My Odyssey - Finding Meaning And Achieving Financial Freedom

[Odysseus M Jones]

P.S. I'd love it if we could rename my thread to "My Journey - Finding Meaning And Achieving Financial Freedom".

No.
Leave it for posterity.
A reminder of your metamorfosis from caterpillar to butterfly.
But if you insist, at least change journey to Odyssey.
It didn't take 10 years but it was an ordeal and you did go through hell.


Also it pays homage to my former screen name a Odysseus M Jones, your first and most ardent supporter.

I was the very first person to discover your thread and place the first like on your first post. And I was the first person to like all your subsequent posts.
Because I know how to pick winners.

Of course if someone checked that, they will see that I am not the first person to like your post but as you recall during one of your deepest darkest depressions I unliked all your posts in order to re-like them to give you a massive boost and lift you out of your funk.

Naturally, because of your OCD you noticed this drop of likes and called me out on it before I re-liked your posts.

That's why all my likes on your posts are on the same date when I re-liked liked them all.

Anyway, this thread is about you not me.

Congratulations on your success Mr king of push-ups and future world formula 1 champion.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Simon Angel]

No.
Leave it for posterity.
A reminder of your metamorfosis from caterpillar to butterfly.
But if you insist, at least change journey to Odyssey.
It didn't take 10 years but it was an ordeal and you did go through hell.


Also it pays homage to my former screen name a Odysseus M Jones, your first and most ardent supporter.

I was the very first person to discover your thread and place the first like on your first post. And I was the first person to like all your subsequent posts.
Because I know how to pick winners.

Of course if someone checked that, they will see that I am not the first person to like your post but as you recall during one of your deepest darkest depressions I unliked all your posts in order to re-like them to give you a massive boost and lift you out of your funk.

Naturally, because of your OCD you noticed this drop of likes and called me out on it before I re-liked your posts.

That's why all my likes on your posts are on the same date when I re-liked liked them all.

Anyway, this thread is about you not me.

Congratulations on your success Mr king of push-ups and future world formula 1 champion.

Thanks for your support, Odysseus. It did make a difference in my darkest times. You're the most thoughtful forum entity ever. By entity, I mean I've no idea who or what you are, lol.

Actually, there's one thing I'm pretty certain I know about you. I think you're British.

And yes, I'm definitely still working on becoming a Formula 1 World Champion and improving my driving every day. I'm actually up there with the eSports guys now, many of which have gained entry into motorsports from their simulator success, so that's a future possibility along with video game writing.

But when can I expect to see your progress thread? Or are you already a business tycoon that's just giving support to random people on the Internet? That would explain your anonymity, I guess.

 

[Itizn]

It's been said before, people want to hear your story, almost more so than what you can do for them.

The first post was great, congrats on what you've accomplished.

Haven't read through the entire thread, so sorry If it's been answered, but are you planning to remain in Bulgaria or do you have a country you'd like to relocate to?

 

[Simon Angel]

It's been said before, people want to hear your story, almost more so than what you can do for them.

The first post was great, congrats on what you've accomplished.

Haven't read through the entire thread, so sorry If it's been answered, but are you planning to remain in Bulgaria or do you have a country you'd like to relocate to?

I'm not planning on moving for the time being. However, I'm in a serious relationship with a hot girl that wants to have my babies AND wants to get out of here in order to find fulfillment in her upcoming medical career.

We're eyeing Cyprus since it's sunny, warm, and close to Bulgaria, plus her family is connected to some big-shot health clinic owner in Nicosia. So nothing is set in stone yet.

Anyway, living in Bulgaria is pretty good and I elaborated on why exactly that is in my latest update:

The seemingly measly $1200-1500 (about 2000-2500 BGN) I'm currently making per month, working just 1 hour on average per day, is giving me a quality of life in Bulgaria for which to match in the US I'd need to be earning about 4-5x that amount.. in dollars!

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Andy Black]

P.S. I'd love it if we could rename my thread to "My Journey - Finding Meaning And Achieving Financial Freedom".

Done.

 

[Simon Angel]

Done.

Thanks, Andy, but I gotta honor @OMJ's request.

Can we please change "Journey" to "Odyssey"?

EDIT: Appreciate it @Andy Black

 

[Odysseus M Jones]

Thanks for your support, Odysseus. It did make a difference in my darkest times. You're the most thoughtful forum entity ever. By entity, I mean I've no idea who or what you are, lol.

Actually, there's one thing I'm pretty certain I know about you. I think you're British.

Correct, British entity.
It's times like this that remind me I'm relatively normal despite my eventful childhood.
Only the first 16 years was traumatic, after that it was plain sailing.
My neighbours think I'm a normal respectable person, and that's all an Englishman wants.
They actually think I'm retired yet I work 7 days a week.
Like a swan baby!
All serene on the surface, yet furiously paddling.
Image is everything as they say.

But when can I expect to see your progress thread? Or are you already a business tycoon that's just giving support to random people on the Internet? That would explain your anonymity, I guess

That was the plan when I joined the forum.

Been around the block a few times, boom and bust.
So I do have experience and try to help where I can.

Now at 58 it's time to do it all over again.

Onwards and upwards!

Stay tuned.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Simon Angel]

Correct, British entity.
It's times like this that remind me I'm relatively normal despite my eventful childhood.
Only the first 16 years was traumatic, after that it was plain sailing.
My neighbours think I'm a normal respectable person, and that's all an Englishman wants.
They actually think I'm retired yet I work 7 days a week.
Like a swan baby!
All serene on the surface, yet furiously paddling.
Image is everything as they say.

That was the plan when I joined the forum.

Been around the block a few times, boom and bust.
So I do have experience and try to help where I can.

Now at 58 it's time to do it all over again.

Onwards and upwards!

Stay tuned.

Very poetic - looking forward to seeing what you'll get into!

 

[Simon Angel]

A classic case of eating your own words.

In yesterday's update I mentioned how I hadn't had depression in a while.

Well, apparently all it took was to hear Tom's Diner playing on the radio in my friend's car following a social game of cards.

I instantly got flashbacks to around age 4 or 5, walking in a park with my then very young (and absolutely beautiful) mother on a sunny spring day. We had just ate at a fast food joint and I even got some banana juice, my favorite thing ever back then since I couldn't have ice cream or chocolate. Of course, banana juice wasn't a regular thing because we had to save money to eat.

There wasn't anyone nor anything I loved and cared more about than my mom. After my father left us, I believe I developed OCD and constantly worried about her.

I worried when she went to work early in the morning before noon.

I worried when it was getting dark in the evening and she wasn't yet home from work.

I worried when all the kids got picked up from kindergarten and I was the last one remaining.

"Did she have an accident? Perhaps she got run over by a car? Kidnapped?"

I was constantly thinking of ways to defend her while we were walking on the sidewalk and men were approaching us or looking at her.

"I'll grab this rock, throw it in his eye, then punch the other guy in the balls while mom runs away to home."

Imagine thinking like that when you are 5.

My mom was my world and nothing felt better than her warm embrace. I could've gone to sleep in her arms and never woken up and it would've been fine.

And the world - it seemed like the scariest place ever. I remember thinking how big everyone was and how uncomfortable their clothes looked. I also remember curiously looking at anyone that passed by, seldom locking eyes with strangers.

Some of those strangers looked at me in a neglecting way. Others were just plain creeoy. There were also those that smiled for a moment then quickly looked away.

But the most fascinating people for me were those that still had pureness in their eyes. I could see that they're kids but in an adult attire. I promised myself that one day I would become just like them.

I don't know what happened and if I kept my promise. But if there's one word I had to use to describe myself when I was very young it would be "sad". When I wasn't sad, I was angry.

And right now, I'm feeling sad again. And I don't know why. I think it's because I'm almost my mom's age from my flashbacks and I realize how hard this all must have been to her.

The financial struggles, being a single parent, caring for a "special" kid.

I so owe my mom. But I can't even bring myself to hug her nowadays. Or tell her that I love her back.

It's not that I don't. But it's a bittersweet feeling. After I reached a certain age, she became awful, cynical, and abusive towards me. Not the angel I remember.

And I don't blame her. Life sucks for the most part. And I never want to cling so hard to anyone ever again.

I guess there's still this anger towards my parents. I'm trying to think of ways to excuse their actions because they were also young and intimidated by the world.

But I just can't. Because I know that I would never do to my children what they did to me. I'd rather die than take that sparkle away from their eyes.

End of sob story.

 

[SunnyN]

A classic case of eating your own words.

In yesterday's update I mentioned how I hadn't had depression in a while.

Well, apparently all it took was to hear Tom's Diner playing on the radio in my friend's car following a social game of cards.

I instantly got flashbacks to around age 4 or 5, walking in a park with my then very young (and absolutely beautiful) mother on a sunny spring day. We had just ate at a fast food joint and I even got some banana juice, my favorite thing ever back then since I couldn't have ice cream or chocolate. Of course, banana juice wasn't a regular thing because we had to save money to eat.

There wasn't anyone nor anything I loved and cared more about than my mom. After my father left us, I believe I developed OCD and constantly worried about her.

I worried when she went to work early in the morning before noon.

I worried when it was getting dark in the evening and she wasn't yet home from work.

I worried when all the kids got picked up from kindergarten and I was the last one remaining.

"Did she have an accident? Perhaps she got run over by a car? Kidnapped?"

I was constantly thinking of ways to defend her while we were walking on the sidewalk and men were approaching us or looking at her.

"I'll grab this rock, throw it in his eye, then punch the other guy in the balls while mom runs away to home."

Imagine thinking like that when you are 5.

My mom was my world and nothing felt better than her warm embrace. I could've gone to sleep in her arms and never woken up and it would've been fine.

And the world - it seemed like the scariest place ever. I remember thinking how big everyone was and how uncomfortable their clothes looked. I also remember curiously looking at anyone that passed by, seldom locking eyes with strangers.

Some of those strangers looked at me in a neglecting way. Others were just plain creeoy. There were also those that smiled for a moment then quickly looked away.

But the most fascinating people for me were those that still had pureness in their eyes. I could see that they're kids but in an adult attire. I promised myself that one day I would become just like them.

I don't know what happened and if I kept my promise. But if there's one word I had to use to describe myself when I was very young it would be "sad". When I wasn't sad, I was angry.

And right now, I'm feeling sad again. And I don't know why. I think it's because I'm almost my mom's age from my flashbacks and I realize how hard this all must have been to her.

The financial struggles, being a single parent, caring for a "special" kid.

I so owe my mom. But I can't even bring myself to hug her nowadays. Or tell her that I love her back.

It's not that I don't. But it's a bittersweet feeling. After I reached a certain age, she became awful, cynical, and abusive towards me. Not the angel I remember.

And I don't blame her. Life sucks for the most part. And I never want to cling so hard to anyone ever again.

I guess there's still this anger towards my parents. I'm trying to think of ways to excuse their actions because they were also young and intimidated by the world.

But I just can't. Because I know that I would never do to my children what they did to me. I'd rather die than take that sparkle away from their eyes.

End of sob story.

It's the tough things in life that make us tough. Maybe, you would just be another face in the crowd if you had a normal childhood. Being special is not something that anyone can handle. God gives problems to those who are capable enough to handle them.

Cheer up, buddy. You never know what beauties life can show when you are at your lowest. That's how it works.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Odysseus M Jones]

Cheer up, buddy. You never know what beauties life can show when you are at your lowest. That's how it works.

Indeed.
It's the hero's struggle.

God gives problems to those who are capable enough to handle them.

When God is about to place a great responsibility on a great man,
it always first frustrates his spirit and will,
exhausts his muscles and bones,
exposes him to starvation and poverty,
harasses him by troubles and setbacks so as to stimulate his spirit,
toughen his nature and enhance his abilities.

 

[SunnyN]

Indeed.
It's the hero's struggle.

When God is about to place a great responsibility on a great man,
it always first frustrates his spirit and will,
exhausts his muscles and bones,
exposes him to starvation and poverty,
harasses him by troubles and setbacks so as to stimulate his spirit,
toughen his nature and enhance his abilities.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

 

[Odysseus M Jones]

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

Yes, you can't go wrong with a Billy Ocean song.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[BizyDad]

I unliked all your posts in order to re-like them to give you a massive boost and lift you out of your funk.

You did that?!?!

Naturally, because of your OCD you noticed this drop of likes and called me out on it

No way!!! He did that?!?!

I was the very first person to discover your thread and place the first like on your first post. And I was the first person to like all your subsequent posts.
Because I know how to pick winners.

That's amazing. You have quite the talent.

Anyway, this thread is about you not me.

Yes, good point. Sorry, it's just that I haven't seen Odysseus M Jones on the forums lately and here you are sharing awesome stories and putting smiles on people's faces.

I'm glad you're still around.

Ok, back to @Simon Angel . I didn't know you had a progress thread! I'm going to read it now. Maybe not all today, but soon. I cheated and skipped to the end. Sorry you're struggling. Know that you have people in your corner.

And I want to add I appreciate your contributions to the forum. I'm glad you are still around too!

 

[Andy Black]

Hahahaha you’re gassing me up too much!

it’s definitely a very different type of outreach that takes some time to master, but based off my metrics at 5 per day I book around 6 sales calls per month, which depending on lead quality & my sales results in 1 - 2 clients per month.

in the beginning I was sending 10+ per day, but I couldn’t sustain that output with managing the team and clients, so now I’ve got someone working for me on commission basis with my exact system.

I won’t share one of my examples publicly for obvious reasons, but it goes a bit like this:

- find a list of qualified leads, and find the DM email via LinkedIn/Snov/hunter
- Start recording on their website, introduce myself and give a hook. “I want to show you how you’re missing out on $10k, if not $100k pm in sales”
- quick intro of myself
- audit (compliment) their website, product, reviews, IG, and content
- go to their FB ads library “this is why I was surprised to see that a business of your caliber wasn’t taking full advantage of FB ads”
- change tabs to a google slides which is a quick pitch for the agency (Shopify specialists, 800k+ in adspend, guarantee results)
- show case studies / results from previous clients (proof)
- audit ads (too few ads, copy, creatives, etc.)
- show case studies again and give a CTA “if you re interested in generating results like these, I’d love to book in a quick 15 min call”

and then rinse and repeat that 10x per day.

I think this would probably work great for you with website builds aswell, especially given you have a portfolio.

as I said, don’t giveup the cold calls, but start adding this to your outreach system! You’ll need to write out a 3 - 5x email sequence and store leads in a google sheet / CRM as well so you don’t lose track.

LMK if I missed anything, this was all just off the top of my head while I wait for an uber haha

@BizyDad

 

[Andy Black]

A classic case of eating your own words.

In yesterday's update I mentioned how I hadn't had depression in a while.

Well, apparently all it took was to hear Tom's Diner playing on the radio in my friend's car following a social game of cards.

I instantly got flashbacks to around age 4 or 5, walking in a park with my then very young (and absolutely beautiful) mother on a sunny spring day. We had just ate at a fast food joint and I even got some banana juice, my favorite thing ever back then since I couldn't have ice cream or chocolate. Of course, banana juice wasn't a regular thing because we had to save money to eat.

There wasn't anyone nor anything I loved and cared more about than my mom. After my father left us, I believe I developed OCD and constantly worried about her.

I worried when she went to work early in the morning before noon.

I worried when it was getting dark in the evening and she wasn't yet home from work.

I worried when all the kids got picked up from kindergarten and I was the last one remaining.

"Did she have an accident? Perhaps she got run over by a car? Kidnapped?"

I was constantly thinking of ways to defend her while we were walking on the sidewalk and men were approaching us or looking at her.

"I'll grab this rock, throw it in his eye, then punch the other guy in the balls while mom runs away to home."

Imagine thinking like that when you are 5.

My mom was my world and nothing felt better than her warm embrace. I could've gone to sleep in her arms and never woken up and it would've been fine.

And the world - it seemed like the scariest place ever. I remember thinking how big everyone was and how uncomfortable their clothes looked. I also remember curiously looking at anyone that passed by, seldom locking eyes with strangers.

Some of those strangers looked at me in a neglecting way. Others were just plain creeoy. There were also those that smiled for a moment then quickly looked away.

But the most fascinating people for me were those that still had pureness in their eyes. I could see that they're kids but in an adult attire. I promised myself that one day I would become just like them.

I don't know what happened and if I kept my promise. But if there's one word I had to use to describe myself when I was very young it would be "sad". When I wasn't sad, I was angry.

And right now, I'm feeling sad again. And I don't know why. I think it's because I'm almost my mom's age from my flashbacks and I realize how hard this all must have been to her.

The financial struggles, being a single parent, caring for a "special" kid.

I so owe my mom. But I can't even bring myself to hug her nowadays. Or tell her that I love her back.

It's not that I don't. But it's a bittersweet feeling. After I reached a certain age, she became awful, cynical, and abusive towards me. Not the angel I remember.

And I don't blame her. Life sucks for the most part. And I never want to cling so hard to anyone ever again.

I guess there's still this anger towards my parents. I'm trying to think of ways to excuse their actions because they were also young and intimidated by the world.

But I just can't. Because I know that I would never do to my children what they did to me. I'd rather die than take that sparkle away from their eyes.

End of sob story.

Ah, my heart goes out to you. Kids are a blessing, so I can’t imagine what problems people have to not give them the support and love they need growing up.

Sometimes people develop mental health problems and have their internal battles to fight. Whenever I see people being angry, bitter, or unhappy I assume that’s not how they want to be.

Your mum won’t be around forever. Think about what you’d do if you found out she had a month left. I implore you to consider doing that - now. Life is short and things happen.


I’ve skimmed through your thread. You’ve done loads.

How are you currently getting leads/prospects? Are you still doing outbound?

You mentioned a year ago that a guy non-showed for a scheduled call three times! Mistakes happen, but after the second I’d have probably moved on.

When it’s an inbound lead they are much more likely to attend.

when you make prospects come to you, rather than you reaching out to them, the results are dramatically different, because they've already shown interest

Keep going. Rooting for you.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Andy Black]

the most fascinating people for me were those that still had pureness in their eyes. I could see that they're kids but in an adult attire. I promised myself that one day I would become just like them.

Childlike, not childish.

It’s rare that people retain their childlike wonder and excitement into adult life.

Those people are a gift. Aspiring to be one (stay that way?) is a worthy goal imo.

I’ll drop this video here that I did 5 years ago.

• Are you a man amongst boys?

 

[Odysseus M Jones]

You did that?!?!

Yup, took an age too.

And just gave him another boost since he's feeling a little down.

 

[Simon Angel]

Thanks guys! @OMJ, @Andy Black, @SunnyN, @BizyDad

I've been fine since that night - my brain just tends to short-circuit at times.

I'm earning well and have the confidence, the results, and all the opportunities I need to make it big.

But to be honest, I like the way things are right now. The ONLY thing that I feel is lacking in my life recently is competition.

I LIVE to compete and win. Have always been attracted to the idea of taking something and becoming the best at it with time and effort.

I found myself doing nothing in my free time these past few days - mainly because I'm spending time with my girlfriend at her place in another city.

And because I'm away from my sim racing setup, I suddenly developed an urge to install League of Legends, since I was in the top 0.0001% of the world for years, which, at the time, gave me purpose and meaning. But I'm not sure that's something I really want to get back to because it has caused addiction and all kinds of issues in the past.

Also, something I noticed while I was on vacation with my girl and friends is that I had zero gastrointestinal issues.. even with some subpar meal choices. All that walking, swimming, jumping around, and most importantly, ZERO thinking proved to be extremely beneficial for my health. In terms of the physical, it was more of a neverending workout rather than a relaxing vacation, but boy, was it relaxing for my mind.

I was constantly in the present moment - no regrets about the past or worries about the future. Just me, my senses, and my friends.

So.. I did some thinking and decided I'm going to visit this BJJ place nearby and get my a$$ beat. In about 2 hours or so.

The idea is that I probably won't be thinking about anything while manhandling/being manhandled by a grunting, sweaty dude for 2 hours - which means I will essentially be meditating.

Will report back later.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[SunnyN]

Thanks guys! @OMJ, @Andy Black, @SunnyN, @BizyDad

I've been fine since that night - my brain just tends to short-circuit at times.

I'm earning well and have the confidence, the results, and all the opportunities I need to make it big.

But to be honest, I like the way things are right now. The ONLY thing that I feel is lacking in my life recently is competition.

I LIVE to compete and win. Have always been attracted to the idea of taking something and becoming the best at it with time and effort.

I found myself doing nothing in my free time these past few days - mainly because I'm spending time with my girlfriend at her place in another city.

And because I'm away from my sim racing setup, I suddenly developed an urge to install League of Legends, since I was in the top 0.0001% of the world for years, which, at the time, gave me purpose and meaning. But I'm not sure that's something I really want to get back to because it has caused addiction and all kinds of issues in the past.

Also, something I noticed while I was on vacation with my girl and friends is that I had zero gastrointestinal issues.. even with some subpar meal choices. All that walking, swimming, jumping around, and most importantly, ZERO thinking proved to be extremely beneficial for my health. In terms of the physical, it was more of a neverending workout rather than a relaxing vacation, but boy, was it relaxing for my mind.

I was constantly in the present moment - no regrets about the past or worries about the future. Just me, my senses, and my friends.

So.. I did some thinking and decided I'm going to visit this BJJ place nearby and get my a$$ beat. In about 2 hours or so.

The idea is that I probably won't be thinking about anything while manhandling/being manhandled by a grunting, sweaty dude for 2 hours - which means I will essentially be meditating.

Will report back later.

More power to you.

 

[kelvin811]

Wow, these type of stories make me want to get out of bed, stop lurking so much, and actually execute on plans. Kudos to you man.

Since you're doing SEO and web design, do you have contractors or service providers that do the service for you or do you do it yourself?

 

[Simon Angel]

Update:

It's been a while.

I still work with a digital marketing agency where I'm head of email marketing. I earn a decent amount of money - about $2000, which is kind of like earning $8-9K in America.

My work is sporadic but tops up at about 1-2 hours per day.

Not sure what I want to add in this update except that I'm feeling nihilistic recently. I'm constantly under pressure with our clients even though we're (over)delivering.

In the past year, I've helped our clients earn more than $10M in total with approx. $1.7M solely attributed to the work I've done.

And yet, I get smartass clients asking me questions in calls they already know the answers to just to see me squirm because I don't know them off the top of my head. Why would people do that shit instead of cooperating?

Now, I might not know all of the technical info and intricacies of the emailing software we use but who even gives a F*ck when I know enough to triple your email revenue.. And we've got a ton of data to prove it?

But as the agency isn't mine I'm unable to take liberty in what I say so I end up feeling frustrated and crushed because some dumb F*ck's in a bad mood. If I can clearly see you're being needlessly hostile towards me when I'm out there caring for your business and making sure you sleep soundly knowing your brand is not only selling but also growing due to the content I put out, then F*ck you.

Anyway, I just hired an accountant and it seems I've done a big oopsie legally as well. Apparently, since I hadn't registered a company, I've only paid insurance as an unemployed person which is a court case ready to happen. I also can't pay tax for 2021 because that basically puts a target on my head. All I can really do is register a company and start paying from this point onwards.

Life is too short to worry about that, though. The worst thing that could happen is me paying a huge fine and losing most of my money which I could care less for.

Yes, I don't care. I have developed a new understanding of money- I know I can help people earn a lot of money so there'll always be some for me. Take all of my money today and nothing will change.

Apart from that, I've also hit a wall in my love life as well. My girlfriend is looking forward to us starting a family and I'm not.

I mean, I have a girlfriend with looks that most men only dream of. We're also a decent match in terms of our values - we fully agree on some things and fully disagree on others.

But I know why she wants kids. She thinks I'm the best man she's ever met. She thinks I'm ambitious and hardworking. And she thinks I'm some hard guy.

Well, I'm not. Everything I've ever done is out of fear, not boldness.

I fear living in poverty, so I started earning money.

I fear losing the respect and love from my friends and girlfriend, so I keep earning money.

I fear being vulnerable and defenseless so I went from looking like George Michael to someone who just got out of prison and can F*ck you up any second (the long abdominal scars help).

I fear being intimidated and walked over so I do my best to intimidate others to prevent that from happening.

I fear not having my name recognized and remembered by many, so I constantly compete and try to set new records on racing tracks or win 20 games in a row in a game of cards, or anything I can get my hands on really.

I fear ending up in hospital with a severe Crohn's flare from the stress of it all, so I never go 100% for an extended period of time. The last time I did that, I was on the verge of death.

Nobody seems to understand this and people get the impression I'm ungrateful for the life I currently have. I actually had my first ever I guess suicidal thought last night. I felt like I had no right choices in life and that everything I do will inevitably end up leaving me unfulfilled. I'm so tired of living up to expectations.

My dream is still to make it into peak motorsport like F1 and Indycar. At least that's the only thing that I feel like I can show up to every time and give 100%. Racing is also extremely mentally taxing and you really can't think about your problems while throwing yourself as fast as you can around corners.

Fittingly (or ironically?) that's also the only thing I'm truly talented at, even though I started extremely late (early 20s) in a sport dominated by people who started when they were just 4-7 years old I want to just stop doing anything except follow that dream. I know that if I invest all of my time into one thing I can become the best there ever was.

And the only thing I've had like that in my life has been racing. It's do or die. So I'm going to invest all of my money into a PRO sim racing setup.

But then I keep circling back to the main issue - that there's obviously something wrong with me and my thinking. I seem to derive my value from impressive accomplishments and the recognition of them from others, yet I don't even have social media or seek out that recognition. When I do become a top racer, the process is probably going to repeat itself... So why should I even do anything apart from either A) doing whatever I feel like at any given time or B) killing myself (not something I'm currently interested in)?

I feel worthless. I know my friends and family love me, even though people have described me as an empathetic dick, but I feel worthless to myself. I feel like I was gifted with so much potential (as ironic as that sounds given my health issues since I was born) and that I would achieve great things but I'm slowly realizing I'm just another nobody who isn't actually destined for anything.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[OneLife]

Update:

It's been a while.

I still work with a digital marketing agency where I'm head of email marketing. I earn a decent amount of money - about $2000, which is kind of like earning $8-9K in America.

My work is sporadic but tops up at about 1-2 hours per day.

Not sure what I want to add in this update except that I'm feeling nihilistic recently. I'm constantly under pressure with our clients even though we're (over)delivering.

In the past year, I've helped our clients earn more than $10M in total with approx. $1.7M solely attributed to the work I've done.

And yet, I get smartass clients asking me questions in calls they already know the answers to just to see me squirm because I don't know them off the top of my head. Why would people do that shit instead of cooperating?

Now, I might not know all of the technical info and intricacies of the emailing software we use but who even gives a f*ck when I know enough to triple your email revenue.. And we've got a ton of data to prove it?

But as the agency isn't mine I'm unable to take liberty in what I say so I end up feeling frustrated and crushed because some dumb f*ck's in a bad mood. If I can clearly see you're being needlessly hostile towards me when I'm out there caring for your business and making sure you sleep soundly knowing your brand is not only selling but also growing due to the content I put out, then f*ck you.

Anyway, I just hired an accountant and it seems I've done a big oopsie legally as well. Apparently, since I hadn't registered a company, I've only paid insurance as an unemployed person which is a court case ready to happen. I also can't pay tax for 2021 because that basically puts a target on my head. All I can really do is register a company and start paying from this point onwards.

Life is too short to worry about that, though. The worst thing that could happen is me paying a huge fine and losing most of my money which I could care less for.

Yes, I don't care. I have developed a new understanding of money- I know I can help people earn a lot of money so there'll always be some for me. Take all of my money today and nothing will change.

Apart from that, I've also hit a wall in my love life as well. My girlfriend is looking forward to us starting a family and I'm not.

I mean, I have a girlfriend with looks that most men only dream of. We're also a decent match in terms of our values - we fully agree on some things and fully disagree on others.

But I know why she wants kids. She thinks I'm the best man she's ever met. She thinks I'm ambitious and hardworking. And she thinks I'm some hard guy.

Well, I'm not. Everything I've ever done is out of fear, not boldness.

I fear living in poverty, so I started earning money.

I fear losing the respect and love from my friends and girlfriend, so I keep earning money.

I fear being vulnerable and defenseless so I went from looking like George Michael to someone who just got out of prison and can f*ck you up any second (the long abdominal scars help).

I fear being intimidated and walked over so I do my best to intimidate others to prevent that from happening.

I fear not having my name recognized and remembered by many, so I constantly compete and try to set new records on racing tracks or win 20 games in a row in a game of cards, or anything I can get my hands on really.

I fear ending up in hospital with a severe Crohn's flare from the stress of it all, so I never go 100% for an extended period of time. The last time I did that, I was on the verge of death.

Nobody seems to understand this and people get the impression I'm ungrateful for the life I currently have. I actually had my first ever I guess suicidal thought last night. I felt like I had no right choices in life and that everything I do will inevitably end up leaving me unfulfilled. I'm so tired of living up to expectations.

My dream is still to make it into peak motorsport like F1 and Indycar. At least that's the only thing that I feel like I can show up to every time and give 100%. Racing is also extremely mentally taxing and you really can't think about your problems while throwing yourself as fast as you can around corners.

Fittingly (or ironically?) that's also the only thing I'm truly talented at, even though I started extremely late (early 20s) in a sport dominated by people who started when they were just 4-7 years old I want to just stop doing anything except follow that dream. I know that if I invest all of my time into one thing I can become the best there ever was.

And the only thing I've had like that in my life has been racing. It's do or die. So I'm going to invest all of my money into a PRO sim racing setup.

But then I keep circling back to the main issue - that there's obviously something wrong with me and my thinking. I seem to derive my value from impressive accomplishments and the recognition of them from others, yet I don't even have social media or seek out that recognition. When I do become a top racer, the process is probably going to repeat itself... So why should I even do anything apart from either A) doing whatever I feel like at any given time or B) killing myself (not something I'm currently interested in)?

I feel worthless. I know my friends and family love me, even though people have described me as an empathetic dick, but I feel worthless to myself. I feel like I was gifted with so much potential (as ironic as that sounds given my health issues since I was born) and that I would achieve great things but I'm slowly realizing I'm just another nobody who isn't actually destined for anything.

I'm nowhere near qualified to answer this or try to give any feedback. My words can actually make you feel worse, but for the little possibility that they make you feel better - I'll just go for it and share my thoughts.

This level of self awareness & honesty IS the reason your girlfriend views you as a hard guy. It doesn't matter what your actions stem from (fear, insecurity, whatever). All that matters is you have a goal, or you have something that you don't want happening - and you do whatever it F*cking takes to make it - each and every time, you're getting it done.

I remember watching your journey a looong time ago. Go back and look through the hardships you've went through, so many obstacles, things happening that you didn't want happening - look at everything you've overcome - you want to tell me you're worthless? You're one of the strongest people I've seen bruh.

And this isn't me telling you this just to make you feel good, we're internet people and I don't give a F*ck if you feel better or not - I'm telling you an objective fact of what I've seen.

Also, I don't see how being a nobody stops you from fulfilling your potential. We're all F*cking nobody's, nothing here matters anyway, no one is going to remember us, but there are two ways to look at it;

1. I am a nobody, nothing matters, therefore I will not do anything and will simply allow myself to rot away & live life like a slug.

2. I am a nobody, nothing matters, therefore I am FREE to become whoever I want to become, I have no limitations, I can take as many risks as I want, I can give a F*ck about everything except for what I care about.

I find the second one freeing. It's your choice and your choice only how you view life.

Last thing - There is no problem with you and your WAY of thinking. The problem is YOUR THINKING. You think too much. I don't see the benefit of trying to analyze every part of your existence, of what drives you, of what you derive your value from, what your self image is and bla bla. I mean, obviously it's not black and white, but in your case, and I know it's easier said than done, why not let go of it all? Just say F*ck it, nothing matters, I'm just gonna do my thing without questioning.

Maybe the thinking is because you're circling around an answer that you know is right, but you're afraid of confronting it? Maybe thinking and suffering is more comfortable than confronting whatever it is you're escaping? If there is something like this, can you recognize that it doesn't make any sense?

--

Everything I wrote could be a bunch of bullshit lol, but if there's one thing that sticks - awesome.

You truly have lots of potential my bro. Don't let foggy thinking hide that fact from you. Get clear on what you want from life, how you want to live and what you want to do, identify the best road there and F*cking go for it. Or you'll be 80 regretting spending all this time on indecision and creating obstacles for yourself

 

[Antifragile]

But I know why she wants kids. She thinks I'm the best man she's ever met. She thinks I'm ambitious and hardworking. And she thinks I'm some hard guy.

Well, I'm not. Everything I've ever done is out of fear, not boldness.

Oh man… where was I not reading your thread over the years?!! Pure gold of inspiration. Much love @Simon Angel Thank you for sharing your journey.

I’ll reply to the quotes part above, if I may chime in.

Reasons don’t matter! I’ve moved countries, build a fortune and all out of fear too. So what? Am I a lesser man than some douche who won a lotto because he was “bold” with his last $10? F*ck that.

And having a family is bathe greatest joy I’ve ever experienced in my life. My kid puts a grin on my face so wide, my face hurts. It’s impossible to describe, it must be lived and experienced. It’s in our DNA.

And I wholeheartedly agree with @OneLife post above. Amazing post. We are internet people, we don’t give a F*ck about telling you something just to make you feel good. We usually just say what’s on our minds, regardless of how that makes YOU feel.

But I’ll add that having read many of your posts, I’ve gotten to like you. So now I’m a little less “internet guy” and a little more “gee, Simon is a good person, I wish him well, sincerely.”

Onward and upwards!

 

[Simon Angel]

@OneLife @Antifragile

You just witnessed me at my most emotional and whiny state so knowing that you liked me even then is endearing.

I've just about settled the legal stuff and planning on going out on my own. It's going to be a lot of work, a lot of intimidating work, but I'm willing to go through it because while stress might hurt me, regret would probably kill me.

Thank you for putting your own lives on pause to chat about mine. Both of your posts have been extremely helpful and I'll keep going back to them in the coming days for new insights. I appreciate you guys a lot!

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[MTF]

She thinks I'm ambitious and hardworking. And she thinks I'm some hard guy.

Well, I'm not. Everything I've ever done is out of fear, not boldness.

Vulnerability IS strength man. You're hard because you don't pretend your struggles don't exist and you even share them on a public forum.

I feel worthless. I know my friends and family love me, even though people have described me as an empathetic dick, but I feel worthless to myself. I feel like I was gifted with so much potential (as ironic as that sounds given my health issues since I was born) and that I would achieve great things but I'm slowly realizing I'm just another nobody who isn't actually destined for anything.

Have you read David Goggins's Can't Hurt Me? I think it will resonate a lot with you. Not because of the crazy fitness things he's known for but because of his background and his inner demons.

 

[Vas87]

Just read through this thread, that's one heck of a journey you went through. Amazing work!

 

[Simon Angel]

Update:

Still going and getting more mentally stable by the year!

So what's new?

Well, I haven't had to look for clients in a long time.

My clients come to me and they already know what they'll be getting because someone in their network referred me and bragged about the results they've been getting from my work.

Still, I sometimes lose clients due to things outside of my control. And sometimes, that means my income drops 3x for a while.

And somehow, despite me admittedly being lazy as shit, every time my income drops significantly I turn it around to make a record-breaking amount in just the following month. Funny how that works.

I'm also working on a game-changing browser extension for people with certain medical conditions.

This is more on the philanthropic side, but I intend on monetizing it on a freemium model down the line.

Been doing some QC on it to make sure our competitors don't know what hit them when we launch.

I have a thread on this, but I'll only update it once we're live.

Oh, and...

I also quit smoking weed (my only "vice") because I started getting panic attacks from it. I hadn't had panic attacks since I was 15.

However, I'm still not against it. If people are getting benefits from smoking, they should continue smoking. Me? I think I'm simply past that stage in my life.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.