Where do you get your self confidence?
You can't buy it in the store. Can't dress it up. Can't eat it. You can't even manufacture it yourself, because you have to go build it from the ground up!
This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart, because although I was a bubbly and outgoing dude, two years of clinical depression had turned me into a depressive, suicidal, negative creature. To put things into perspective, my biggest challenge since crawling into depression has been phoning @Andy Black (check here) - I was scared to death, because I hadn't spoken to anyone in English over the phone for almost two years. I clearly remember picking up a phone call and staying quiet, not being able to open my mouth, because I was literally frozen in fear.
So, I recently realized I have to handle my self-confidence issue, otherwise I'll fail miserably in anything I do.
Self-confidence comes from repeating experiences that are difficult and damn scary - same place courage comes from. The guy that does something courageous is being given the title of 'courageous'. It's not because he wore a jacked with a slogan 'courageous' on his back, it's because he went and did something courageous.
Look, if you wanna build self-confidence, you can listen to subliminal tapes (I had been doing it since depression swallowed me - for roughly two years) and you know what? It's not going to work. You can read self-help books, attend seminars, psychiatrists, counselors, hypnotherapists, psychotherapists, and so on... you name it I've done it.
I've recently realized how ridiculous I had been. I didn't realize that I needed to be more aware, more alert and that I had to do more.
Some of the ideas that people gonna throw at you to build your self-confidence: "you gonna eat different and feel better", "you gonna do this and feel better", etc. It'll only kill the symptoms, but not the root cause of your lack of self-confidence.
You wanna kill the root of lack of self-confidence? Go face the beast - do the things you're scared to do to get the self-confidence you wanna have. In my case it would be having multiple chats with @Andy Black, but it's not realistic, so I've started ringing companies randomly and asking all kinds of weird questions to get over my fear of speaking in English and re-gain my self-confidence.
You can't buy it guys. Your friends can't help you. This forum can't help you. None of the material online can help you. It's an inside job that has to be done from an inside guys. There're no shortcuts - you've gotta travel through muddy road and face uncertainties.
You've gotta start facing your fears now, otherwise you'll feel worse and worse and worse about your life. Procrastination, running away from challenges and fear gonna kill the last bits of your self-confidence and make you a total loser.
You wanna walk on fire? Go do it. Is that gonna build your self-confidence? I doubt it.
You wanna splash 30 grand on a new car? Go do it. Is that gonna build your self-confidence? I doubt it.
The only thing I know for sure that will change your sense of self is the actions you take facing your fear. In my case - picking up a phone and randomly calling English speakers. Facing fear of being misunderstood and swallowing my ego that 3 years ago I was fluent English speaker and didn't know what fear of speaking in English was really like.
Self-confidence is an inside job that can't be bought and has to be developed from an inside guys.
You can't buy it in the store. Can't dress it up. Can't eat it. You can't even manufacture it yourself, because you have to go build it from the ground up!
This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart, because although I was a bubbly and outgoing dude, two years of clinical depression had turned me into a depressive, suicidal, negative creature. To put things into perspective, my biggest challenge since crawling into depression has been phoning @Andy Black (check here) - I was scared to death, because I hadn't spoken to anyone in English over the phone for almost two years. I clearly remember picking up a phone call and staying quiet, not being able to open my mouth, because I was literally frozen in fear.
So, I recently realized I have to handle my self-confidence issue, otherwise I'll fail miserably in anything I do.
- Ok, I went and bought a suit, but I didn't feel any better.
- I borrowed a car (2015 Mercedes) from my friend to see if it gives a confidence boost. I won't lie, it made me feel better - for a few days only.
Self-confidence comes from repeating experiences that are difficult and damn scary - same place courage comes from. The guy that does something courageous is being given the title of 'courageous'. It's not because he wore a jacked with a slogan 'courageous' on his back, it's because he went and did something courageous.
Look, if you wanna build self-confidence, you can listen to subliminal tapes (I had been doing it since depression swallowed me - for roughly two years) and you know what? It's not going to work. You can read self-help books, attend seminars, psychiatrists, counselors, hypnotherapists, psychotherapists, and so on... you name it I've done it.
I've recently realized how ridiculous I had been. I didn't realize that I needed to be more aware, more alert and that I had to do more.
Some of the ideas that people gonna throw at you to build your self-confidence: "you gonna eat different and feel better", "you gonna do this and feel better", etc. It'll only kill the symptoms, but not the root cause of your lack of self-confidence.
You wanna kill the root of lack of self-confidence? Go face the beast - do the things you're scared to do to get the self-confidence you wanna have. In my case it would be having multiple chats with @Andy Black, but it's not realistic, so I've started ringing companies randomly and asking all kinds of weird questions to get over my fear of speaking in English and re-gain my self-confidence.
You can't buy it guys. Your friends can't help you. This forum can't help you. None of the material online can help you. It's an inside job that has to be done from an inside guys. There're no shortcuts - you've gotta travel through muddy road and face uncertainties.
You've gotta start facing your fears now, otherwise you'll feel worse and worse and worse about your life. Procrastination, running away from challenges and fear gonna kill the last bits of your self-confidence and make you a total loser.
You wanna walk on fire? Go do it. Is that gonna build your self-confidence? I doubt it.
You wanna splash 30 grand on a new car? Go do it. Is that gonna build your self-confidence? I doubt it.
The only thing I know for sure that will change your sense of self is the actions you take facing your fear. In my case - picking up a phone and randomly calling English speakers. Facing fear of being misunderstood and swallowing my ego that 3 years ago I was fluent English speaker and didn't know what fear of speaking in English was really like.
Self-confidence is an inside job that can't be bought and has to be developed from an inside guys.
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