Am I a Jerk?

[MakeMoreMoves]

Let me say first hand that this isn't business related.

Whenever I have a problem. I never ask myself "Is it possible?" because all things are possible if you put your mind to it. Resources such as public library, amazon books, and the internet make everything possible (aka no excuse not to know something). What I do ask myself when I do have a problem is "Is it worth my time?" To answer this question, I have to ask myself another question, how often will this problem occur? If it constantly effects my life then yes it is worth my time. One time thing? Then I'll just pay someone to do it or ask someone or google.

Example: Shit, I got to make/edit vector and logo files. Is it worth my time to learn inkscape (free adobe illustrator version). I thought this problem is going to happen quite often with the businesses I start and website vector art. So I thought, hell yeah. It is worth my time. Learned it, and benefited ever since. Long term investment teaching myself to learn inkscape (not that hard to be honest). But like I said earlier this post isn't about business...

My real life example I having a huge problem making me feel like my current mindset stated above is wrong. My parents are immigrants and they came here when they were about 20ish. They are now in their 60s. They have broken english. They have trouble with writing, speaking on the phone, getting their points across, tied down to one job, etc. Just problems anything related to english. So, in this case. I ask the question. Is it worth their time to learn english? I say yes. Why? English is and everyday problem they encounter. So they have the choice, easy or hard. Easy way = ask their son (me) to help with pretty much everything (become dependent). Hard way = Learn english, become independent, self-reliant. Been having arguments back and forth. Every person that caters to their easy way and helps them are golden children. "Oh look at so and so, helping me out." Throughout my life I haven't really helped them out and my response to their problems were "You can learn it." because like I said, it is worth their time. They become extremely offended and see it as I am not helping out he family. People in tears, etc. My parents do not have the mindset have lots of limiting factors and it is hard ingrained in their systems that it is not possible to learn english. They had like 40 years to learn english and if they chose the hard choice, they would be so much happier (what I think anyways). Can't get them to see my point because they are so offended. But in the eyes of my family tradition, they think I'm a total jerk for not helping.

So Fastlaners. Am I F*cking jerk for not helping them out and wanting them to be more independent ( benefiting them long term)? Should I just help them out and say screw trying to make them independent? I feel like the guy that links, Let me google that for you. Never realized how many people have self limiting mindsets of incapability...

EDIT: I haven't been helping people much after thinking like this because I'm like its on the internet mang. This mindset is hurting me and helping me at the same time.

 

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[Dougema]

I don't like telling people what to do or not to do out of my free will. However, according to what you said you have a good motive but is not expressing yourself the way you should. You are trying to sell them on an idea you have so perhaps you should figure out a way to convince them on their need to learn english. Still, it is their choice and if they choose not to learn it, they are still your parents so I say suck it up and help them! Again, just my 2 cents

Best of luck

 

[Choate]

If I emigrate to Russia and raise a kid in Russia, that kid has resources and schooling to actually learn a language. Unless I am practicing regularly and interacting with natives, it would be very hard for me to just pick up Russian in the same manner that someone going through Russian schooling can.

Your parents immigrated to most likely provide a better life for themselves and their future family. That in itself is something to respect. Now I do not know why they did not pick up the language a long time ago, but let it be known that English is definitely the hardest language to learn. If you're not taught it as you grow up through school, then it is very difficult to become full professional or native with it. Instead of just rejecting their pleas, as they are most likely lost with no direction, I would at least point them in the right direction. Buy them a book, Rosetta, or another tool where they can learn little bits of the language everyday.

They are in their 60s, they probably don't want to dedicate 8 hours a day learning English now. But if you can introduce them a tool, or a book, or something where they can practice a little bit here and there, and it is fun, it might lead to more interest and more immersion down the road when they start to see it as "possible".

 

[jon.a]

They're your parents and they're in their 60's.

Just help them and be thankful that your parents are still alive for you.

 

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[devine]

Some people deserve help more than others.
You might regret if you won't do anything, mate.

 

[OldFaithful]

Much like other areas of life, we can't make decisions for anyone else. Your parents chose not to invest the time to learn English and they've managed for 40 years. You'll likely not change their minds now.

@ABetterLifeNow I don't know how old you are, nor do I know if you still live with your parents. If you do still live with them, then at a minimum, you might help them with this in exchange for subsidizing your expenses. At least that way you can justify the arrangement in your own mind. If you don't live with them any longer, consider it a small price to pay for getting to spend time with them while they are still alive. Either way, if you can find a mindset that helps you put this in perspective then you'll no longer resent the frustration of helping them.

If that fails, move further away. Everyone may be happier for it.

Best wishes.

 

[MakeMoreMoves]

Ah, thanks for everyone's perspective it helps.

My parents are completely against learning. If I bought them a book. They would actually be even more insulted. I just didn't want my parents to be dependent (weakness IMO).

 

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[Azure]

Judging by your other posts it's not like you have anything better to do.

 

[MakeMoreMoves]

Judging by your other posts it's not like you have anything better to do.

Lol, of course I do. I have tons to do

 

[GMSI7D]

one of the sad things in life is trying to help people who don't want - or can't- be helped.

we can't save people against their will, against themselves.

that's why socialism and its philosophy to help people has theoretical problems with reality because some people can't understand the next level.

the Matrix movie is a good metaphor. people are asleep and we can't awake them .

plato talked about the allegory of the cave :

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory_of_the_Cave






and this situation will last forever as shown by mathematics

only a tiny percentage of the population will seek the next level

http://www.regentsprep.org/regents/math/algtrig/ats2/normallesson.htm

 

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[Ika]

Maybe, just maybe, they are afraid of loosing you after they are independent. After all, now you have a lot of contact and you are always there, but one they dont "need" you anymore you could be gone. If that is the case, it is mosf likely unconcious - so maybe talk with them that you will still be there for them. You sill even have better times because you are fighting less.
If that does not work, they are your parents and you should help them. If they have friends in their native language and not that much time to work left, there is not that much reason to bring in the huge effort.

Good luck anyways

Gesendet von meinem XT1032 mit Tapatalk

 

[Jon L]

I have a much better relationship with my parents now that I'm not trying to change them.

...

If your parents haven't learned English in 40 years, they ain't gonna.

...

Focus on what's good about your parents, and leave the rest alone. With the bad stuff, you can do things differently so that you don't inflict your parent's sins on the next generation. (And by the way, your kids will have to do the same with you at some point)

 

[conquer]

Help them out. Don't sabotage your schedule, be flexible. They sheltered, clothed and fed you - something millions of kids don't have.

At 60 years old, I can't imagine your parents having much to take care of.

 

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[devine]

There is a great book about called "Switch" by Dan & Chip Heath.
If you have a problem with changing people's habits and views - it's a golden read.
It think OP can find it useful.

 

[FinallyInBloom]

Hey there,

In general, I think your mindset is a good one to have. Another good mindset to possess is to accept your loved ones and meet them where they are. I am sure that there are other reasons to admire and appreciate your parents--find and focus on those. And consider helping them your "thank you" for raising such a motivated and self-sufficient child.

I do think that it's true that many of our parents have some beliefs that we find annoying, but I think in general they mean well and want what they feel is best. Good luck in finding the solution to your current challenge.

 

[MitchC]

Lol, of course I do. I have tons to do

Maybe they have better things to do than learn english, they're 60

 

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[Hai]

If they are "using" you that´s one thing. But you should/can be considerate of their needs.
This video might be helpful: