[AMA] Personal Development - hardcore way

[jarecki]

Hey,

I wanted to share some of my experiences in self-/personal development. I've been very deep in this specific community of coaches, trainers, some PUAs even for almost 3 years, to the point where most of my close friends were top self-development coaches. I've literally consumed the topic, going on every training that was in my financial reach and reading every book I've spotted.

I've successfully reversed more than 150 limiting beliefs (stopped counting after 120th).

I've been trained in coaching, self-coaching, NLP (yeah, that's ugly), breaking and reversing limiting beliefs, self-hypnosis, Silva Method, pick-up, GTD, some salesmanship, some Jungian psychology, and even rhetorics.

Some of methods I've used througout my path: Voice Dialogue, Body Work, Byron Katie's "The Work", Rational Behavior Therapy, deep-level belief breaking & reversal, affirmations, mindfulness and self-hypnosis.

I'll answer every question, feel free to ask.

 

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[JustKris]

What's the most damaging limiting belief that you've reversed? And what was the method you used to do that?

 

[jarecki]

I don't remember exactly but it was something like "selling is wrong". I used slightly modified Byron Katie's-Dane Maxwell framework - just ask yourself those questions:

1. Why [situation/problem]?

Ex:
Why do I hate my mother?
Why am I not happy in my relationship?
Why am I not making good money? (sometimes: Why am I not making money at all?)

2. What belief causes this?

Ex:
I'm bad
I can't be happy in a relationship
I can't make money

[Here I dig deeper and deeper asking "Why?" - just like in selling - till I get the belief that causes the problem. You'll know when it's there. You can feel it.]

3. How do you feel when you think this thought? What happens and what do you do?

4. What would the opposite thought be?
[Insert opposite belief]

5. How would you feel if you'd think that thought?

6. What if [test]?

[What if X event would happen again/What if X situation made you angry/What if...]


This framework + self-body work is basically the most powerful tool to change your beliefs.
But I don't recommend it, you can easily (really easy) lose balance if you start to believe changing beliefs is an ultimate way to solve most problems in your life.

Far safer and almost equally powerful alternative is the Silva method + relevant affirmations injected into subconsciousness.

 

[CZ_Voyager]

Hi mate!



How are you? Where are you from?



I’m 36, from the UK. I’ve been heavily into personal development last few years. It’s been a crazy journey but definitely worth it! I also did a lot of pua stuff but now I have an amazing girlfriend, so I don’t need that. J



Since 2011 I’ve been working on improving my financial situation and living in abundance. I used to work crazy hours and burned myself out. I got too stressed and frustrated and completely paralyzed to take any meaningful action. And I realized “Work your a$$ off” and “Never give up” advice is bs. You can’t achieve any success if you have loads of limiting beliefs about money! No matter how hard I worked I always ended up broke. Even when I made some money I always lost hem all later.



One day I sat down and wrote down every possible limiting belief that I believed about money. I found 109 of them! I used Lefkoe method to eliminate them all.



It seems to work. My situation is improving slowly but surely. However now when I was able to finally make some money I found that I’m getting comfortable and afraid of risk. It is the first time in my life when I made more money than to just pay for bills and food! That’s good but I want to achieve a real financial independence! I’m not settling down for mediocrity!



My questions for you: How do you know if you eliminated all important limiting beliefs about money? How do you find if there’re any left and holding you back? What’s your favourite method to eliminate limiting beliefs? What do you think is the most important thing for achieving financial success?



I think what’s holding me back is not just a fear of failure but more importantly a fear of success! How can you change that? And if I change it wouldn’t I risk too much and screw it all?



Thanks a lot! I appreciate that you are taking your time to help other people here!

 

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[jarecki]

How do you know if you eliminated all important limiting beliefs about money? How do you find if there’re any left and holding you back? What’s your favourite method to eliminate limiting beliefs? What do you think is the most important thing for achieving financial success?
I think what’s holding me back is not just a fear of failure but more importantly a fear of success! How can you change that? And if I change it wouldn’t I risk too much and screw it all?

I don't.

If there are any, I will take them as a challenge, I like it more that way plus since there's no wasted effort, it will bring me closer to my goals.
Beliefs are just Step 1. And there's a thousand steps more. It's a long journey.

Favorite method? Definitely Silva + affirmations served directly to subconsciousness. Works like a dream.

Go through the framework I posted above on the fear of success.
Maybe you will screw it all. Maybe you don't. You never know until you find out yourself.

We live and breathe risk as entrepreneurs. Embrace it. Befriend it. Love it.

 

[FiveOone]

Thanks for the AMA. Any books in particular you would recommend on the subject?

 

[jarecki]

Thanks for the AMA. Any books in particular you would recommend on the subject?

The subject is very wide. Could you specify what you're interested in?

I've been mixing self-dev with business growth ever since, so some of the examples might be business books rather than strictly personal development.

Brian Tracy's "Maximum Achievement" was "working" one - no BS, and all the presented principles actually work. Some of them are even "turnkey" solutions.
Robert Cialdini's books are simply one interesting lecture stretched to enormous amounts of text. If you can, find an article on it.

Generally biographies and "mindset/motivational/business" books like Branson's are worth reading because they expand your mindset.

Most things related to affirmations WORK. It's not "The Secret", though. If you can buy a Lamborghini in a week only using affirmations, I'll buy you a beer.

BUT, it's still the most underestimated yet most powerful tool in self-dev.

One thing - don't rely on coaching as an only method to solve your problems. It doesn't. It's your s##t, deal with it.
Learned that the hard way.

 

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[theag]

3 years...I've literally consumed the topic, going on every training that was in my financial reach and reading every book I've spotted....reversed more than 150 limiting beliefs

Ok. And?

How did you use that to actually benefit your business?

Sounds like 3 years and a lot of money spent on action faking. Or are you building a business in the space?

I mean "reversed 150 limiting beliefs..."... wtf does that mean? Reverse any limiting belief is easy: just F*cking do it. Boom, reversed. Without spending money or time on seminars etc.

 

[jarecki]

How did you use that to actually benefit your business?

Didn't.

Sounds like 3 years and a lot of money spent on action faking.

You're right.

I mean "reversed 150 limiting beliefs..."... wtf does that mean? Reverse any limiting belief is easy: just F*cking do it. Boom, reversed. Without spending money or time on seminars etc.

Learned that the hard way.

 

[FiveOone]

The subject is very wide. Could you specify what you're interested in

Self development, mindset mainly. Thanks for the suggestions, ill take a look.

 

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[jarecki]

Sorry to sound harsh, but mindset is created by your target and actions leading you towards it. If you're looking for a book that's going to change your life forever... read TMF

Now seriously, follow your interests and pain points. I didn't know how to handle girls so I learned it. I was inspired by Richard Branson so I've read most of his books. You see the point.

If you're looking for something that will expand your mindset, make you learn "what you don't know you don't know", follow your deepest instinct. It's the simplest advice I can give you, but also the closest one to "how it works".

 

[Ninjakid]

Some people are going to shake their head at what I say, but let me be clear, I am very serious about this question.

There are many religions, and practices that have existed for centuries which involve the the ability to gain supernatural powers. In some forms of martial arts, and mysticism, this has been a very real pursuit. The supernatural while not completely being understood by, can be approached by scientific terms.

Now the difficulty today wht adopting such a practice is that much of the world is in ignorance of our spiritual selves. Because we can't readily observe without practice, it becomes dismissed. But people who genuinely believe in the supernatural are often held back because they've grown up with beliefs that it isn't real, and these limiting beliefs hold them back from being able to tune themselves into the proper energetic vibration that they need to practice this.

My question to you is this: how would you begin to alter such concrete beliefs which are the foundation of nearly everything we know and believe to be real, to be able to get someone to do extraordinary tasks?

If you take the supernatural element out of what I just said, I'm basically asking how to unmake your own beliefs and rebuild your beliefs into which you desire?

 

[jarecki]

My question to you is this: how would you begin to alter such concrete beliefs which are the foundation of nearly everything we know and believe to be real, to be able to get someone to do extraordinary tasks?
If you take the supernatural element out of what I just said, I'm basically asking how to unmake your own beliefs and rebuild your beliefs into which you desire?

Some say it's excessive meditation. Some say it's LSD and some other illegal substances. Some say it's an unexpected event in their life.

I'll ask, what do you need those new beliefs for?

 

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[Ninjakid]

Some say it's excessive meditation. Some say it's LSD and some other illegal substances. Some say it's an unexpected event in their life.

I was thinking something along those lines too.

I'm not really using these beliefs myself. I'm more asking out of curiosity and thinking that if hypothetically, of a person wanted these kinds d powers, how they would get their mindset into a place where they could actually achieve it.
Bit if I was to partake in these sort of pursuits, I would probably seek to be in complete control of my body; to physically push myself beyond normal limits. But it's not a strong pursuit of mine right now

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Can you TL;DR the Silva Method?

 

[fastattack03]

What can you recommend for building confidence and getting rid of limiting beliefs? How about for those people who had a traumatic past? I assume it's the Silva method?

 

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[theag]

Didn't.


You're right.


Learned that the hard way.

So why this AMA? Why lure people into doing the same mistakes? Why not create a thread like "I wasted 3 years and $100k on personal development - learn from my mistakes and dont do it" instead?

 

[jarecki]

So why this AMA? Why lure people into doing the same mistakes? Why not create a thread like "I wasted 3 years and $100k on personal development - learn from my mistakes and dont do it" instead?

So you don't have to. So you can learn from my mistakes and take what's good in it.

What can you recommend for building confidence and getting rid of limiting beliefs? How about for those people who had a traumatic past? I assume it's the Silva method?

Yes, Silva again is the best answer. You can also try mindfulness, MBSR to be specific, but I never found it so useful as affirmations and Silva. Mindfulness is more of a hype than a tool in my opinion.

Can you TL;DR the Silva Method?

TL;DR
1. Lie down on your bed or mattress just before you sleep.
2. Count from 100 to 1 (1=1 full breath) lying still.
3. You will feel your body deeply relaxed, you're experiencing now a sleep paralysis. Completely normal and useful to our body while you sleep.
4. Count and wait until your whole body is deeply relaxed. Perfect if you can't feel your body at all.
5. Start visualizing whatever you want, start making affirmations.
6. Do it as long as you want.
7. Go to sleep

Original Silva method doesn't require you to do it before you sleep, you can do it in any moment of the day. But I found it more efficient if you do it just before your subconsciousness starts to work.

TIP: It works whole night

It's like making affirmations for half a day. VERY useful for beginners and those in struggle. You'll get more energy and stamina in pursuing your goals.

 

[Formless]

I was watching a series of Chet Holmes seminars on sales. There was an episode where Peter Sage talked about an internal sense of self-worth that everyone has.

In a nutshell, he says that, for example, if you identify yourself to be a poor person, sometimes when you start grinding and getting rich, your mind will commit self sabotage because it goes against your sense of identity?

Is it real? Is it significant? If so, how do you 'change your identity' in the most effective way?

 

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[jarecki]

I was watching a series of Chet Holmes seminars on sales. There was an episode where Peter Sage talked about an internal sense of self-worth that everyone has.

In a nutshell, he says that, for example, if you identify yourself to be a poor person, sometimes when you start grinding and getting rich, your mind will commit self sabotage because it goes against your sense of identity?

Is it real? Is it significant? If so, how do you 'change your identity' in the most effective way?

It is real. It can be bypassed very easily by contrary affirmations. If you struggle with sales, tell yourself "I'm a salesman" or "I'm the best salesman ever" depending on what feels to be more IMPROPER to you. Yes, improper - getting out of your belief comfort zone is done by making contrary affirmations (I'm ugly - I am handsome, I can't sing - I am a singer, I'm poor - I'm wealthy). The more WEIRD it feels to say, the "rightier" sentence you've chosen. I recommend composing affirmations by yourself. Others people words rarely make an impression on us unless they are Henry Ford or Albert Einstein.

There's a thing about beliefs most people get way wrong, even trainers and coaches. Most people think sole belief will solve a problem. Wrong. Belief makes effort possible. Belief makes actual work possible to be done.
You need to have a reference point so the belief will be "complete". It's like copywriting - you don't send a sales lettery that presents no credibility. Reference points from your very life are the needed credibility so your brain can justify its new beliefs.

 

[CZ_Voyager]

Yes, improper - getting out of your belief comfort zone is done by making contrary affirmations (I'm ugly - I am handsome, I can't sing - I am a singer, I'm poor - I'm wealthy). The more WEIRD it feels to say, the "rightier" sentence you've chosen. I recommend composing affirmations by yourself. Others people words rarely make an impression on us unless they are Henry Ford or Albert Einstein

Do I need to believe these affirmations?

 

[Formless]

Rep Transferred.

Thanks.

 

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[jarecki]

Do I need to believe these affirmations?

You need to believe that your situation can be changed. It takes at least 3-5 days to make an affirmations to "fit in".

 

[Thriftypreneur]

Thanks for the AMA. I've been a student of personal development for years, and I've been wanting to write a book about the processes I've found to help in picking one's self up after/during heavy life mistakes and struggles (like, dealing with depression and the consequences of addiction). It's mainly comprised of lessons and strategies from all over the personal development sphere.

I believe the info I want to provide to be very solid, but, having no credentials, I'm struggling to figure out how to present it so that it's not immediately dismissed before one even digests the material.

I intend to publish anonymously, as I have no intention of trying to build a "guru" brand around myself. Any advice?

 

[SJVC]

Thanks for AMA.

What are your thoughts/experience with visualisation? Also what do you think about Tony Robbins?

 

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[Envision]

Why do you say thats ugly for NLP?

Whats the best way to learn NLP?

How do you know its effective?

Where did you learn most of this information, sources?Books?

If you were 20 and looking to learn all that you know now? Where you start?

Thanks by the way. I think this stuff is cool and Ill probably ask you more questions so I hope you don't get annoyed

 

[jarecki]

Why do you say thats ugly for NLP?

It's not as effective as trainers present it and students perceive it. More of a trick, less of a tool.

Whats the best way to learn NLP?

Direct sales IMO. Even door-to-door if you want it bad.

How do you know its effective?

Results?

Where did you learn most of this information, sources?Books?

Books, seminars, friends. There's no best source until you find one.

If you were 20 and looking to learn all that you know now? Where you start?

I probably wouldn't I'd take on something more measurable, more challenging. I would treat it as a hobby, not a tool to success. And I would stayed in direct sales for more than 2 months...

And... I would believe in myself more and explore the things I always wanted to, trust my gut. I believe it becomes a path to your goals some way. Just listen to Steve Jobs and you'll notice what I'm saying.

What are your thoughts/experience with visualisation? Also what do you think about Tony Robbins?

Props for his struggle and character, I wouldn't idolize him though. He's a damn good public speaker/storyteller/salesman.
Visualisation... Go Make It Happen

Thanks for the AMA. I've been a student of personal development for years, and I've been wanting to write a book about the processes I've found to help in picking one's self up after/during heavy life mistakes and struggles (like, dealing with depression and the consequences of addiction). It's mainly comprised of lessons and strategies from all over the personal development sphere.

I believe the info I want to provide to be very solid, but, having no credentials, I'm struggling to figure out how to present it so that it's not immediately dismissed before one even digests the material.

I intend to publish anonymously, as I have no intention of trying to build a "guru" brand around myself. Any advice?

Hard to tell to be honest, I've been looking lately for some platinum-grade value from my self-dev experience and I haven't found it yet, any suggestions? (I mean something that flipped my life upside down in a good way and can be "copy-pasted" into someone's life to make a substantial change; or maybe I'm trying too hard).

On the topic: you can always publish "How To Beat Depression in 60 Days Or Less" or something similar if you've got a real value behind it. I've had a depression myself less than 8 months ago, been on some pills and got rid of them in 4 months since the moment I started. Maybe it is pretty quick, maybe it isn't, not trying to boast.

A good idea might be starting something like this: http://www.mindvalleyinsights.com/one-million-in-eighteen-months/ or this http://www.digitalmarketer.com/6-million/ under a 'pen name'. Then you've got a group (basically a list to sell to) of fans to whom you can sell your products.

 

[LuckyPup]

It is real. It can be bypassed very easily by contrary affirmations. If you struggle with sales, tell yourself "I'm a salesman" or "I'm the best salesman ever" depending on what feels to be more IMPROPER to you. Yes, improper - getting out of your belief comfort zone is done by making contrary affirmations (I'm ugly - I am handsome, I can't sing - I am a singer, I'm poor - I'm wealthy). The more WEIRD it feels to say, the "rightier" sentence you've chosen. I recommend composing affirmations by yourself. Others people words rarely make an impression on us unless they are Henry Ford or Albert Einstein.

There's a thing about beliefs most people get way wrong, even trainers and coaches. Most people think sole belief will solve a problem. Wrong. Belief makes effort possible. Belief makes actual work possible to be done.
You need to have a reference point so the belief will be "complete". It's like copywriting - you don't send a sales lettery that presents no credibility. Reference points from your very life are the needed credibility so your brain can justify its new beliefs.

I recently read a review of studies that refute this "contrary" approach. In fact, this approach can do more harm than good. The further a person is from actually being the thing he/she affirms, the more likely the affirmation will backfire. The reason is that it sets off the person's own BS meter, negating the underlying belief that is necessary for the affirmation to work.

This also aligns with Dan Sullivan's "Gap" theory, which, in a nutshell, states that the more we focus on the horizon/destination, the more we are reminded of how far we have to go to reach that destination, which leads to discouragement.

The studies showed that a more effective affirmative technique is the one similar to what author Noah St. John advocates. This technique affirms the state of "becoming" what one desires, rather than the destination/desired outcome. For example, if you are deep in debt, have never run a business, etc., it's more effective to repeat the affirmation "I am becoming a successful entrepreneur," rather than "I am a multi-millionaire."

Based on my personal experience using affirmations, I would agree with these studies. Any time I would affirm some grand desire, I never really believed it and ended up feeling crappy about having a pipe dream.

 

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[John Page]

Jarecki, what do you think about REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy)? Have you heard about it?

Thanks for your time.

 

[Jakeeck]

I recorded an affirmation yesterday that goes "I am very proud of my work ethic. I always do what is right, and not what is easy."

Is that a good way to word it? I figured falling asleep with it playing might help so that's what I did last night. Is there any benefit to that? I've got it on my iPod and listen to it whenever I have down time.