Applying FastLane Principles to Finding Love?

[Mattie]

Hi Everyone, I am 40, female and still single. I have posted elsewhere that I am a lawyer, working on my side hustle (until it becomes my full time thing). However, for the last 3 years I have tried everything I can think of to maximise my chances of meeting someone. I want to have my family. For obvious reasons, I need to prioritise this over and above the side hustle. I have tried hiring a coach (Law of Attraction principles, well-known in the media, said it worked for her, did all the exercises etc; nothing). I went to the opening of an envelope if needed, joined different gyms and moved jobs to a male dominated industry to maximise my chances. I get enough interest but haven't met The One. I'm attractive, in shape and have a lot to offer someone. I don't know why I've failed. Is there a way to apply Fast Lane principles to finding love? Thank you to all who respond

Best advice to give you is stop searching for them. Usually when you let go of trying to make something happen, it happens. I know woman tend to get kind of obsessive about finding the right person. You also have to realize you're a lawyer, and a bit more intellectual than the average person. This might also be intimidating towards some men. I believe some men feel a bit threatened by successful women, and other men are not.

I heard a comment earlier "Network". The more people you know, the more people you talk too, the more interaction you have with others, the more opportunities come your way. With that network, you find people with resources, and also who may happen to know someone that might be in the same shoes as you. I believe that is a huge key in business and any kind of relationships. What most people do is sit back and not get involved, isolate themselves, limit themselves.

As you stated, "You've tried certain methods, and perhaps just expand your horizons to forums in interests that you enjoy. You'd be surprised where people meet, and there is no intention of meeting. Sometimes they're standing on the golf course, sitting at a basketball game, eating dinner outside in the summer having lunch, riding their bike, hiking, or a hundred other recreation activities. They meet in cooking classes, scuba diving, sailing, the opportunities are limitless.

 

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[Late Bloomer]

Men feel that you are looking and searching, impassively chasing love. That can pressure them, even though you think you are not showing it. Just relax, and love will come on the least expected moment.

I think you're giving her great advice here, Virginia!

Part of my initial long comment was to point out that a "business by the numbers" approach can be a turn-off for romance. But there is a valid comparison to business here. "I'd like to become a vendor for you, because I see how I can help you," is so much more appealing than "I've GOT to get you to buy TODAY, this week at the latest, so I can afford the rent!" You might not say that to a client, but if it's in your mind, it'll come through in attitude. "I'm here to help if I can, and if you aren't interested, that's fine" is self-talk that leads to an unpressured business conversation.

And in love, "we've grown to understand and care for each other over time," is so much more appealing than "I've got a ticking clock here!" The problem is that she really does have a very tight deadline to move a guy from discovery to commitment. While most guys would appreciate their attorney pushing to make things happen as fast as possible, the same pace makes it hard to relax and enjoy getting to know someone in a way that unfolds naturally.

Edited to include Mattie's comment, which perfectly reinforces the same point.

You'd be surprised where people meet, and there is no intention of meeting. Sometimes they're standing on the golf course, sitting at a basketball game, eating dinner outside in the summer having lunch, riding their bike, hiking, or a hundred other recreation activities. They meet in cooking classes, scuba diving, sailing, the opportunities are limitless.

Right on!

 

[Dubidu]

Wow, harsh replies. There's a lot of people in this thread trying to tell you you can't because you need to:

- Be realistic
- You're too old
- Trying too hard
- Other "limiting factor"

These are not your problems, only what these people "perceive" as your problems from their point of view.Are you telling me there's not a single guy in the world who doesn't want to settle down with an in-shape, attractive, 40 year old female lawyer? Let's ignore that and focus on what you originally discussed: fastlane methodology. It is based on CENTS; control, entry, need, time, and scale.

For scale, I think online is the way to go. There are tons of apps out there where you don't need to worry about throwing yourself in a male dominated industry in order to meet someone.

Entry - How could entry apply to dating? Well, since you're already successful you could try places that do have a barrier to entry, meaning you're more likely to see more successful people or people that are more serious. A dating site with reasonable membership fees for example. Or you can hit up the bar at some finer restaurants with a friend.

Need - I think you have to play the game. A lot of guys aren't ready to jump head first into marriage and kids, but uhh... perhaps this is where "seduction" happens for you to get what you want. Everybody has their own intentions, for some its one night, others its a few months, some just literally want friendship, and others like yourself are looking for marriage. Its been a few years since I read it but I think the Art of Seduction by Robert Green might be relevant here, not sure how it is from a female perspective.

Time / Control - not sure if these are too applicable to dating. Online dating can lead to a lot of wasted time so I would just be more careful screening people before meeting if that is something you decide to get into.

Really liked this. I've read Robert Green. I've implemented it and it's worked to some degree. Thank you so much for your encouraging words; it meant a lot.

 

[Dubidu]

Nice

Hi Dubidu, so sorry to hear love is not working out for you at the moment...Maybe a little weird to mention this on the Fastlane forum, but have you read the book from Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think like a Man. He is funny, maybe it's not all applicable..but maybe you get some points. Just be yourself, and enjoy what you do in life and you will attract the one. And no man is perfect, as we as women are not, but I do believe you can still connect with, seeing passed minor issues. Friendship can also grow to love.. Men feel that you are looking and searching, impassively chasing love. That can pressure them, even though you think you are not showing it. Just relax, and love will come on the least expected moment. You sound like a great woman, so no worries! Just take the pressure off. Wish you all the best, girl!

Aw, thank you! x

 

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[SteveO]

My wife and I met when she was over 40. I am her first marriage. As a note of interest, she is an attorney also. Real estate contract to be precise. Funny but I do deal estate for a living.

I thought that was wonderful thing but she tells me I'm smart enough to review my own damn documents. She still does it though.

We met while running with a group training for a marathon.

I saw many couples meet up and marry through the running group.

Personally, I don't see how fastlane principles could be applied.

 

[Dubidu]

My wife and I met when she was over 40. I am her first marriage. As a note of interest, she is an attorney also. Real estate contract to be precise. Funny but I do deal estate for a living.

I thought that was wonderful thing but she tells me I'm smart enough to review my own damn documents. She still does it though.

We met while running with a group training for a marathon.

I saw many couples meet up and marry through the running group.

Personally, I don't see how fastlane principles could be applied.

SteveO you and I are communicating on two of my threads! Thank you for this; it gives me hope

It chimes with other helpful posts on this thread: join different clubs/try different activities but I think marathon training might be pushing it for me!

 

[LifestyleGem]

You seem to be cherry picking only people who agree with you. I'd HIGHLY advise against that. That never ends well... I speak from experience. I ignored people's advice on this forum for a while, and cherry picked my own bullshit and paid the price. Now I'm actually getting results with the exact advice I was given that I ignored.

My 2 cents. It doesn't sound like you can live with yourself if you mess this up, so maybe... pay attention?

I know I'm going to get some hate but DROP THE NLP, pseudo science therapy, the secret, law of attraction etc. Sure, MAYBE there is some negligible impact, but are you going to invest all your time on negligible results or even negative results.

Apply the 80/20 rule to your focus Don't bet your potential marriage on questionable advice at best... Bet on the real deal.

 

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[Dubidu]

You seem to be cherry picking only people who agree with you. I'd HIGHLY advise against that. That never ends well... I speak from experience. I ignored people's advice on this forum for a while, and cherry picked my own bullshit and paid the price. Now I'm actually getting results with the exact advice I was given that I ignored.

My 2 cents. It doesn't sound like you can live with yourself if you mess this up, so maybe... pay attention?

I know I'm going to get some hate but DROP THE NLP, pseudo science therapy, the secret, law of attraction etc. Sure, MAYBE there is some negligible impact, but are you going to invest all your time on negligible results or even negative results.

Apply the 80/20 rule to your focus Don't bet your potential marriage on questionable advice at best... Bet on the real deal.

Thank you for taking the time to respond! Not at all - the whole point of opening myself up to the forum was not to get some kind of confirmation bias but to actually see where I might be going wrong; friends provide you with the confirmation bias you need, you pay coaches but even they have a vested interest in telling you you're great, right? But an anonymous forum where strangers owe you nothing - can't get more brutally honest feedback than that!! I was also genuinely interested in whether anyone felt the FL principles could be applied to finding your life partner.

In reply to your post, I can definitely live with myself if it doesn't work and 'settling' is non-negotiable...I've taken action since I posted originally and it's yielding quite nice results ;-)

It was just that @SteveO's posts on the matter (amongst others posters who took the time to reply when they didn't have to) particularly demonstrated a kindness worthy of acknowledgement

Thanks for being open enough to recognise you were cherry-picking advice in your own situation - glad to hear things are now working out for you

 

[SteveO]

Perhaps @Dubidu should consider coming to the next Scottsdale meetup. Lots of like minded single men there. In addition, Fastlane/unscripted learnings abound. There are so many things going on that one's head could explode.

 

[LynetteP]

Best advice to give you is stop searching for them. Usually when you let go of trying to make something happen, it happens. I know woman tend to get kind of obsessive about finding the right person. You also have to realize you're a lawyer, and a bit more intellectual than the average person. This might also be intimidating towards some men. I believe some men feel a bit threatened by successful women, and other men are not.

I heard a comment earlier "Network". The more people you know, the more people you talk too, the more interaction you have with others, the more opportunities come your way. With that network, you find people with resources, and also who may happen to know someone that might be in the same shoes as you. I believe that is a huge key in business and any kind of relationships. What most people do is sit back and not get involved, isolate themselves, limit themselves.

As you stated, "You've tried certain methods, and perhaps just expand your horizons to forums in interests that you enjoy. You'd be surprised where people meet, and there is no intention of meeting. Sometimes they're standing on the golf course, sitting at a basketball game, eating dinner outside in the summer having lunch, riding their bike, hiking, or a hundred other recreation activities. They meet in cooking classes, scuba diving, sailing, the opportunities are limitless.

As a newly divorced person about 4 years ago, I asked a young man who was a friend in a bible study class if he had any idea why I never had many dates- in high school, college, and thereafter. In high school, I looked younger than everyone, so that made sense. At the time, being divorced with two small kids, I get it. But college and thereafter? I didn't get it. The few that asked were almost always much older or from another country (and my ex-husband is French, lol).

After I promised my friend at church I wouldn't be mad no matter what he said, he belted out: "Well, you probably intimidate the CRAP out of most of them because you're not an idiot!" Eye opening, indeed. I had no idea I did this- I wasn't even very outspoken back in college! LOL.

So I second that the OP may be intimidating to most. I'm still working on trying to be approachable myself, and have no great advice on that. And yes, I'm going to be picky- I settled the first time and won't ever again. I have no timeline though- God's timing is His timing, and while I sometimes feel impatient to find someone who gets me and to have a best friend in my daily life, I'm not on a deadline (I'm done having kids). And if it never happens, I'm ok with that, but I just don't think that's the Plan, lol.

I wish I could help with timeline problem. I do remember reading something about someone who was in a similar situation (nearly 40, unmarried) who put in their online profile that they are only interested in dating someone who wants kids and relatively soon, and it apparently worked- scared off everyone but her eventual husband. Don't know how it turned out very long term, but they were happily married with 2 kids within a few years. HTH someone!

 

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[Mattie]

As a newly divorced person about 4 years ago, I asked a young man who was a friend in a bible study class if he had any idea why I never had many dates- in high school, college, and thereafter. In high school, I looked younger than everyone, so that made sense. At the time, being divorced with two small kids, I get it. But college and thereafter? I didn't get it. The few that asked were almost always much older or from another country (and my ex-husband is French, lol).

After I promised my friend at church I wouldn't be mad no matter what he said, he belted out: "Well, you probably intimidate the CRAP out of most of them because you're not an idiot!" Eye opening, indeed. I had no idea I did this- I wasn't even very outspoken back in college! LOL.

So I second that the OP may be intimidating to most. I'm still working on trying to be approachable myself, and have no great advice on that. And yes, I'm going to be picky- I settled the first time and won't ever again. I have no timeline though- God's timing is His timing, and while I sometimes feel impatient to find someone who gets me and to have a best friend in my daily life, I'm not on a deadline (I'm done having kids). And if it never happens, I'm ok with that, but I just don't think that's the Plan, lol.

I wish I could help with timeline problem. I do remember reading something about someone who was in a similar situation (nearly 40, unmarried) who put in their online profile that they are only interested in dating someone who wants kids and relatively soon, and it apparently worked- scared off everyone but her eventual husband. Don't know how it turned out very long term, but they were happily married with 2 kids within a few years. HTH someone!

I think it was kind of the opposite in my personal experience. I never had trouble with attracting men, and still don't, but I think the last 12 years, I've grown and matured a lot, where my education, intelligence came out, and so now, my intelligence scares people, but I'm kind of at the end of the feminine journey and understand pretty much I've mastered most lessons with the masculine. And pretty much it's standing in your full power as the feminine and being self-reliant, self-confident, and no feeling the need to be in a co-dependent relationship.

I think there are different phases we go through, so at this point in time my own journey, I understand whether the masculine is a part of my life or not, it doesn't define me, and I can live with or without the masculine. I think this comes out in leadership ability so if I stand on my own two feet, it kind of goes with the territory all the way around being independent and interdependent. Win-Win situation with the masculine, working as a team towards the same goal of Entrepreneurship, building a strong foundation, stability, security, long-term goals versus short-term goals.

When you're at this phase, you don't see things from the same perspective as when you're younger. Understand the cause and effect of decisions and choices. And I'm just kind of one of those few people who have a few good friends you can trust versus many. This is my INFJ personality type. Although right now it's more about getting out there and networking and getting out of comfort zone.

Timing is everything whether it's Entrepreneurship or Relationships. What makes it difficult is the masculine and feminine have to be on the same page and balanced with the same goals. Most relationships are out of balance and end up going separate ways.

 

[LynetteP]

I think it was kind of the opposite in my personal experience. I never had trouble with attracting men, and still don't, but I think the last 12 years, I've grown and matured a lot, where my education, intelligence came out, and so now, my intelligence scares people, but I'm kind of at the end of the feminine journey and understand pretty much I've mastered most lessons with the masculine. And pretty much it's standing in your full power as the feminine and being self-reliant, self-confident, and no feeling the need to be in a co-dependent relationship.

I think there are different phases we go through, so at this point in time my own journey, I understand whether the masculine is a part of my life or not, it doesn't define me, and I can live with or without the masculine. I think this comes out in leadership ability so if I stand on my own two feet, it kind of goes with the territory all the way around being independent and interdependent. Win-Win situation with the masculine, working as a team towards the same goal of Entrepreneurship, building a strong foundation, stability, security, long-term goals versus short-term goals.

When you're at this phase, you don't see things from the same perspective as when you're younger. Understand the cause and effect of decisions and choices. And I'm just kind of one of those few people who have a few good friends you can trust versus many. This is my INFJ personality type. Although right now it's more about getting out there and networking and getting out of comfort zone.

Timing is everything whether it's Entrepreneurship or Relationships. What makes it difficult is the masculine and feminine have to be on the same page and balanced with the same goals. Most relationships are out of balance and end up going separate ways.

LOL. It's good to know yourself. I'm ENTP or ENTJ or ESTP, depending on the day I take the test. But DiSC puts me as high conscientiousness, then dominance, and the rest fall off. So I'm not confrontational like Gordon Ramsey, but just as opinionated and perhaps a bit intimidating, lol. You obviously know yourself, so I'm thinking it may be because you are looking for a needle in a haystack, much like I am. In my case, "Christians only" gets rid of most of the population. And being fine by yourself is a difficult walk as a woman- I believe men want a strong woman but also someone who is ok with depending on someone. This has taken me quite a while to learn. I have also found since reading this thread that the plentyoffish.com website allows you to put what you're interested in, from just friends up to seriously looking to get married- that might help you! And my goodness, there are a lot of people on there! Be forewarned, you will get a lot of people who "want to meet you" because of the way the UI is set up, who have never read your profile, just seen your picture. And the search function has some bugs. It's a little nuts (you may get a marriage proposal in a day) and a great study in social psychology, but I do believe there are quite a few genuine people on there. To find a needle in a haystack, sometimes I guess you have to go through the haystack... Good luck and HTH!

 

[Mattie]

"Christians only"

This was the foundation of the first part of my life. I believe the hard knocks of life teach you sometimes life doesn't happen the way you've been taught. So, yes some of us learn to be independent because we're forced too through unexpected events in life, this doesn't necessarily mean we choose too, but because life presented the situation.

Sure, I would love a masculine, to take care of me, save the day, pay all my bills, and live happily ever after. It just doesn't always work that way in the world. It does take a lot of strength as you stated, so of course, in the process, "Know Thyself" is one of the key elements of survival of the fittest whether you're masculine or feminine. I believe it's just depends on where you're standing in the world and experience.

For an Extrovert is quite a different experience as well as being a sensor and thinker than Introvert, INFJ, our brains process information in different ways, and derive off different parts of the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system. One is fight flight and one is rest and relaxation. This has been quite interesting for me learning neurology and the nervous system, because you could say we operate off two different pathways of the brain. I've been lucky to have been in the opportunity to be away from other people the last few years, and understand how that all works in the thinking process and mental process. And may be going back home to Michigan this year and get back in the mix.

Don't mind me. I just study everything, because I want to understand biology, neurology, psychology, and just science oriented. I just choose to protect my finances ad assets in the future, because I've already hit rock bottom, and been through a lot of the process already. I think we believe life will keep you safe, secure, stable, and happily ever after, but I understand just in my personal experience, that's the reason I'm in here, is the commandment of control and financial liberation where I don't have to worry about anything in life.

I think you can see probably, I intimidate people because my mind is always involved with learning trigonometry, geometry, science, physics, neurology, psychology, science, and never stop learning, because that's just the way I work.

I believe for me, I just love using my intellect, and just wired that way. I don't have an issue with men, because they're usually intelligent men, and I've hung around men all my life. I think that's the part of my thing, is I see men different. As in here, there all my brothers with the same goal and intention. That's the way I see them, and understand we're all mostly here to innovate, create, and focus on business. Once in awhile, we speak of relationship topics, and you will get a diversity of answers on the subject from their experience.

I think this is one of the keys to life, understanding we are individuals, and we all are unique. Everyone is worth celebrating no matter what they may believe. Life is all bout learning, growing, and loving others. Everyone is right where they need to be in the moment, growing in their process.

 

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[LynetteP]

This was the foundation of the first part of my life. I believe the hard knocks of life teach you sometimes life doesn't happen the way you've been taught. So, yes some of us learn to be independent because we're forced too through unexpected events in life, this doesn't necessarily mean we choose too, but because life presented the situation.

Sure, I would love a masculine, to take care of me, save the day, pay all my bills, and live happily ever after. It just doesn't always work that way in the world. It does take a lot of strength as you stated, so of course, in the process, "Know Thyself" is one of the key elements of survival of the fittest whether you're masculine or feminine. I believe it's just depends on where you're standing in the world and experience.

For an Extrovert is quite a different experience as well as being a sensor and thinker than Introvert, INFJ, our brains process information in different ways, and derive off different parts of the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous system. One is fight flight and one is rest and relaxation. This has been quite interesting for me learning neurology and the nervous system, because you could say we operate off two different pathways of the brain. I've been lucky to have been in the opportunity to be away from other people the last few years, and understand how that all works in the thinking process and mental process. And may be going back home to Michigan this year and get back in the mix.

Don't mind me. I just study everything, because I want to understand biology, neurology, psychology, and just science oriented. I just choose to protect my finances ad assets in the future, because I've already hit rock bottom, and been through a lot of the process already. I think we believe life will keep you safe, secure, stable, and happily ever after, but I understand just in my personal experience, that's the reason I'm in here, is the commandment of control and financial liberation where I don't have to worry about anything in life.

I think you can see probably, I intimidate people because my mind is always involved with learning trigonometry, geometry, science, physics, neurology, psychology, science, and never stop learning, because that's just the way I work.

I believe for me, I just love using my intellect, and just wired that way. I don't have an issue with men, because they're usually intelligent men, and I've hung around men all my life. I think that's the part of my thing, is I see men different. As in here, there all my brothers with the same goal and intention. That's the way I see them, and understand we're all mostly here to innovate, create, and focus on business. Once in awhile, we speak of relationship topics, and you will get a diversity of answers on the subject from their experience.

I think this is one of the keys to life, understanding we are individuals, and we all are unique. Everyone is worth celebrating no matter what they may believe. Life is all bout learning, growing, and loving others. Everyone is right where they need to be in the moment, growing in their process.

Yes, you are going to intimidate most with your intellect (whether you realize it or not). There is actually a dropdown of dozens of words to choose to describe yourself in ONE word on pof. Sapiosexual is on there- maybe it lets you search for people who picked those?

I study everything as well- Strengthsfinder has me as Learner, Relator, Intellection, Analytical, Responsibility. So naturally, I would love to hear yours if you've taken the assessment.

After everything I've read, I do believe men don't want to rescue helpless women, just be good providers for strong ones. There is a big difference. If any man here would care to confirm this or tell me I've got it wrong, I'd love to hear all about it.

I read a book (can't think of the title) that argued that the term "co-dependency" has a bad rap, and we are actually wired for it (both men and women). There is of course an unhealthy version of it, but the argument was that in it's healthy version, it's something that is natural and desirable in a relationship. I'll try to figure out the title if you're interested.

I am also more comfortable with males, always have been, even as a kid. It's a bit disconcerting for most other women. Like me, I believe you don't think they all are horrible! That is a rarity in women, and hard to find available men at this age who haven't been stung by the low expectations that many women have for them. I think a lot of them gave up on finding genuine women. I can't imagine how horrible it would be to have people believing my integrity is sub-par purely on the basis of my sex! Not that there aren't terrible men out there, I just can't believe that it's the majority. I know too many good men in my family, and friends.

That said, it is difficult to find one strong enough to relate to an exceptionally strong woman, and not feel like they are competing. Hilarious, really- I make a great number 2, but my ex never did realize it. And I'm expecting a long road to find a strong enough number 1 so that I don't feel like someone (me) has to take the reigns. Picky, yes. And I'm ok with that.

 

[Mattie]

read a book (can't think of the title) that argued that the term "co-dependency" has a bad rap, and we are actually wired for it (both men and women). There is of course an unhealthy version of it, but the argument was that in it's healthy version, it's something that is natural and desirable in a relationship. I'll try to figure out the title if you're interested.

This is what I'm actually kind of twisting & turning around at the moment, because we have people kind of expecting the masculine and feminine to be 100% independent and self-reliant, and although I'm there, human nature like stated, has a desire to connect with the opposite sex on the emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, and financial level. Growing up around Mental Health and Addiction/Alcohol/Substance Abuse and being taught by my Professors who work in Various organizations, the term of Co-dependency I know is quite different than what people are projecting in 2018 in some communities. This is a bit of perfectionism and expecting human nature to be totally disconnected from bonding, and I don't believe that's quite healthy for either the masculine or feminine.

While I believe in health relating, I probably am one of the woman who stand up for the masculine and debate with the extreme feminists. I will haven't heard of this test, so I will have to look into it. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Dubidu]

Perhaps @Dubidu should consider coming to the next Scottsdale meetup. Lots of like minded single men there. In addition, Fastlane/unscripted learnings abound. There are so many things going on that one's head could explode.

I may just do that @SteveO

Thank you for your continuing support on this and other threads I started.

The forum alone has been worth signing up to...I'm going to a start up conference in a week or so and will report back - I may meet someone there!

Slightly separately to this thread topic but related to @SteveO's reply above: perhaps on another thread if I can find one relating to Networking/Maximising value out of conferences etc. but if not I'll start a new thread) I'll relay my view of the conference.

Do let me know if anyone would be interested in a report back on the conference and what I learned...I suppose it's not relevant to those who've already joined the Fast Lane but it might be interesting for those that are like me - about to switch lanes!

 

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[SteveO]

The forum alone has been worth signing up to...I'm going to a start up conference in a week or so and will report back

There are no other conferences like the Fastlane meetups. Many long term contacts and friendships are made. Many, many ideas are discussed and passed along. Support is real and tremendous.

Most conferences that I have been to are about making money for the host and speakers. Not this one. We are about a tribe.

 

[Process]

After everything I've read, I do believe men don't want to rescue helpless women, just be good providers for strong ones. There is a big difference. If any man here would care to confirm this or tell me I've got it wrong, I'd love to hear all about it.
.

Yes. But it depends on the strength of the guy in question.

-A weak (wishy washy and flaccid in action) guy will pedestalize any woman who is beautiful to the point of self sacrifice and being phony.

If a woman simply calls him a sexist or yells at him he'll unravel. He'll emasculate himself to appease her which will only insult her. Or he'll embarrass himself by exploding and puffing himself up.
This guy has no idea who he is, so he wants approval from every pretty girl he knows. He's also likely to hallucinate about problems where none exist.

-A strong guy (confident and assertive in action) will not settle for a woman who is a helpless liability. Nor will he let a woman walk all over him. He's the only boss of his time.

She can challenge him, but can't undermine him. If she proves to be right, he admits it, corrects his course, and moves forwards.

That's the most he'll change for her. If she's totally draining, say buh-bye. Frequent insults, and pettiness only prove it is time to move on instead of wasting time.

This guy picks a woman where both add value to each other's life. He's the type who focuses on real problems and closes in on them.

 

[Bottomsouth]

Probably too complicated to understand so men turn the other way. No one likes to buy a product they don't understand.

 

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[TonyStark]

Use tinder.

Just kidding.

I’d say there is no equation to finding love, it finds you.

The only thing you can do is be your best self.

Also, stop chasing the illusion of the perfect man/woman, he/she does not exist.

Instead focus on finding some you’re compatible with.

People are usually illusions until you meet them.

Love means loving both their flaws and perfections.

 

[LynetteP]

This is what I'm actually kind of twisting & turning around at the moment, because we have people kind of expecting the masculine and feminine to be 100% independent and self-reliant, and although I'm there, human nature like stated, has a desire to connect with the opposite sex on the emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, and financial level. Growing up around Mental Health and Addiction/Alcohol/Substance Abuse and being taught by my Professors who work in Various organizations, the term of Co-dependency I know is quite different than what people are projecting in 2018 in some communities. This is a bit of perfectionism and expecting human nature to be totally disconnected from bonding, and I don't believe that's quite healthy for either the masculine or feminine.

While I believe in health relating, I probably am one of the woman who stand up for the masculine and debate with the extreme feminists. I will haven't heard of this test, so I will have to look into it. Thanks for sharing.

Found it. It's called Attached: the New Science of Adult Attachment by Levine and Heller. Fascinating read, IMO.

 

[Mattie]

the New Science of Adult Attachment by Levine and Heller

Thank you, I'll check it out.

 

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[LynetteP]

There are no other conferences like the Fastlane meetups. Many long term contacts and friendships are made. Many, many ideas are discussed and passed along. Support is real and tremendous.

Most conferences that I have been to are about making money for the host and speakers. Not this one. We are about a tribe.

When is the next one? Tried a search to no avail.

 

[LynetteP]

Use tinder.

Just kidding.

I’d say there is no equation to finding love, it finds you.

The only thing you can do is be your best self.

Also, stop chasing the illusion of the perfect man/woman, he/she does not exist.

Instead focus on finding some you’re compatible with.

People are usually illusions until you meet them.

Love means loving both their flaws and perfections.

LOL Tinder!
The only perfect man was Jesus.
He loves like you describe, but it's hard to find other people who do. Compatible is great but doesn't cut it long term- take it from a divorced person! You have to be compatible and have similar core values as well.

 

[Mattie]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpjHLimZmmQ

 

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[SteveO]

When is the next one? Tried a search to no avail.

The next one is not scheduled yet. They usually take place in February. MJ usually posts information about when, where, if a few months prior to the date.

Information on past events can be found here. Networking, Socializing, Meet-Ups

 

[LynetteP]

Probably too complicated to understand so men turn the other way. No one likes to buy a product they don't understand.

True, not even Warren Buffet!

 

[Elif]

In terms of giving value to others: first and foremost, I am a good person. I have, like many others, overcome huge obstacles in my life to get to where I am today. Kindness is an under-rated virtue and I cultivate that as much as I can in myself. As a result of constantly trying to improve who I am, I left a secure job to work with the PE/hedgies/CEO so basically I could learn from them (whilst still getting paid) before I began on working on my first idea (someone else got to market before me on that). I'm now on my second idea and hopeful that the value/market is phenomenal if I can get it made (I've explained the issues in another thread and got lots of helpful feedback that I'm implemented). My family values are important. I have a full life; I'd just like to share it with someone.

 

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