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Copywriting Contest... (RESULTS POSTED!)

MikeC

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Hey MJ– here's my entry. It's just copy, but use it if you want. Obviously, some details will need to be changed:

––​

Look– your life is passing you by…

When are you finally going to WAKE UP and
start making a lot of money?


Do you like struggling? Do you like not doing what you actually want to be doing? Do you like watching others buy the sh** you want? If not, read on...


Dear victim of society,

I wrote a bestselling book a few years ago that, essentially, teaches people how to actually get rich overnight (the bad news: it takes time).

That book, The Millionaire Fastlane , has gone on to sell well over 6,000,000 copies, been published in 16 different languages (including Chinese, Japanese and Thai), and has had 5 Shark Tank winners that attribute all their success to my book… as well as created dozens of new millionaires and thousands of new “1%ers”.

YET IT’S NOT ENOUGH.

People haven’t been able to get it yet.

Look– getting rich takes work… and time… yes… YET IT CAN BE INCREDIBLY REWARDING AND A HELL OF A LOT OF FUN WHILE IT’S HAPPENING!

I mean, nothing comes easy in this world. But that doesn’t mean the years you spend getting rich have to be a F*cking nightmare. Actually– they can, and very likely will be the best years of your life!

Hell, I sold my company for $10,000,000 fourteen years ago and have been in mini-retirement ever since… and here I am coming back for more. (If you’re smart– that’ll tell you something.)

So… I’ve written another book.

This one still teaches you how to make a hell of a lot of money. But more importantly, it trains your brain to enjoy the damn process. Because even though you will, most likely, ultimately end up “rich overnight”… it takes many other nights of rewarding work before that can happen.

SO– don’t stress about it. Just download the first five chapters of the damn book, Unscripted , for FREE by entering your email below. If you can come up with the modicum of energy required to actually finish them… I can promise you… your exciting, dramatic, exhilarating… and damn profitable journey to real "instagram ballin" wealth is about to finally begin.

Believe it or not, even though I sold my company for $10,000,000 fourteen years ago and am writing this from a mansion, I envy you. That is… if you enter your email below and actually read it:
 
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Last edited:

MJ DeMarco

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here's my entry.

Thank you Mike but the contest is already running! Also, a "Welcome Mat" that features 500 words would never work. I appreciate the effort and the suggestion, but I'm not sure you understand the nature of the contest.

How do you verify that?

By looking at the subscribers and seeing if there is anything fishy, their locations, names, etc. Not foolproof, but it might shed light on any potential shenanigans.
 

MikeC

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Okay, I hope this isn't inappropriate to keep posting. I'm not writing this for the prize money, since the competition is over. This has just really gotten me thinking and then I ended up writing a lot of shit as practice, and since it's already done... why not post it?

I would test my old ad on cold traffic, in a market that is not aware of you, maybe from Facebook.

I would also test these two versions as the welcome mat for the website:

Version 1:

Look– your life is passing you by…

When are you finally going to WAKE UP and
start making a lot of money?

Here's the secret: You will never get rid of the hard work part of getting rich... but you can train your brain to enjoy it. Then building your business becomes the most rewarding part of your life. My new book Unscripted (my first after The Millionaire Fastlane ) shows you a simple method to do that.

If you’d like, I’ll send you the first 5 chapters to your email right now for free.

Enter your email below to read the first five chapters of MJ DeMarco’s new book, Unscripted , for free:

[OPT IN]

P.S.
Frankly, I feel it's almost impossible to build a

Version 2:

Read the first five chapters of my new book for free:

Get the first 5 chapters now free:

[Opt In]​

MJ DeMarco's new book—his first since The Millionaire Fastlane —reveals a way to remarkable way to get your brain into a "wealth building pleasure cycle"... so you can start enjoying the process of getting rich.

[A few testimonials]
 
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MJ DeMarco

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Contest is closed, impressions have been reached.

There is a clear winner, pending verification the results haven't been fudged. (I'm doing that now.)

I'll post later this afternoon. (And I'm shocked at what won, I would have guessed 3rd place, not 1st.)
 

MJ DeMarco

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***********FINAL RESULTS

5TH Place (LAST, CONVERSION: .46%)

Screen Shot 2017-10-09 at 2.13.27 PM.png





4TH Place (CONVERSION: .77%)

Screen Shot 2017-10-09 at 2.13.14 PM.png





3RD Place (CONVERSION: .84%)

Screen Shot 2017-10-09 at 2.12.47 PM.png





2ND Place (CONVERSION: .87%)

Screen Shot 2017-10-09 at 2.13.59 PM.png




1ST Place (CONVERSION -- 1.68%)

Screen Shot 2017-10-09 at 2.13.02 PM.png


Congrats to HOLMZEE for the winning entrant!


So what do you think? Are you shocked at these results?

I predicted #3 would have won.

In fact, the 3rd place entrant started out in the lead for several days and then slowly died out.

In the end, I wouldn't use any of these layouts based on these conversion numbers. I'd be shooting for 2% or above.

So based on these results, can we assume that a background image is detrimental to conversion, considering it was the only entrant to not use one? @holmzee please contact the forum (contact us) for prize details.


 

bigbaby

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***********FINAL RESULTS

5TH Place (LAST, CONVERSION: .46%)

View attachment 16683





4TH Place (CONVERSION: .77%)

View attachment 16684





3RD Place (CONVERSION: .84%)

View attachment 16685





2ND Place (CONVERSION: .87%)

View attachment 16686




1ST Place (CONVERSION -- 1.68%)

View attachment 16687


Congrats to HOLMZEE for the winning entrant!


So what do you think? Are you shocked at these results?

I predicted #3 would have won.

In fact, the 3rd place entrant started out in the lead for several days and then slowly died out.

In the end, I wouldn't use any of these layouts based on these conversion numbers. I'd be shooting for 2% or above.

So based on these results, can we assume that a background image is detrimental to conversion, considering it was the only entrant to not use one? @holmzee please contact the forum (contact us) for prize details.


I suspected the text only format was the way to go, thus my first entries. I feel like I read about that somewhere but I don't remember where. Lesson learned! Would it be possible to get actual numbers? Visits vs. Conversions? No worries, if not. :)

Thanks for the contest. It was fun and educational!
 
G

Guest24480

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Holy cow, thanks MJ. I didn't expect the results to turn out this way either. I think the text-only works well because it's less distracting and more to the point. Would be interested to see how a similar layout with different copy performs.

There were some great entries, props to everyone who participated!
 
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Argue

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Congrats to the winner! Personally I'm shocked but I had a gut reaction that would win. Minimal, good colors, and awesome messaging. Persuasive imo. Congrats, contest was hella fun and enjoyed every second! :clap::
 

Blaise84

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***********FINAL RESULTS

5TH Place (LAST, CONVERSION: .46%)

View attachment 16683





4TH Place (CONVERSION: .77%)

View attachment 16684





3RD Place (CONVERSION: .84%)

View attachment 16685





2ND Place (CONVERSION: .87%)

View attachment 16686




1ST Place (CONVERSION -- 1.68%)

View attachment 16687


Congrats to HOLMZEE for the winning entrant!


So what do you think? Are you shocked at these results?

I predicted #3 would have won.

In fact, the 3rd place entrant started out in the lead for several days and then slowly died out.

In the end, I wouldn't use any of these layouts based on these conversion numbers. I'd be shooting for 2% or above.

So based on these results, can we assume that a background image is detrimental to conversion, considering it was the only entrant to not use one? @holmzee please contact the forum (contact us) for prize details.


I'm not all that surprised at the winner-- I think the verbiage was a bit more unique and emotionally charged, whereas the verbiage in the others was a bit more common. Words like "wealth," "rich," and "break free" seem to be a dime a dozen for an individual who has an interest in researching entrepreneurship and financial gain. Also, most men I know (women, too?) secretly fear being mediocre, not making anything of themselves, ect, and the wording in the winner directly spoke to this. One man I know of had a dream where the grim reaper showed up and said, "Make something of your life, or I'll take it from you." This is a common theme for many, many men. So, my thought is that the winner may have hit this hot button and that's why it won.
 

Striver

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I think 5th place would have done better if you had left it as "Dread Mondays?". Dreading just doesn't sound right.
 
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focusedlife

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***********FINAL RESULTS

2ND Place (CONVERSION: .87%)

View attachment 16686




1ST Place (CONVERSION -- 1.68%)

View attachment 16687


Congrats to HOLMZEE for the winning entrant!


So what do you think? Are you shocked at these results?

I predicted #3 would have won.

In fact, the 3rd place entrant started out in the lead for several days and then slowly died out.

In the end, I wouldn't use any of these layouts based on these conversion numbers. I'd be shooting for 2% or above.

So based on these results, can we assume that a background image is detrimental to conversion, considering it was the only entrant to not use one? @holmzee please contact the forum (contact us) for prize details.


First and foremost, congratulations to whoever designed 1st place winner.

I'm simply honored mine was 2nd and that was after quite a few beers during a quick and inspired creative Friday night.

Dang so....images, huh?

This was awesome!
 

KLaw

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Quick questions about your split testing.
Did each test include each sample from the same time / day slot? In other words, did example x, run on Tuesday from 4 to 6pm?
Did the other 3 samples get to run on those same times / days?
 

MikeC

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My theories:

1) It doesn't make a ridiculous, tired claim everyone has heard before (well, it does, but not as bad as the others)
2) It calls out an emotional, very hot-button problem people have... most people live mediocre lives and know it
3) Most importantly– it matches the tone and style of The Millionaire Fastlane

Honestly The Millionaire Fastlane , and Unscripted , are very against "the norm" as far as message and philosophy goes. So actually using one of these pie in the sky promises in the welcome mat is jarring and off-message.

All this being said– like you mentioned MJ, the conversion rate is dismal. The message is totally inconsistent with what people actually get (it's not a guide, it's 5 chapters). There is no specific benefit... only, again, a pie in the sky promise of something vague.

This is a market that is enormously saturated with false promises (which is why TMF was and is such a breath of fresh air). So that needs to be very heavily considered when writing the copy.

It's the difference between randomly grabbing a guy on the street and saying... "hey dude, want to get rich quick?"...

And going to an event where real estate people hang out, and simply mentioning you made $100k last month making wholesale agreements. Context really F*cking matters when it comes to communication.

Lastly, because of my point #3, I think testing out a purely YOU based approach... in other words... using your name, MJ DeMarco, and writing a very brief reason for why they should opt-in, would out pull this by a landslide.
 
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Last edited:

MJ DeMarco

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I'll continually update this thread with more tests, based on the winner.

Yes, 1.5% is poor.

Quick questions about your split testing.
Did each test include each sample from the same time / day slot? In other words, did example x, run on Tuesday from 4 to 6pm?
Did the other 3 samples get to run on those same times / days?

They all ran concurrently. No units got unusual exposure in one time/day slot over another.
 

ZF Lee

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***********FINAL RESULTS

5TH Place (LAST, CONVERSION: .46%)

View attachment 16683





4TH Place (CONVERSION: .77%)

View attachment 16684





3RD Place (CONVERSION: .84%)

View attachment 16685





2ND Place (CONVERSION: .87%)

View attachment 16686




1ST Place (CONVERSION -- 1.68%)

View attachment 16687


Congrats to HOLMZEE for the winning entrant!


So what do you think? Are you shocked at these results?

I predicted #3 would have won.

In fact, the 3rd place entrant started out in the lead for several days and then slowly died out.

In the end, I wouldn't use any of these layouts based on these conversion numbers. I'd be shooting for 2% or above.

So based on these results, can we assume that a background image is detrimental to conversion, considering it was the only entrant to not use one? @holmzee please contact the forum (contact us) for prize details.

I was expecting 3rd place to win too. The theme colour suited the lambo car.
The first place landing page, while very simple, might have won because of SIMPLICITY.

The key of copy is to STOP PEOPLE DEAD IN THEIR TRACKS.

The other landing pages had images or backgrounds, featuring flashy cars, a big SCRIPTED crowd and a . While these backgrounds fit accordingly to their themes, they might catch the reader BEFORE the words. A form of distraction. And when people are looking at something else, much of their mental focus is directed away from the copy, which is the TRUE essence of the entire landing page.

The winning one had no background, just a plain yellow colour. And thus, no distractions, so all people have to see is the copy....100% focused on the message. In fact, we see this application in mainstream apps and online sites. Google, Whatsapp and Facebook (although now its plagued with ads lol) are quite simple and bare.


The emotional pull was very good on all sides. I liked them. The fifth place with the catcher 'DREADING MONDAYS?' would cater well to the working crowd in cubicles and low-wage workers. The 3rd, 'MY BOOKS HAVE MADE PEOPLE RICH' is very direct, simple and straight to the point. MJ's books did make people rich, and he has the right to ultimately declare it outright. The earlier 4th one kind of troubled me as its elaboration on the copy headline was a little too long....is there a way to shorten it or cut stuff out?

Keeping some of the words intact, instead of 'GET STARTED NOW FOR FREE WITH THE PROVEN WEALTH STRATEGIES THAT HAVE MADE PEOPLE RICH AND SET THEM FREE FROM MEDIOCRITY''

I might say: 'GET THE PROVEN WEALTH GAME-PLAN THAT KISSES MEDIOCRITY BYE-BYE!'
GAME-PLAN sounds more actionable, fun and even hyper. KISSES and BYE-BYE is more tongue-in-cheek, and you would have a better experience imagining leaving mediocrity on a lonely island lol.

Second post is very Matrix-type. I ALSO expected this to win. I'm surprised that it didn't get the top prize, the simplicity rule aside.

The winning post is more unconventional. 'PUT YOUR MEDIOCRITY OUT OF ITS MISERY.' is very profound. It gives me the picture of a cowboy pointing the gun at his sick horse, going to release the bullet that ends its life and its suffering. See? It DIRECTLY leads me to my imagination and emotional mechanisms.

There are two sides to persuasive communication, in heart of copywriting. The central route deals with the presentation of the message, its quality and depends on the ability of the listener to actively think and consider the message. You can't talk crap to the audience here. The peripheral route deals with cues and superficial stuff like flashy colours, theme, background and fame of the speaker....the side dish of a meal, if you please.

Ideally, both routes cooperate with each other. I have seen some ads which major on either route to get the sales. But in this case, IMO, the second post, the Matrix-Neo one, had quite an overpowering cue in the form of the Blue-Red pill background. Although the Neo theme is meant to represent the theme of LIES and TRUTH, the Matrix franchise is very well-known.

The brain might have been split between thinking, 'AM I BEING REALLY LIED TO ABOUT WEALTH' and 'WHY IS THE BLUE-RED PILL THERE? IS THERE SOME KIND OF HIGH LEVEL CONSPIRACY?" It may be another form of distraction.

So ,TLDR, the rule KISS stands firm, and the balance between the central (catching the listener to consider the message actively, with quality info) and peripheral (cues, background, status of speaker) routes should be considered, with more consideration for the central route of persuasion. After all, at the end of the day, people are here for the facts that can change their life, not to see background images.
 

rollerskates

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I missed out when this started but was curious to see what won. I can see why the winner was the winner and #3 was #3. Not to diss any entries--props to everyone who entered! At any rate, fasltlaners talk about creating value and how it is different from, but can lead to, wealth. It looks like people were more responding to a call to be better than mediocre (creating value) as opposed to being rich (having more). In other words, a call to BE more was more enticing than a call to HAVE more. (I think there's a thread somewhere here about Be and Have and Do). Just my take on it. :smile2:
 
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G

Guest24480

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The winning post is more unconventional. 'PUT YOUR MEDIOCRITY OUT OF ITS MISERY.' is very profound. It gives me the picture of a cowboy pointing the gun at his sick horse, going to release the bullet that ends its life and its suffering. See? It DIRECTLY leads me to my imagination and emotional mechanisms.

You hit the nail on the head here. While writing this the goal was to elicit an emotional response from the reader. To stand out somehow and get their imagination going.

I considered using a similar variation: "Take your mediocrity behind the woodshed", which would have been more descriptive but ran the risk of going over people's heads, especially foreigners who may be less familiar with American figures of speech.

Even then, my entry was definitely a little out there and most likely put some people off with its message.
 

The-J

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What an awesome thread.

Just goes to show: test everything. You'll learn more by spending than by speculating, or reading courses. You'll get closer to your goal, too.
 

Fox

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Congrats to @holmzee

Ya I figured a solid background would convert best. It seems way less spammish and "anti hype". A solid color implies they are not really trying to sell you on something but instead just want to give some free value. I have always felt more inclined to sign up when it just seems like a straight swap with no push.

Also an image links your book to something. Some will like the image but by the law of big numbers it will also turn others away too. When its just text the focus is on the offer (not the look of the offer) and since everyone coming here should be of a similar mindset I think that its easier to have just text converting higher.

Interesting to see and I would love if you tested it some more with different variations.
 
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ThirtyOne

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Hind sight is 20:20, but without more info, I can’t really say why that one converted best, just that it did.

If I had to guess, though, I’d say it has a level of vagueness and mass appeal...

Most people feel mediocre. Most people want out of that life.

By contrast, there are some negative attitudes toward fancy cars, wealth and money. Yeah, sounds dumb, but it’s true.

But I guess people distrust rich, as if they swindled people out of giving them their money to get where they are today.
 

Andy Black

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I'll continually update this thread with more tests, based on the winner.

Yes, 1.5% is poor.



They all ran concurrently. No units got unusual exposure in one time/day slot over another.
How did most visitors who saw the popup get to the site during the test period @MJ DeMarco?

Google searches and then hitting main forum posts?
 

c4n

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I was sure a simple text-only ad will outperform ads with cliche images and wording (hence also my KISS entry). Congrats, @holmzee

However, don't you think that 1500 impressions is a too small sample size? The difference between 2nd and 4th place is what, 2 conversions? That's statistically insignificant.
 
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MJ DeMarco

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Ran a couple of variant tests and none of them have really broken out of the 1.3 - 1.8% range.

The difference between 2nd and 4th place is what, 2 conversions? That's statistically insignificant.

They all had more than that, 1500 was the minimum and the outcomes pretty much stayed the same, even after the experiment concluded.
 

Arrived2015

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My 2cents
(off top of my head ie not allowing logical brain to have a say)

#5
~ Background pic colour is too contrasting to opt in form colours - a disconnect
~ Dont identify with the people or location (doesnt look like a typical road in my country, so doesnt apply to me whatever is on 'sale') - would seek exit button
~ They dont ALL seem to be going to a workplace - could be any day of the week
~ What is Unscripted ? (I know it's MJ DeMarco's book BUT looking as a website visitor who doesnt know, my mind has to be guessing! Is it software, a course, a group? Then seeing the word chapters - if hadnt clicked the exit button by now to even see the 'Claim your (5) free chapters', would only then realise that Unscripted is a book)
~ Break free from what?


#4
~ Dont ID with the image therefore wouldnt give email address because do not wish to hang out with peeps with similar appearance or mindset as him


#3
~ Dont ID with the image - a sports car isnt for me especially a yellow one
~ Car angle looks menacing and aggressive
~ A copywriting/sales page error in not mentioning the word YOU therefore opt in form not talking to me so assume book contents will be all about the author and his/her unrelatable story


#2
~ Image disconnect - didnt like the film Matrix


#1
Can see why it 'won' as the background image didnt fire off any previous thoughts/memories associated with pictures. (Now if I had an aversion to the background colour would have found the exit button)

No background (distracting) image so no choice except to focus on wording then decide to seek exit button or give email address.

Similar to when browsing a magazine or book shelves, the images attract first then we read the wording on the cover. Dont like the image, I skip to the next cover. Even on Pinterest or Instagram, the images that catch my eye get my attention.
 

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