Are You a Loser?

[Almantas]

Where do you get your self confidence?

You can't buy it in the store. Can't dress it up. Can't eat it. You can't even manufacture it yourself, because you have to go build it from the ground up!

This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart, because although I was a bubbly and outgoing dude, two years of clinical depression had turned me into a depressive, suicidal, negative creature. To put things into perspective, my biggest challenge since crawling into depression has been phoning @Andy Black (check here) - I was scared to death, because I hadn't spoken to anyone in English over the phone for almost two years. I clearly remember picking up a phone call and staying quiet, not being able to open my mouth, because I was literally frozen in fear.

So, I recently realized I have to handle my self-confidence issue, otherwise I'll fail miserably in anything I do.

• Ok, I went and bought a suit, but I didn't feel any better.
• I borrowed a car (2015 Mercedes) from my friend to see if it gives a confidence boost. I won't lie, it made me feel better - for a few days only.

You know what I've realized? Self-confidence can't be bought, because it's an inside job. You gotta study, you gotta practice, you gotta put in a hustle. You have to do the hard things.

Self-confidence comes from repeating experiences that are difficult and damn scary - same place courage comes from. The guy that does something courageous is being given the title of 'courageous'. It's not because he wore a jacked with a slogan 'courageous' on his back, it's because he went and did something courageous.

Look, if you wanna build self-confidence, you can listen to subliminal tapes (I had been doing it since depression swallowed me - for roughly two years) and you know what? It's not going to work. You can read self-help books, attend seminars, psychiatrists, counselors, hypnotherapists, psychotherapists, and so on... you name it I've done it.

I've recently realized how ridiculous I had been. I didn't realize that I needed to be more aware, more alert and that I had to do more.

Some of the ideas that people gonna throw at you to build your self-confidence: "you gonna eat different and feel better", "you gonna do this and feel better", etc. It'll only kill the symptoms, but not the root cause of your lack of self-confidence.

You wanna kill the root of lack of self-confidence? Go face the beast - do the things you're scared to do to get the self-confidence you wanna have. In my case it would be having multiple chats with @Andy Black, but it's not realistic, so I've started ringing companies randomly and asking all kinds of weird questions to get over my fear of speaking in English and re-gain my self-confidence.

You can't buy it guys. Your friends can't help you. This forum can't help you. None of the material online can help you. It's an inside job that has to be done from an inside guys. There're no shortcuts - you've gotta travel through muddy road and face uncertainties.

You've gotta start facing your fears now, otherwise you'll feel worse and worse and worse about your life. Procrastination, running away from challenges and fear gonna kill the last bits of your self-confidence and make you a total loser.

You wanna walk on fire? Go do it. Is that gonna build your self-confidence? I doubt it.
You wanna splash 30 grand on a new car? Go do it. Is that gonna build your self-confidence? I doubt it.

The only thing I know for sure that will change your sense of self is the actions you take facing your fear. In my case - picking up a phone and randomly calling English speakers. Facing fear of being misunderstood and swallowing my ego that 3 years ago I was fluent English speaker and didn't know what fear of speaking in English was really like.

Self-confidence is an inside job that can't be bought and has to be developed from an inside guys.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Andy Black]

Where do you get your self confidence?

You can't buy it in the store. Can't dress it up. Can't eat it. You can't even manufacture it yourself, because you have to go build it from the ground up!

This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart, because although I was a bubbly and outgoing dude, two years of clinical depression had turned me into a depressive, suicidal, negative creature. To put things into perspective, my biggest challenge since crawling into depression has been phoning @Andy Black (check here) - I was scared to death, because I hadn't spoken to anyone in English over the phone for almost two years. I clearly remember picking up a phone call and staying quiet, not being able to open my mouth, because I was literally frozen in fear.

So, I recently realized I have to handle my self-confidence issue, otherwise I'll fail miserably in anything I do.

• Ok, I went and bought a suit, but I didn't feel any better.
• I borrowed a car (2015 Mercedes) from my friend to see if it gives a confidence boost. I won't lie, it made me feel better - for a few days only.

You know what I've realized? Self-confidence can't be bought, because it's an inside job. You gotta study, you gotta practice, you gotta put in a hustle. You have to do the hard things.

Self-confidence comes from repeating experiences that are difficult and damn scary - same place courage comes from. The guy that does something courageous is being given the title of 'courageous'. It's not because he wore a jacked with a slogan 'courageous' on his back, it's because he went and did something courageous.

Look, if you wanna build self-confidence, you can listen to subliminal tapes (I had been doing it since depression swallowed me - for roughly two years) and you know what? It's not going to work. You can read self-help books, attend seminars, psychiatrists, counselors, hypnotherapists, psychotherapists, and so on... you name it I've done it.

I've recently realized how ridiculous I had been. I didn't realize that I needed to be more aware, more alert and that I had to do more.

Some of the ideas that people gonna throw at you to build your self-confidence: "you gonna eat different and feel better", "you gonna do this and feel better", etc. It'll only kill the symptoms, but not the root cause of your lack of self-confidence.

You wanna kill the root of lack of self-confidence? Go face the beast - do the things you're scared to do to get the self-confidence you wanna have. In my case it would be having multiple chats with @Andy Black, but it's not realistic, so I've started ringing companies randomly and asking all kinds of weird questions to get over my fear of speaking in English and re-gain my self-confidence.

You can't buy it guys. Your friends can't help you. This forum can't help you. None of the material online can help you. It's an inside job that has to be done from an inside guys. There're no shortcuts - you've gotta travel through muddy road and face uncertainties.

You've gotta start facing your fears now, otherwise you'll feel worse and worse and worse about your life. Procrastination, running away from challenges and fear gonna kill the last bits of your self-confidence and make you a total loser.

You wanna walk on fire? Go do it. Is that gonna build your self-confidence? I doubt it.
You wanna splash 30 grand on a new car? Go do it. Is that gonna build your self-confidence? I doubt it.

The only thing I know for sure that will change your sense of self is the actions you take facing your fear. In my case - picking up a phone and randomly calling English speakers. Facing fear of being misunderstood and swallowing my ego that 3 years ago I was fluent English speaker and didn't know what fear of speaking in English was really like.

Self-confidence is an inside job that can't be bought and has to be developed from an inside guys.

May I humbly point people to this video by Dan Sullivan:

View: https://youtu.be/wBlJ5HbFpYQ

 

[Almantas]

May I humbly point people to this video by Dan Sullivan:

View: https://youtu.be/wBlJ5HbFpYQ

Thanks for sharing, Andy!

 

[Aaron T]

Self-confidence is an inside job that can't be bought and has to be developed from an inside guys.

This is so true @Almantas ! Godspeed on your journey getting there. I am happy to see you had that call with Andy too. What an awesome guy right? Also the video he shared is fantastic. I had it saved from a year ago myself.

I thought your comment on driving the car and confidence interesting. I would buy sports cars and nice luxury cars for my own confidence. I would soon get that same old feeling again and go buy another trying to recapture the confidence I had. It is interesting because confidence was something I struggled with. I still wonder and worry if I somehow got where I am but didn't deserve it. Impostor Syndrome is very real and sometimes ancillary to confidence.

I hope you get where you want to go and I love the courage you have posting your situation here and taking those steps.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Andy Black]

Genuinely curious...

Why would talking to me be a fear to face?

 

[GuestUser4aMPs1]

Why would talking to me be a fear to face?

You're so friendly it's scary

 

[BeFound Faithful]

Thanks for sharing, Andy!

Shared the video on Twitter. Thanks for sharing the video @Andy Black

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Puppy]

Genuinely curious...

Why would talking to me be a fear to face?

i dont know how to explain but i know why and understand perfectly.

 

[Aaron T]

I think because it takes a lot of courage to change yourself from the inside out. It takes courage to take those first steps. Maybe that call was that first big step and recognition. It is less about Andy and his demeanor and more about facing yourself and your own fears, and finally saying.. I can F*cking do this!

 

[Almantas]

Genuinely curious...

Why would talking to me be a fear to face?

Good question.

@Aaron T is spot on. I may have expressed myself in a wrong way, but I was scared of the process. I was scared to pick up a phone, because I knew that I will obviously fail to communicate on the same level I did before crashing to depression.

I was scared of the process, because I knew it's going to slap my ego.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[lowtek]

Thanks for sharing bud.

I think you've hit the nail on the head - action is a cure all for what ails you. For instance, often when I've felt anxious, it was because I wasn't taking enough action. I wasn't doing what needed to be done in sufficient enough quantities, so I felt anxious.

Confidence is no different, as you aptly pointed out. Confidence comes from competence, which comes from mindful, frequent practice.

 

[Aaron T]

For instance, often when I've felt anxious, it was because I wasn't taking enough action. I wasn't doing what needed to be done in sufficient enough quantities, so I felt anxious.

I can't tell you how many times this has been me. Lying awake at night unable to sleep worried I didn't do enough. Didn't do the right things. Sometimes I would take more action just to appease myself. Other times I had huge decisions and I literally couldn't take the actions I needed to.

 

[Almantas]

Lying awake at night unable to sleep worried I didn't do enough.

I'm in a similar position, except that I am unable to sleep at night due to planning the following day and visualizing it...

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[ejames]

Where do you get your self confidence?

You can't buy it in the store. Can't dress it up. Can't eat it. You can't even manufacture it yourself, because you have to go build it from the ground up!

This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart, because although I was a bubbly and outgoing dude, two years of clinical depression had turned me into a depressive, suicidal, negative creature. To put things into perspective, my biggest challenge since crawling into depression has been phoning @Andy Black (check here) - I was scared to death, because I hadn't spoken to anyone in English over the phone for almost two years. I clearly remember picking up a phone call and staying quiet, not being able to open my mouth, because I was literally frozen in fear.

So, I recently realized I have to handle my self-confidence issue, otherwise I'll fail miserably in anything I do.

• Ok, I went and bought a suit, but I didn't feel any better.
• I borrowed a car (2015 Mercedes) from my friend to see if it gives a confidence boost. I won't lie, it made me feel better - for a few days only.

You know what I've realized? Self-confidence can't be bought, because it's an inside job. You gotta study, you gotta practice, you gotta put in a hustle. You have to do the hard things.

Self-confidence comes from repeating experiences that are difficult and damn scary - same place courage comes from. The guy that does something courageous is being given the title of 'courageous'. It's not because he wore a jacked with a slogan 'courageous' on his back, it's because he went and did something courageous.

Look, if you wanna build self-confidence, you can listen to subliminal tapes (I had been doing it since depression swallowed me - for roughly two years) and you know what? It's not going to work. You can read self-help books, attend seminars, psychiatrists, counselors, hypnotherapists, psychotherapists, and so on... you name it I've done it.

I've recently realized how ridiculous I had been. I didn't realize that I needed to be more aware, more alert and that I had to do more.

Some of the ideas that people gonna throw at you to build your self-confidence: "you gonna eat different and feel better", "you gonna do this and feel better", etc. It'll only kill the symptoms, but not the root cause of your lack of self-confidence.

You wanna kill the root of lack of self-confidence? Go face the beast - do the things you're scared to do to get the self-confidence you wanna have. In my case it would be having multiple chats with @Andy Black, but it's not realistic, so I've started ringing companies randomly and asking all kinds of weird questions to get over my fear of speaking in English and re-gain my self-confidence.

You can't buy it guys. Your friends can't help you. This forum can't help you. None of the material online can help you. It's an inside job that has to be done from an inside guys. There're no shortcuts - you've gotta travel through muddy road and face uncertainties.

You've gotta start facing your fears now, otherwise you'll feel worse and worse and worse about your life. Procrastination, running away from challenges and fear gonna kill the last bits of your self-confidence and make you a total loser.

You wanna walk on fire? Go do it. Is that gonna build your self-confidence? I doubt it.
You wanna splash 30 grand on a new car? Go do it. Is that gonna build your self-confidence? I doubt it.

The only thing I know for sure that will change your sense of self is the actions you take facing your fear. In my case - picking up a phone and randomly calling English speakers. Facing fear of being misunderstood and swallowing my ego that 3 years ago I was fluent English speaker and didn't know what fear of speaking in English was really like.

Self-confidence is an inside job that can't be bought and has to be developed from an inside guys.

Did you ever consider your depression could be a mental disorder due to diet? I also felt depressed for many years until i started taking magnesium and doing a parasite detox. I didn't realize that I had parasites until i had done a parasite detox and i felt so much better with clearer thinking, also most people are magnesium deficient and they don't realize it. Drinking coffee and drinking alcohol depletes your body of magnesium which is essential. I also take Krill oil which is a game changer.

 

[TonyStark]

Learning how to fight gave me confidence. Lol

I highly recommend it.

 

[Andy Black]

You're so friendly it's scary

You've just reminded me of a story where I took an Irish friend over to see another friend in Bristol, England.

It was slightly business related as both ran their own businesses, but mostly it was just an excuse to go out and have a few beers.

My friend was keen to show us around Bristol and had a few of his mates along as well.

One pub crawl later we're in some random pub. I end up at the bar trying to get a round of beers and got chatting to some other lads about how easy it is to get on with people and why don't people get it. (I was drunk right, and so were they.)

Anyway, we all ended up laughing, slapping each other on the back, and hugging.

My friend from Bristol wanders over to find out where I'd got to with the drinks. He's 6'4" and heavy-set with it.

A big bald lad squares up to him and roars "Are you Andy's mate?"

"Err, yeah." He says flicking his eyes to me.

Then he's engulfed in a big bear hug.

He tells me after he was like "WTF?!? ... Ohhhh. It's Andy."

I'm just stood there swaying with a big dopey grin on my face.


It's amazing what happens when you're nice to people. Most people want to have a laugh and a good time.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Andy Black]

BTW... there was a reason I did the AndyTalks thread and documented me being cr@p in front of the camera and getting a bit better over time.

I wanted people to *see* what it's like to give yourself permission to suck and just start already.

And how competence comes from taking action, and confidence then grows accordingly.

Obviously I'm confident enough to start and put myself out there. I already have faith, not so much in my own abilities, but in how we improve once we take repeated action.

I literally wanted people to see how I had to wrestle with myself at the start as I went down the rabbit-hole of learning, then wrestling with unnecessary technology, then ending up realising it's all a lot simpler once you get going.

That when you think about others rather than yourself, you can get out of your own way, get into a groove, and get comfortable and confident.

Granted I've been round the block a few more times than most of you guys. I already have the confidence that once I start, things will naturally work themselves out.

It might be worth watching the first few of those videos (thread is linked to in my signature).

 

[RogueInnovation]

Nice video Andy

Btw, the strongest confidence comes from intuition
And then OWNING that intuition
And after that realising "that is who I AM"

Haha no one is naturally a loser, its just that sometimes things get made to look that way

 

[Almantas]

You've just reminded me of a story where I took an Irish friend over to see another friend in Bristol, England.

It was slightly business related as both ran their own businesses, but mostly it was just an excuse to go out and have a few beers.

My friend was keen to show us around Bristol and had a few of his mates along as well.

One pub crawl later we're in some random pub. I end up at the bar trying to get a round of beers and got chatting to some other lads about how easy it is to get on with people and why don't people get it. (I was drunk right, and so were they.)

Anyway, we all ended up laughing, slapping each other on the back, and hugging.

My friend from Bristol wanders over to find out where I'd got to with the drinks. He's 6'4" and heavy-set with it.

A big bald lad squares up to him and roars "Are you Andy's mate?"

"Err, yeah." He says flicking his eyes to me.

Then he's engulfed in a big bear hug.

He tells me after he was like "WTF?!? ... Ohhhh. It's Andy."

I'm just stood there swaying with a big dopey grin on my face.


It's amazing what happens when you're nice to people. Most people want to have a laugh and a good time.

Thank you, for sharing your story and rep!

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[GMSI7D]

Where do you get your self confidence?



Look, if you wanna build self-confidence, you can listen to subliminal tapes (I had been doing it since depression swallowed me - for roughly two years) and you know what? It's not going to work. You can read self-help books, attend seminars, psychiatrists, counselors, hypnotherapists, psychotherapists, and so on... you name it I've done it.


Self-confidence is an inside job that can't be bought and has to be developed from an inside guys.

you will know that you have self confidence when you can stand your ground against stupidity and say "enough is enough "

do you think that geniuses accross the centuries were not attacked by the mob?

most of them have been destroyed by public opinion before recognition and applause , if any at all



most people here think i am weird because i have spent my life doing research on society

so i am telling things that they have never been exposed too

so by contrast, i am the stupid nerd or whatever

do you think i really care ?

i couldn't care less because i know EXCATLY why i am on earth

95 % of people haven't a clue. they are machines doing the same thing everyday without asking any question, whatsoever


by the way, most people misunderstand the fifty cent lesson in persistence in Think and Grow rich

the truth is that the child mastered the uncle because her intent was 100 % focused yang, what we call self confidence

she had to win or die for real

in occult teaching, we learn that a 100 % commited focused intent ( the child) will always master a weak intent ( the uncle)

 

[Almantas]

you will know that you have self confidence when you can stand your ground against stupidity and say "enough is enough "

do you think that geniuses accross the centuries were not attacked by the mob?

most of them have been destroyed by public opinion before recognition and applause , if any at all



most people here think i am weird because i have spent my life doing research on society

so i am telling things that they have never been exposed too

so by contrast, i am the stupid nerd or whatever

do you think i really care ?

i couldn't care less because i know EXCATLY why i am on earth

95 % of people haven't a clue. they are machines doing the same thing everyday without asking any question, whatsoever


by the way, most people misunderstand the fifty cent lesson in persistence in Think and Grow rich

the truth is that the child mastered the uncle because her intent was 100 % focused yang, what we call self confidence

she had to win or die for real

in occult teaching, we learn that a 100 % commited focused intent ( the child) will always master a weak intent ( the uncle)

View attachment 16385

Thanks for sharing your thoughts mate!

 

[Marcek Wirzyk]

Bump!

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.