I've only read the first post of this thread, and I can already tell I'll be coming back to this one over and over to remind myself of this...
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Free registration at the forum removes this block.I simply love your post!.It reminds me of the topic on "VALUES" in the Best selling book called "The subtle art of not giving a f*ck" by Mark Manson.In this particular part of the book,Mark identifies the following as "shitty values",values you should not be prioritizing in your life;I'm sticking my neck out here because I know that SOME people will consider this topic along the same lines of "action-faking", "passion following", and other guru life coaching BS.
However, I'm going for my 3rd Gold on purpose with this thread.
Yes this will be a massive post, covering several posts actually. It gets deep and gets into tapping emotions sometimes. When you think you know what I'm talking about, I might actually spin it around on you later. If you really like what you read, make sure you pay attention.
My aim is not to convince you or "life coach" you. My aim is to help specific people who were once like me on this forum. When you read this thread, you will know who you are and you will understand why I am helping you and posting this. For everyone else that doesn't get it, this post just wasn't meant for you at this time of your life.
And yes, I posted this on another forum first. Why? I didn't know how some of you would take it. So I decided to post it elsewhere, get feedback, and refine it for here. Kinda like how Seinfeld and other comics try out their new jokes on smaller venues before doing them in front of larger crowds.
I'm going to give an intro here first on why I am posting this that will then lead into the actual posting. So here goes....
Intro/Background
Years ago I really thought I knew who I was. I was living a largely unscripted life for the most part and doing things my way.
In many ways, I was also still attached to the the "script" my parents and grandparents passed down to me, as well as society. Each time the script got in my way and I was let down by it, I grew more into the unscripted me.
These events lead me to certain beliefs, values, and goals. It helped me move forward to an unscripted life before MJ's book came out. Based on this, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to be.
But see, life is funny in that way.You think you have it all figured out but many times you don't know the WHY behind those things. Many times you don't care to look into the WHY because "life happens" or you feel you know the real why already.
In 2008 I had a massive FTM. It was one of many and it was not my last. However, this one specific FTM lead me to huge financial success in my own business. Years later even with success in business, I found myself depressed over the same things that lead to my FTM in 2008.
So in 2015 I decided to do some soul searching. What come out of that is what I present to you below.
I didn't post this background information elsewhere. I wanted you all to know the background so you could see where I was coming from and why I posted it. The story jumps to the present day now below:
The Post
Every 12 months or so, I take a look at my goals and I figure out if what I completed is in alignment with what I want in life.
But the big question is, what is it I want?
And what do I do when my want's change?
It's be proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?
In 2015, my core values were:
- Individuality
- Freedom
- Trust
- Simplicity
- Activeness
These past few days I re-evaluated my core values and came up with:
Now these words all mean something different, to different people. That's OK. What they mean to you when you make out your list is all that matters. Sometimes, these values can mean different things at different times to the same person...
- Simplicity
- Creativity
- Entrepreneurship
- Stability
- Autonomy
It took me a few days actively thinking about these values ( from multiple different lists I pulled up online ) and thinking about my past, current, and future life. What I ended up with fits me now. This is key because what you want and need can change every year.
So why is this important?
As builders and entrepreneurs, you are going to get distracted with new shiny projects and ideas. Maybe in the middle of building your empire you get offered a sweet cushy executive job.
Maybe it's as simple as you get the urge to move to another city.
If you know your core values, you can compare these new projects, job offers, urges to change against the core values and see if it really makes sense to do so.
For a personal example, I took my core values above and made a personal mission statement:
"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"
If something comes up, I ask myself if it aligns with my core values and mission statement.
An example of this might be:
A lot of you might disagree with what I put above as examples.
- Work on new shiny Adsense project - Is it simple? Yes. Is it creative? No.
- I found a no, so I should pass on this new shiny object
- Got offered a cushy VP job at XYZ Inc - Is it simple? No
- It also isn't entrepreneurial, so I need to pass on it
- Found a new house I love, its $475,000 and I need a mortgage
- It doesn't fit autonomy. I will feel obligated to pay my mortgage and do things to make sure it's paid like take a job or give up a trip I really wanted to go on maybe to pay the bills.
- However, maybe I can find a creative and entrepreneurial way to still get this house, like live in for 6 months and AirBNB it the other 6 months of the year.
You might say, a mortgage isn't a problem really. You need a house, its your dream house, its just one bill, it doesn't really impact your independence and freedom.
But this exercise is about how "I feel and I think". When you do yours, you use your feeling and wisdom that you live by. That's the whole idea of core values and how YOU personally understand them.
So if you had the same core values as me and made the same mission statement as me, it's no wonder you feel depressed and miserable working a J-O-B as the Director of some web agency. It's no wonder your miserable working on projects where none of your creativity shines through. It's no wonder your sick and worried all the time when you have no stability in your life bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend while moving to a different city and changing jobs every 3 months ( if stability was one of your core values, as it is for me ).
Get the picture?
Knowing your core values is like knowing your goals.
Once you figure them out, you can make better decisions about what choices you make in life. Backing that up with a mission statement ( personal ) will further strengthen that.
BTW, your core values and mission statement can be different from the ones you pick for your business.
One last thing I do to further ensure I stay on track is to add in Priorities.
My priorities for 2015 where these:
I haven't figured out my priorities yet for this year since I just changed my core values and mission statement for the next 12 months, but once I figure those out I will share here.
- Family
- Charity & Faith
- Building Net Worth
Since I know my core values, my mission statement, and my priorities I am never stuck trying to figure out, "what do I do?" when presented with a decision I need to make. I also know exactly how to define my goals for the year, month, week, and day because my goals are going to be reflections of my values, mission statement, and priorities.
For example, I'm not going to go through with, or make new goals, that have me trying to land a job with higher pay. That doesn't fit in anywhere. Im also not going to make goals that have a high % of violating any of my value and priorities in the future.
I'm not going to make goals that don't reflect my values, mission statement, and priorities. I'm also going to know what I always need to be doing without second thought since I make decisions based on these values, missions statement and priorities.
And because I'm doing things that align with me and my values, I'm going to be fulfilled and happy regardless if I hit the goals I make 100% or not.
This is why you have to be brutally honest with yourself in doing this exercise.
You may even need to be like me and figure out values, then rework them daily for the next week to get down to what really resonates with you and is honest with you. Then take a couple days to refine your mission statement and priorities to make sure they really are truly you.
Say I made one goal of making $100,000 in 12 months with Amazon Kindle and at the end of the year I miss it. I only made $45,000 instead.
Would I be sad for missing my goal? Maybe, but really only because I knew I could have done better and I really needed the extra money. However, I won't feel miserable or depressed because I was doing work and aligning my future with what resonated with me and fits me.
Working on Amazon Kindle projects more than likely would be:
So if I miss my goal, all is not lost.
- Simple - It's not hard to write content
- Creative - I can write about any topic and any when I pick one, any idea in that topic with a touch of flair
- Entrepreneurial - I'm working for myself, no one tells me how to do it, sky is the limit income wise
- Stable - Maybe not rich and wealthy, but once the ball is rolling it can be stable and recurring
- Autonomy - I have freedom and independance and options working on these projects
Now think of yourself with the goal to make $100,000 and you're in a job. You have the same values, but the only way you can get more money is to convince your boss to give you a raise, or change jobs to another company. Even if you hit $100k at another company, you are not in alignment with your values and you will have this nagging and unfulfilled desire.
It's not hard to prove either.
Look at all the depressed and sad people in the world around you. Maybe they are family members, co-workers, friends, or just people you overhear at Qdoba eating lunch next to you.
You think those people are actively doing exercises like this? Or do you think they are reacting to their surroundings like lost sheep in the woods?
Do yourself a favor....
- Figure out your true, real core values. Spend several days on it
- Make a mission statement around them
- Figure out your top 3 priorities
- Erase your old goals and make new ones based on #1-3 above. Make sure every goal fits and doesn't violate a core value or priority.
- Once your goals are set, set smaller daily, weekly, and monthly goals to hit those larger goals. Make sure these smaller goals that set you up to your larger goals don't violate values or priorities.
- In 6 or 12 months, re-evaluate who you are and your values. Adapt if need be.
I'm sticking my neck out here because I know that SOME people will consider this topic along the same lines of "action-faking", "passion following", and other guru life coaching BS.
However, I'm going for my 3rd Gold on purpose with this thread.
Yes this will be a massive post, covering several posts actually. It gets deep and gets into tapping emotions sometimes. When you think you know what I'm talking about, I might actually spin it around on you later. If you really like what you read, make sure you pay attention.
My aim is not to convince you or "life coach" you. My aim is to help specific people who were once like me on this forum. When you read this thread, you will know who you are and you will understand why I am helping you and posting this. For everyone else that doesn't get it, this post just wasn't meant for you at this time of your life.
And yes, I posted this on another forum first. Why? I didn't know how some of you would take it. So I decided to post it elsewhere, get feedback, and refine it for here. Kinda like how Seinfeld and other comics try out their new jokes on smaller venues before doing them in front of larger crowds.
I'm going to give an intro here first on why I am posting this that will then lead into the actual posting. So here goes....
Intro/Background
Years ago I really thought I knew who I was. I was living a largely unscripted life for the most part and doing things my way.
In many ways, I was also still attached to the the "script" my parents and grandparents passed down to me, as well as society. Each time the script got in my way and I was let down by it, I grew more into the unscripted me.
These events lead me to certain beliefs, values, and goals. It helped me move forward to an unscripted life before MJ's book came out. Based on this, I thought I knew who I was and what I wanted to be.
But see, life is funny in that way.You think you have it all figured out but many times you don't know the WHY behind those things. Many times you don't care to look into the WHY because "life happens" or you feel you know the real why already.
In 2008 I had a massive FTM. It was one of many and it was not my last. However, this one specific FTM lead me to huge financial success in my own business. Years later even with success in business, I found myself depressed over the same things that lead to my FTM in 2008.
So in 2015 I decided to do some soul searching. What come out of that is what I present to you below.
I didn't post this background information elsewhere. I wanted you all to know the background so you could see where I was coming from and why I posted it. The story jumps to the present day now below:
The Post
Every 12 months or so, I take a look at my goals and I figure out if what I completed is in alignment with what I want in life.
But the big question is, what is it I want?
And what do I do when my want's change?
It's be proven that depression can come from doing work that doesn't align with your core values, whether you know your core values or not. If you are stuck doing things daily that really do not fit you, wouldn't you be depressed too?
In 2015, my core values were:
- Individuality
- Freedom
- Trust
- Simplicity
- Activeness
These past few days I re-evaluated my core values and came up with:
Now these words all mean something different, to different people. That's OK. What they mean to you when you make out your list is all that matters. Sometimes, these values can mean different things at different times to the same person...
- Simplicity
- Creativity
- Entrepreneurship
- Stability
- Autonomy
It took me a few days actively thinking about these values ( from multiple different lists I pulled up online ) and thinking about my past, current, and future life. What I ended up with fits me now. This is key because what you want and need can change every year.
So why is this important?
As builders and entrepreneurs, you are going to get distracted with new shiny projects and ideas. Maybe in the middle of building your empire you get offered a sweet cushy executive job.
Maybe it's as simple as you get the urge to move to another city.
If you know your core values, you can compare these new projects, job offers, urges to change against the core values and see if it really makes sense to do so.
For a personal example, I took my core values above and made a personal mission statement:
"To solve problems with simplicity, creativity, and entrepreneurship while creating a full and stable life that provides autonomy"
If something comes up, I ask myself if it aligns with my core values and mission statement.
An example of this might be:
A lot of you might disagree with what I put above as examples.
- Work on new shiny Adsense project - Is it simple? Yes. Is it creative? No.
- I found a no, so I should pass on this new shiny object
- Got offered a cushy VP job at XYZ Inc - Is it simple? No
- It also isn't entrepreneurial, so I need to pass on it
- Found a new house I love, its $475,000 and I need a mortgage
- It doesn't fit autonomy. I will feel obligated to pay my mortgage and do things to make sure it's paid like take a job or give up a trip I really wanted to go on maybe to pay the bills.
- However, maybe I can find a creative and entrepreneurial way to still get this house, like live in for 6 months and AirBNB it the other 6 months of the year.
You might say, a mortgage isn't a problem really. You need a house, its your dream house, its just one bill, it doesn't really impact your independence and freedom.
But this exercise is about how "I feel and I think". When you do yours, you use your feeling and wisdom that you live by. That's the whole idea of core values and how YOU personally understand them.
So if you had the same core values as me and made the same mission statement as me, it's no wonder you feel depressed and miserable working a J-O-B as the Director of some web agency. It's no wonder your miserable working on projects where none of your creativity shines through. It's no wonder your sick and worried all the time when you have no stability in your life bouncing from girlfriend to girlfriend while moving to a different city and changing jobs every 3 months ( if stability was one of your core values, as it is for me ).
Get the picture?
Knowing your core values is like knowing your goals.
Once you figure them out, you can make better decisions about what choices you make in life. Backing that up with a mission statement ( personal ) will further strengthen that.
BTW, your core values and mission statement can be different from the ones you pick for your business.
One last thing I do to further ensure I stay on track is to add in Priorities.
My priorities for 2015 where these:
I haven't figured out my priorities yet for this year since I just changed my core values and mission statement for the next 12 months, but once I figure those out I will share here.
- Family
- Charity & Faith
- Building Net Worth
Since I know my core values, my mission statement, and my priorities I am never stuck trying to figure out, "what do I do?" when presented with a decision I need to make. I also know exactly how to define my goals for the year, month, week, and day because my goals are going to be reflections of my values, mission statement, and priorities.
For example, I'm not going to go through with, or make new goals, that have me trying to land a job with higher pay. That doesn't fit in anywhere. Im also not going to make goals that have a high % of violating any of my value and priorities in the future.
I'm not going to make goals that don't reflect my values, mission statement, and priorities. I'm also going to know what I always need to be doing without second thought since I make decisions based on these values, missions statement and priorities.
And because I'm doing things that align with me and my values, I'm going to be fulfilled and happy regardless if I hit the goals I make 100% or not.
This is why you have to be brutally honest with yourself in doing this exercise.
You may even need to be like me and figure out values, then rework them daily for the next week to get down to what really resonates with you and is honest with you. Then take a couple days to refine your mission statement and priorities to make sure they really are truly you.
Say I made one goal of making $100,000 in 12 months with Amazon Kindle and at the end of the year I miss it. I only made $45,000 instead.
Would I be sad for missing my goal? Maybe, but really only because I knew I could have done better and I really needed the extra money. However, I won't feel miserable or depressed because I was doing work and aligning my future with what resonated with me and fits me.
Working on Amazon Kindle projects more than likely would be:
So if I miss my goal, all is not lost.
- Simple - It's not hard to write content
- Creative - I can write about any topic and any when I pick one, any idea in that topic with a touch of flair
- Entrepreneurial - I'm working for myself, no one tells me how to do it, sky is the limit income wise
- Stable - Maybe not rich and wealthy, but once the ball is rolling it can be stable and recurring
- Autonomy - I have freedom and independance and options working on these projects
Now think of yourself with the goal to make $100,000 and you're in a job. You have the same values, but the only way you can get more money is to convince your boss to give you a raise, or change jobs to another company. Even if you hit $100k at another company, you are not in alignment with your values and you will have this nagging and unfulfilled desire.
It's not hard to prove either.
Look at all the depressed and sad people in the world around you. Maybe they are family members, co-workers, friends, or just people you overhear at Qdoba eating lunch next to you.
You think those people are actively doing exercises like this? Or do you think they are reacting to their surroundings like lost sheep in the woods?
Do yourself a favor....
- Figure out your true, real core values. Spend several days on it
- Make a mission statement around them
- Figure out your top 3 priorities
- Erase your old goals and make new ones based on #1-3 above. Make sure every goal fits and doesn't violate a core value or priority.
- Once your goals are set, set smaller daily, weekly, and monthly goals to hit those larger goals. Make sure these smaller goals that set you up to your larger goals don't violate values or priorities.
- In 6 or 12 months, re-evaluate who you are and your values. Adapt if need be.
Hey @eliquid (or anyone else) this question has been on my mind recently and I'm curious to hear your thoughts:
How do you differentiate/coordinate between accepting who you are and becoming who you want to be?
Clearly who we are has gotten us to where we are today. But if we want to change where we are then we have to change something about ourselves. How can you know the best way to change that will get you where you want to go without going against who you really are?
When the beginning and end are more closely matched, I think you naturally find the path though because you start aligning the shortcut based on where you are now and what truly fits you.
Did that help in any way?
When I got to this point, the future self goals become more clear and focused and actually aligned to who I am now.
Just a side-note to anyone:
It's also worth to check this again if major changes happen in your life, like beeing left by a longtime spouse or something similar. Maybe you are really not the one you thought you are, when you were with him/her.
Thanks again for this thread. It provides some light on otherwise darkend paths.
A big thanks for this @RayAndré , I stumbled upon this after a post another threab by at @Mainstream7. While these indicators a re far from perfect, m issue with them has always been about matching them to the right kind of business. Although I though all business involved social relationships. especially now there seems ot be a demand for a social media presence. Although I'm always on the lookout for a business model that works well with everything done by email.These two links might be interesting for anyone who stumbles upon this thread:
What if I don't have a personality type?These two links might be interesting for anyone who stumbles upon this thread:
@LittleWolfie Yea none of these tests are perfect. Then ask: "What does it take to be successful in X type of business I'm considering?"
See if they line up.
What were your strengths 10 years ago? (Can you build them back up?)
What if I don't have a personality type?
I want to know what kind of niches do line up with my particular strengths and weakness and personality type (scientist)
The usual answer I get is that you have to be the sociable relationship-building type in order to be an entrepreneur which to me smacks of the kind of black & white closed thinking mindset people here rally against. I'm looking for a solution, not to be told that my very nature is a problem.
I'm just a very anti-label person. I'm just me.Everyone has one. You might not know which one it is though
Struggling between these two - pride and self sufficiency. Can pride even be a core value or an after effect of fulfilling your core values?
A lot of things that I deem as me being self sufficient would make me proud. Working on a project at my job could make me proud if I have lot of autonomy on it. But it won't necessarily have anything to do with self sufficiency.
So when I make decisions, would I use pride or self sufficiency as a core value? By the way autonomy is already a core value for me
I feel like I should go with self sufficiency. Pride is too general, it is like saying my core value is happiness, well then you are stuck in an endless loop, what makes you happy etc
@eliquid Thank you for creating such a helpful thread! I think I have been putting this off for too long, and you helped create a great guide to get things off the ground.
Ah, you are right, I try to stay away from emotion too, didn't realize pride is one. There goes my pride.. (off my values list
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