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Any ideas on how I can stop being a shitty person?

Jonathan Hoch

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Do you think I'm the kind of person who would not stand like a tree for 40 minutes and livestream it to the world as proof? :hilarious:
This is one of those posts begging to be no ballsed!

Side note: I’m glad to see the compassion this forum has for each other. Most of the world is now a “me me me, F*ck You you you,” so it’s nice to see such a large group of support, on something so off topic!
 
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luniac

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Do you think I'm the kind of person who would not stand like a tree for 40 minutes and livestream it to the world as proof? :hilarious:
lol
 

AlasdairM

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I didn't read through all of the responses, so sorry if someone has already mentioned this, but I doubt it because it's going to sound way out there.

Do a search on the connection between the human microbiome and its effect on personality. E.g., if you've had to take antibiotics a number of times in your life, it can severely affect the way you function in life because your microbiome will have been severely depleted. This can lead to anger, depression and much more.

Check it out with an open mind.
 

Fassina

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I was like this as a teenager, I just grew out of it.. Research has shown that hitting things, screaming etc just extend your anger, and the people that were instead told to focus on something else got calmer more easily.

I recommend games, skyrim has always worked to channel my anger and focus on something else.

Do some googling on emotional addictions, basically emotions are chemicals and if you are addicted to them you'll take any opportunity to feel them. You can use this consciously to your advantage with positive emotions or be passive and let it take you down. I got this from RSD Tyler, it's a mixed bag source and woo woo, but it makes sense and has been helpful.

He talks about downward and upward spirals. And how to use them..

You seem to not play games so this type of thing might have been missed on you, but generally getting angry is low status and people will mock and laugh at you if you do while playing. "He got mad hahahaha". They'll just make you even angrier if you let them.

And just as an PSA. People are not supposed to be happy all the time, that's a fact we evolved to be this way, anybody that tells you otherwise is either lying or ignorant. If we were happy all the time we wouldn't create things, built a civilization, or be ambitious at all, we'd just chill, eat and F*ck like animals.

Happiness is a reward not a state you should try to achieve all the time. It's meant to push us forward, it's not there to make you feel good for no reason other than being "your right".
 
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Surf16

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This is not the kind of person I wanted to be, and I'm ashamed at myself that I've ended up this way. I'm tired of it and I want to change, but I don't even know where to start. Nothing has seemed to help.

I had similar feelings.

Why was I so angry all the time? Why did people annoy me so much?

I have trained in Mixed Martial Arts for over 20 years and was hoping at times people would entice me enough to set me off.

I was poisoning everything around me.

I think mine came from childhood issues. By no means was my childhood hard but the way I was treated by certain people planted the seed of hating everyone.

I am now married with a 5 year old son.

I noticed I was getting angry at the smallest things and new I had to change.

I started by digging deep as to why I did some of the things I did and why I was getting so angry.

I then joined ToastMasters and was supported by friendly supportive people. That blew me away!

I always had the belief that people were only nice to me when they wanted something.

I also changed studios where I train Krav Maga. They are absolutely amazing at the new place and treat everyone like family! I have been really impressed by the family atmosphere.

I don't think its a bad thing to be super aware of your surroundings while going out in public.

I do the same thing and my wife thinks I am crazy. But I have witnessed stuff go down and warned her to move and she said "how did you know that was going to happen". Ha ha! I'm physic I tell her.

I would just take stock in everything around you and start eliminating anything negative you can.

And join groups that help you see the good in people.

Side Note: I also spar 2x a week. That helps with any past demons lingering around!

Hope this help @Ninjakid
 

ExaltedLife

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Take some time to relax. I like ASMR. Some people might think it's weird or feminine, I don't know, I don't care. I had a stressful childhood, and I had problems with alcohol and violence and I even went to jail a couple times. For me, listening to a cute funny girl talking softly is great.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jS51HkoP2PE
 
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Knugs

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You are not a shitty person at all.

From my medic point of view, I would def give CBT a go (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) by a professional psychologist. CBT is good for stuff like anxiety, addictions and irrational fears.
 
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Ninjakid

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This is one of those posts begging to be no ballsed!

Side note: I’m glad to see the compassion this forum has for each other. Most of the world is now a “me me me, f*ck You you you,” so it’s nice to see such a large group of support, on something so off topic!

This forum is truly an incredibly supportive place.
I had similar feelings.

Why was I so angry all the time? Why did people annoy me so much?

I have trained in Mixed Martial Arts for over 20 years and was hoping at times people would entice me enough to set me off.

I was poisoning everything around me.

I think mine came from childhood issues. By no means was my childhood hard but the way I was treated by certain people planted the seed of hating everyone.

I am now married with a 5 year old son.

I noticed I was getting angry at the smallest things and new I had to change.

I started by digging deep as to why I did some of the things I did and why I was getting so angry.

I then joined ToastMasters and was supported by friendly supportive people. That blew me away!

I always had the belief that people were only nice to me when they wanted something.

I also changed studios where I train Krav Maga. They are absolutely amazing at the new place and treat everyone like family! I have been really impressed by the family atmosphere.

I don't think its a bad thing to be super aware of your surroundings while going out in public.

I do the same thing and my wife thinks I am crazy. But I have witnessed stuff go down and warned her to move and she said "how did you know that was going to happen". Ha ha! I'm physic I tell her.

I would just take stock in everything around you and start eliminating anything negative you can.

And join groups that help you see the good in people.

Side Note: I also spar 2x a week. That helps with any past demons lingering around!

Hope this help @Ninjakid
Thanks a lot! Yeah I agree it's good to eliminate as much negativity as you can.

I also think it's important to take notice of the paradigm you view life. If you make it point to always see the good in everything and everyone I think you'll naturally become a happier and more positive person.

I believe in you and your ability to change!

Take some time to relax. I like ASMR. Some people might think it's weird or feminine, I don't know, I don't care. I had a stressful childhood, and I had problems with alcohol and violence and I even went to jail a couple times. For me, listening to a cute funny girl talking softly is great.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jS51HkoP2PE
I'm not familiar with ASMR but I will check it out.Thanks for the tips!


You are not a sh*tty person at all.

From my medic point of view, I would def give CBT a go (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) by a professional psychologist. CBT is good for stuff like anxiety, addictions and irrational fears.
Currently looking into this now! I'm using affirmations and conscious behavioural changes to improve the way I go about life :)
 

WJK

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This is something that's been bothering me for a while, and I need to get this off my chest.

Oftentimes I'm like an angry child trapped in an adult's body.

For example, last night I was so angry at someone that I couldn't sleep, I kept getting surges of adrenaline that would wake me up. I wanted to go and punch something, but I restrained myself.

But most other times I get like this results in me throwing/punching/breaking something.

Now bear in mind, I've been doing meditation for about 8 years, I've been to counselling, I exercise a lot, I eat quite well. A lot of people think I'm a generally happy person, and would be surprised that I'm saying this.

However, I always seem to revert back to old tendencies. For a while I was drinking heavily, but I've recently stopped.

I have a deeply engrained sense of defensiveness. I started training martial arts at a young age so I could protect myself. I always thought it was a positive thing, but now I'm wondering if it has negatively affected me.

Oftentimes when I got outside I'm extremely paranoid. If I sit in a coffee shop or restaurant I'm always looking around, watching for potential threats. I look at every object near me and come come up with multiple ways I can make a weapon out of it.

Anytime I become less paranoid and I hear of someone being attacked, I revert back into my defensive mind-frame, and I start training obsessively again in case I need to protect myself or someone close to me.

It's gotten to the point where I don't even enjoy anything anymore. Everything is in the paradigm of survival. I'm always ready to attack. And to be honest, I don't trust myself. I try to go out as little as possible because I'm afraid of what could set me off.

So yeah, as you can see I'm a pretty messed up person...

This is not the kind of person I wanted to be, and I'm ashamed at myself that I've ended up this way. I'm tired of it and I want to change, but I don't even know where to start. Nothing has seemed to help.

I know is case is pretty specific, but I'm wondering, has anyone ever experienced anything similar? Anyone have any ideas on how I can change?
I have a couple comments...
First, are you letting yourself feel the anger?
My childhood was mess. I was NOT angry behind it for years. I didn't let myself go there. And then one night I had a dream that opened the flood gate. I was so mad that I thought the whole earth was going to dissolve into little pieces under my feet. And I lived there, in the muck of my anger, for a long time. One day I realized that I couldn't stay angry because that negative energy was eating my heart out.
So, now I have a set of rules. I rate problems and feelings. Some are self-correcting. I leave those alone and in time, they go away.
 

WJK

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This is something that's been bothering me for a while, and I need to get this off my chest.

Oftentimes I'm like an angry child trapped in an adult's body.

For example, last night I was so angry at someone that I couldn't sleep, I kept getting surges of adrenaline that would wake me up. I wanted to go and punch something, but I restrained myself.

But most other times I get like this results in me throwing/punching/breaking something.

Now bear in mind, I've been doing meditation for about 8 years, I've been to counselling, I exercise a lot, I eat quite well. A lot of people think I'm a generally happy person, and would be surprised that I'm saying this.

However, I always seem to revert back to old tendencies. For a while I was drinking heavily, but I've recently stopped.

I have a deeply engrained sense of defensiveness. I started training martial arts at a young age so I could protect myself. I always thought it was a positive thing, but now I'm wondering if it has negatively affected me.

Oftentimes when I got outside I'm extremely paranoid. If I sit in a coffee shop or restaurant I'm always looking around, watching for potential threats. I look at every object near me and come come up with multiple ways I can make a weapon out of it.

Anytime I become less paranoid and I hear of someone being attacked, I revert back into my defensive mind-frame, and I start training obsessively again in case I need to protect myself or someone close to me.

It's gotten to the point where I don't even enjoy anything anymore. Everything is in the paradigm of survival. I'm always ready to attack. And to be honest, I don't trust myself. I try to go out as little as possible because I'm afraid of what could set me off.

So yeah, as you can see I'm a pretty messed up person...

This is not the kind of person I wanted to be, and I'm ashamed at myself that I've ended up this way. I'm tired of it and I want to change, but I don't even know where to start. Nothing has seemed to help.

I know is case is pretty specific, but I'm wondering, has anyone ever experienced anything similar? Anyone have any ideas on how I can change?
I have a couple comments...
First, are you letting yourself feel the anger?
My childhood was a mess. I was NOT angry behind it for years. I didn't let myself go there. And then one night I had a dream that opened the flood gate. I was so mad that I thought the whole earth was going to dissolve into little pieces under my feet. And I lived there, in the muck of my anger, for a long time. One day I realized that I couldn't stay angry because that negative energy was eating my heart out.
So, now I have a set of rules.
1. I rate problems and feelings. Some are self-correcting. I leave those alone, and in time, they go away without my intervention.
2. I immediately deal with problems and feelings that need attention. I give myself 5 minutes to let those emotions wash over me so I can look them square in the eye. I would rather face any pain now instead of putting them in the dust bin of my mind or soul. It's there, in that dust bin, that these problems and feelings grow to be a huge, hairy monster. I'd rather go toe-to-toe with them now.
3. I don't give myself permission to be nasty to others. Bad attitudes spread like measles. I owe it to everyone around me to be cheerful. I don't have to be happy -- just cheerful. Feelings follow actions. I know that in time I will feel whatever, and however, I act.
And part of this is a choice to act rather than react to other's bad behaviors and attitude. I don't want them to be in charge of me and ruin my day. I have two feet. I can turn and walk away from their drama.
4. I go through a list of everything that can go right and everything that can go wrong before I make a big decision. What is the best and the worst things that can happen? I know I can't make that decision unless I can live with the worst case scenario.
When I think of something negative, I tell myself "Thank you for pointing out that item for my list." And, I write it down. That act of writing it down many times drains away its power. Many of my greatest fears don't look so big and bad on my list. This is especially true when I rate the negative items for the odds of actually happening. Some of my biggest fear end up becoming laughable.

Here's my thought on fears -- People who are never afraid are stupid, and hell-bent on killing themselves and everyone around them. They are dangerous. I avoid them like the deadly flu. Brave people do the hard stuff even when they are afraid.

Anger is a way to cover up fear. What are you really afraid of? What are you running from? What is the worst thing that can happen? Dying? I can tell you from being quite ill (when I young,) that the act of dying is quite easy. This day to day living stuff is really hard. You simply need to do your work inside your head and heart. You're a work in progress, and you'll be OK.
 
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Primeperiwinkle

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I’m just gonna jump into super loving mom mode real quick. Hugs dude. I’m glad I’m not the only one wanting to help. I’ve been thinkin bout this post all day.

When you were a child..

You desired safety.
You didn’t get anything close to safety.
Then you got bigger.

I understand your fury about being treated like a sh*tty person when you were a child, a child who deserved love and kindness and safety.

Those people don’t define you now. They never defined you. You were a kid who absorbed that crap because you didn’t have any way to protect yourself.

Desiring something is equal to wanting something.

Want = a feeling

When your feelings are super strong and they’re pounding away in your brain.. you can increase them, right? You can wind yourself up and up and up so that you’re even MORE angry or lustful or sad or whatever..so that means you can also let the feelings go.. if you know what they are. Try asking these questions next time your feelings are out of control.

Could I let this (desire for safety, anger at being hurt, desire for fairness) go?
Would I?
When?
 

Atma

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Dry fasting can do wonders. Although its something most can't just do, it takes time to build up to usually. Example, start a raw vegan fast one day a week, or twice a month for 3-9 months. And what's more important than the fast is actually how one breaks it, with something very light. There's soft and hard dry fast but it can really help most people control their emotions, nofap, eradicate thoughts of suicide, etc. Also you could try cold water therapy Deep freezer (
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4K64XnJU4Ac
) and a portable suana can help too. (
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQXq5sqpjG0
) If your fastlane is popping off you can get the "Relax Sauna" it's the Rolls Royce of sauna, the cheap ones for $100 always break after a few months but I feel it's still worth it. And course regular cardio i.e. brisk walking or jogging 2-6 miles a day in nature can help.
 

VincentV

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First of all it's very good of you to be open about this.

All I can say is the following: your brain is a muscle that can be trained. I advise you to train your brain in more positive thinking. A book or hands-on training (therapy) can really help.

Good luck!
 
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Roli

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First of all, well done to the denizens of The Millionaire Fastlane Forum, really nice to see some well thought out responses and the caring really makes me swell with pride for being a part of this community.

Right onto you @Ninjakid, as many have already said you're not a shitty person, you just have anger issues.

You have had some great advice on this, so I'll just give you a simple technique that I picked up in the amazing book Zen Golf

A student wanted to stop giving himself a hard time on the golf course, he realised that it was impacting his game, however he just couldn't stop beating himself up after practically every shot.

Dr Joe, the author of Zen Golf, told him of an old Zen technique called pebbles in a bowl. To put it simply, anytime you feel anger you put a 'pebble in a bowl', and anytime you manage to calm yourself down, you put a different coloured pebble in another bowl.

Each day you start afresh.

The key here is not to judge yourself, merely acknowledge yourself doing it.

The golfer used two columns on his scorecard to represent the two sets of pebbles.

Perhaps you could buy a small notebook and pen, divide each page into two, with one side called anger, the other called calm.

Every time you feel angry, put a tally, or X in the anger column, any time you calm yourself down, put a mark in the calm column.

DO NOT JUDGE YOURSELF BASED ON HOW MANY MARKS YOU HAVE IN EITHER COLUMN!

Simply observe the amount of marks day after day...

You will find that, just like the golf student, without even trying to, you have changed your behaviour.


I live in Canada, and there's no legal way for a citizen to carry a firearm.

Well thank F*ck for that! Pretty sure you'd be in jail or dead by now if there was, which by the way so would I be!

Good luck, may calm vibes adorn your path in life.

Namaste.
 

evanascent

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While I agree with what some others have said that this is likely to be something of a childhood issue, two other things come to mind from my own personal experience:
  1. If you've ever suffered from a concussion(s), your anger and paranoia may be a sign of a latent brain injury. My brother had serious anger issues after suffering from multiple concussions (including one concussion from being hit by a car when he was only 5 years old--he had no pulse for 10 minutes after). For many years, his emotions were totally normal, but he started to become a violently angry person when he hit puberty, to the point that my parents were afraid of him. Luckily, he found an incredible therapist who specializes anger issues caused by brain injury--he's made enormous progress over the past 8-9 months since he's started his sessions and in a few months he won't need any more (he's 24 years old now, so progress is possible even decades later).
  2. Sounds like you're under tremendous stress. I don't consider myself an angry person, but my anger goes off the charts when my stress levels are abnormally high. I think this is generally the case for everyone.
 

TKDTyler

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Although it’s not a solution for your root cause, you could use a technique called emotional anchoring to get you out of that state. Emotional anchoring is similar to what you are experiencing right now.

Event A occurs causing your brain to produce Emotion A.

In psychology, they use the same principal and condition the brain to produce dopamine + positive emotion that is tied towards a physical action. It’s often used in sports to get the athlete into the zone in an instant.

It may be worthwhile to develop your own positive emotion anchor to pull yourself out of those bad states of mind. There’s tons of resource available on the subject and how to develop one.
 
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Victor Cezar

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try ayahuasca bro, I saw person get rid of depression and anxiety with this.
 

Ninjakid

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Hey everyone! I'm sorry for the late reply, but I really appreciate everyone talking the time to reply to me. I have read everyone's responses, and given them serious thought. So just know your advice is not going unnoticed.

I've made significant progress since I last posted this thread

I think it helped just mentioning it and bringing it out in the open, rather than keeping it all to myself. It helps see the problem more objectively and suddenly it doesn't feel like a trap.

There's a few things I've been doing right off the bat which have seemed to help:
  • I'm working to have more positive thought patterns. As @VincentV said the brain is a muscle which can be trained in a more positive manner.
    It's weird because I used to be a very optimistic person. However I think I fell into a trap of cynicism because I became identified with it.
    I think somehow I got convinced that my optimistic attitude was a weakness. I listened to others more than myself. But I've decided I'm going to start being my true self again.
    I'm working on this by using affirmations and positive self-talk. I do this three times a day at least, but I try to do it as often as possible. Which brings me to my next point.
  • Having a routine. I used to pride myself on not having a routine, but I realized for me it's important. If I don't get done what I know I need to, I become anxious, and it becomes a source of my problems. Today I was able to work out, meditate, do my affirmations and visualizations all before 9am, and now I feel I don't need to worry about it as much.
  • Staying occupied. The more I do, the happier I am it seems.
  • Surrounding myself with positivity. Only paying attention to things that are good and positive, and not what puts me on the defensive.
  • Letting go of my past experiences. The past is gone, the me that experienced them doesn't exist today, and I refuse to hold onto anything that isn't worthy of my consciousness.
  • Spend more time helping others. Naturally I'm a person who always wants to help others. I'm doing this more often, seeing who I can help everyday.
I have a couple comments...
First, are you letting yourself feel the anger?
My childhood was a mess. I was NOT angry behind it for years. I didn't let myself go there. And then one night I had a dream that opened the flood gate. I was so mad that I thought the whole earth was going to dissolve into little pieces under my feet. And I lived there, in the muck of my anger, for a long time. One day I realized that I couldn't stay angry because that negative energy was eating my heart out.
So, now I have a set of rules.
1. I rate problems and feelings. Some are self-correcting. I leave those alone, and in time, they go away without my intervention.
2. I immediately deal with problems and feelings that need attention. I give myself 5 minutes to let those emotions wash over me so I can look them square in the eye. I would rather face any pain now instead of putting them in the dust bin of my mind or soul. It's there, in that dust bin, that these problems and feelings grow to be a huge, hairy monster. I'd rather go toe-to-toe with them now.
3. I don't give myself permission to be nasty to others. Bad attitudes spread like measles. I owe it to everyone around me to be cheerful. I don't have to be happy -- just cheerful. Feelings follow actions. I know that in time I will feel whatever, and however, I act.
And part of this is a choice to act rather than react to other's bad behaviors and attitude. I don't want them to be in charge of me and ruin my day. I have two feet. I can turn and walk away from their drama.
4. I go through a list of everything that can go right and everything that can go wrong before I make a big decision. What is the best and the worst things that can happen? I know I can't make that decision unless I can live with the worst case scenario.
When I think of something negative, I tell myself "Thank you for pointing out that item for my list." And, I write it down. That act of writing it down many times drains away its power. Many of my greatest fears don't look so big and bad on my list. This is especially true when I rate the negative items for the odds of actually happening. Some of my biggest fear end up becoming laughable.

Here's my thought on fears -- People who are never afraid are stupid, and hell-bent on killing themselves and everyone around them. They are dangerous. I avoid them like the deadly flu. Brave people do the hard stuff even when they are afraid.

Anger is a way to cover up fear. What are you really afraid of? What are you running from? What is the worst thing that can happen? Dying? I can tell you from being quite ill (when I young,) that the act of dying is quite easy. This day to day living stuff is really hard. You simply need to do your work inside your head and heart. You're a work in progress, and you'll be OK.
I like that, not giving yourself permission to be nasty to others.

Fear is a natural part of the human condition. It can't be solved by analysis, but it can be fixed by changing our feeling paradigm, such as focusing on a feeling that isn't based in fear.

Well thank f*ck for that! Pretty sure you'd be in jail or dead by now if there was, which by the way so would I be!

Good luck, may calm vibes adorn your path in life.

Namaste.
I'm not a monster dude. And you probably aren't either. I'm really not a violent person. Like when I see people snap and go on shooting rampages I can't understand how people are able to do that. Even when I've felt suicidal before, I never EVER thought about hurting someone else.

I’m just gonna jump into super loving mom mode real quick. Hugs dude. I’m glad I’m not the only one wanting to help. I’ve been thinkin bout this post all day.

When you were a child..

You desired safety.
You didn’t get anything close to safety.
Then you got bigger.

I understand your fury about being treated like a sh*tty person when you were a child, a child who deserved love and kindness and safety.

Those people don’t define you now. They never defined you. You were a kid who absorbed that crap because you didn’t have any way to protect yourself.

Desiring something is equal to wanting something.

Want = a feeling

When your feelings are super strong and they’re pounding away in your brain.. you can increase them, right? You can wind yourself up and up and up so that you’re even MORE angry or lustful or sad or whatever..so that means you can also let the feelings go.. if you know what they are. Try asking these questions next time your feelings are out of control.

Could I let this (desire for safety, anger at being hurt, desire for fairness) go?
Would I?
When?
This is basically how I'm choosing to live now. I'm acknowledging things I've experienced, but not letting it define me. Ultimately I get to choose who I want to be.

I'm not necessarily feeling fury about my past. I don't think about my past very often to tell you he truth. I've just noticed I have many defense mechanisms and I can find the source of it.

And yes, I noticed that I can increase the intensity of feelings at will. Really I can decide to be mad about something and hold on to it if I let myself, but I don't want to :smile:

Dry fasting can do wonders. Although its something most can't just do, it takes time to build up to usually. Example, start a raw vegan fast one day a week, or twice a month for 3-9 months. And what's more important than the fast is actually how one breaks it, with something very light. There's soft and hard dry fast but it can really help most people control their emotions, nofap, eradicate thoughts of suicide, etc. Also you could try cold water therapy Deep freezer (
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4K64XnJU4Ac
) and a portable suana can help too. (
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQXq5sqpjG0
) If your fastlane is popping off you can get the "Relax Sauna" it's the Rolls Royce of sauna, the cheap ones for $100 always break after a few months but I feel it's still worth it. And course regular cardio i.e. brisk walking or jogging 2-6 miles a day in nature can help.
I've recently got an interest in fasting, I was thinking about trying it. I love the idea of burning fat and increasing muscle.
I love saunas Right now I don't think I have a place to put it though, but maybe in the near future!

While I agree with what some others have said that this is likely to be something of a childhood issue, two other things come to mind from my own personal experience:
  1. If you've ever suffered from a concussion(s), your anger and paranoia may be a sign of a latent brain injury. My brother had serious anger issues after suffering from multiple concussions (including one concussion from being hit by a car when he was only 5 years old--he had no pulse for 10 minutes after). For many years, his emotions were totally normal, but he started to become a violently angry person when he hit puberty, to the point that my parents were afraid of him. Luckily, he found an incredible therapist who specializes anger issues caused by brain injury--he's made enormous progress over the past 8-9 months since he's started his sessions and in a few months he won't need any more (he's 24 years old now, so progress is possible even decades later).
  2. Sounds like you're under tremendous stress. I don't consider myself an angry person, but my anger goes off the charts when my stress levels are abnormally high. I think this is generally the case for everyone.
I've been concussed a few times, but I don't think that's the root cause. I can see the sources of these problems before I got concussions.

Yeah I think stress is the main factor. I was actually getting hives from stress. BUt healthier lifestyle choices seem to be countering it.

Although it’s not a solution for your root cause, you could use a technique called emotional anchoring to get you out of that state. Emotional anchoring is similar to what you are experiencing right now.

Event A occurs causing your brain to produce Emotion A.

In psychology, they use the same principal and condition the brain to produce dopamine + positive emotion that is tied towards a physical action. It’s often used in sports to get the athlete into the zone in an instant.

It may be worthwhile to develop your own positive emotion anchor to pull yourself out of those bad states of mind. There’s tons of resource available on the subject and how to develop one.
I will look into this, thanks my friend!

try ayahuasca bro, I saw person get rid of depression and anxiety with this.
hmmm the problem is I'm kinda anti-drug... but I might be open to trying lol. I've heard lots of good things about it.
 

Mattie

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This is something that's been bothering me for a while, and I need to get this off my chest.

Oftentimes I'm like an angry child trapped in an adult's body.

For example, last night I was so angry at someone that I couldn't sleep, I kept getting surges of adrenaline that would wake me up. I wanted to go and punch something, but I restrained myself.

But most other times I get like this results in me throwing/punching/breaking something.

Now bear in mind, I've been doing meditation for about 8 years, I've been to counselling, I exercise a lot, I eat quite well. A lot of people think I'm a generally happy person, and would be surprised that I'm saying this.

However, I always seem to revert back to old tendencies. For a while I was drinking heavily, but I've recently stopped. In my experience, I've changed about everything there is to change about me, and now everyone doesn't like that I've changed everything about me. It's kind of ironic, the world tells you be responsible for your emotions, thoughts, actions, habits, and you master them, but then they still find fault in the idea you changed into someone they never intended for you to change into.

People pain this imaginary ideal of what they hope you turn into, and fortunately, whatever you do positive or negative it's really never going to turn out to be the way they projected the ideal version of you they created.

On the opposite end of the scale, the world will never adapt, adjust, and become the ideal world you want it to be. You have a certain vision, ideal plan, and people even tell you, life is supposed to be this straight line. And they forget all the bumps in the roads, adversity, personality growth, development, hard work emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

A lot of people in here are intellectuals, educate themselves, discipline themselves towards success. And we're thinkers, innovators, business oriented. And some people just feel physical work itself is how it's done, but they say the same thing as you. They're not happy with their life, their job, their relationships, and it's the external world that makes them unhappy. Their desires and their pleasures they think is the same thing as happiness. Although happiness is not reliant on desire or pleasure.

Desire and Pleasure are all the emotional center of the brain. Food, drugs, alcohol, sex, entertainment of some sort. Feeling that pleasure and feel good sensation. "This is what makes them happy." Although they're enslaved to the addiction, the habit, the desire, the pleasure.

Happiness is something completely different. Happiness is having gratitude for being alive, breathing, being able to have the experience, relating with others, adding value, solving a problem, bonding, exploring, inventing, creating, sharing, giving, and making a difference.

Entrepreneurship comes with responsibility. Responsibility most people don't want to have, because it takes too many hours out of the day, it's more about education, application, inventing, and creating. And when you look around at most people, they're not really doing any of these things, but yet they project the idea you should be doing these things. Yet, unhappy because you're doing these things.

People want money, materialism, and objects, but they want it handed to them freely. You do the work and allow them to enjoy the outcome. And still they will find something to be unhappy about.

If you waste your life being angry and worrying, it's just burning fuel in the wrong place. I'm one of those people who are a perfectionist, I will do everything in my power to reach self-mastery, but I understand something the last nine years, I grew leaps and bounds, but other people haven't. If i worry about other people not reaching self-mastery it's not my fault, and not my time wasted on the wrong things, but I use my time differently.

You have to know your mindset is the whole key, managing your emotions, managing your thoughts, and staying in the right direction. What's hard is when people try to change you still and you've already passed them, and they can't see why you're not reacting to them and getting the same response. Life is just a million different thoughts, emotions, and feelings. I usually have to adjust, adapt, and maneuver my way around, because that is just a never ending story. Just like the wind of a sail boat, it changes on the ocean day by day. You may know how to sail, but you don't have control over the weather.



I have a deeply engrained sense of defensiveness. I started training martial arts at a young age so I could protect myself. I always thought it was a positive thing, but now I'm wondering if it has negatively affected me.

Oftentimes when I got outside I'm extremely paranoid. If I sit in a coffee shop or restaurant I'm always looking around, watching for potential threats. I look at every object near me and come come up with multiple ways I can make a weapon out of it.

Anytime I become less paranoid and I hear of someone being attacked, I revert back into my defensive mind-frame, and I start training obsessively again in case I need to protect myself or someone close to me.

It's gotten to the point where I don't even enjoy anything anymore. Everything is in the paradigm of survival. I'm always ready to attack. And to be honest, I don't trust myself. I try to go out as little as possible because I'm afraid of what could set me off.

So yeah, as you can see I'm a pretty messed up person...

This is not the kind of person I wanted to be, and I'm ashamed at myself that I've ended up this way. I'm tired of it and I want to change, but I don't even know where to start. Nothing has seemed to help.

I know is case is pretty specific, but I'm wondering, has anyone ever experienced anything similar? Anyone have any ideas on how I can change?
 
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Matt Mortensen

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I can only talk from personal experience but I can relate to what you are going through.

What helped me the most was to acknowledge the things in my life that I could control and the things in my life that I could not control.

I would and do only focus on the things that I can control. Everything that is outside of my control I simply let go. In my opinion there is no use worrying about things that are outside of your control.
 

Real Deal Denver

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I can only talk from personal experience but I can relate to what you are going through.

What helped me the most was to acknowledge the things in my life that I could control and the things in my life that I could not control.

I would and do only focus on the things that I can control. Everything that is outside of my control I simply let go. In my opinion there is no use worrying about things that are outside of your control.

Believe it or not, in that simple post, you have helped me see things more clearly and bring closure to some of them.

Your advice is dead on, and powerful. Sometimes we don't need an entire book to learn how to "manage" something. Sometimes straight forward profound wisdom is just the right thing at the right time.

Rep+ for nailing it!
 

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Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy + Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress by Steven Pinker should help you work on those negative thought patterns.

Also, stop watching news or negative stuff on netflix. You might think you are doing yourself a favor by "knowing what's going on in the world" or "relaxing in front of netflix" but look around you, do people attack each other on regular basis? Do your neighbours/friends act violently? Most likely not but if your brain is hardwired from childhood to look for threats and you feed it that kind of information what sort of emotions do you expect to get from that? There is also some positive stuff on netflix like: Ram Dass going home - is it as entertaining as drugs sex and violence? I doubt it (although I actually liked it). But are you relaxed after watching it and you fed your brain some good stuff? I think you have to try to find out. News show you the worst small percentage of worst human beings while the majority of the world those days is paceful and nice.

Also, stop judging yourself as a shitty person, man you meditate but one of the aspects of meditation is nonjudgment, just let it flow like clouds, if you get those negative thoughts or anger or anxiety, you are not doing yourself any favors by following it with embarrassment and judgment or calling yourself names. You are what you watch those thoughts, don't react and accept them, just as the guest house by Rumi says. If they appear in public places stop, notice where you notice them in your body and imagine oxygen mask that provides oxygen with every breath to that place. Stop whatever you doing and keep watching those.

As for martial arts they do help me with my anger, but I don't do MMA and I stopped striking, it was helpful sometimes but sometimes it was opposite, lines in striking are not clear, who won? Unless you knock someone out, and most likely you won't in sparring, maybe you were holding back more than the other guy, maybe he had a bad day, maybe you have a longer reach, weight? Would you knee someone in the face in self-defense? What if he was just harmless drunk and the next thing he falls over, hits a head on the edge of furniture and dies? Well, it's better if 10 ppl judge you than 4 carry you but why not do some Brazilian Jiu Jitsu? It is a great background for MMA, it has 0 striking, it allows you to chock out opponent unconscious and leaving the scene before he wakes up and does basically 0 harm to him while being on the safe side. Also, it is most technical of all martial arts which means smaller opponent can easily beat the bigger and stronger guy and rules are clear, unlike in striking, if you tap you lost, it removes the ambiguity of striking which helps with your ego and confidence in your skills.

I also have issues, but then again there are people who had so much more issues (for example Oprah Winfrey check her story) and achieved so much, stayed positive and rised above it! Check their habits, check their stories, be inspired by ppl overcoming their difficulties and apply to your life. Whenever you say you can't overcome something or something makes you a shitty person (and non of the things you mention make you shitty person trust me) you can find somone who had it 10x worst and turned his/her life around. Look for those type of stories instead of stories of violance, wars and evil you watch on netflix and news.

Last but not least, volunteer, go to the homeless shelter once a month or help terminally ill in hospital, help ppl there, help ppl in your local communities, maybe shop for this grumpy grandpa down the street, as you help those most vulnerable in our society you might notice your problems pale in comparison and they are just unpleasant memory that comes back as unpleasant emotion, while those ppl have to cope with it every day.

I know it is all easier said than done but whatever you are working on keeps improving, so you've done the biggest steps of all by posting, you named a problem and looked for solutions. Things that worked for me or someone else might not work for you but with good therapist and trying different recommendations you will find your way man and things will look brighter. "If you're going through hell, keep going."
 
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