Why People Think That They Can Define You?

[OK1988]

Today i had a conversation with an old friend. I told him about a service that i'm building, and he really bummed me down.

I told him that i'm doing everything by myself (coding,designing, etc..).
He told me to find an investor because "Your'e not a programmer" (even though i have two years of coding experience), "You're not rich", and "You don't know the right people".

More quotes from my friend:

"Just find an investor and take the easy way, why would you want to do everything all by yourself? you're not a superman"

"Most likely you will fail"

"What you're trying to do is extremely hard or even impossible"

"If 10 investors say your idea suck - it sucks"

"Your're a dreamer"

"You're not realistic enough"

What do you think about my friend's suggestions?

I don't know why, but the things he said are bothering me and it sucks because usually i don't care when i hear similar suggestions, maybe he has a point?

I guess what's really pisses me off is that some people think that they can define you and tell you what you can and cannot do!

 

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[kkoasdfawfqwe2]

If he has a point or not, is irrelevant in my opinion.

Because he is most likely not qualified to evaluate your business or which direction or approach you should take.

What I mean is, even if he was right, he would be right for the wrong reasons.

And my point is that you should just keep going at it.

I don't know if your idea is crazy bad or if it has no chance of succeeding, but I know one thing from own experience, worst case you will learn something and become even better for the next time.

And if you for that next time will have success, it could easily be because of the knowledge you gained from this current project.

Best of luck with your project.

 

[PersistentlyHungry]

Today i had a conversation with an old friend. I told him about a service that i'm building, and he really bummed me down.

I told him that i'm doing everything by myself (coding,designing, etc..).
He told me to find an investor because "Your'e not a programmer" (even though i have two years of coding experience), "You're not rich", and "You don't know the right people".

More quotes from my friend:

"Just find an investor and take the easy way, why would you want to do everything all by yourself? you're not a superman"

"Most likely you will fail"

"What you're trying to do is extremely hard or even impossible"

"If 10 investors say your idea suck - it sucks"

"Your're a dreamer"

"You're not realistic enough"

What do you think about my friend's suggestions?

I don't know why, but the things he said are bothering me and it sucks because usually i don't care when i hear similar suggestions, maybe he has a point?

I guess what's really pisses me off is that some people think that they can define you and tell you what you can and cannot do!

Bear in mind that your friend probably hasn't cultivated the "Fastlane Mindset" you have.
He is probably trapped in dogma, or as MJ would call it - THE SCRIPT.

I've dealt with similar friends in my past, and have found that the most effective way to persuade them - is through your actions.
Actions prove beyond any reasonable doubt - that you can execute your dreams, and that you know what you're talking about.
Unfortunately, in order to prove through your actions you must do it alone, and filter out the distracting noise around you (that is, anything that is non-constructive to your path).
You can educate your friend about the entrepreneurial mindset, but I feel like this is something people have to be ready to learn, because it changes you.
That is why pushing him into this mindset might not work.

That being said you should definitely try to filter out what he says, and distinguish between script-based responses, and constructive criticism.
For instance, perhaps he's noticed that you're making slow progress on your code, and you should consider outsourcing parts of it.

 

[OldFaithful]

What do you think about my friend's suggestions?

I think you might need new friends.

Sounds to me like he's trying to pull you back down into the bucket.

 

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[Andy Daniels]

my friend's suggestions?

Doesn't sound like a friend to me. My friends play the part of devils advocate a lot, which is great, it helps me flush out
ideas I wouldn't have normally thought of. This is different, this is blatant slowlane garbage spewed from the mouth of
someone who clearly doesn't understand entrepreneurship.

It takes time and self-discipline to deflect the doubts that are constantly encircling you. As entrepreneurs, we essentially go
against the grain of every societal norm. You are walking the dessert of desertion my friend, but most people on this forum
are walking it too. Surround yourself with people who can help, not hurt you.

 

[Van Halen]

I presume your "friend" has tones of experience, many successful business ventures, angel investor and knows what hes talking about?
Probably not.
Hes probably never even started a business.
So why listen to his advice? It's utterly worthless.
He literally has no clue, everybody can dispense advice. Just like I am right now, its free + easy and everyone has an opinion. It's up to you to evaluate the quality of the advice, and the person dispensing it.

Its like a fat kid critiquing your diet, you'd just laugh at him.

 

[socaldude]

Looking glass self - Wikipedia

People's expectations and perceptions of you do influence us.

This is why you should never derive self-esteem from external material items or from external opinion or praise.

Here's an example: "I don't care about what people think!" A lot of people claim that, yet if you compliment or praise them they get happy. Emotions always have a polarization. You cannot care what people think about you only if its negative yet care when its positive. It means you are still suffering from a bad formula for self-esteem.

My guess is that you were kinda hoping for a positive response which would have lifted you up.

Pro tip: trust yourself more.

 

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[guy marshall]

don't forget to bring up this conversation three years from now when its a success...at which time he will be telling everyone how lucky you was.

 

[briteusa]

Today i had a conversation with an old friend. I told him about a service that i'm building, and he really bummed me down.

I told him that i'm doing everything by myself (coding,designing, etc..).
He told me to find an investor because "Your'e not a programmer" (even though i have two years of coding experience), "You're not rich", and "You don't know the right people".

More quotes from my friend:

"Just find an investor and take the easy way, why would you want to do everything all by yourself? you're not a superman"

"Most likely you will fail"

"What you're trying to do is extremely hard or even impossible"

"If 10 investors say your idea suck - it sucks"

"Your're a dreamer"

"You're not realistic enough"

What do you think about my friend's suggestions?

I don't know why, but the things he said are bothering me and it sucks because usually i don't care when i hear similar suggestions, maybe he has a point?

I guess what's really pisses me off is that some people think that they can define you and tell you what you can and cannot do!

Do not let other people's opinion of you define you - Les Brown.
Reading from the garbage that came out from your so called friend's mouth, definitely, HE IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. You do not need negative people like him around you, rather, let his words be catalyst for your growth.
Regards,

 

[Raoul Duke]

Today i had a conversation with an old friend. I told him about a service that i'm building, and he really bummed me down.

I told him that i'm doing everything by myself (coding,designing, etc..).
He told me to find an investor because "Your'e not a programmer" (even though i have two years of coding experience), "You're not rich", and "You don't know the right people".

More quotes from my friend:

"Just find an investor and take the easy way, why would you want to do everything all by yourself? you're not a superman"

"Most likely you will fail"

"What you're trying to do is extremely hard or even impossible"

"If 10 investors say your idea suck - it sucks"

"Your're a dreamer"

"You're not realistic enough"

What do you think about my friend's suggestions?

I don't know why, but the things he said are bothering me and it sucks because usually i don't care when i hear similar suggestions, maybe he has a point?

I guess what's really pisses me off is that some people think that they can define you and tell you what you can and cannot do!

 

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[G-Man]

Scenario:
6 months ago, you decided to learn to play baseball. You've been putting in batting practice every week, and still aren't there, but you're seeing improvement.

A friend you haven't seen in a while, who has never picked up a bat, starts criticizing everything from your stance and grip to your body mechanics. He points out how fast an MLB pitcher throws, a fact he could have only absorbed while watching the NLCS on a beer stained sofa.

How worried are you about his baseball critiques? You shrug them off, knowing that he's just one of a million paunchy middle aged sofa warriors that thinks because he occasionally watches a coach break down a game for a cute sideline reporter, he could actually play himself.

This is no different. Some folks think that because they've worked for a company they could run one. They think because they read an article about Zuck on CNN Money, they can start one.

Don't let people who've never taken a swing get inside your head.

 

[Mr.Brandtastic]

This is why I never tell anyone my plans irl. They don't understand, they'll never understand. In the time it would take me to explain everything I would have wasted whole days and weeks (time I don't have to give).

Your friend is a great representation of this. He doesn't get it. He has a lack of vision. He's not a bad person, heck he might be a great guy and even an intelligent and pragmatic guy. But he's a small man. With small dreams. Don't waste time explaining when you could spend that time doing.

 

[Thiago Machado]

Hey man,

I've struggled with this in the past too.

Now a days, I never take advice from someone who has not achieved what I wanted (or hasn't achieved any significant success in their life).

Your "friend" is spitting out opinions of something he's never done. So why take his advice to heart?

Just stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.

 

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[OK1988]

Thanks everyone, i really appreciate your wise and kind words!
I really do need to make new friends with the same mindset as mine, but where and how you meet new friends at 28?

 

[The LordExecutor]

Thanks everyone, i really appreciate your wise and kind words!
I really do need to make new friends with the same mindset as mine, but where and how you meet new friends at 28?

You can meet people everywhere! I mean, from my experience people are usually interested in befriending other people. I met a lot of interesting people on my job, and with a good portion of them I kept in touch. Also various local events could be a good idea to start (as for what type of event, that depends on your location and your preferences ).
It is amazing what can stem from "regular" conversations.

And as for your friend, I would agree with previous posts. That really doesn't sound like a friend to me, more like an acquaintance you don't really need.

 

[Mattie]

I guess what's really pisses me off is that some people think that they can define you and tell you what you can and cannot do!

The important thing here is the fact you'll always have people telling you negative things. The whole point is getting immune to the negativity and understanding it has nothing to do with you what so ever. That's the whole challenge in life not allowing anyone to have a psychological and emotional affect on you, being resilient, bouncing back fast, staying emotionally grounded, in emotional balance, regardless of what everyone is saying or doing around you. Not allowing yourself to get pissed off, staying neutral, and not allowing others to rattle your cage.

 

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[Thiago Machado]

Thanks everyone, i really appreciate your wise and kind words!
I really do need to make new friends with the same mindset as mine, but where and how you meet new friends at 28?

A friend of mine just moved to Boston, MA from Brazil.

He knew absolutely nobody and is 27 years old.

He recently started attending meetups related to his field (UX Design).

I got a text from him yesterday saying that he got a full-scholarship to some university program because of an app idea he gave at one of these meetings. (A "startup incubator" type of thing. Not a 4 year course).

Here's a guy from another country, with no connections, and whose english isn't that great.

With pure will, he's starting to make a name for himself.

Start doing the same. Go where like-minded people are. There's really no excuse.

 

[Andy Black]

Red flags for me are phrases such as "you need", "you should", "you must".

Anyone using those phrases goes into a little compartment I label as dangerous.

Even if someone knew without a shadow of a doubt what you need to do, the ones who've been there will gently guide you rather than force their opinion on you.

Think of your grandparents and how they're not going tell you as a teenager that your heart will likely get broke a few times, and that one day you'll find someone who's right for you. Are they going to tell you to finish with that girl/boy now because she/he isn't who you're going to settle down with later on in life? No. They know this is your life and this is what life's about.

For me, people who are dogmatic about what you need to do are indicating they haven't learned that we each have our own journey to follow.


Proof of the pudding: when you have kids will you speak to them how your friend has spoken to you?