Developing soft skills

[Olimac21]

One type skills which can be hard to define or measure are soft skils like public speaking, the ability to lead a group, how you manage power dynamics,effective communication (writing, speaking and listening), boldness, strategic thinking and many more.

How has been your approach with these? Do you see it as a skill to develop or it comes naturally as a second priority behind hard skills? For me I see these ones even as more important than hard skills, as many people can be experts on a field but only a few have the right "system" of skills that can create a differentiator in the market. Like my father used to say: "Better to be smart on the field rather than smart in the classroom"

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Jurica22]

How To Win Friends and Influence People is my favorite book on the topic of communication skills and interacting with other people.

If you haven't read it, I'd start there. You develop the "soft skills" through trial and error, and by doing it I assume.

I think there's no point in studying it if you don't need it yet, you'll have plenty of time to figure it out once you actually need those skills (assuming you're not yet a leader).

 

[VoraciousReader]

I really recommend a book called "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia fox Cabane

I always had fairly decent social skills but this book really breaks down the psychology and gives excellent practical steps

I think excellent soft and communication skills will probably take you further in life than anything else tbh

 

[Olimac21]

How To Win Friends and Influence People is my favorite book on the topic of communication skills and interacting with other people.

If you haven't read it, I'd start there. You develop the "soft skills" through trial and error, and by doing it I assume.

I think there's no point in studying it if you don't need it yet, you'll have plenty of time to figure it out once you actually need those skills (assuming you're not yet a leader).

Thank you I have read it a few years ago, quite useful. I have a different view in terms of need when it comes to soft skills because they are usually applicable for all aspects of live besides business, then is also true does not make sense to over emphasize on more specific/niche soft skills.

In terms of leadership, I see it more as an attitude rather than a role (distinction between leader and manager). My definition is someone who can lead an idea or people towards something better.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Olimac21]

Have heard about this book will check it out thank you!

I really recommend a book called "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia fox Cabane

I always had fairly decent social skills but this book really breaks down the psychology and gives excellent practical steps

I think excellent soft and communication skills will probably take you further in life than anything else tbh

 

[VoraciousReader]

Have heard about this book will check it out thank you!

Good job hope it benefits you!

I disregarded a few of her points and exercises because they didn't really fit with my personality, but over half of the book really resonated with me and undoubtedly had a positive impact on how I interact with people. Some of the exercises are gold.....

 

[BigRomeDawg]

Join a Toastmaster group? Haven't been part of one long enough to say anything good. But I hear mostly good things.

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Mr.Rob]

Toastmaster's was a great experience for me. Typically there are multiple chapters in every city so find the group you resonate with. Can be a good networking opportunity as well.

Doing some sort of direct sales job can be highly beneficial. Cold calling is always good for building character lol.

For a more fun route to upgrade your soft skills going on a bunch of dates with pretty girls is always a good option. Bonus points if you can do it without a dating app

Hard skills allow you to achieve certain tasks or functions and typically don't have much overlap (i.e. if your good at word processing doesn't make you a good programmer). Soft skills allow you to achieve with and through people and typically have a LOT of overlap (i.e. if your good at cold call sales there is a good chance you'll be able to captivate an audience public speaking without having to start over from scratch in your learning process).

If you want to get what you want in life and in the world you'll need a requisite level of soft skills to do so since getting what you want in life involves human relations.

-Rob

 

[JAJT]

Pick a few things and focus on practicing them ALL THE TIME.

One I love is learning to make eye contact and smile at strangers. If you aren't in the habit of doing this it is a GREAT place to start because it's easy and you can do it everywhere.

Stopped next to a light? Look over and smile.
Opening the door for someone, make eye contact and smile.
Cashier? Smile at them.
Little kids? They love that shit.

What's cool about this "early win" in the soft skills department is that it takes only 1 second, you can do it anywhere, and you QUICKLY find out that other people smile back 98% of the time. You start realizing you are directly causing these grumpy assholes and bitches out in the world to brighten the hell up and change their mood for the better. That's a HUGE confidence boost when you see some old hag turn into someone's loving grandmother before your eyes all because you smiled at them and they instinctively smiled back.

Small talk is another great one to learn - have mini conversations everywhere. Some work out. Some don't. But whatever. The whole point is building up your confidence to becoming a social butterfly. If you can talk to anyone and make them feel better about themselves you can work almost any room you find yourself in.

Leading can be as simple as making decisions instead of saying "I don't know, what do you think?". Choose the dinner plans. Make the reservations. Decided on the movie to watch. Pick an activity for the weekend and just be proactive. Small stuff like this makes it easy to be the person to stand out when a group needs someone to make a decision or take charge. Making decisions is a habit that most people don't have so even getting good at the small stuff cascades up pretty nicely.

Public speeches is quite another thing. You really do need to put yourself into those specific situations repeatedly to get better at them and it's hard to keep finding yourself giving a speech on the daily. Toastmasters is supposed to be quite good though. Personally I wouldn't focus on this unless you have a reason to though - it's a nice skill to have but IMHO it's a rarely needed one outside of the odd wedding, funeral or slowlane business meeting. But I suppose it's pretty situational.