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Advice: Stay at homeor rent a room near college?

Anything related to matters of the mind

Strider

Contributor
Apr 10, 2016
31
22
South Europe
Hey guys, need some advice.
Next year I'm going for Engineering and will attempt to pursue a space related "career" (get involved in that area at first, might change focus if something comes up). The colleges I have in mind are are quite good but cheap, so I don't have to sacrifice my future because of debt and my parents will pay the tuition. I'm going to work during the summers of college to get some money (either sales, in retail or webdesign freelancing, this one I intend to do during the year).

That being said I've got a decision to make, should I stay at home and buy a cheap car. Or try to rent a room in the city near my college?

I will be focused on having good grades and keep growing in the "academic" sense of the word in the areas that interest me but also keep my mind on opportunities and the putting in the action needed to make the ideas and projects become a reality. I'm planning to study abroad if possible or at least go on Erasmus program in 3/4 years (if I don't need to be in the country at the time), so it would be nice to save some money.

The numbers are:

If I stay at home I'll saving around 2-4k in the next three years compared to renting a room (deducted expenses from car).
If I stay home I'll have to commute somewhere between 1h30 to 3h00 a day (like I did this year), I can work in some of that time (between 1h and 1h30 when I'm in the train) but the rest is dead time.

There are obvious advantages in personal growth in terms of responsibility, flexibility and generally I feel like I need to grow. The downside is that it will be a tough talk with my parents (super strict and protective, for external reasons the mood hasn't been the greatest in my home lately) and I will have to make an attempt to make a compromise, I obviously want to keep the relationship as good as I can (to be honest I've been feeling strange at home and this isn't really healthy conflict) and it would be great if they kept with the monthly allowance.
On the other hand, 2-4k is quite a bit of money (and feels like renting is throwing money at a fire so I don't get too cold) and if I indeed stay at home, I'll have the car to move around, I'll just need to get real with my productivity to overcome that wasted time. I have a place in which I can study and work (don't know who are the crazies I might encounter in my apartment) and that money can be used as a fund to study abroad (intending to try to go for Germany).

In this situation what would you guys do? I know, it's not fastlane oriented, but in reality it doesn't make much difference towards those goals (except that in the city I can go to events way more easily and would make it easier to work in some startups, although none interests me at this point), I can freelance anywhere and most of the projects I'm trying bring forward are online based / don't need me in the city 24/7.

Would you rather save 2-4k and guarantee studying abroad in expense of some freedom and time. Or to spend that money and live in the city near college and make it a bit harder to study abroad?

I rambled a lot, I'll try to make this thread a bit more easy to read when I come back.

Thanks in advance for the help.
 
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Last edited:

Ika

Busy Idiot
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Aug 9, 2016
271
924
Germany
Hey there!
I actually did not have the time to read your whole post and think about it - but I've seen the title, and I had to post this:
Right now I faced a similar situation with different parameters. But it's basicly the same problem - moving out and spending more money than wanted?

Here's what helped me answer my own question:

@TheDillon__ told this to me in another context, but it still sounds true.
Look at your priorities there. You're more scared of losing $100 than you are excited to [build a business that will make much more]
Check your mindset and try again.
[...]
You can make excuses or make money. Take a pick.
I don't know if it really fits your situation - but it might help to ask yourself why you are going to react the way you are.
Is it because you fear loosing 4k?
Or is it because rationally it is a better decision to stay at home?

And deep down in your gut, you know the answer to that question.
Act on it.
 

Choate

Gold Contributor
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Mar 25, 2014
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Rent a place, 100%.

This is a false dilemma, aka the "either-or" fallacy.

"Either I study in the city and risk not being able to study abroad because of $4k in a 3 year period; or I stay at home and commute but lose 3 hours a day while saving up to $4k"

First, there is the opportunity loss of up to three hours per school day for THREE YEARS! How much is your time worth to you? Surely more than 4k over a period of 3 years? You are going to save 3 hours per day which you can use towards freelancing.

Secondly, you don't have a healthy home environment conducive to your goals. You are simultaneously exploring a space related career (kudos) and interested in freelancing / entrepreneurship; do you want to establish yourself freelancing now or do you want to keep doing the chores for your overprotective parents?


saving around 2-4k in the next three years compared to renting a room (deducted expenses from car).

What if the car breaks down? Or you get into an accident and have to use your insurance deductible? Do you not think you can make $2000 in the next 3 years to pay for your study abroad?


There are obvious advantages in personal growth in terms of responsibility, flexibility and generally I feel like I need to grow

This alone is why you NEED to move out. There is so much growth, potential, opportunity, that you are missing out by living at home. You will resume standard routines and stay comfortable living under the roof your parents. The extreme pace and momentum that I experienced living on my own during 4 years of college was slowed down a bit after when I moved back in with my parents. You just can't go full throttle when you are living with them, you may think you can but you are lying to yourself. They will slow you down whether it is with petty tasks, bickering, scheduling differences, comfort, and their own neediness (I say this not in a negative light).

The first time moving out will be tough but you need to break the protective barrier now. I see a lot of ambition, but it will be like a tree in a crowded forest that can't spread its roots if you don't move out.
 

Marco Cuevas

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Jun 12, 2017
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That being said I've got a decision to make, should I stay at home and buy a cheap car. Or try to rent a room in the city near my college?
After seeing all the other comments and from own experience... Move out for sure!
 
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ZF Lee

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Jul 27, 2016
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Rent a place, 100%.

This is a false dilemma, aka the "either-or" fallacy.

"Either I study in the city and risk not being able to study abroad because of $4k in a 3 year period; or I stay at home and commute but lose 3 hours a day while saving up to $4k"

First, there is the opportunity loss of up to three hours per school day for THREE YEARS! How much is your time worth to you? Surely more than 4k over a period of 3 years? You are going to save 3 hours per day which you can use towards freelancing.

Secondly, you don't have a healthy home environment conducive to your goals. You are simultaneously exploring a space related career (kudos) and interested in freelancing / entrepreneurship; do you want to establish yourself freelancing now or do you want to keep doing the chores for your overprotective parents?


What if the car breaks down? Or you get into an accident and have to use your insurance deductible? Do you not think you can make $2000 in the next 3 years to pay for your study abroad?


This alone is why you NEED to move out. There is so much growth, potential, opportunity, that you are missing out by living at home. You will resume standard routines and stay comfortable living under the roof your parents. The extreme pace and momentum that I experienced living on my own during 4 years of college was slowed down a bit after when I moved back in with my parents. You just can't go full throttle when you are living with them, you may think you can but you are lying to yourself. They will slow you down whether it is with petty tasks, bickering, scheduling differences, comfort, and their own neediness (I say this not in a negative light).

The first time moving out will be tough but you need to break the protective barrier now. I see a lot of ambition, but it will be like a tree in a crowded forest that can't spread its roots if you don't move out.
Brilliant, @Dark Water.
Even better, you can learn how to cook, clean, manage expenses and utilities by yourself.
Not fun, but it gets comfortable after continuous energy at it. As Dan Pena used to say, 'Practice makes comfort.'

Even worse, if you stay on with your parents, you are gonna be closer to your neighbours and old friends who are most likely not be as dynamic, outgoing or UNSCRIPTED as you aspire to be. We are talking about societal norms, peer influence. Staying at home INCREASES your proximity to them. It's not wrong to maintain contact with old friends or other individuals. But if you want to achieve more, you have to surround yourself with people of that rank, and you might not get that staying at home.

And OP, moving out is the best message you can ever give to your parents. You are basically saying, 'I am moving out because I am strong, and I am independent. And I am strong and independent because of your sacrifices and care all those years. I would like to display the fruits of your hard labour by going out into the world, and make you proud.' After all, you will be like a trophy of your parents' success in raising you up, parading out there for all of them to see! I mean, who doesn't want to make their parents proud?

EDIT: I actually live near my college, and its very convenient and affordable. I don't need a car and I don't need to fight traffic jams. Better, there's shops and other facilities around, so if I need anything, all I need to do is walk. Most colleges generally have amenities clustered around them. Less stress on transportation too.
 
Last edited:

Strider

Contributor
Apr 10, 2016
31
22
South Europe
First of all, thanks a lot for the answers, really appreciate you taking the time.

Hey there!
I actually did not have the time to read your whole post and think about it - but I've seen the title, and I had to post this:
Right now I faced a similar situation with different parameters. But it's basicly the same problem - moving out and spending more money than wanted?

Here's what helped me answer my own question:

@TheDillon__ told this to me in another context, but it still sounds true.

I don't know if it really fits your situation - but it might help to ask yourself why you are going to react the way you are.
Is it because you fear loosing 4k?
Or is it because rationally it is a better decision to stay at home?

And deep down in your gut, you know the answer to that question.
Act on it.

I think I've been having a lot of fearful thoughts, I'm currently in a mess in terms of future plans, my first year just ended, I did Mathematics, hated this and am actually unsure if I should indeed to go Engineering or just go to something more related to business, only because of fear literally, I'm afraid I'm not good enough. But knowing myself even though I fear this I'll probably go to Engineering.

But basically this has made my thoughts about the future all crazy. Before highschool I was sure to follow my grandfather's path and go a military career and do one of the things I know I'm fit for (I have that notion and everyone around always told me, if I went through that path I'd be in the perfect conditions to excel) but seemed too restrictive, I wanted adventure but that adventure felt a bit like a prision. And since then I've been struggling between blind ambition and security.

Just a lot of rambling. Thanks a ton for making me have to put my hands in the mud that's is my mind right now in search for something valuable.

Rent a place, 100%.

This is a false dilemma, aka the "either-or" fallacy.

"Either I study in the city and risk not being able to study abroad because of $4k in a 3 year period; or I stay at home and commute but lose 3 hours a day while saving up to $4k"

First, there is the opportunity loss of up to three hours per school day for THREE YEARS! How much is your time worth to you? Surely more than 4k over a period of 3 years? You are going to save 3 hours per day which you can use towards freelancing.

Secondly, you don't have a healthy home environment conducive to your goals. You are simultaneously exploring a space related career (kudos) and interested in freelancing / entrepreneurship; do you want to establish yourself freelancing now or do you want to keep doing the chores for your overprotective parents?




What if the car breaks down? Or you get into an accident and have to use your insurance deductible? Do you not think you can make $2000 in the next 3 years to pay for your study abroad?




This alone is why you NEED to move out. There is so much growth, potential, opportunity, that you are missing out by living at home. You will resume standard routines and stay comfortable living under the roof your parents. The extreme pace and momentum that I experienced living on my own during 4 years of college was slowed down a bit after when I moved back in with my parents. You just can't go full throttle when you are living with them, you may think you can but you are lying to yourself. They will slow you down whether it is with petty tasks, bickering, scheduling differences, comfort, and their own neediness (I say this not in a negative light).

The first time moving out will be tough but you need to break the protective barrier now. I see a lot of ambition, but it will be like a tree in a crowded forest that can't spread its roots if you don't move out.

If I stayed I'd have quite some freedom and would have close to zero home responsibilities, but there lies the problem. Not only do I feel isolated from the real world (I live in the suburbs), I feel stagnating. Lots of fake action, lots of living in my own head.

I want to grow, as a guy, to become more awesome, to actually be someone I am eager to become right now, charismatic, inspiring and doing stuff that matters.

I feel like I need to make myself push for the stuff I want, to break from the aura of fake action and "tomorrow I'll do it", to actually go after freelancing job, to actually train myself to talk to every bloody girl that makes me feel like a chicken, I want to break free from my old me and rise a new better, more exciting me.

I'm somewhat in politics as well and I also feel lacking in that, I feel so hollow. That I can look like someone who is going somewhere and sure of himself but in reality I'm just a kid. I want to go after it, but I'm also afraid that moving out will wash me away in other stuff and I'll wake up next year and feel like I let myself get washed away and lost myself once again (I know I mean this but I somehow can't explain it better), dammit, right now I don't know myself enough to actually lose something.

After seeing all the other comments and from own experience... Move out for sure!

Brilliant, @Dark Water.
Even better, you can learn how to cook, clean, manage expenses and utilities by yourself.
Not fun, but it gets comfortable after continuous energy at it. As Dan Pena used to say, 'Practice makes comfort.'

Even worse, if you stay on with your parents, you are gonna be closer to your neighbours and old friends who are most likely not be as dynamic, outgoing or UNSCRIPTED as you aspire to be. We are talking about societal norms, peer influence. Staying at home INCREASES your proximity to them. It's not wrong to maintain contact with old friends or other individuals. But if you want to achieve more, you have to surround yourself with people of that rank, and you might not get that staying at home.

And OP, moving out is the best message you can ever give to your parents. You are basically saying, 'I am moving out because I am strong, and I am independent. And I am strong and independent because of your sacrifices and care all those years. I would like to display the fruits of your hard labour by going out into the world, and make you proud.' After all, you will be like a trophy of your parents' success in raising you up, parading out there for all of them to see! I mean, who doesn't want to make their parents proud?

EDIT: I actually live near my college, and its very convenient and affordable. I don't need a car and I don't need to fight traffic jams. Better, there's shops and other facilities around, so if I need anything, all I need to do is walk. Most colleges generally have amenities clustered around them. Less stress on transportation too.

Actually one my top 3 friends, very entrepreneurial ( going to Management school) is moving out as well, the other is academic and will stay at home until he goes studying abroad, he's studying on my college though, I can see them (and plan to, since we want to create stuff together) whenever I want. I'll actually miss some people but I also goddamn need to feel the need to change my personality (growing into something I don't really like) to attract more people. I've been isolated in some sense all my life, feeling the need to break free.

And yes, although I clash a lot with them (fault from both sides, I'm not totally happy with who I am and my actions sometimes) I want to make them proud, show them that although a lot of the world goes to shit with bad people, the good ones can actually save the world and make a difference. I'm just afraid I get lost in my own shitty excuses and fairy tales and end up doing nothing and being a nobody.

---------------------------------------

To conclude: I mentioned this to my mother once again and said I wanted to grow and needed this, that I wouldn't be asking for them to make a bigger effort or nothing. If they could keep the allowance and I'd work the rest out, she seemed surprisingly receptive (with some doubt and all but normal), but I think she actually understood me. Showed her the apartment I have in mind, 150€ / month (super cheap and rare) and told her I needed to make a decision so I could attempt to get that one and sent a message so I could go see it. She seemed positive, not sad or offended, fearful but not in a bad way.
She will talk about it to my dad a bit before I talk to him (we clash a lot so it's the best gameplan), will wait for the reply from the owner to get all ready and ask them for help.

This is scary. I hope I get this apartment.. but holy shit if I do, this is scary. I just got unsure about going for engineering again, my mind is going nuts, but the opportunities, the people, I wanna grow, I wanna become the romanticized version of me, the guy I'm running after (walking most of the days.. I really feel stagnated in my own BS look at this sh!t I joined tff over an YEAR ago.. done nothing, less than nothing, literally lost an year in faking a lifestyle of "close to dropout because I'm an entrepreneur " total BS really pissed off at myself when I think about it).

Thanks a ton guys, I'll bump this when I get more news. If you have any advice on helping me get rid of BS (regarding projects, freelancing and hesitation and fake action, etc... everything) feel free to insult me, I like it ahaha

Best of luck in your endeavors!
Strider
 

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