After ~3 Weeks of Any Undertaking - I Start F***ing Up.

[Formless]

I've started noticing a pattern in pretty much any effort I undertake.

Whether it be gym, business, jobs, university... I ALWAYS have about 21-25 days of solid steam when it comes to achieving whatever goals I set for myself.

After that specific time period, almost without fail, I start to fizzle out. It's no longer exciting. Shitty excuses start to sound like valid reasons. The goal ceases to seem real. I lose faith in the process. I start to question whether my goal are even worth it.

'Why are you killing yourself at the gym. You're fine the way you are.' 'You know you can just go get a normal job and be a normal college kid like everyone else.' 'What makes you think you're so special that you should have more than others?' 'You always F*ck up at the same time, what makes you think this time will be different?'

'Take a break, once won't hurt you. You can chill today...

and tomorrow...

and the day after...'



And before I know it, it all crumbles.

During the time I start letting my habits fall apart, I still behave as if I was doing the thing I'm supposed to be doing. It's only once I realize that I've completely derailed myself that I'll stop and think 'you f*cked up, again.'

And it just moves in this continuous cycle. I work hard, I progress, 3 weeks pass, I start to slip. I slip to the bottom. I realize it. I get motivated again. I start again.

Ad nauseum.

Is anyone else there?

Has anyone else been there and dealt with it?

 

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[Supa]

Yes been there too many times to count. Tried to lose weight for 2-3 years, I usually lose 2kg in the first month then gain 3kg over the next months. I was like that with everything I wanted to achieve. What helps me to stay motivated and accountable is doing a progress thread on here. One for my business and one for my weight.

 

[wade1mil]

Yeah, in everything I do. Even fun stuff. I'm sure there are thousands of things to try, but here's one thing I do that has worked for many (but not all) things. Using the example of working out…

Don't look at it like something you HAVE to do.
Don't look at it like something you GET to do.
Don't look at it like something you WANT to do.
Don't look at it like something you DON'T WANT to do.

Act as if it's a mindless activity like breathing or eating. It's something you're doing because that's part of life. Like you KNOW when you get up, you workout. There is no internal debate or thought. Don't decide each day, decide once (today) that it's a permanent thing – a part of life.

 

[Lex DeVille]

I've started noticing a pattern in pretty much any effort I undertake.

Whether it be gym, business, jobs, university... I ALWAYS have about 21-25 days of solid steam when it comes to achieving whatever goals I set for myself.

After that specific time period, almost without fail, I start to fizzle out. It's no longer exciting. Shitty excuses start to sound like valid reasons. The goal ceases to seem real. I lose faith in the process. I start to question whether my goal are even worth it.

'Why are you killing yourself at the gym. You're fine the way you are.' 'You know you can just go get a normal job and be a normal college kid like everyone else.' 'What makes you think you're so special that you should have more than others?' 'You always F*ck up at the same time, what makes you think this time will be different?'

'Take a break, once won't hurt you. You can chill today...

and tomorrow...

and the day after...'



And before I know it, it all crumbles.

During the time I start letting my habits fall apart, I still behave as if I was doing the thing I'm supposed to be doing. It's only once I realize that I've completely derailed myself that I'll stop and think 'you f*cked up, again.'

And it just moves in this continuous cycle. I work hard, I progress, 3 weeks pass, I start to slip. I slip to the bottom. I realize it. I get motivated again. I start again.

Ad nauseum.

Is anyone else there?

Has anyone else been there and dealt with it?

I think lots of us have been there, so you're definitely not alone.

Any idea what triggers the switch? Is there a certain feeling you get at 21-25 days that causes doubt? If so, where do you feel it, or what do you think about? What do you do after you've crashed? Do you start back up on the same habits or new ones?

It seems like there's a longing for perfection in your words. Like you want the "right" way or the "perfect" way of achieving your goals. But we all have ups and downs, so if this is the case, then it may be helpful to take a step back and acknowledge that real perfection doesn't exist. There is no right way, as long as you keep moving forward.

Sometimes we rationalize behavior when we get to the hard parts. It helps us feel better about taking the easy way out. But what happens if we choose the opposite? Even if we just choose to pursue that idea or that goal for one more day, hour, minute, or second. What happens when we do it again? And again? And again? I wonder if it might build willpower in the same way lifting a little each day builds muscle.

But choice starts with awareness.

I wonder how you might benefit if the next time you feel these feelings you simply choose to observe them. Acknowledge them, but also acknowledge that they don't control you. Acknowledge that you feel them, and they're real, but that you're separate from them. Acknowledge the thoughts you have too. Know that they're just thoughts. Then, when you realize you, at your core, are not the same as those thoughts and feelings, choose to ask yourself if they're useful for you.

Then choose to do whatever action is most useful for you, in the moment, fully aware that it's your choice, and that you are in control.

We try, we trip, we learn, we get better, we keep going, and eventually we achieve what we set out for. It's all part of the process.

 

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[Lex DeVille]

By the way, how specific are your goals?

Could it be that the fizzling out is simply because the goals aren't specific enough?

"I want to be fit." is a lot different than "I want to lose 15 pounds in two months."

"I want good grades." is different than "I want to achieve at least a 97% in this course."

 

[Sheps]

Agree, this is about poor goal setting.

Also, saying "I'm going to get into X (let's say the gym)" and going every day for 2 weeks is what we call burning out. You can't maintain that.

How about you set a goal of spending at least 30minutes working out 3 times a week. Totally doable right? Right.

This way, not only will you continue, it'll just become a habit... You'll likely either stay longer or go more often, so you're over-achieving. Smashing your goals feels great, not reaching them feels crappy.
So I'm all about setting goals you can reach and go further with. Worst case you have some productive forward motion, best case you have a LOT of progress.

 

[JAJT]

It's no longer exciting.

I think almost everyone has this problem. It's what happens when novelty wears off and it becomes work.

Even the most mundane activities in life are exciting when you first do them. Every new job, every new activity, every new anything is exciting, fun, interesting and engaging at first. Your brain is being overloaded with new thoughts, new motions, new processes and new knowledge.

But when all that wears off, it's just you in the driver's seat going down the same tired roads each day.

That's when your commitments and goals need to determine your actions instead of your emotions and feelings.

 

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[DaRK9]

By the way, how specific are your goals?

Could it be that the fizzling out is simply because the goals aren't specific enough?

"I want to be fit." is a lot different than "I want to lose 15 pounds in two months."

"I want good grades." is different than "I want to achieve at least a 97% in this course."

What also helps is to add the system by which you mean to achieve said goal.
"I want to lose 15 pounds in two months, by changing my diet to X calories/day and completing X program."

For fitness, find a program or you just end up doing random shit at the gym getting nowhere.

 

[Formless]

Thanks for all the responses.

Will reply later today.

 

[Michał Kóska]

Make a list of steps and add a deadline to each one. Stick to it or punish yourself

 

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[Mattie]

I used to do this. If I do it today, It's like maybe for an hour and than done with it, I don't really allow myself to negative self talk at all. If it starts with I can't, I won't, I don't, I never, I am not, or anything like that, it's an immediate sign it's victim thinking, and than I say, there's no reason why I can't do this. It's just an excuse. What's the root of it? FEAR! Okay it's FEAR! Shut up! FEAR, I'm going to do this whether you like it or not. lol Who is the Boss? Me or the negative programming, which stems from negative feed back. Which is irrelevant to whether I am capable of achieving something or not. It's someone else's thinking. Not actually how well I can perform. Than I work on something. I don't let myself get caught up in negative conversation. I suppose it comes with practice over time, but I refuse to give into negative thinking.

It's the same thing with people with a negative people, you don't listen to them, so why listen to the negative self-talk.

 

[Blue1214]

One main problem is trying to use motivation as your force of energy rather than discipline.

Discipline is what you need.

Motivation is a limited fuel source, while discipline is the result of habits that reinforce your actions regardless of how you feel today.

Discipline is being able to say no and yes at the hardest times because deep down you know the results. Like anything else it requires practice.

Google how to build discipline you'll find some good sources.

 

[Formless]

It's true. Most times my goals aren't specific enough. That is currently getting fixed.

But even in the one case where they were quite specific, the feeling crept up again.

Today I took the entire day to 'recalibrate' and remind myself why the hell I do what I do, so I think I'm back.

@SinisterLex As for how it feels when this mood comes around, I'm just gonna throw out a bunch of words that correspond to how I think I feel at the time.

'Tired'
'Low Energy State'
'Sleepy'
'Unwilling to engage with the world'
'Defeated'
'Purposeless'
'heavy-ish feeling around the stomach/solar plexus area'
'Looking for distractions'
'Thoughts all over the place'
'When I realize what I'm doing, I feel bad/negative, but I don't feel any desire to stop feeling bad. I actually want to feel negative.'

I definitely have perfectionist tendencies. They stem from the belief that I'm not good enough, even though I consciously know that to be a lie that my environment planted in my head in the past.

I took half of the day off today and just went to sleep. Then woke up and did some client work.

I feel better.

Very interesting to see how common this actually is among you all.

 

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