I have exercises buddies who enjoy taking a fast walk as exercise.

My point was their macro goals in life are irrelevant so long we support each other on micro levels.

If you “hang out” with friends drinking it is basically for leisure and a non-productive time in my book. If you hang out with business people you could find more interesting topic to talk about. But it is not like a life and death change to me.

It is about what you do when you are together, not what you do when all of you are not together, that counts.
 

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Influence them, don't let them influence you. Be the positive cancer that infects others instead of vice versa.
 

BizyDad

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I don't know why we're talking about this anymore. The guy just wants to hear "You're right" so he doesn't have to feel negative emotions from doing what he thinks he should do but isn't sure he wants to do.

the ones to get more out of

Taker mentality. Purely self centered.

Obviously doesn't have much to give in a relationship. Only cares about getting more from "better" people.
 

Hong_Kong

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I can't be friends with people that don't inspire me. The type of social circle you are describing sounds depressing.

Cut them off immediately.

As for Gates, Musk, the people at the top etc. these people don't really have friends in the traditional sense. More a network that protects their interests, their staff, and people they work with to help accomplish their goals.

Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future.
 

S.M.

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I hang out with a group of friends. Together we have a good relationship,however they are all either sidewalkers or slowlaners. Their only ambition is to stay and live in their country/region,get a job,get a paycheck.My ambitions (also because I attend this forum) are inevitably different from theirs,and do not match theirs at all.What to do ? Continue with them or go my own way ?
 
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heavy_industry

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I also think that they would not understand or believe in the Fastlane philosophy.
You don't need their permission or approval to do all the things that you want to do.

Just start taking action in the positive direction that you want, and if they try to stop you, they are not your friends. They are just people you happen to know.
 

Kevin88660

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Respectfully disagree.
You might not like the saying, but there is a reason it's so popular.


Spend time with low ambition people who have less fire and passion than yourself - is a recipe for mediocrity.
Sit around with low energy complainers, and you become a complainer.
Sit around drinkers and drug users - you'll become one too.
Sit around with slowlaners, it's likely you'll be a slowlaner.

Surround yourself with hard working, forward thinking, ambitious people - and it can't help but rub off on you.

It's a choice. From your partner, to your family.
I stand by my words - chose carefully.

In 18 years of owning businesses now with 40+ people and $17M/year in revenue - I know it's true for me.
Who you surround yourself with is a huge consideration in how successful you will be.
It depends on how you read OP’s message.

It is good to say that you want to hang out with driven, purposeful and disciplined people. Because you feel that you benefit from it and it keeps you feel motivated.

I just don’t like the assumption that “slowlane, sidewalk” = unambitious and hence bad accompany.

You can be a disciplined professional runner who barely support yourself financially.

You can be a doctor or investment banker who has the discipline to clock grueling hours at work without complaint.
 

Kevin88660

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What I want to understand is whether to continue to maintain relations with them or not, given the differences in views.
Even if fastlane is a religion, which it is not, no religion I know forbids you from making friends who have different faiths.
 
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Oso

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I hang out with a group of friends. Together we have a good relationship,however they are all either sidewalkers or slowlaners. Their only ambition is to stay and live in their country/region,get a job,get a paycheck.My ambitions (also because I attend this forum) are inevitably different from theirs,and do not match theirs at all.What to do ? Continue with them or go my own way ?
(My personal experience, though I later learned (via therapy) most of my past friends/associates were a special type of toxic.)

I felt this way regarding 99.9% of my friends ~1.5 years ago. Most of them were similar: lazy, unmotivated (despite having kids/partners/debt/etc.), were seemingly in a state of never-ending toxicity. Their problems were everyone else's fault. I quickly realized these would be the people asking for handouts/jobs, being fake, more than likely growing resentful (despite the fact I've offered them to join me, with no risk to them, etc).

I figured we'd have bumps here and there, but would ultimately figure out a way to continue being friends... Being real here? It isn't going to work out. There will always be some form of resentment, jealousy, etc. If you fail, they laugh at you for not taking the "safe route." If you're successful, they resent you because it isn't them, and/or they feel they're entitled to what you have simply because <we've been friends since 14!>.

It genuinely breaks my heart to say this to you, especially considering I'm now 33 years old and have next to 0 friends.

Walk away, because if you don't, you'll end up hating/resenting them.
 
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Coexi

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You shouldn't continue with them if they are slowing you down and keeping you in the slow lane. Finding irl friends is hard enough though.
 
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heavy_industry

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the only one holding you back from your dreams is you
^

No need to isolate yourself socially.
If you are not successful, it's not your friends that are holding you back, it's you.

Start the new life that you want. But don't share any info on your goals with your friends and family. They probably won't be able to help you, since entrepreneurship is not their area of expertise.
 
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Kevin88660

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In my case they are people without ambition who simply aspire to a quiet and "normal" life, without shocks. The classic script: study, get good grades and find a good job to pay the bills.
These are not ambitious goals when you compare to like entrepreneurship journals and hustling that is glorified in the start-up space.

But I feel that there is an underestimation of the effort and determination to stay afloat to get a normal life these days.

A standard family of a working couple, two young children, normal paycheck these days with apartment and car loans usually means endless hustling with not enough time to sleep.

Life by nature is hard. Entrepreneurship just add in more sacrifices and difficulty.

The slowlane script (get good grade and find good job) isn’t easy. Try attending night mba classes after work and find time to drink with your boss to suck up to him.

These are life options that you don’t have to convince them and they don’t have to convince you either.
 
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S.M.

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Even if fastlane is a religion, which it is not, no religion I know forbids you from making friends who have different faiths.
I appreciate your opinion and actually I think it's right, but I have the feeling that moving on my own way I could meet better people with more similar interests, as well as make a personal growth.
 

thechosen1

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I appreciate your opinion and actually I think it's right, but I have the feeling that moving on my own way I could meet better people with more similar interests, as well as make a personal growth.
You can go meet new people without totally shutting out the "old" people.
 

Leo Hartas

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I hang out with a group of friends. Together we have a good relationship,however they are all either sidewalkers or slowlaners. Their only ambition is to stay and live in their country/region,get a job,get a paycheck.My ambitions (also because I attend this forum) are inevitably different from theirs,and do not match theirs at all.What to do ? Continue with them or go my own way ?
All my life I've tried to figure out friendships. I've come to the conclusion that it is very difficult to find the 'perfect' friend whether you are an entrepreneur or not. Instead I see people as as multifaceted and that you can usually find a part of them to connect with, from having a friendly chat about the weather at the checkout to deep conversations about your love life with a longstanding friend from school. There are very few in my 50 odd years that I feel I could connect with on the most interesting deeper levels or about my entrepreneurial endeavours. Most think I'm mad!

Everyone throws up walls, limits to where you can go in a relationship. I'm fascinated by what, where and when these limits appear. If they appear too soon and are rigorously defended it's a sign for me not to bother with investing in a friendship. Beyond this there are many who will seek to exploit you, especially if you have built up valuable skills that they lack but need for own entrepreneurial desires. Such people can be clever, manipulative and difficult to spot. Fallen for that a few times!

Depending on how you connect with friends there is usually something you can learn. In fact some of happiest moments have been helping a friend do some DIY, move home, or any project together. When there is a mutual 'flow' of learning and achievement between you. Others are just fabulously entertaining. They may be an a**hole in many respects, but the laughs can bring valuable joy. And some can really be relied on to support you when you are down.

I could go on. Truth is, friends are human, and as such infinately complex whether fastlane, slowlane or sidewalk. Finding and keeping good friends is as tricky as finding a good life partner. You really have to curate your friendships, and it's one of the most complicated and difficult life skills to learn. It may suit some to go 'lone wolf', but for me I need the texture friends bring to my life and endeavours.
 

Ayobami23

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I hang out with a group of friends. Together we have a good relationship,however they are all either sidewalkers or slowlaners. Their only ambition is to stay and live in their country/region,get a job,get a paycheck.My ambitions (also because I attend this forum) are inevitably different from theirs,and do not match theirs at all.What to do ? Continue with them or go my own way ?
Comerade ,e never reach this level na
 

S.M.

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Respectfully disagree.
You might not like the saying, but there is a reason it's so popular.


Spend time with low ambition people who have less fire and passion than yourself - is a recipe for mediocrity.
Sit around with low energy complainers, and you become a complainer.
Sit around drinkers and drug users - you'll become one too.
Sit around with slowlaners, it's likely you'll be a slowlaner.

Surround yourself with hard working, forward thinking, ambitious people - and it can't help but rub off on you.

It's a choice. From your partner, to your family.
I stand by my words - chose carefully.

In 18 years of owning businesses now with 40+ people and $17M/year in revenue - I know it's true for me.
Who you surround yourself with is a huge consideration in how successful you will be.
Thanks for the feedback. The problem is that they want to live a let's say "normal" life, not moving from their region, finding a job there and continuing to hang out with the same people. This goes absolutely against my intentions, which would be to go and live abroad and settle there. Moreover, I have the feeling that in this way I could find better people and live more experiences.
I also think that they would not understand or believe in the Fastlane philosophy.
 
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Kevin88660

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Such an awful cliche.

No wonder successful people are often lonely. Too many people propogate this myth.

First off, the five people you spend the most time with, as an entrepreneur, is often either your family or your employees. So you're the average of 3 kids and a partner? The average of your top employees?

Taken literally, this triteness makes no sense.

Sure, it is great to be in rooms with people smarter or more successful than you. But how much time do you really get with people like that? They've got their own lives too. And it gets harder to do as everyone gets older and more settled.

But people act like Musk, Jobs, Gates, Bezos, and Buffet all hang out with only each other and that's how they got to be so grrrrreat. Puh-lease.

Sure, some people "hold you back", if you let them.

Those same people are often the best ones to "keep you grounded".

It's all perspective. Truly, we can't answer this question for you

If you have real friends, not just "people I hang out with", but I'm talking true blue philos-love level friends, don't cut those people from your life for any reason. Maybe you spend less time while you pursue your dreams, and you'll know they're there for you when they celebrate your successes.

If these are just "friends for now" then so what? What's wrong with having beers with sidewalkers and sharing some laughs?

Ultimately the only one holding you back from your dreams is you.

If you have bigger dreams than your friends what are you doing to pursue them? What action can you take today to make those dreams a reality?

That's what you need to worry about...
I agree. Just like Elon Musk immersed himself with engineers and physicist when he was switching field from e-commerce payment to transportation and manufacturing.

It would be a waste time should him choose to hang out with Jeff Bezos or so called more successful business people.

If you really want to be goal oriented and result focused on choosing friends, choose based on your micro goals not their macro goals.

If you need to know about instal-gram marketing, hang out with photographers, for example.
 

S.M.

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You don't need their permission or approval to do all the things that you want to do.

Just start taking action in the positive direction that you want, and if they try to stop you, they are not your friends. They are just people you happen to know.
It is not a question of approval or not: they are strongly attached to the script and by spreading Fastlane ideas they would take me for a fool. Then, I repeat, it is not my goal to stay where they live: I feel it would be limiting and would limit my growth.
 
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S.M.

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I have different work buddies who do work together with personal laptops in cafe. They are mostly employee who happen to work from home.

I have exercises buddies who enjoy taking a fast walk as exercise.

My point was their macro goals in life are irrelevant so long we support each other on micro levels.

If you “hang out” with friends drinking it is basically for leisure and a non-productive time in my book. If you hang out with business people you could find more interesting topic to talk about. But it is not like a life and death change to me.

It is about what you do when you are together, not what you do when all of you are not together, that counts.
From your comment I didn't understand if I have to move away from them or not, even if I think that unconsciously I have already made a decision.
 

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