Can this thread save your life, and perhaps countless others? Yes.

[Kak]

Damn! Sad all around. A waste of what could have been for everyone involved.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Question...

I was thinking about writing a short book which highlights various real stories of people who destroyed their lives with ONE DECISION, or as I call them, DAREs.

I think a book like this is worth my effort because it might actually save lives, and if it is even one life, it would be worth my time and effort. It also shouldn't be terribly hard to produce, and I could offer it as a freebie.

Question is, what should I title it? I don't like to write books without first having them titled.

I originally just thought of calling it "DARE" but it seems a bit bland and doesn't really describe the content.

Then I thought of calling it Asymmetric Stupidity ... but sometimes poor decisions are stupid decisions, just not well thought out.

DARE to DARE?

Any ideas?

Please share and contribute to the brainstorm -- read this thread if you DO NOT know what a DARE is.

 

[Rabby]

Simple Steps to Ruin Your Life
Strategies for Achieving Misery and an Untimely End

I'm always a fan of the explanatory sub-headers.

 

[Ronak]

Stupid Smart: how intelligent people make fatal mistakes.

Fatal Miscalculation: the power a bad decision, and why even smart get caught.

 

[Jadus]

Most dangerous only because its legal to buy.
If government would forbid alcohol, the numbers of alcohol accidents would go down immediately.

Hmmm... I think they tried that sometime in the past. It didn't work out too well.

 

[socaldude]

Sad for everyone involved.

So many traps in life. Hard to have a preventative model in place to make good decisions. You have to be careful with alcohol as it’s behaviorally disinhibiting.

Dude had it made

I was thinking about this the other day. If someone doesn’t have a solid moral philosophy or some kind of model of “truth”. They will eventually do stupid stuff like that. Same goes for drunk driving. The model of truth society gave you is not enough. You need a solid binary perception that guides you through life. You have to have some kind of ethos or moral inhibition.

 

[Guest-5ty5s4]

The discussion about motorcycles is too true.

You might be the best biker in the world but it only takes one distracted driver to rear end you at a red light and end your life forever! I don’t trust others enough to hop on the bike.

I’m also a strong believer in guns and I do go hunting occasionally but I am VERY picky on who I hunt with or go shooting with. It only takes one careless person in the group to turn a great experience into a nightmare!

 

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[Ronak]

I don't know the details or specific context, but another thought comes to mind, particularly relevant to this forum: success or perceived success is a major intoxicant. When you start getting "high" on it, you feel like you're on top of the world and invincible. Hence, the poor actions of some executives, celebrities, etc. It's important to stay grounded in failure. Much more important and difficult to do the same in success.

 

[MattR82]

I was driving back home on a highway today with my girlfriend and we decided to change our plans and go elsewhere. I started messing with Google Maps on my phone (attached to the windshield) to set a new destination and remembered this thread. I refocused back on the road and told my girlfriend to set it up. It would only take me a few seconds but that's all it takes to ruin your life.

I'm guilty of doing this. There's no way I'll be doing it again now though so thanks for the reminder.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I brought up the point of the asymmetrical downside. It costs almost nothing to lock the door. But there is an enormous potential downside risk if you don't do it.

Not to say that somebody can't get in through a locked door. But locking the door definitely mitigates risk in the category of crimes of opportunity.

Forecast consequences with details and you bring hindsight into the present. It is pretty effective at convincing peoiple.

Henry Ruggs

https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1455677724283088906

View: https://twitter.com/mysportsupdate/status/1455677724283088906?s=24

Sickening details. Ruggs "was" an NFL player with a promising career ahead of him.

Reading this reminds me how many times I engaged in DARES in my own sports cars. I got lucky.

 

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[Guest-5ty5s4]

I started a thread awhile back about asymmetric returns - basically the opposite of a DARE. I was wondering if there was a better thread on this, or if someone would start one, as mine was a bit of a stub.

The idea of this thread is very important, but it would be even better to see it contrasted with the opposite: positive probability activities, low risk, high reward potential

My number one example? Meeting new people. Very low risk, endless possibilities - and fun, too!

 

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[Connor]

@MJ DeMarco Thanks for sharing this - really struck home for me for a couple of reasons:

1. Been dealing with multiple health issues that have all hit at once. None of them are life-threatening, but they've impacted my lifestyle and mental health while I try to manage them/improve them. Some of these issues are things that aren't supposed to be happening based on my age, fitness level, etc. so I get into the "this is unfair" routine in my head at times. The driver who was killed did nothing wrong and ended up way worse than I, so a great reminder that I still have my life and should be grateful.
2. I've been working on cutting down on my alcohol intake these last few months, as I had been using that for stress relief and have a lot of happy hours & dinners with work. Very easy to think that I'm not drunk so I'm good to drive, but I've been guilty of driving buzzed a few times in the last year. No longer after reading this. Not worth it and would hate myself for the rest of my life if something happened.

Glad they hit their fundraising goal, and I am very happy to see the positive impact this thread has already had on several people, including myself. Terrible thing to happen but if some good can come out of it, makes his life mean even more.

 

[Ronak]

"One Bad Decision"

 

[MTF]

Question...

I was thinking about writing a short book which highlights various real stories of people who destroyed their lives with ONE DECISION, or as I call them, DAREs.

I think a book like this is worth my effort because it might actually save lives, and if it is even one life, it would be worth my time and effort. It also shouldnt be terrible hard to produce, and I could offer it as a freebie.

Question is, what should I title it? I don't like to write books without first having them titled.

I originally just thought of calling it "DARE" but it seems a bit bland and doesn't really describe the content.

Then I thought of calling it Asymmetric Stupidity ... but sometimes poor decisions are stupid decisions, just not well thought out.

DARE to DARE?

Any ideas?

Please share and contribute to the brainstorm -- read this thread if you DO NOT know what a DARE is.

Great idea for a book. Does it have to be a short title, a one word title or doesn't matter?

Maybe (all of these would need a subtitle to make it work):

- Don't (so weird it might work)
- Wrong Paths
- If I Could Turn Back Time
- Reckless
- Foolish Choices, Ruined Lives
- Stop and Think
- Before You Destroy Your Life
- Not Worth It

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Personal Black Swans

I think the term "black swan" is coined originally by another author, it would be like another author titling his book "productocracy"

 

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[Bekit]

Just thinking aloud here... but if the title conveys, "This is a book about stupid decisions people made," the problem with that is that people are going to be expecting something entertaining along the lines of the Darwin Awards, and if it's not over-the-top ridiculous / inconceivable / slapstick, they'll be disappointed and miss the core message due to the mismatch of expectations. Or they will be expecting something depressing, in which case they won't read it.

If the title conveys, "This is a book about stupid decisions people made, and how you can be less stupid," I don't think it will hit a nerve. There's not a strong enough pain point. Most people have a favorable bias towards themselves. "I know other people are stupid, but I'm not, so I don't need to read a book like that."

So what does the title need to convey in order to (A) set expectations accurately about what's in the book, (B) evoke curiosity, and (C) feel like the promise is compelling enough to want to read the book?

I think if the title conveys, "This book is about a simple decision-making tactic that anyone can employ to avoid pitfalls, sidestep huge downsides, and preserve wealth. It costs nothing to use this tactic, but it is so powerful it could even save your life" - that would be an intriguing book.

So boiling that down to a nice, snappy title, I think the angles that stand out to me are...

• "Save your life" angle (inspired from the thread title, "can-this-book-save-your-life-and-perhaps-countless-others-yes")
• Decision-making angle - Adopt the decision making framework that takes asymmetric downside into account, especially when it's a snap decision or an "I dare you" moment
• "Hold my beer" angle - hints at the potential stupidity and also the "I dare you" circumstances where these DARE events often arise
• "Lopsided" angle - tiny upside if it goes well, massive downside if it does not

Now, at the risk of overthinking this, I think that I also want to take into account the fact that we're not talking about going to great lengths to avoid freak accidents because of the theoretical possibility of risk. Correct me if I'm wrong, but we're not talking about, say, a situation like Christopher Reeves and arguing, "You shouldn't ever be a movie actor doing stunts, because you might break your neck and get paralyzed for the rest of your life." We're not talking about never driving a car again because of the potential asymmetric downside risk that you might get in a car accident. We're talking about impetuous or negligent decisions where there's little margin for error and the potential downside is clearly visible. Drinking and driving. Texting and driving. Pulling the trigger on a firearm you *think* is unloaded but haven't checked. Crossing the street without looking.

And then for translating that into a book title... I'm going to have to think on that separately...

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Just to capture the current trend of Sh*t and F*ck titles.

Ill pass, this "trend" is so overused now that I dismiss any book with a title like this as it doesn't show innovation or unique thinking, but a follower and someone trying to be clever when the clever-train has left the station years ago. It's like a joke that has been so overused and redone that its no longer funny.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I keep thinking about this.

When I was 19 and freshly depressed after my girlfriend dumped me, I would get high and speed/drift around the city all night because I couldn't sleep. Apart from being a coping mechanism, it also impressed my friends and, more uncommonly, girls.

Now, 5 years later, I drive with a significantly greater aversion to risk and with the sole objective of going from point A to point B. I keep my ego in check and do not engage in dick-measuring contests with random douchebags on the road where the reward is null and the potential consequences severe (or terminal).

Having said that, I'm so grateful I didn't end up running over some drunk or crashing and injuring any of my friends (like so many do every year) during that time. Because, in the end, pretty much the only reason I didn't ruin my or anyone else's life while other young dudes did at the time is because I got lucky long enough to grow up and they didn't.

Looking back in my younger years (late 20's, early 30's) I really escaped some boneheaded decisions. Damn did I get lucky. I think we all make 'em, these bad decisions, question is, how many do we make? And how long until we wise up?

Hopefully this thread will curtail the learning curve for some young people.

 

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[harlansjobs]

Also the recent tragedy with the cinematographer and Alec Baldwin springs to mind. Who is responsible for that? Alec Baldwin for picking up what he perceived t be an empty gun and playing with it? The p0rop person for making sure it was EMPTY.

Another bad decision by somebody and a life is lost needlessly. Also, research the deaths of Brandon Lee and Jon Eric Hexum. No one learns and no one takes responsibility and thinks things out beforehand
.

 

[TheWinningForce]

I write this with a heavy heart.

It has come to my attention that a forum member with some pretty good post history was recently involved in a tragedy that resulted in the death of innocent person due to this person's alleged negligence. In short, alleged drunk driving and driving the wrong way on a freeway. The result of this poor decision was someone was killed, and this person arrested and possibly charged with some serious offenses.

In short, many lives have been destroyed due to ONE POOR DECISION.

While it is difficult for me to write this post, it needs to be done because it just might SAVE LIVES. And if it saves lives, it will save a lot of other lives from the tragedy and turmoil that will certainly follow -- not just for the victim and his family, but the person who made the poor choice.

This was a topic in my recent book and had its own chapter.

I called it a Downside Asymmetric Risk Event... how 1 bad choice can erase 100s of good choices, and irrevocably change your life forever. And others.

I'm going to post the chapter here for your reading.

Again, I wasn't sure if I should post this but then thought, if this thread can SAVE ONE LIFE (and many others) then it is worth it.

D.A.R.E stands for "Downside Asymmetric Risk Event" -- here is the chapter.



As for who this is, I will NOT post this person's real name or username simply because it won't change what happened. If that information is important to you, you are welcome to seek your own channels for that information. Please don't post it here, news reports, or anything else. Again, it won't change what happened and put things back to normal.

Bottomline, our actions and their consequences can extend to other people beyond ourselves. THINK before you ACT. When I think about this incident and how many lives that will never be same, you truly learn to respect the gravity of our choices.

A truly sad, devastating, and tragic situation.

Be smart people, stay safe, and learn how to spot DAREs that can fire because of ONE bad choice.... one day it might save your life, or someone else.

As sad as it is this post should make everyone think and realize something very important.

- really think (strategically) before you do something and keep your desired end result always present.

I firmly believe that this is a much better way (even though it may take longer) to achieve your desired end state.

 

[AceVentures]

I'm not sure if this is such a good idea if you want to drive safely. Either drive often and be good at it or don't drive at all (if you can).

Driving skills are like everything else - the more you practice, the better you are. If you hardly drive, you actually have a higher chance of an accident because your skills get rusty. Few things are worse and more dangerous on the road than oversensitive drivers who drive a few times a month (not saying that this is you, just pointing out in general).

Not my driving I'm afraid of - it's other people on the road. The idea is not that I lose my ability to drive - I'm more aware than ever. It's that I minimize my risk of getting hurt from other people's poor decision-making while they operate a powerful machine.

Assuming risk of death is some% - the fewer times I roll the dice, the fewer times I come face to face with this risk. It's not a perfect solution - and I could get killed in the single instance I do go on the road. But this approach makes sense to me.

 

[quicksort]

Family member was involved in a head-on collision with a drunk driver who was driving in the wrong lane. Damaged face, one heel shattered, some vertebrates shattered.

Will never walk properly. Will always be reliant on painkillers with awful side effects to try to dull some of the constant pain they've had for years and will have for the rest of their life.

The drunk driver walked away with a broken finger.

Some things aren't just asymmetric downsides for you but for other people.

 

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[theag]

I have zero respect and sympathy for drunk drivers. Hope the piece of shit gets what he deserves.

And yes, this linkage was approved by me. The original post has been edited to include as well...

Just fyi, although well intended, with the information in that link it takes about 20sec to find out the real name and another 10sec for the username on the forum.

 

[Red]

(it was an accident, after all)

No, an accident implies that nobody was at fault. This was very much someone's fault after an idiotic decision to pilot a vehicle after ingesting intoxicants.

 

[Guest-5ty5s4]

No, an accident implies that nobody was at fault. This was very much someone's fault after an idiotic decision to pilot a vehicle after ingesting intoxicants.

No, I just mean it was not intentional killing. It does not excuse the actions. I just meant that the man did not go out and kill someone on purpose... I am sure he feels very, very guilty right now and I just hope he's not being pushed towards a ledge by this discussion.

Also, I believe justice will be served...He will likely have a very harsh sentence. Which is appropriate, because this is horrible. I just... Feel sorry for him too. Even though it was his fault. Hard to explain.

Sometimes people do things intentionally to cause harm - evil things - and other times, people do careless things.

Doesn't excuse the choices of course.

 

[NajTheDon]

I remember when I used to text and drive quite a bit, one thing that always got me to stop was remembering Mj's story about him racing (if I'm not mistaken) and how one bad decision could cost you & or someone else's life. Every time I get that urge to grab my phone I remember that. Thank you.

 

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[Antifragile]

No, I just mean it was not intentional killing. It does not excuse the actions. I just meant that the man did not go out and kill someone on purpose... I am sure he feels very, very guilty right now and I just hope he's not being pushed towards a ledge by this discussion.

Also, I believe justice will be served...He will likely have a very harsh sentence. Which is appropriate, because this is horrible. I just... Feel sorry for him too. Even though it was his fault. Hard to explain.

Sometimes people do things intentionally to cause harm - evil things - and other times, people do careless things.

Doesn't excuse the choices of course.

I know exactly what you mean and think the same way.

1. Drinking and driving is not excusable. I do not condone drinking and driving. Do not do it, ever, period.
2. One horrible choice does not define the whole person. We are not defined by one or two actions. No matter how severe the outcome. And yes, of course, the pain and suffering of the family, friends of the victim is intolerable. This act is unforgivable and the person will have to suffer the consequences of this act. I am just saying try (if you can find it in you) not to judge another human by one action. There is more to him (and all of us) than that.

Use this as an example of what not to do. This isn’t just some bad business decision. This costs a life and impacted many other lives forever! Do something in your circle of influence to ensure this doesn’t happen to anyone you know. Yes, including you.

And if you can find it in yourself (especially friends of this person, who I do not know) try not to judge. Get the full story and even then, remember that none of us are perfect.

I repeat, I do not condone this act and this type of behaviour, just shining light into another corner.

 

[KindRibEye]

I worked third shift many years ago. Found that the best time to sleep was on my way home.

Only time I've ever quit without notice... I fell asleep and ran a redlight after driving a paper route.

I believe in giving notice, but I'm an even bigger fan of not killing people with my car.

 

[OliverT254]

Well put MJ, i have been a victim of similar situation and i learnt from it. 20minutes of poor decision made lose almost everything. I suffered for a long time while cursing my actions. People should really take this seriously. Thanks

 

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[GPM]

I won't drive after having a single drink (I will wait probably 2 hours until I do), and I don't text and drive. But hell if it isn't tempting to text and drive from time to time!

Thank you for this thread! I am going to be extra vigilant from now on about this. It really only takes 1 second!

On a side note, when I worked in a corporate environment I rode my bike to work every day. You see A LOT while on a bike that you miss while in a car. One of the things that I noticed was the absolutely huge number of texter and drivers. This was like 8 years ago as well, I am sure it has only gotten worse with the fact that everyone now has a smart phone, whereas back then they were not as common and I don't think people even used their phones for music and facebook and stuff yet. Yikes!!!

 

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