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A ''simple'' question

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sparechange

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What fulfills your soul the most on this very earth? And how can we live our lives to the fullest, so one day when our eventual death comes we can look back on life in old age and say WOW! What an amazing life I've had!

This thought popped into my head as I visited some big homes here in Vancouver, some nice homes in the 10-60 million dollar range, and while they were pretty nice, I feel as if I moved in today, there would be some sort of emptiness to it. Sure it would be nice, but I think as humans we start to adapt and become ''used'' to privileges. You could say, take it for granted as all of us are now, we have food, we have shelter and don't think of these things as luxuries. Meanwhile somewhere on the other side of the world some kid is probably starving to death sleeping in a hut on the dirt with bugs crawling everywhere.

Maybe I'm just getting old, but I think overall when you ignore luxuries of life which I'd assume you get used to after a while and it becomes..... ''the new normal'' (lol) what's next? I am including all of the personal desires checked off such as travelling to X or Y location, have a jetski, nice cars etc.

This is kind of one of those ''what is the point of it all'' type questions, and I'm looking forward to seeing the responses, it seems like one of those questions that might be infact impossible to answer like why is the sky blue, or how did the earth magically happen. You can consider this part 2 of this thread :clench:


I'd like to nominate @Johnny boy to participate after his recent shenanigans :rofl:

@ZCP because he is just amazing

@WJK since she holds alot of wisdom and @Andy Black since he's awesome overall.
 

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Knugs

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What fulfills your soul the most on this very earth? And how can we live our lives to the fullest, so one day when our eventual death comes we can look back on life in old age and say WOW! What an amazing life I've had!

If you were to die today and had the chance to look back on life now which parts would amaze you?

You can reflect right now.

For me there are a few things that stand out:
-Moving out at 16 to be independent in a new country.
-Working my a$$ off to get into a really good medical school
-Moving around every few years and experiencing new culture, work attitude and friendships
-Relationships and experiences within these
-There are some phases in life that really put a grin on my face
-Lots of risky decisions I have taken that worked out well for example.
-Steps into uncertainties such as entrepreneurship.
-Even though my first business failed, the experience with VC capital, networking and the experience was INSANELY satisfying.

And then one should ask the exact opposite:
-I shouldnt have been gaming my entire teenage and young adult life
-I should have tried boxing competetively
-I should have maybe looked after myself more in stressful and unhealthy times, because my health caused lots of pain and suffering
-All the time and days I have wasted procrastinating and mentally masturbating.
-Not having had the guts to do a few things and the regret that comes with it.
-Hurting others and hurting loved ones.

You dont need to die today to be able to reflect on life today.

Thank you for asking this question anyway. It made mereflect again which I havent done in a long time. Really makes me think about my life and getting back on track to these things that matter the most. Avoiding the things that dont matter. Reflection is a really powerful tool.
 

sparechange

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If you were to die today and had the chance to look back on life now which parts would amaze you?

You can reflect right now.

For me there are a few things that stand out:
-Moving out at 16 to be independent in a new country.
-Working my a$$ off to get into a really good medical school
-Moving around every few years and experiencing new culture, work attitude and friendships
-Relationships and experiences within these
-There are some phases in life that really put a grin on my face
-Lots of risky decisions I have taken that worked out well for example.
-Steps into uncertainties such as entrepreneurship.
-Even though my first business failed, the experience with VC capital, networking and the experience was INSANELY satisfying.

And then one should ask the exact opposite:
-I shouldnt have been gaming my entire teenage and young adult life
-I should have tried boxing competetively
-I should have maybe looked after myself more in stressful and unhealthy times, because my health caused lots of pain and suffering
-All the time and days I have wasted procrastinating and mentally masturbating.
-Not having had the guts to do a few things and the regret that comes with it.
-Hurting others and hurting loved ones.

You dont need to die today to be able to reflect on life today.

Thank you for asking this question anyway. It made mereflect again which I havent done in a long time. Really makes me think about my life and getting back on track to these things that matter the most. Avoiding the things that dont matter. Reflection is a really powerful tool.

I'll give it some thought, great post btw
 

Andy Black

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I’ll think about this and come back and reply.


A good question I was asked a few years ago was:

“If money was no object then what work would you be doing?”


...the follow-up question was good too:

“What’s stopping you?”
 

MJ DeMarco

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I've made a habit of having gratitude for the simple things, it makes happiness a much easier choice.

A hot shower...
Being able to walk the dog without roaming warlords...
A warm bed...
Walking down the grocery aisle and seeing thousands of food options/choices...
Clean water...

The simple things are often overlooked.
 

Knugs

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I've made a habit of having gratitude for the simple things, it makes happiness a much easier choice.

A hot shower...
Being able to walk the dog without roaming warlords...
A warm bed...
Walking down the grocery aisle and seeing thousands of food options/choices...
Clean water...

The simple things are often overlooked.

Sometimes very difficult to appreciate what we have. I used to live with my parents in a 3500 sqft highend house with my own penthouse and a large terrace around it before I moved into a 500 sqft apartment with my girlfriend. (120 year old house with no refurbishment for the last 20 years)

For example:
-This Winter has been horrible. functioning heating: 50% of the times the heating doesnt work. Cold apartment, cold showers.
-Badly insulated roofing: Hot summers; cold winters
-Not enough space to store clothing etc.
-No build in kitchen. privisonal setup on wooden bars.
-We have a roof slope in the bathroom. I cant stand straight in there.
-The mattress gives me back pain. Its too old
-A garbage burning powerplant near us/a ford manufacturing plant near us: lots of dust esp on the windows.
-loud neighbors
-Not enough space for 2 people really.
-very hard water
-A main street with lots of noise. A psychiatric hospital 200m away. Sometimes psychiatric patients end up in the staircase.
-Its an empty house on sale. We might be evicted for refurbishment.

The above is not me complaining, I love it and I chose this place. Its our shithole cave. It reminds me daily how bad life could get and how much worse it could get. I will be honest in saying that the beginning was quite hard and it was quite difficult to get used to. I used to drive to my parents to have a shower for example.

I chose to live this way for the exact reason you mentioned @MJ DeMarco. At the end of the day I'm so much more grateful for what I have and its so much easier to find happiness with the really simple things in life: My girlfriend and I came home today and celebrated that the flat was warm; that the heating went on today. Really strange saying this but I'm more happy here than when I used to have everything.
 

sparechange

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I've made a habit of having gratitude for the simple things, it makes happiness a much easier choice.

A hot shower...
Being able to walk the dog without roaming warlords...
A warm bed...
Walking down the grocery aisle and seeing thousands of food options/choices...
Clean water...

The simple things are often overlooked.

I really liked your spider on mars YT clip and is something I've been trying to do alot more recently, walking through the bush at night and stopping to gaze at the stars above, feeding wildlife (some time ago I had a family of raccoons living around my house to which I'd hand feed them bananas :rofl:) and little things like that.
 

tpuffer

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Timely topic. It's in my journal to take some time to reflect on the present and what I want for the future. This is something I use to remind myself to do things that matter -

“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do and say and think.” Marcus Aurelius
 

LightHouse

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@sparechange I am glad you asked this.

We know that monetary success only gets you so far in life. Life without fulfillment as a part of that success isn't real success.

But in order for you to know how to get to that most successful life... you have to actually know what fulfills you.

This is what happens to people when they dream about an expensive car for years and years and they finally get it.... they frequently look back and say the journey to it was more exciting than the ownership of said thing.

Money can certainly be apart of the equation, but I have found for most people it's the things that don't cost a lot in life that are actually the most fulfilling. Like dinner with your parents, having friends, helping someone, growing and learning new things, or living new experiences (w or w/o money on this one).

The other major aspects of this is gratitude (@MJ DeMarco mentioned) and also perspective. Tell me where you were 6 months ago vs now (if covid didn't pay a nasty hand) and then tell me what you are grateful for in the difference of those two... it will show how and where you have grown.
 

Andy Black

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Similar to what some folks have said:

We lost my brother and then my dad a short few years ago. Money didn’t motive me before. Appreciating ever single damn day I have with my kids and family is what matters most to me. (Well, trying to anyway, I’m no saint.)

As for business. I enjoy chipping away and making progress. I’d do it if I wasn’t getting paid. Actually, I probably do “too much” without getting paid, but that’s one of those wee things for me to figure out.
 

JustmeSD

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What fulfills your soul the most on this very earth? And how can we live our lives to the fullest, so one day when our eventual death comes we can look back on life in old age and say WOW! What an amazing life I've had!

This thought popped into my head as I visited some big homes here in Vancouver, some nice homes in the 10-60 million dollar range, and while they were pretty nice, I feel as if I moved in today, there would be some sort of emptiness to it. Sure it would be nice, but I think as humans we start to adapt and become ''used'' to privileges. You could say, take it for granted as all of us are now, we have food, we have shelter and don't think of these things as luxuries. Meanwhile somewhere on the other side of the world some kid is probably starving to death sleeping in a hut on the dirt with bugs crawling everywhere.

Maybe I'm just getting old, but I think overall when you ignore luxuries of life which I'd assume you get used to after a while and it becomes..... ''the new normal'' (lol) what's next? I am including all of the personal desires checked off such as travelling to X or Y location, have a jetski, nice cars etc.

This is kind of one of those ''what is the point of it all'' type questions, and I'm looking forward to seeing the responses, it seems like one of those questions that might be infact impossible to answer like why is the sky blue, or how did the earth magically happen. You can consider this part 2 of this thread :clench:


I'd like to nominate @Johnny boy to participate after his recent shenanigans :rofl:

@ZCP because he is just amazing

@WJK since she holds alot of wisdom and @Andy Black since he's awesome overall.
Hard one.
If you were to have time to listen to 20 life stories now, most likely 20 persons will say they would have done few things differently. We're born without life experience, and there's no manual for that. We learn through experiences (aka fails). I also think we all should be grateful for all we have. But it's in our nature to want more. That greed we are born with makes us better or not, depending on how we use it.
I think you can feel fulfilled when looking back if you know you gave your best. You've tried. To be a good father, or husband, or to get rich, or to help others. Maybe you didn't get the best outcomes, but knowing you gave your best at those specific points in life, fulfills your soul.

I could also answer in another way. Look around you. How do you think the world of your closest ones would have looked without you in it? Would they miss you? Have you positively influenced other lives along the way? Can you say WOW, what a life, without having fails and challenges in life? Disappointments, wishes, things go wrong.
Could you say WOW without overcoming shit in life?
 

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Andy Black

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it's in our nature to want more
I’m not sure about that. I want enough to make certain things happen. After that I don’t care.

Some people are competitive. Some people aren’t. I might have been competitive when I was younger, more with myself if I think about it. Nowadays I’m like those older folks who just smile and let the youngsters win.
 

JustmeSD

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I’m not sure about that. I want enough to make certain things happen. After that I don’t care.

Some people are competitive. Some people aren’t. I might have been competitive when I was younger, more with myself if I think about it. Nowadays I’m like those older folks who just smile and let the youngsters win.
I only know few persons like you. It's a healthy mindset. From multiple pov's. But that is not that often.
If people would not wish for more, we wouldn't have Iphone 11-12, we would not have had Microsoft and lots of things. No Iphone produced, no Iphone bought. That's selfishness used in a good way, desire to do more.
Selfishness used badly is overcapitalism, wars on other country's resources, getting salty when your opponent wins a game...
People with your type of mindset are usually happy people, and yes fulfilled, and wise. Guess you just marked a way to fulfillment with your reply :)
Yeah, maybe I shouldn't think everyone's the same...and if I think about it, for sure there are people like you out there, just few where I come from...
 
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LightHouse

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I’d do it if I wasn’t getting paid. Actually, I probably do “too much” without getting paid, but that’s one of those wee things for me to figure out.

This is interesting Andy. I have worked on refining this over years and want to offer you this.

If the "free" work you are doing is enjoyable, doesnt have expected outcomes, and provides to you more than it takes... (even in simple appreciation or significance from someone for what you did) then it is worth it.

There is always this notion of charge for every minute of your time because "you are being taken advantage of" as similar there are people who are too scared to commit to someone and ask for compensation based on an outcome. Both of those thoughts come from listening to "too much internet"

I talk people through things all the time, I love it. But I also have hard limits on what is ok as "hobby time" and what is work. Also when things are asked of you, you can typically determine the level of which you are effective if you were simply helping out or that person/situation needs a real business solution that should be charged for.

If that client wants you to audit their account, they should expect to pay for it as they would want the results from you to be something they can act on and trust your professional advice. If they are just asking for tips, that's different in my mind.

(I didn't articulate this very well, I could have said it using less words but hopefully you understand my point!)
 

Andy Black

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This is interesting Andy. I have worked on refining this over years and want to offer you this.

If the "free" work you are doing is enjoyable, doesnt have expected outcomes, and provides to you more than it takes... (even in simple appreciation or significance from someone for what you did) then it is worth it.

There is always this notion of charge for every minute of your time because "you are being taken advantage of" as similar there are people who are too scared to commit to someone and ask for compensation based on an outcome. Both of those thoughts come from listening to "too much internet"

I talk people through things all the time, I love it. But I also have hard limits on what is ok as "hobby time" and what is work. Also when things are asked of you, you can typically determine the level of which you are effective if you were simply helping out or that person/situation needs a real business solution that should be charged for.

If that client wants you to audit their account, they should expect to pay for it as they would want the results from you to be something they can act on and trust your professional advice. If they are just asking for tips, that's different in my mind.

(I didn't articulate this very well, I could have said it using less words but hopefully you understand my point!)
I understand, and thanks @LightHouse.

I think in my original Insiders progress thread years ago someone bounced on my head saying I was wrong/silly/something for doing free calls. I remember you wading in and being supportive. I was going to ignore them anyway, but I'll thank you for that comment back then, and your one above.

After reading "Give and Take" a year or so ago I realised I'm a Giver. According to that book there were studies made of those who populated the different levels in an organisation. The Givers were at the bottom. The Takers and Matchers were in the middle. And the Givers were at the top. (@Kak calls it a "Giver Sandwich"!) It's then I realised there's probably a few things I can do to harness my natural tendencies while protecting myself from over giving. The author, Adam Grant, proposed a few strategies that I liked and started adopting.

The wee things I have to figure out are how to leverage all of my super powers and Giver tendencies while getting compensated - at scale. I'm still working on it, in the "chipping away" fashion I prefer. Don't get me wrong - I like moving at pace, but I enjoy the movement more than getting a quicker time on some else's stopwatch.
 

Andy Black

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Andy Black

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What fulfills your soul the most on this very earth? And how can we live our lives to the fullest, so one day when our eventual death comes we can look back on life in old age and say WOW! What an amazing life I've had!

This thought popped into my head as I visited some big homes here in Vancouver, some nice homes in the 10-60 million dollar range, and while they were pretty nice, I feel as if I moved in today, there would be some sort of emptiness to it. Sure it would be nice, but I think as humans we start to adapt and become ''used'' to privileges. You could say, take it for granted as all of us are now, we have food, we have shelter and don't think of these things as luxuries. Meanwhile somewhere on the other side of the world some kid is probably starving to death sleeping in a hut on the dirt with bugs crawling everywhere.

Maybe I'm just getting old, but I think overall when you ignore luxuries of life which I'd assume you get used to after a while and it becomes..... ''the new normal'' (lol) what's next? I am including all of the personal desires checked off such as travelling to X or Y location, have a jetski, nice cars etc.

This is kind of one of those ''what is the point of it all'' type questions, and I'm looking forward to seeing the responses, it seems like one of those questions that might be infact impossible to answer like why is the sky blue, or how did the earth magically happen. You can consider this part 2 of this thread :clench:


I'd like to nominate @Johnny boy to participate after his recent shenanigans :rofl:

@ZCP because he is just amazing

@WJK since she holds alot of wisdom and @Andy Black since he's awesome overall.
@sparechange

There's a very similar insider thread started today. I posted this in there:

I already enjoy what I do, and it pays my bills. I get satisfaction just out of doing it.

Years ago I used to run track. Everything was timed. Back then our performance, and happiness, was defined by the time on a stopwatch. Now when I look back at my favourite memories running on the track they were *not* when I was timed. They were during a training session coming off a bend and catching my (much faster) training partner. Or the last leg of a 4x400m relay with the club screaming themselves hoarse and where the time for each leg was irrelevant anyway.

I remember going for a bike ride and my speedometer telling me I was only doing X miles an hour. I ripped it off and threw it into the undergrowth and enjoyed the countryside instead.

I was obsessed with “getting my knee down” when I started riding motorbikes. That obsession nearly killed me multiple times. One day an older biker asked “Are you smoooth Andy? Are you smoooooth?” Huh? When did I stop enjoying a 4 hour bike ride because I couldn’t find a bend I could get my knee down round?

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, and had to scroll back up to remind myself of the question in the thread title again.

I’m *not* in a position that money is no object. If I stopped working now then I’d know about it in a few short months.

It doesn’t really matter to me though. I don’t make decisions based on how much money it will make me. I can’t stand SMART goals and what they stand for. I’m not into numbers (odd for a mathematician and given what I do for a living).

I like my current lifestyle (apart from the lockdown which gives me hardly any time in the day to work on my own stuff as the kids are home schooling and I’ve not figured out how to combine the both yet).

Like I think I mentioned above, I was asked years ago “If money was no object then what work would you be doing?” and then “What’s stopping you?”

Since then I’ve been very conscious of building a business that suits me and what I want to do and not to conform to anyone else’s model.

I’m 50 this year. I don’t want to build FU money to leave to my kids. I want to leave them with FU Unscripted mindsets and the ability to eat what they kill. I want them to retain their childlike delight at the world and not have to put up with the negative nancies and complaining charlies because they can walk away and make their own sunny little worlds. That would be my greatest achievement: Be the man I want my sons to grow up to be.

My wife recently asked our 12 year old who his hero was. He looked at me and said: “That’s easy. Dad.” Dayum, that’s powerful stuff.

I’ve no idea if any of that rambling helps.
 

Andy Black

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What fulfills me? Helping people, with no expectation of a return. (BTW, some will think I'm talking shit. I've learned to not give a shit what they think. Sorry, not sorry.)

I've done Maths grinds every year for the past 5 years to help local kids pass their Maths and get into college, an apprenticeship, or the army. Only a few say thanks, but I hear from their parents that they got into the army or whatever.

I don't need thanks. I'm pleased I've helped. I've helped some youngsters make a small course correction early enough in life that it can make a massive difference over the years. Actually, it's less about passing the exams and more about how they stop thinking they're stupid and "I can't do it".

My favourite two bits of feedback? When I went back to get my phone and a lad's mum opened the door. "He's delighted with himself. He thinks he can do it now!" And the lad who's dream was to be a mechanic who thought he was stupid and can't do Maths who said a week before his exams "If I fail I'll just do it again. I know I can do it."
 

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