Fear of success?

[Soulrize]

I've noticed I've had swings of up and downs and I believe it comes from a fear of success. I can namely think of a few conflicting beliefs such as a smart friend of mine(no financially of course) who inherited close to a million and then blew it all the way till he couldn't afford his gas or electric bill and I had to lend him money to catch up. Or my dad who follows that slow lane and saved a million after 30+ yrs of work. or for some reason my distorted belief in my family friends who ARE successful and I thought they were snobbish and I didn't want to associate with them. I can't help but notice a pattern and the thoughts from my experience and how they impact me. Does anyone have any firsthand experience that's counter to what I've experienced and the impact that success brings?

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[Ika]

You don't have a clear image of what beeing rich means to you - so you take whatever piece of information you have to create one.
It is not your 'rich identity', it is your associate's 'rich identity'.


For the longest time I tied "beeing rich" to "having no time".
Because that's the only thing I could see around me.

The workaholic manager in the hollywood movie.
The rich friend that works countless hours.
The entrepeneur who burned out.

Then I've found TMFL.
Having money to gain time?
Suddenly it shifted - now hard work and long hours are required to become rich, but 'buying my time back' is the endgoal.
Wow, I suddenly started to see this mindset in other people - before the book I simply didn't know what to look for.


What I'm trying to get across is:
If you don't know about X, your brain creates an idea of what X is.
This idea is based on experiences and prejudice.

But as always, made up prejudices don't have to fit your life.


Are there people that get money and blow it all?
Yes.
Are all rich people blowing their money away?
No
Are you going to blow all of your money?
You don't have to.

Are there women that are bad drivers?
Yes.
Are all women bad drivers?
No.
Are you going to be a bad driver?
You don't have to.


If you don't want to blow all of your money by spending it on dumb shit, learn don't blow all of your money on dumb shit.
Work on your spending habits, work on your investments, learn about your happiness when buying stuff.
Spend time with people that don't blow their money out.


"Money acts as a magnifier."
~ (I forgot who said this)



Note: I'm neither rich or successfull. This is just an observation I've made on my journey so far. Maybe I'm completly wrong and one of the actually sucessfull members chimes in.

 

[AndrewNC]

I've noticed I've had swings of up and downs and I believe it comes from a fear of success. I can namely think of a few conflicting beliefs such as a smart friend of mine(no financially of course) who inherited close to a million and then blew it all the way till he couldn't afford his gas or electric bill and I had to lend him money to catch up. Or my dad who follows that slow lane and saved a million after 30+ yrs of work. or for some reason my distorted belief in my family friends who ARE successful and I thought they were snobbish and I didn't want to associate with them. I can't help but notice a pattern and the thoughts from my experience and how they impact me. Does anyone have any firsthand experience that's counter to what I've experienced and the impact that success brings?

I deal with this on a regular basis...

Without sugar-coating it, what is the worst fear of what will happen to you when you're successful?

I've worked with a few people who are starting web design businesses who are charing $5,000 for their services. In the back of their mind, they fear that if they successfully charge $5,000 for a single website; their family would judge them and see them as a greedy person.

It all boils down to self-judgement...

What does it mean about you if you are successful?

You said it yourself - the judgement about being snobbish (this could be one of a few things - but snobbish stands out to me).

In your mind, bring up a small picture seeing yourself as snobbish...

When you learn how to release the self-judgement, about who you are, the problem will go away.

Because where you're standing now, this image about who you will be if you're successful plays in the back of your mind, and those emotions you feel attached to it hold you back from taking that first step.

So if you're a millionaire:

• You'd be snobbish.
• You'd be out of control with your spending and you'd have to borrow money.
• What else is the fear?

The solution: The opposite of judgement is love and acceptance.

So when you bring up that small, postcard sized picture in your mind, seeing yourself in the picture being (snobbish). What is the negative emotion at? From 0-10? Normally it's around an 8.

Imagine a white light of love and acceptance come out of the center of your chest (the heart level) feeling the emotions of love and acceptance, and have the white light surround that post-card sized picture, while repeating the phrase "Even though I'm snobbish, I still love and accept myself."

Repeat the phrase 6 times.

Where is the emotion at now? It's usually dropped to a 2 or a 3....

Repeat the process until the emotion is a 0, and when you see yourself in the picture, you won't see yourself a snobbish anymore...

And the fear will be gone...

There's more angles you could do to it, but for typing it in a thread - this will do the most work in the quickest amount of time.

 

[Soulrize]

I deal with this on a regular basis...

Without sugar-coating it, what is the worst fear of what will happen to you when you're successful?

I've worked with a few people who are starting web design businesses who are charing $5,000 for their services. In the back of their mind, they fear that if they successfully charge $5,000 for a single website; their family would judge them and see them as a greedy person.

It all boils down to self-judgement...

What does it mean about you if you are successful?

You said it yourself - the judgement about being snobbish (this could be one of a few things - but snobbish stands out to me).

In your mind, bring up a small picture seeing yourself as snobbish...

When you learn how to release the self-judgement, about who you are, the problem will go away.

Because where you're standing now, this image about who you will be if you're successful plays in the back of your mind, and those emotions you feel attached to it hold you back from taking that first step.

So if you're a millionaire:

• You'd be snobbish.
• You'd be out of control with your spending and you'd have to borrow money.
• What else is the fear?

The solution: The opposite of judgement is love and acceptance.

So when you bring up that small, postcard sized picture in your mind, seeing yourself in the picture being (snobbish). What is the negative emotion at? From 0-10? Normally it's around an 8.

Imagine a white light of love and acceptance come out of the center of your chest (the heart level) feeling the emotions of love and acceptance, and have the white light surround that post-card sized picture, while repeating the phrase "Even though I'm snobbish, I still love and accept myself."

Repeat the phrase 6 times.

Where is the emotion at now? It's usually dropped to a 2 or a 3....

Repeat the process until the emotion is a 0, and when you see yourself in the picture, you won't see yourself a snobbish anymore...

And the fear will be gone...

There's more angles you could do to it, but for typing it in a thread - this will do the most work in the quickest amount of time.

I teared during the process , dam why does it feel like a burden just got lifted

 

Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum: Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.

[AndrewNC]

I teared during the process , dam why does it feel like a burden just got lifted

Those were the emotions leaving your body

We carry these struggles like this through our lives so it feels freeing when we let go.

In a lot of cases, problem solved forever.

If it comes back - repeat te process for whatever new self judgement comes up.

 

[dgr]

In my experience what @AndrewNC has said works like magic, but it's more effective if you expose yourself to your fear after doing it a couple of times.

Baby steps here, to become comfortable with your fear, training your mind to accept that it isn't as scary or painful as you thought.

Then, continue with the exercise and alternate with incremental exposure to the things you are scare of.

In your case, being a fear that is not easily to be exposed to (it's in the future), you need to find how to be exposed to it. Maybe you can try to talk with that people again and observe what is your internal reactions.

Your tears are a good signal, for sure.

Great advice also from @Ika!

Hope it helps.

Enviado desde mi MotoG3 mediante Tapatalk