INTRO A hopeless idiot

[5h1n1g4m1]

Well,

I'm your classic mess. Never went to college, 26 years old with no prospects in mind.
Depressive tendencies and a need to self sabotage everything I do it's almost admirable.
I feel like I was doomed to be a slow-laner my entire life because the universe just wants it so.
I'm like the result of Biff Loman and the proverbial "Job" having some kind of infection that turns into that Alien that burst from inside their chest, and then landed a 9-5 job and naturally fell right into place.

Is it worth trying or should I just give up now?
Sorry for the shitty tone, hope I don't bum you out too much.
Some people have a bad day, I'm having a bad life.

 

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[Siberia]

Who knows, maybe you're right.

Try to reformulate the question.

Correct question, correct answer.

What is the correct question to ask yourself?

Let the Universe rest in peace.

 

[lewj24]

Hopeless? Give up? Doomed? Your Classic Mess?

You have a broken Identity. Start being optimistic, grateful, curious, enjoy the little things, and every other positive thing you can think of.

You're on the wrong forum my friend. This forum is about improving your life. Nobody on here is going to tell you to give up. You know you don't want to give up. You're on this forum for a reason. You know what you want in life. You know what you have to do. Go get it.

 

[Deleted50669]

Look at this objectively, what is in your way?

My guess is you are the only thing in your way. You can CHOOSE to see abundance or scarcity in this world. The way you look at it will dictate the action you do or don't take. One who sees abundance finds a way to solve problems. One who sees scarcity sees only what is missing. You're new goal: mindset shift from scarcity to abundance.

 

[5h1n1g4m1]

Hopeless? Give up? Doomed? Your Classic Mess?

You have a broken Identity. Start being optimistic, grateful, curious, enjoy the little things, and every other positive thing you can think of.

You're on the wrong forum my friend. This forum is about improving your life. Nobody on here is going to tell you to give up. You know you don't want to give up. You're on this forum for a reason. You know what you want in life. You know what you have to do. Go get it.

You're totally right. It's just tough... been bouncing between jobs for a while now and recently got into a big fight with someone i care about. It's really easy to feel overwhelmed with the Mt. Negativity that's building and forget to look past it to the Sun that lies ahead.

I will change my mentality, and I will succeed. Just have to take it one day at a time, I suppose. Thank you.

 

[Envious]

You're totally right. It's just tough... been bouncing between jobs for a while now and recently got into a big fight with someone i care about. It's really easy to feel overwhelmed with the Mt. Negativity that's building and forget to look past it to the Sun that lies ahead.

I will change my mentality, and I will succeed. Just have to take it one day at a time, I suppose. Thank you.

I’m going to give you some advice because I was exactly where you are not so long ago.
A directionless, depressed and deflated individual who was just hoping something or someone would help. That someone or something was never going to come so I started little by little to change my life by implementing changes.

• If you’re depressed, seek some help to get better. This came in the form of therapy for me as I didn’t think taking anti-depressants were the right path. It’s your choice to make but TALK TO SOMEONE. You’re not alone and millions have experienced what you have before, help is out there.
• Change your environment: one of the best decisions of my life was getting away from toxic people who infected my mindset and brought me down. Sure I have less money and more responsibility, but that is a small downside compared to the huge benefits it will bring you.
• Exercise and get healthy: Excercise, a clean diet and limiting intake of drugs and alcohol will do wonders for your overall health and wellbeing. When you start to feel better in body and mind, your self esteem will improve and so will motivation, energy and confidence.
• Decide what you want: What are your values? What do you want in life? There are good threads by @Andy Black and @Vigilante on this. Having direction will really help you to be happier and more focused.
• Get up earlier and at the same time everyday: Starting the day right will having a massive positive effect on your day, week,month and eventually year. Set your goals for the day and get them done. You’ll feel great and start to build some momentum.
• Start making these changes today: don’t look at this list try to do everything at once, you’ll burn out and give up. Start with what you believe is the most important and execute that, then move on to the next thing.

I don’t claim to have it all figured out, far from it actually. But what I can say is doing these things really helped me and my life has turned around tremendously since doing them.

I hope this helps you.

Good luck.

 

[5h1n1g4m1]

I’m going to give you some advice because I was exactly where you are not so long ago.
A directionless, depressed and deflated individual who was just hoping something or someone would help. That someone or something was never going to come so I started little by little to change my life by implementing changes...

I don’t claim to have it all figured out, far from it actually. But what I can say is doing these things really helped me and my life has turned around tremendously since doing them.

I hope this helps you.

Good luck.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this all out. I'm definitely in need of advice so this came like a cool breeze on a hot summer day. It's kind of comforting to know you've gotten out of a similar hole...

Actually, going through some of the posts on this site have been quite motivating as I see many people started with very little and worked their way up. I've been changing my habits but more exercise doesn't help if I'm eating and sleeping poorly afterwards, so I'll try to focus more on that. I know I'm my own worst enemy and the more pessimistic and negative I think, the more it consumes me.

I'm going to start implementing these and maybe start a thread on progress/obstacles I see along the way. Mind if I ask, how do you feel you've grown since you started changing these little habits?

 

[Youngrahn]

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with being negative or wondering if quitting is the only solution. That's why I never say "be positive" to anybody who is going though tough time.

Most people who know me say I always look so happy, positive, energetic, and driven.
But on my bad days, I know I can be the biggest jerk and I also have power to make somebody else's day the worst day of their lives. but I just choose not to. and it took years to become good at it.

I hate it when people tell me what to do or ask me to do things for them. and it annoys and depresses me because I do feel like a machine or slave sometimes.

But by starting to act first before they micromanage and ask if I can do anything for them first, I actually feel like there are too many things I can choose to do daily.
Funny thing is ever since I started asking people if there is anything I can do for them a lot more often, they started asking me for help less.

I think once you realize that you can choose to create the attitude and lifestyle that lead to the life you want, it would get easier to bounce back to 'grateful and positive' mode while you're going though tough time. It just requires a lot of practice.

 

[Late Bloomer]

I feel like I was doomed to be a slow-laner my entire life because the universe just wants it so.

MJ wrote a couple of great books about this. (I know one of the books is great because I read it. I suspect the other one's also good, based on the reviews.) He explains that being a slow-laner is primarily a matter of indoctrination by social rules that are popular and seem to make sense, but they're actually contrary to our having productive, successful, happy lives. I recommend you read what he has to say, and then re-evaluate whether it was "the universe" or just social conditioning that wanted you to be a slow-lander. If you still feel it was the universe, well then you're screwed unless you can pop over to a better universe. But if you come to the conclusion that it was social conditioning, then there's hope, because one human idea the leads to failure, can be replaced with another human idea that leads to success.

 

[Ninjakid]

Depressive tendencies and a need to self sabotage everything I do it's almost admirable.

This is habit energy. Did you know you can develop new habits?

 

[5h1n1g4m1]

I personally don't think there is anything wrong with being negative or wondering if quitting is the only solution. That's why I never say "be positive" to anybody who is going though tough time.

Most people who know me say I always look so happy, positive, energetic, and driven.
But on my bad days, I know I can be the biggest jerk and I also have power to make somebody else's day the worst day of their lives. but I just choose not to. and it took years to become good at it.

I hate it when people tell me what to do or ask me to do things for them. and it annoys and depresses me because I do feel like a machine or slave sometimes.

But by starting to act first before they micromanage and ask if I can do anything for them first, I actually feel like there are too many things I can choose to do daily.
Funny thing is ever since I started asking people if there is anything I can do for them a lot more often, they started asking me for help less.

I think once you realize that you can choose to create the attitude and lifestyle that lead to the life you want, it would get easier to bounce back to 'grateful and positive' mode while you're going though tough time. It just requires a lot of practice.

So you accept that sometimes you'll have bad days but try to focus your energy on making sure if you do it won't get out of hand, yeah? I like that perspective, it shows we are always in control of our emotions and need to check them daily to make sure they're not harming us or the people around us. I know for sure when I'm down I'll bum out the people in my vicinity. Thank you for the reply

 

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[5h1n1g4m1]

This is habit energy. Did you know you can develop new habits?

I know i can, the problem is I don't have any technique that works to change the negative habits into positive ones. Do you have any tricks that you've used to turn these around?

 

[motivatedesign]

Just keep going. Get involved in something that you enjoy recreational and do something online that you enjoy as well. If it's reading forum's, try and make a site out of it somehow. Who knows. Point is, just keep active and networking. That's all its about in the end.

 

[Ninjakid]

I know i can, the problem is I don't have any technique that works to change the negative habits into positive ones. Do you have any tricks that you've used to turn these around?

First thing you want to do is identify the things that are holding you back and are sabotaging you. Next imagine your ideal self and habits. Let's say you weren't depressed, and weren't self-destructive, what would you be doing differently? What would a day in your life be like?

 

[S.Y.]

I know i can, the problem is I don't have any technique that works to change the negative habits into positive ones. Do you have any tricks that you've used to turn these around?

A bit of tough love.
Few gems in those two videos.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jN1ckK2YBA

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wK9rLzR7M1g

 

[Ninjakid]

A bit of tough love.
Few gems in those two videos.

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jN1ckK2YBA

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wK9rLzR7M1g

I'll take it a step further and recommend his book, 12 Rules For Life

 

[AlexLegault]

I've been very depressed before, so I know how you feel.

It's hard to be creative and achieve all your goals in life when you're carrying a dark cloud over your head all the time..


You need to focus on your health before you can focus on your goals.



If you're not doing this already, start today.


Get to sleep on time

Get to sleep on time and follow a schedule. Sleep deprivation f*cks with your hormones, and the last thing you want when you're depressed is cortisol (stress hormone) pumping through the roof.


Exercise every single day

I don't care if it's walking, powerlifting, sports or chasing girls at the local pub. Just move. Movement plays a HUGE role in improving your mood and reducing depression/anxiety.


Stop eating garbage

Avoid sugar and processed food like the plague. That shit will rot your body from the inside out. Focus on eating a well balanced diet (it's a little different for everyone) and make sure you're getting enough fruits/vegetables, meat, healthy starches (rice, potatoes, quinoa..) and some healthy fats.

Your body isn't a trash can so don't treat it like one.


Fix your digestion

If you think you may have food a food intolerance, get that sh*t checked. I'm serious.

Having good digestion, aka "gut health" is vital if you want to start having happy/healthy thoughts.

There was a point on my life that I didn't realize I was allergic to gluten, and the amount of mental suffering (anxiety, depression) I went through was insane. I was always anxious, depressed and had a really shitty outlook on life.

Had I gotten a test sooner, I could've felt much better without wondering what was wrong with me.

Don't let that happen to you. Get it checked and get your gut under control (Don't skip this!)


Social relationships

Spend more time with people you care about. Whether it's friends or family, go and have some fun.

Go see a movie with your family..

Play some board games with your buddies..

Take your dog for a walk to the dog park with your partner..

Don't have a partner? Great! Go walk your dog and meet someone.

Just get out there and get social!


Do things that make you happy

Don't get me wrong. You need to work, pay the bills and feed yourself. You need to put some effort if you want to achieve your goals in life. But once you've put in the work, be done with it.

Don't think about it 24/7.

Do what you have to do and then relax. Chill.

Stop being so neurotic and enjoy yourself a little bit.

Get sh*t done during the day, and find time to rest/play at night (preferably with people you love!)


***


It's hard being depressed when you follow the above.

After following these steps myself, I've finally gotten out of the depression trap. I no longer have f*cked up thoughts, feel anxious and depressed and have a much better perspective on life.


No doctors.. No pills.. Just natural methods and common sense.


Once you have all that under control, you'll be in a better position to go all in and move fast towards your goals, dreams, or whatever it is you want to achieve in life.


Help yourself first, then help the world.


I hope this helped. Good luck to you and feel better soon!

P.S.

Feel free to message me if you have any questions or need someone to talk to. I'd love to help.

 

[WaterWerks]

give up and then what ?
wheres the fun in that ?
we've all been where you are, at some point in our lives, but giving up is pointless.
it can be draining physically and even more mentally, but i bet my last penny that something in the back of your mind tells you to keep going.

and a bad life ? dude, some people would give away LIMBS to live the life you have. think about that. be grateful.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

I'm having a bad life.

What have you done to change this?

Or are you sitting around for things to change.

You have to change if you want change.

 

[Youngrahn]

So you accept that sometimes you'll have bad days but try to focus your energy on making sure if you do it won't get out of hand, yeah? I like that perspective, it shows we are always in control of our emotions and need to check them daily to make sure they're not harming us or the people around us. I know for sure when I'm down I'll bum out the people in my vicinity. Thank you for the reply

You are welcome! We all have our own 'weakness', 'tough times' and 'ugly moments', don't we?
I think it is Great that you are willing to take people's advice and I have a lot of respect for you in that regard. Thank you for opening up and sharing your thoughts.
Have a good one!