plans & progress - my notes

[Puppy]

this weekend i will be going back to my home state. original intent was to fix my transportation issues and look around for a apartment and possibly a van. had a phone convo that added another objective to the trip - the cheesecake hustle.

i cant build my dream house until i lay the foundation.
i am considering this breaking ground to start working on the foundation of my plans.

action plan for this week
search cl for apartments that fit my requirements
post cl ad looking for apartment that fits my requirements
find my documentations to bring with me for dmv
calculate cost of materials for 1 cheesecake from my 3 main stores
search for van on cl (possibly - i am leaning in this direction if i can find a good deal)
post wanted ad for van
create and print signup/info sheet for pre sale orders
organize a notebook to use for the cc hustle
get back into my normal am routine

will update before i leave this weekend

 

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[Puppy]

well. there has been good news and some not so good news since my initial post. to start, did not update before i left for the trip.there was a wedding and family dealings that made for some unanticiapated monkey wrenches. so for the good stuff. i did manage to get a ride back to home state as i had hoped to. i now have my liecence back and can legally have my car back in 2 more weeks so that helps a lot. i have a dozen potential apartments and a few van options lined up. The bad. i did not follow up on them because i did not have the financial means available to secure one. well, i did but i didnt, i had the means to but that money was 8 hours away and i couldnt access it so found myself quite stuck. however i did secure id so i can avoid this sort of problem in the future. i will continue to moniter those options and keep eye out for new potentials. when i get back to home state again i anticipate getting that wrapped up within 1-2 days, week tops.

action plan for this week
DONEsearch cl for apartments that fit my requirements
post cl ad looking for apartment that fits my requirements DID NOT DO SINCE I FOUND A GOOD NUMBER TO CONSIDER
DONEfind my documentations to bring with me for dmv
calculate cost of materials for 1 cheesecake from my 3 main stores DID NOT DO AS EXPLAINED FURTHER ON
DONEsearch for van on cl (possibly - i am leaning in this direction if i can find a good deal)
post wanted ad for van DID NOT DO AS I FOUND SEVERAL THAT LOOK VERY GOOD AND DIDNT WANT TO ANNOUNCE IM LOOKING FOR THAT EXACT THING AND POTENTIALLY DRIVE UP PRICE
create and print signup/info sheet for pre sale orders DID NOT DO
organize a notebook to use for the cc hustle DID NOT DO
get back into my normal am routine UMM NOPE. FOUND IT VERY HARD TO STICK TO NORMAL ROUTINE WITH WEDDING/TRAVELING
will update before i leave this weekend HA DID NOT DO AND WAS WITHOUT INTERNET ACCESS WHILE I WAS GONE

SOO..about the great cheesecake debacle. ill try to make a long story short because i know this is something that i want to look back on someday.

starts off as i know a woman from home who makes cheesecakes from time to time and sells them. i know that people are said to like her CC and i know that she undervalues herself and her product. i also know that she is very poor and is always in need of money and scraping by. so i had the great idea that i could combine my skills with hers and in the process sharpen my skills to prepare me for what i am aiming for. i figured i could get some practice in and be a confidence builder cuz i could really use those two things. plus shed get a small side income built and managed/designed for her to keep going in a way that was sustainable for her. i wasnt even going to make any money off the deal. she needed it more than i did and i just wanted the experience more than anything else. and i was motivated to make sure she profited from it because the bigger her profit from it ment the more experience/success i had. anyways... great plan right? or maybe it wasnt and i didnt see the obvious flaws or outright stupidity of it. because shit did not go according to plan.

pardon my french. anyways, as i was saying. last week when i had the phone call that gave birth to said plan the woman agreed to it and appeared willing to pursue it. . . until i got there and it became time to put it into motion. and then i ran smack into 2 very big problems. the first was seeing her kitchen. now i know i mentioned this woman was very poor, what i saw was not a person living in poverty. it was squalor. i could not believe a human being would live in such conditions. and see nothing wrong with it. it blows my mind, it really does. problem number one - i absolutely will not sell or allow anything made in that kitchen to be sold for anyone to consume. no. can not do that.

so i got to devising a way around that problem. and i found one. i found a way to get access to a clean safe kitchen. and one that would make the process quicker since it was built to cook for large groups. ha! problem solved AND the solution could also be garnered to gain a few more sales. perfect!

...and not so fast. because up pops problem number 2. she doesnt want to do it. excuses. too busy. later. avoids it. disappears. disinterested and changes subject. funny thing is continued to mention lack of money and need for money and current struggles due to that. it was enough to make me tear my hair out, scream in frustration and shake her like a baby. and im not a violent person. anyways, i managed to retain all my hair and keep my hands to myself althou a few choice words may have slipped out. so thats about the gist of that.

so in the spirit of moving forward and looking ahead here are a few things that i want to look into in the future.

• plan on buying a jeep in the next year. found out that lifts are much cheaper to have put in than i thought and some people will pay stupid money for a lifted vehicle. have amended jeep plan to include a lift kit and list it for sale for stupid money while i play with it. if i find that person ill flip it and buy something else. thinking a miata. fun car that can be had for a good price and tend to have a decent resale value. and flip side if said person doesnt show then when im bored with jeep ill lower price to something more reasonable and flip it and buy something else.
• its gonna be a couple years away but i want to invest in land. farms folding and developers moving in seems like owning some good land could be a very good investment in 10-20 years. in addition found out my brother would sell our parents land for far less than its worth and has considered letting the bank(?) take it for unpaid taxes. if that happens i will be trying to get that land and i will not feel bad if i screw him over in the proccess. and then i question if that makes me a bad person.
• i might get ragged on for this but i made a few contacts while i was in HS and put out a couple feelers for a job. after everything is said and done i will have enough money to carry me thru 2 months. now im sure i can put together something within 2 months and be making enough income to live on but i also dont want to be too overconfident and find myself in the pickle jar come nov/dec. finding myself homeless in the middle of winter is not on my to do list. and only 2 months savings to live on/have is not a security margin i feel safe with. and i know i do not make good decisions when im anxious, fearful, or desperate. so uh yea a little worried about this on. a job is not my goal or plan but i want something lined up if shtf.
• in the event that shtf and i do end up in worst case situation, have decided will use van to provide shelter and flee down south to ride out the winter. van will cost me more up front but if things fall apart it will also be the only thing i have to save me. also anticipating using it to provide a side income thru delivery/transport services while i work on what i really want to build. someday i will own my city, have an entire city at my fingertips. its funny, i want to make money doing it but thats not what motivates me to do this. what motivates me to do this is wanting to do the things ive always wanted to, to create something that is bigger than myself and to do something that changes the world around me into something better.

ps ive never really tried to do anything before. not like this. so i really dont know what the hell im doing. but.. this thread will be my record of how i achieved it or why i failed to. i want to be here reading this a year from now and be like 'wow, i really did it'

ps2 totally irrelevant but future me wants to look back on this some day. found out this week that my dog will engage in protective behavior to protect what he considers his, and this includes me and his food. one, im not sure if 7lbs of ferocious yipping will protect me if i actually find myself in danger but its nice to know hes looking out for me. two, i will need to address this in his training so he learns when it is acceptable and when its not. which means i need to learn more about training dogs.

to wrap it up for now, it sure aint the best of times but things are looking up.
will update on the 10th/11th when im ready to lay out the next move

 

[Puppy]

quick note for some thoughts related to past week

• my thinking has tendency to fall into black/white thinking. i need to address this
• family and responsibility are both conflict issues. also related to black/white stances
• pursuing this path puts me at odds with family. 'you cant do it, just get a job like youre suppose to, who do you think you are, better than us now? w/contempt and snideness.
• have reached point i want to wash my hands of my family. fixing their problems is not my responsibility. i do not want to be the rescuer who has to come in and bail them out of their self induced problems. hell i have to bail myself out of MY self induced problems.
• talking with my bro - im trying to talk with him about freedom, financial security, and different perspectives. he replies with anger and tells me he doesnt want freedom, doesnt want financial security and money doesnt matter (then talks about the big truck he wants, how rich people suck, he doesnt have enough money, hates his job/boss/coworkers, and he wants to kill everyone and see the country be destroyed so people like him can take over and make it better) and i just cant. i cant even.
• have come to the realization that i do not like the people in my family. if they werent the people ive called family all my life i would not want anything to do with people that act-think like they do. this puts me in a spot. what kind of person am I if i dont like my family and dont want to be there with/for them any longer?
• i fear finding any sort of success will ruin the remaining fragments of 'family'. if i dont give them the fruits of my success to their satisfaction then im a horrible person. if i do, they wont stop taking until i have nothing left and then they discard and find someone else to suck dry.
• losing 'family' means losing a big part of identity that has been programmed into me. on the flip side i think id be much happier without them in my life. its a vicious cycle that has been tumbling around my head for awhile
• said bro is getting involved with the drug world. thinks its fun and exciting. have already decided i am not bailing him out when it catches up with him.
• having some difficulties with taking responsibility vs letting go of responsibility
• having difficulty with taking responsibility for my past actions vs beating myself up for the stupid shit i did.
• two voices. one degrading, you cant do it your an idiot if you think you can. the other cocky and confident. pfft of course i can. there is no reason why i cant succeed if i apply myself and stop messing around half assed.
• perhaps a natural inclination to be an obsessive, persistant, refuse to let the word no get in the way would be an asset if i can rechannel it for better results.
• action faking - ahhh so thats what its called. guilty as all hell. shit, is everything now just more action faking? i mean all i got accomplished was getting my liecense back. does that even count for anything?
• i worry excessively about dumb stuff.
• doing this, really doing this means i will be changed in the process. it means my life and everything will change. for the better. but still.. who am i if im not who i was? is there a before me and an after me? or just me v2.0?
• i am the eldest. my parents are parasites. i cant deal with a horder and an alcoholic. and i dont want to anymore. i cant help someone who doesnt want to change. im a bad person for feeling like this and not taking care of my parents.
• its not business but securing transportation and housing are my first priorities.
• i fear being laughed at here.
• i think this is an irrational fear

 

[Puppy]

Ubermensch, I had a long-a$$ response written to you, then I deleted it because it got personal. In a nutshell, I think I know how you feel. And this feeling is addictive. And it will erode you.

- You think that pain is a pre-requisite to pleasure
- You think there's something noble in suffering
- You think that enjoyment of life is laziness
- Your mind constantly fluctuates between happy & sad. you are not grounded. One thing I say could change your opinion for 3 days. You'll apply it for 3 days, then you'll quit, resent the method, and try something else. Eventually you'll start thinking that everything you do is F*cking impossible (even though you're not actually doing that much)
- You think that you are fighting real, tangible 'enemies'. While most of those 'enemies' are merely your projections of self. You are TERRIFIED.
- You are addicted to the melancholic/suffering feeling



Money is absolutely important. Money buys freedom. Anyone on this website who criticizes the pursuit of money is a hypocrite, because we are a collective of people who (thanks to MJ and the like) understand that the fastest way to it is to follow Fastlane rules. But you will not get it in your state, because your state does not allow you to have faith in the process. Make no mistake, money is ABSOLUTELY A TOOL, what feeling do you want it to give you? Power? Power over others? Personal power? Peace? Freedom? Choice? Toys?


I know that in retrospect, everyone likes to talk about reaching success/happiness like it was the most painful, horrible, difficult and soul-testing task ever. Because that shows strength, perseverance etc. All the things that make the ego feel good.

But I'm convinced that 80% of it is supposed to be uncomfortably fun and fulfilling. The 'pain' & 'struggle' are a minority. Because those things are mostly in your mind.

MJ, a MULTIMILLIONAIRE made a post somewhere on the forum some time ago, where he was nostalgic about THIS SO CALLED 'GRIND'. Because of how cool it is to be so laser-focused on something. How the fact that you're in a room with a mattress a phone and a computer doesn't matter. Because you are on a path, and your life is brimming with meaning.

I saw you used the word Musashi somewhere, so let me leave you with a Musashi quote.

“There is nothing outside of yourself that can ever enable you to get better, stronger, richer, quicker, or smarter. Everything is within. Everything exists. Seek nothing outside of yourself.”

How to practically do this?

- No more negative music or movies or books
- Consume less media. Open one tab. Sit without any media on for a bit every day.
- Go outside, walk a bit every-day.
- Meditate for 8 minutes a day, escalate when it feels comfortable.
- Limit or eliminate sugars and high glycemic load & high glycemic index carbs from your diet. Especially before accomplishing tasks. Do cheat-days every week if you wish.
- Train/exercise regularly.
- Find the source of your pains. With paper. What is making me feel this this and this. Dig deep.
- Let go of this 'tension' consciously. Meditation will help you realize this 'tension'. It's in your mind, and it's in your body. It feels like a tiny adrenaline rush in your stomach/lower chest area, and chances are you live with this feeling.
- Find a process while grounding yourself, and pursue it.
- Re-frame concepts you think negatively about. I HATE the words 'work' and 'grind' so I use 'journey.' Ultimately, I'll end up doing the same quantity of 'STUFF' that the guy who calls it 'work' & 'grind' does. But I don't like the frame. 'Grind' make me think of the days I was forced into the choir and missed out on my childhood and sleep singing stupid classical music to old people who looked at me like a chimp at a zoo-exhibition, because I was the only foreign kid in the choir.

Go find Zen's posts. Go find IceCreamKid's posts. Go and especially find SteveO's mindset posts. This perpetual tension you feel is a matter of choice and practice. Your addiction to suffering is a matter of choice and practice. Choose different, practice different, live different.

Oh my, this ended up being much longer than I anticipated.

Yo uber,

I have the secret to your current situ

But the secret isn't super complicated so you will feel like you need to ignore it at first, but set aside some focus and attention, so that as you read it you give it a chance

Ok?

Ok, so here is the secret to all that darkness stuff.
Answers and philosophical/growth/understanding/rationalisation (rap god/sanctuary talk etc) will not manage the pain long term, it will only ride with the pressure and anxiety. Thusly, your emotions will rule your mind, and you will be stuck in a circuit of creating solutions and thinking they won't work the next moment.

To fix this requires one thing.

This one thing is very very important, and I want you to take the time before you read below to get ready to change and to commit to what I mention, because this is not a guess, or a maybe, or a trap, or any bs like that, it is 100% the thing you need and the only thing that ACTUALLY works.

... You ready? ...

...

What you need to do, is change your focus when you are in a bad state. You need to ignore the temptations to stick in that place and fight out a win, you need to be determined to focus on better things that are surrounded by better/more fun things.
It could be turning on a comedy series, it could be thinking about old childhood memories, it could be thinking about something you like doing that never makes you mad.
Then you need to continue focusing positive for about twenty minutes, until you are fully engaged and into that new task.
If that only works a little, keep doing it, stretching to be further more positive each time.

Avoid, anything that will trigger pulling you back into anything you don't want to be near.

...

This is the solution that WORKS. Because biologically, our thoughts are affected by how our physiological system is processing stimulation, and this in turn affects our brain chemistry.
When you maintain positive outlooks and improve them, over periods longer than twenty minutes your system adjusts and establishes a new equillibrium.

We are flesh and blood, we are not gods, and as a result, sometimes when we feel bad, it can be because of biological processes gone astray. So as people we need to do our best to assist those processes.

And much like going to the gym builds muscle, becoming effective at emotional management gets better and better over work and time (so long as it is physiological, NOT philosophical/rationalising). If you do this, in three months time you will absolutely feel better more consistently.

I have seen this method work time and time and time again, so much so that any other method is like saying you can build muscle by not eating, and not lifting weights because "you believe it".
Don't fall into the trap of being self indulgent with your ego.
Get the f#ck outta the mud and stop wrestling with the pig.
You only get dirty and the pig doesn't care.

To better help this process, better eating habits, get out more (gym, swimming, a jog), listen only to up beat songs, no rap, no dreary stuff (it solidifies the negative biological positioning making it harder to change), watch more funny movies etc, so that when you start getting depressed you can think of stuff that can lead you in a more positive state.

Do this, and you will improve.
This is not just me saying this, I had it confirmed by a my friend who has a Phd in psychology, as well as having seen it work many times personally and empirically.

You have the solution, and now it is up to YOU to do the hard work it will require.
Just like action in business versus mental masturbation, this action will help you.

And once you feel better, you can enjoy your business successes! How great is THAT!


All the best uber. Make sure to commit to this, and keep to it, it will help you as it has so many others.


To supplement this (but not replace it), take a little bit of weed when it gets too stressful. (not booze or pills)
And if thats no good, go down to the hospital or a center and just have a talk with the guys there, and see what they suggest. (sometimes a little bump is good and helps)

That should stem this unfortunate self destructive streak, and should really get you in the clear.

Best of luck uber

found in landfill. helpful to keep the self destructive monkey off my back

 

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[Puppy]

i am frustrated. and feel like im getting lost or sidetracked.

in order to progress i need to move.
in order to move i need a place to live and a van to move with.
i know this isnt business stuff but its the stuff that needs to be squared away to be able to take the next step to be able to move forward with the business stuff.
unless im wrong and im locked into a way of thinking that is preventing me from being able to see another way. which is possible. im looking at the problem now trying to see it another way. ok, trying to, im coming up blank

and thus am becoming frustrated.
i feel like i got a big ol slap upside the head and finally pulled my head out of my a$$ where i had it buried like a ostrich. (i think the logistics of that visual are impossible). point is i dreamed... and put my time and efforts into a job. lol gas station clerk.
tangent
*alright i know, please dont judge too harshly. in defense i liked the multi tasking, being able to do many things during work instead of just one task. i really liked the cutomer service aspect. i liked interacting with customers and getting people in and out quick. i liked getting to know regulars and knowing what they wanted/needed so it was ready before they even asked. i liked being friendly with people in short bursts. i liked working with numbers and money, making sure everything added up and balanced. i liked being able to find/fix mistakes in the numbers. i liked the community connections the job gave me, everyone stops for gas so you see all kinds of people. many of those things will serve me well in the future and i learned i liked those aspects on the job. but then i burnt that bridge. actually i didnt just burn it, i firebombed it. so moved on to working for a online company. i thought this was a step up. i figured i could learn about building my own online company from the inside and i was pretty excited about the oppertunity. be able to learn about orders, shipping, web design, traffic, marketing ect. and i did like my work i did for the company. they had a good product. they had great customer service. they had grown tremendously in last few years and were still in a strong growth period. i believed in the company and their product and what they were doing and wanted to be a part of it. the work was fun and i liked it a lot. but the people were another story. between them and me, it wasnt a good fit. so while i liked the work i hated being at work. management and coworkers did not like me and i did not like them. i should have quit and parted ways but... i liked the work, the pay was best id ever had, the schedule was great, and i wanted to learn more about how such a business worked, and i stayed on as tensions mounted and atomosphere became worse. until they told me to leave. which honestly was fair because things had become intolerable on both sides. but i did not get to learn many of the things i had come into it wanting to learn and i feel like i wasted my time in the end.
end tangent

what was my point again? i dreamed of doing my own things. i knew i had solid ideas. but they were just ideas. i never took action. i can give a million excuses why. do they matter? i gave all my time and effort to someone else for a lot of bullshit in return. they made thousands of dollars a day, i made 65 dollars a day. the day before i lost my job i had made that startling realization. i remember sitting there going over numbers. trying to find a way out and back home. figured id have enough money in 10 more months to make the leap. and when i got home id carve out a new path. and then i did the math that told me i was making 65 a day and i sat up and said NO! THIS IS BULLSHIT! the people at this job are making me miserable. im miserable and its affecting my job. i just want to go home and goddamnit i can do better than this being my own boss. it was a great moment. and then the next day i was fired. lol.

so i figured ok... can i make the leap now? and i decided i could. it wasnt optimal but it was doable. it ment jumping without much of a safety net. i dont have the margin of error to feel safe but i decided to look at that as an asset. if i cant fail i cant be lazy, ill have to hustle and move. i cant afford to keep doing what i do but i can afford to make the jump and have 2 months living expenses to get started with.

i scoped out place to land. perfect. got it. two citys in area. LOTS of oppertunity. checked out places to live. great, found a dozen or more that could work at a price i can afford. problem i ran into, im in area but have no access to my funds to be able to secure place to live. looked for van. again found a good number of promising leads.. and ran into same problem. ok ok, no problem. ill get back home to were my money is and get that sorted and come back and get it all done in a week. [apparently i am a optimistic bugger when im motivated]
when back home, took on a house/pet sitting job, went to bank, took care of details regarding transfer of accounts and such since i will not be using the same bank, got the cash i needed to secure apartment and van. and went back to cl to see what was in this area [where im at now] regarding vans vs buying one from where im headed to. benefit of a van here will be generally less rusty, gottta love that ny salt.

and now im sitting here with 4 grand to get what i need. my car is not on road. im in another state from where im trying to get to. cl decided to block my ip. i cant buy a van here without my id. my id is 'somewhere' in ny. i can have a car to get to ny after thurs. once in ny i will have my id and plates and thus have my own car on the road again and will be able to travel as needed. after everything is said and done i will have 2g to keep me going until i set something up for income. because i dont have any feeling of security i will likely take a job (overnight/part time) to keep the wolves from the door this winter and have my days free to explore my options and try a few things out. but... at this exact moment i feel stymied. im here and everything i have to do to move forward is there. am i missing something? is it right infront of me and im not seeing it?

indicision is getting to me. buy van here or there? how do i get my ip unblocked? i need (want?) a laptop. it will be nessecary in near future. i will not have one at all when i move. what im looking at will cost 300-500. that cuts into my living expenses. buy the laptop and i wont have enough to live on for even two months. do i buy it now? or wait until i have at least some sort of income coming in?

advice?

 

[Puppy]

ip unblocked
got thinking maybe a minivan will do just fine and cargo van is overkill and unnessecary added expenses. drat, now have to start search all over again. however feel like things are back on.


edit - went out into town and peeked into the windows of all the cargo vans and minivans i saw. nope. mini van is not gonna work. back to cargo van search.
p.s. stopped to talk to a guy who was sitting in his work van to ask him a few questions. turns out he was happy to spend a few minutes talking to me and even provided a few leads in my search. even drew me a map of where he knew of some close by. may not be in my price range but going to check it out tmr. awesome!

 

[Puppy]

ordered unscripted . have highlighter in hand. yes, i will be highlighting and writing notes in my copy because im pretty sure it will be a constant companion, reference tool, and motivation support during the next year or two.

at this moment looks like i will be headed back to home state tmr or monday to get final pieces in place to move and get restarted.

on another thread a member (@amp0193 ) mentioned something that really got me excited because i can see the potential in it, it looks like it can be a lot of fun, and i had never thought of that angle. im not ready to implement yet but i made note of it and will be pursuing it.

goal - launch online by jan. be in store by june.

immediate goals
- get place to live and van by end of month. should have one (or both) done by end of next week.
- be moved and settled in next month.
- read unscripted when it comes in from amazon and USE it. highlight, jot notes on the page. if the book isnt marked up by the time i finish it i didnt use it to its fullest

 

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[Puppy]

getting back home didnt start out great. def had some moments of 'wtf this isnt going to work how the F*ck do you think your gonna be able to pull any of this off seriously you are so stupid ect' yea..

then i found a place that would work. on a nice enough street close to downtown, so great location. and the people around seem like good people (yeah apparently thats important too -_-). the apartment its self isnt ideal and not among the best ive had but the pros look like they are more than enough to make up for the cons.

so started feeling optimistic again. and kept looking for the van to get me there. keep in mind i have a VERY limited budget. i had already been told no and/or laughed at countless times. but then ive got tons of experience with that and it never really stops me when i want something so i kept on. and then i found it! my unicorn!

she was fuctional and mechanically sound. all she needed to drive away was a battery and a plate. she was 550. she wasnt the prettiest thing but she was solid, she ran good, she was ready to go, and the radio worked (to be is alone with your thoughts with 6 hours of road ahead of you, does not a pleasant trip make).

the guy selling her didnt say no or laugh. i didnt even try to negotiate price. i paid the man. he gave me the keys and told me good luck.

i think its gonna be ok. i mean i dont think it will be as easy as i think it could be but its not going to be as hard as i think it would be either. its weird, i do have confidence in myself and in being able to pull this whole project off and make something out of it, but im also doubtful. like im looking at myself like 'you really do think you can do this?' and i feel like 'yea i can'

now just have to get me from here to there. actual moving myself should be done by end of next week (10-8) take a week to settle in and get situated (10-15) will need to find a job, i have a month to do that so if i havent secured that by 10-15 that will be focus for rest of month.

im thinking hospital, warehouse, or retail stock. all will provide overnight hours so i can be free to work on my business projects during the day. and i can start working on that stuff after 10-15 also. these first two projects are mostly for education tho i also want them to be successful. for the one i want to build it up so im working with at least one client every week. i dont anticipate being very busy with that venture during the winter but im thinking if i spend the winter doing it in the off season it can put me in a much better position to be known as someone with a good dependable reputation when the season starts up. i think it will be much more difficult to break into it if i do nothing and sit on it all winter waiting for the season to really start. the other project is the one ill be doing the most work on. i hope to eventually grow it to a business that can provide a living income for me and allow me to quit my job so i can pursue the things i really want to do. with these two projects under my belt i can go for the real dream. creating the 'thing' that lets me live the life i dream of, doing what i want to most, having fun and opening up oppertunities for people all around me.

and im a few years away from that yet.

rough draft
oct

• move
• settle in
• job/prepare projects
• have job/have initial stages of H1 and B1 started

nov
have no timeline prepared at this time
ideally: be rolling with H1. have initial inventory for B1. have a solid financial plan IN ACTION (no stupid shit). have a roadmap for B1 written up and posted in work area
theres a lot to cover and i need it all in one place. 1 product 3 tiers multiple markets. each one has to be addressed on its own. plus i want to also branch it out for the stupid money market and the juggalo/stash market because that would just be fun to do. AND i gotta remember not to get ahead of myself - hence roadmap. consider this a necessity!

dec
no real time line prepared at this time.
ideally: have shops set up (would like to get a few holiday sales if possible) so have at least one up and running for at least one of the markets/tiers. have the others ready to launch by jan. map out a basic month by month goal map for 2018.

guess it doesnt look like much
but this is how it really started.


ps. ordered UNSCRIPTED before i left for HS. it was waiting for me when i got back. i have a few days to kill before i have to head back so ill get started on that tonight after packing.

2 weeks till this is done and im back home. i feel like puking.

 

[Puppy]

spent last 2 days moving in and unpacking what I could fit in car. I remember in the past when I have moved boxes would remain unpacked or partially unpacked for months. this time that's not even an option.

forgot to bring any bedding with me so for the last two nights I have slept on the floor with a balled up sweatshirt as a pillow and stole my dogs blanket. there is no heat on yet and while the days are nice it gets pretty chilly at night. froze my a$$ off the first night. second night I had gotten everything unpacked so layered up on clothing to keep warm.

last night I lay there in 3 layers of clothes, sorta covered up with my dogs blanket (full of fur and smelling doggy), reading UNSCRIPTED with the dog curled up next to me. and I cant remember feeling happier with my life

theres a song I remember from my youth, ok, I don't remember the song or the band but I remember the line 'ive never been so alone and ive never been more alive' (or something to that effect). it pretty much sums things up.

I guess as far as starts go this might not look like much but im in it for the long haul.

 

[JordanK]

I admire your hustle man. However, it does seem that you are wandering aimlessly through things and haven't quite figured out where you are going at the moment. You took a big step forward in purchasing Unscripted and reading that. The next step after that should be to tidy up some of these posts here on the thread. You'll get a much better response from people here on the forum if you keep it neat and concise. Simple issues like not using capitalization make a big difference. Let me know if you have any questions or concerns I also moved into my own place recently and have been running my online business.

 

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[RayofLight00]

Your progress notes are amazing man. Grammar is not there but the feelings and rawness...damn.
The song you mentioned from your youth sounds like Motorcycle Drive-By from Third Eye Blind.

Keep at it bro, I'm rooting for ya!

 

[sparechange]

didnt read the whole thing because of massive walls of text lol, but why tf are you buying a van? keep that money and use transit/bicycle or w/e.

unless you are using it for business purposes like moving stuff etc

 

[Puppy]

On mobil so this is gonna be short.

I am royally pissed off. An entire day wasted. And once again IM the POS.

NO! F*ck you and F*ck that.

Those who stopped by and commented, I will give you all a proper response when I get back to a real keyboard.

ATM I'm camped out at a gas station parking lot overnight with a car with suspected tranny trouble. We will be sleeping in the car tonight. Heading to garage in the am.

 

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[Puppy]

I admire your hustle man. However, it does seem that you are wandering aimlessly through things and haven't quite figured out where you are going at the moment. You took a big step forward in purchasing Unscripted and reading that. The next step after that should be to tidy up some of these posts here on the thread. You'll get a much better response from people here on the forum if you keep it neat and concise. Simple issues like not using capitalization make a big difference. Let me know if you have any questions or concerns I also moved into my own place recently and have been running my online business.

Thanks for the encouragement. Its not quite as aimless as it looks. I wasnt supposed to move until next spring but after a couple back to back FTE moments I decided to jump forward whether I was ready or not.

Im def flying by the seat of my pants but its not aimless. I just really suck at writing. Hopefully this will improve as I progress. A lot of this stuff here is the mental work that is going on/going thru and the difficulties in trying to move between states spur of the moment.

Lol, Im not sure if 'concise' is within my ability yet. Will (am) making more of an effort to capitalize (ive always been more of the k.d. lang type), didnt really think anyone would find this stuff interesting or valuable so I was kinda just doing it for me.

Your progress notes are amazing man. Grammar is not there but the feelings and rawness...damn.
The song you mentioned from your youth sounds like Motorcycle Drive-By from Third Eye Blind.

Keep at it bro, I'm rooting for ya!

Thanks. Guess if I had to pick between grammer and emotional impact Id pick the latter. Looked up that song and yea, thats the one. havent heard that in more years than I care to count. Not ashamed to say I cried (ok a little) but man, it all hit a little too close to home.

didnt read the whole thing because of massive walls of text lol, but why tf are you buying a van? keep that money and use transit/bicycle or w/e.

unless you are using it for business purposes like moving stuff etc

Lol, massive walls of text yea I never really wrote anything thinking anyone would pay attention to it, it was really just to record things for me to look back and see how far Ive come later on.

Im in ny state, not nyc. My city doesnt have public transportation. Not sure if your familar with winter in ny state but in my area we get a LOT of snow and it gets COLD, like below zero cold. A bike is out of the question (might be doable in summer for in town trips or if I live near work)

the van is triple purpose

• to move my stuff between states
• as a emergency backup vehicle in case my car goes out of commission
• for business and hustle purposes

funny story - googling what to do with a van/how to make money with a van is what led me to this forum in the first place.

my thought with the van was when i moved out of state I used uhaul and it cost me almost $1000. I figured rather that spend that again and be out that money with nothing to show for it after Id spend that money to buy a van and be able to get my stuff moved and be able to continue using it to make some extra money on the side in various ways. Seemed the better option.

 

[Puppy]

Well Im now a week behind schedule. Had a wonderful week of family dysfunction and bullshit. damned if I do and damned if I dont

My car is back at the garage (after just getting it back from a different garage to the tune of $900). Good news: it doesnt appear to be the tranny. Bad news: the guy who did my brakes didnt do them correctly and they need to be redone, its throwing codes and wont pass inspection, and wheel bearing needs to be replaced.

Money is running low, Im not moved all the way yet, car has problems, van has a problem, problems getting utilities cus I have no credit and have never had utilities, my dog is not taking to all the change well and had stopped eating and is now visably losing weight, for that matter so am I and I cant afford to lose anymore.

and yet despite all that I feel pretty good about things. Im pretty sure non of those things will be an issue by the end of the month. Except the money thing. But even that I think Ill have turned around in the next month or two.

If theres one thing Ive learned over the years of going thru hell its that Im relentless, unstoppable, and impossible to dissuade when Ive set my mind to something. I know its not gonna be overnight but I GOT THIS.

the one thing that bothers me now is Family. Its ripping me apart. And when I am succesful what do I do then? Cus I know Damn well theyll come running with their hands out. And I will want to help them but I also know that theyll only be there for the money and if I dont hand it out to them they will turn on me like a pack of starving wolves. I hate to turn my back on my parents when they are old and ailing. I hate to turn my back on my siblings when they are in dire straights. But when all they want is my money thats exactly what I want to do. And god damn it the ones being the worst about things now make 3-4 times what I do. Ive got the lowest income in the family and yet Im the only one with any kinda financial security. And thats shaky as F*ck right now.

outta state at moment. gonna spend day loading up and take off again tmr night. Hope and pray I can fit this stuff in the van cus dont think Im gonna be able to make a second trip. dog HATES the van. Hes cool with the car, tho unless this van trip really truamatizes him.

 

[Puppy]

They say bad things come in threes right?

1. Unicorn turned out to be a goat.
2. Ex came back
3. Bed bugs

One is a loss
Two is a win
Three means war

Hate Mobil typing. Proper update coming. Oh it will be interesting.

 

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[Puppy]

well Im back.

Its been a little over a month since Ive been here and made the move back to my home state. Wish I could say its been great but Id be lying so...
Heres a quick (semi-quick?) rundown in my usual messy fashion.

the rundown
Van turned out to be a loss but it did get the job I needed it to do done. Def lost some money in that deal, on the other hand it was a total action move so I figure it counts for something. My car had to go back to the garage for more repairs, after just spending 900 repairing it. That cost another 600. Good news is all the problems are fixed, im good to go with it, and Im finally 100% street legal so that is a huge weight off my shoulders.

Ex came back, my dumb a$$ went back. DONT DO THAT SHIT!

Found a couple bed bugs and freaked the F*ck out for a while but problem seems very minimal and Im keeping an eye on it and so far it doesnt actually seem to be an issue to worry aboout.

 

[Puppy]

and continuing rundown cuz Im at lib and damn computer kicked me off

Got everything set up in new apartment. kinda. The bedbug scare made me hold out on bringing in some stuff and there are a few pieces that are too big for me to get inside by myself so at the moment van is being used for storage. All in all Ive got a functional place and its really not that bad.

The thing is, I started out good but after the above mentioned set backs things took a nosedive. And regretably I did nothing to pull myself out of it. Instead I went back to old behaviors and lets just say it ended in a spectacular wall smashing disaster. Spent the last week(ish) of Oct knowing I was F*cking up but continued to pretend I had everything under control. HAHAHA! Spent next two weeks of Nov action faking like a mofo. I knew things had turned to and had at least stopped pretending it was all fine. Wrote up action plans.... and didnt do a goddamn thing else. Absolutely NO follow thru. so..... about a week ago Im looking in the mirror talking to myself (I know Im not the only one who does this) and I did something different...

I started LISTENING to myself. Im hearing the normal things "this shit sucks, you cant do anything right, you are such a F*cking idiot ect ect" and Im like why are you talking to me like this? You think this is making me feel any better or helping? And then something surprising happened. The negitive hateful a**hole in my head proved he wasnt such an a**hole. He was just frustrated and angry about how Id been acting. So we ended up having a real talk (ok, that part prob does make me crazy but whateves). He told me I was being a lord phenny and I needed an a$$ kicking and if he wasnt gonna do it then noone else would and Id be really F*cked. And so we came to an agreement, Id start taking action again and change my behavior for real and hed stop telling me Im a F*cking idiot and back off a little.

So I(we) got to work.
Since monday I put in serious time researching and coming up with what I needed to do to achieve my goals. And defineing exactly what those goals were. Ive always approched everything with a shotgun method. Either blast at it and ruin it or use a scatter shot and pray something hits. And that shit does not work for me cuz god knows its not getting me anywhere. I know I have a (few) solid ideas but I gotta change up how Im approching things.

You know how F*cking hard it is to learn a new way of being yourself? ....at that point are you even yourself anymore?

Anyways the a**hole has agreed to give me a month to show Im taking this serious and is willing to give me a hand and be more encouraging. We have also teamed up to shut up the brothers doubt, defeatism, and lazyfucker. My job now is to follow the plan and take action. His job is to keep those guys away from me.

The plan in its simple form now is to embark on two venture strategys. Both can be incorperated into each other at a later date if they both succeed.
one is too build the audience and later sell the product to them.
the other is to sell the product and later build the audience for it.
The cool thing is each can stand on its own as a seperate product/brand and yet each also has great crossover potential with each other. I could find myself collaberating with myself in the future. That would be really cool/weird.

I will still be using this progress thread to update mindset journey occasionally but for the most part Ill be working on progress thread#2 & 3

 

[sparechange]

I have no idea what is going on, what are you doing to change your life, just skinning through and see a oh poor me mindset. Please read how to change your life in 30 days by mj gold thread. Do you have a service launched? Do you sell products?

 

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