How do you deal with disbelievers?

[SquatchMan]

Show don't tell.

Don't expect any congrats or anything when you do make it.

"Oh. You got lucky."

First they call you crazy, then they call you lucky.

Just what I've noticed in my very limited success.

 

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[Philip Marlowe]

“Don’t tell me what you are going to do. Show me what you have done.”

This. Transfer this same question to a healthy lifestyle. If you're living a healthy lifestyle the benefits will be clear to everyone, and instead of trying to explain those benefits people will probably start to ask you how you did it...

 

[Get Right]

One thing that helped me was speeding up my progress. When I am going full tilt (like I am now), there really isn't time to care about what somebody thinks (friend or family). I just let whatever they say roll off my back.

The nice thing about this approach is it isn't confrontational. I just simply don't have time to figure out a counter-argument.

 

[Christopher777]

So you see, the pattern should be obvious now. I discovered this long ago and still encounter it.

Whenever you focus, forces around you will try to break it.

They instinctively know that it's what produces success. It sort of scares the shit out of them because it's a clear sign that you're taking off. The feeling of being left behind becomes too unbearable for them. And it's sort of a test of your apparent impudence.

Impudence is literally required.

And it's a fact that this scattering, derailing and defocusing collective force is hard to overcome. That you have to consciously plow through it, every.single.time.

And that's exactly the reason to SMASH IT. Over and over ad infinitum.

Never give up.

Blow them up to smithereens and confetti. Nuclear style.

You can sort of feel an indignant force coming from this post right. I've known this long ago and I LOVE smashing them to pieces whenever the force gets too strong, like BOOM WHAT'S UP? HERE I AM, AGAIN. Rising back up.

It's like, many find themselves asking, "why are they acting like this?" They don't realize that this is exactly what's holding many of us back. No shit sherlock. Don't waste time converting them to allies.
We've all tried.

The only way is to keep focusing and realigning that focus (because distraction will happen, guaranteed) until you achieve your goals.

And here's what I learned in the end : they don't matter one bit. The buck stops with you if you focus or not. If you're distracted, it's your fault.

 

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[SteveO]

you can't do anything with disbelievers

You have changed my man!

 

[Sean Kaye]

None of my family are rich, so listening to them on the topic of becoming wealthy is like asking a homeless guy for decorating advice.

 

[GMSI7D]

You have changed my man!

what ????

i don't know if i can change

INTJ people have strong values and point of view

you can't really change these guys

 

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[Ascension]

what ????

i don't know if i can change

INTJ people have strong values and point of view

you can't really change these guys

Why not? Strong values and change aren't mutually exclusive.
You can have strong values but if you are presented with evidence you might change your approach to how you align yourself with your values.

The posts I've read from you so far all made it seem like you're a firm believer in constant self-improvement.
So why limit yourself to the result of a personality test however accurate it might be. There are countless examples of people who have overcome self-imposed limitations.

So why shouldn't you be able to?

Why shouldn't you be able to realign your values and viewpoints to best suit your purpose?

 

[SteveO]

what ????

i don't know if i can change

I mean that in a positive way. Your views on money and human nature are evolving.

 

[GMSI7D]

Why not? Strong values and change aren't mutually exclusive.
You can have strong values but if you are presented with evidence you might change your approach to how you align yourself with your values.

The posts I've read from you so far all made it seem like you're a firm believer in constant self-improvement.
So why limit yourself to the result of a personality test however accurate it might be. There are countless examples of people who have overcome self-imposed limitations.

So why shouldn't you be able to?

Why shouldn't you be able to realign your values and viewpoints to best suit your purpose?

the point is not my life or what i do


the point is thinking on this :


imagine


you have been sent to prehistoric times because of an experiment of whatever


you wake up and there are cavemen arround you


what will you do ?



1) will you surrender to their poor thinking ?

95 % of population will do that


2) will you try to educate them while they are thinking that you are the crazy one among them

geniuses will do that but they will be punished

3) will you try to escape this horrible situation ?

that's what i do



what will you do ?

 

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[AG356]

Great advice in this thread so far!

As a few guys already mentioned there's no way to explain it to people who never thought about this lifestyle, but it's nothing to be upset about.
As Jon L said, they're most likely trying to help you. Or do you honestly think your mother wants you to fail? No, she wants you to be safe and live a good life. For her it's working a secure job and playing it safe. You can't be mad at her for thinking this way.

For me personally, I just stopped telling people what I am up to. It saves so much time and energy which can be surely used better. I will rather show them instead of telling them what I am up to.

As far as that goes, the truck which will deliver one thousand pounds worth of products, this time to the address of my parents home, will do the talk for me.

 

[Sean Kaye]

So in my day job, we did a half day workshop recently with the people in our business unit that included completing a personality assessment and other "woo woo" nonsense and then we had to talk about how knowing this would help us work together better.

My personality is INTJ and I fall hard on the "task oriented" and "people agnostic" side of the ledger.

The facilitator asked me how this impacts my working relationship with my colleagues.

"It doesn't. If they just do what I say and focus on outcomes, everything seems to work. It's when they want to talk about stuff and how things make them feel is when it all breaks down. Just do as I say and things work."

She didn't ask me to participate anymore.

 

[amp0193]

completing a personality assessment and other "woo woo" nonsense and then we had to talk about how knowing this would help us work together better.

Haha, if you think you had it bad with the woo woo today, try being a teacher. The woo woo never stopped.


It's 6:00 and 2 hours into an after school staff meeting... why are we making posters about our feelings again?

 

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[Sean Kaye]

why are we making posters about our feelings again?

It's all about the feelz. You need to be in touch with the feelz so that you can nurture the kiddies.

I started writing something incredibly inappropriate and opted against it, I've earned a cookie.

 

[Harti]

 

[V8Bill]

I tell them to go and get f***ed! They're not going to help or encourage me so they're worthless to my cause and a pain to be around. The entire world (bar a few of us) doesn't think you can do anything special. That's the best part about doing something special with your life. It proves that you're special. Do you think top athletes spend their time worrying about what other people think of their ability of winning a gold medal? Of course not. If they did they'd never win one and who'd care? It takes 1 IQ to rubbish someone's opinion of what they think you can do. 1.

Hasn't this topic been flogged to death already? There are so many threads that have discussed this and every single post tells the same answer. F(orget) them! Why even give them another second's thought? They don't believe you can do amazing things. Obviously it's because you haven't done anything amazing yet. When you finally do something amazing they'll all be lining up to hang out and you'll know to instantly just laugh at them. Do you think people doubt our author's achievements? Do you think he cares?

That's it. STOP CARING what other people think! You'll spent 90% of your time worrying about what other people think when they spend less than 1% of their time thinking about you. It's a total waste of time and energy. Doubly so talking about it. Triply so posting about it on a forum that's here to encourage and lift you. Why bring their lead weight into this place? What could you possibly expect us to say?

The only person that needs to believe in you is you. Hell, most parents are totally surprised when their kids do anything special. You can tell by the fuss they make when they do. The parents and friend's who do believe in us would EXPECT us to be amazing.

Block your ears with your fingers and sing la la la la...not listening!

Oh, and while I'm at it..all you young kids who start threads with demeaning titles...stop and think what you're doing. What sort of self talk is that? Ridiculous. You've finally found a place where there's a slim chance that people might believe in you and you start a thread debasing yourself - great start kiddo.

Do, then talk. This isn't a kindergarten it's a place to prove you have what it takes. If you don't think you have what it takes you don't...until you start believing you do have what takes. The fact you don't know what to do yet is no proof you won't find a way to add value to this planet. It's no proof of anything so stop talking about what you or anything thinks you can't do. Focus on doing something worthwhile then talk. People don't walk up to strangers out of the blue and say "I don't believe in you or your abilities" do they? Someone must have started talking about something you want to do and I bet it was you.

Stop talking about the millions of people or reason you think you can't do something. We all know and have heard them millions of times. Do something special (or at least start doing something) then come back in here and discuss it in order to add value by helping or encouraging others by your story in the hope they're intelligent enough to absorb it as encouragement.

Are we done now? Let this thread and all the other self deprecating threads fall off the page (yes, I'm aware of the irony that I'm boosting this thread back to the top but honestly I and (I'm SURE) others are just tired of hearing about it. Boo f***ing hoo. They (who take the time to discourage you) will play no part in your success. The sooner you realise that, the sooner you'll stand tall and prove everyone wrong.

FFS.

 

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[bonitachika]

I guess there two categories of people: managers and leaders. Managers do everything the leaders say, they cannot predict future steps and cannot see the situation in whole. However the business will not go without managers. While leaders work hard, they see the process and understand how it will go further on. I do not see the point in blaming your dearest and nearest. Just tell them to support you and believe in you.

 

[Sanj Modha]

Listen but don't pay any attention. That's what I do.

Facts pay my bills not opinions.

 

[TreyAllDay]

Overwhelmed with the great advice! It's great to hear, even when you already know it. I come from a family with pretty limited beliefs, and as much as I love my girlfriend, we met when I was a sidewalker and I need to try to break her out of her limited beliefs as well. But anyway, when you spend time around these people it's easy to forget what's important!

 

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[Iammelissamoore]

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO ABOUT NON-BELIEVERS:
1.) Nothing. You've entered one of the most stressful parts of your life ever. Spending an iota of energy worrying about other people judging you is bad news

2.) Most of the time, just nod and let them know you listened to their concerns. They want to feel as if they're bringing up concerns you've never thought before....when, in actuality, you probably spent nights tossing and turning already about each of their points.

In the end, for us it just makes sense to work for yourself (or at least attempt to reach for the stars). For most...they just don't understand because they've never sat down to learn about it.

It's Plato's Allegory of the Caves again and again.

It's a slow process for some where you convert them by example. For others, they'll never understand...there's nothing you can do.

Well said.

From the best to the worst had the haters and will still have. At some point in time the focus on the business would be so strong, that the opinion of others would be unimportant, AND, the best thing in your case is that you have already been experiencing financial results. At the end of the day, there are only two people you have to prove your business to - Your Clients (which is the purpose you have your biz) and Yourself. Recognise I actually placed the clients first.

Loved ones, as much as we love them, do NOT have to see eye to eye with our dealings, and yes, it can be hard at times, but, it is necessary. Any successful individual WILL admit that at a particular point of building their biz, relationships suffered - that obviously would not have been intentional, but, it does come with the territory in building successful businesses, especially Fastlane Unscripted Businesses.

 

[EN_VY]

Just get to work and prove with actions. No need to try and convince anyone (even loved ones) about your journey. They probably care about you, and want the best for you (or what they think).
Just show and prove.

 

[Nekoemon]

are they even worth having around?

It depends on how you react to naysaying. It can suck lot of energy, but on the other hand the resistance can be hugely efficient for you. It first forces you to see your own ambitions with another point of view (the naysayers'), and if despite their resistance you still determined to make it, it's a sign that you're on the right track. Then it forces you to take creative actions and it can deepen the relationship you have with your relative, when they understand your ambitions are serious matter to you.
It may also make you realise you need to get rid of a few people around you, but do that in the last resort only.
Whatever you do, you encounter resistance from many sources (people, events, market, and even from yourself). So if you can't deal with some unbelievers who don't even know what they're talking about, you'll have an even harder time to face the stronger resistance from your own journey. F*ck the naysayers, OK, but do it with vaseline.

 

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[Lionhearted]

I'm sorry if this one has been discussed before or if I am ranting- but I am curious how some of you have dealt with non-believers and doubters in your lives.

Both my parents and my girlfriend are as slowlane as they get - work boring jobs during the day and complain at night about how much they hate their jobs and hope to win the lottery. Ever since I have chosen the fast lane, my girlfriend and my dad have been on my case about quitting my cushy 70k a year marketing position, even though I'm making pretty good money and supporting myself during these first few months. Half of me kind of wants to say "F*ck these people" and kick them to the curb but the other half makes me think they don't know any better and it's not their fault. Once you do "make it" in these peoples eyes... are they even worth having around?

Anyway! Would love some feedback!

If your parents and your girlfriend don't believe in you that's rough. You can get a different girlfriend but you can't replace you parents. The only person you need believing in you is YOU! In my entrepreneurial journey no one has believed in me, not my wife, not my only living parent, no one, no one that is but me. It was hard to overcome at first but now that they are seeing some of the fruits of my labor their level of dissent has decreased a bit. Now that I am making enough from my online endeavors to "get by", I am still learning and growing, but at least I can say I am financially the captain of my ship and were I go and what I do is my choice. I am not driving a Lambo "yet" but I don't clock in 8 to 5 either (I work continuously actually). I also don't hate my job every day like the dissenters do. You have to understand that people who are in the 99% have no reference point for someone who wants and is striving to be part of the 1%. These people obviously love you and want the "best for you" but you need to understand that the only reference point they have is where they are coming from. We live in a society were the median household income is $51,939.00 in their eyes your $70,000 year makes you "well off" so it's all a matter of reference. Personally I will consider myself poor until I make over $1,000,000 a year and at that point I will consider myself lower middle class. My ruler is the 1% not the 99%.
I also realized this recently, most of the people who are non-believers or doubters have NEVER been self starters, entrepreneurs or even business people, yet they feel 100% qualified and confident to comment NEGATIVELY about something they have ZERO knowledge or experience in! Seriously would a professional basketball player listen to advice from some one who can't sink a shot? NO and neither should you. In general ignorant people by their very nature don't know they are ignorant.
As your confidence grows the amount of support they give you or don't will matter less and less to you. I am quickly getting to the point where I don't even think about it. One thing is for certain though I no longer listen to dissent about my endeavors or abilities with the same ear. Now when I hear dissent I quickly qualify the dissenter as either valid or invalid based on their level of experience. If a successful entrepreneur tells me I am screwing up, I will certainly listen, but if Joe Blow with a $51,939 year job tells me I am screwing up I am going to take that advice in a much different light. I will still listen but I certainly will not give it much weight. All the best to you and don't sweat the dissenters their dissent will fade as your success increases. All the best and keep growing.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Shifting non-believers to believers is a simple process:


Believer: I'm gonna own a Lambo some day!
Disbeliever: Ha Ha, you're a joke. You can't even hold a job longer than a week.

{1 year later}

Believer: {Rolls into driveway} How do you like my new Lambo? I paid cash.
Disbeliever: Now I'm a believer.

 

[Christopher777]

It depends on how you react to naysaying. It can suck lot of energy, but on the other hand the resistance can be hugely efficient for you.

We are different from them.

We don't want to behave like them. We don't want to end up like them. Let them be the blatant reminder of why we do what we do. And flee as much as possible. Lol

 

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[TreyAllDay]

Shifting non-believers to believers is a simple process:


Believer: I'm gonna own a Lambo some day!
Disbeliever: Ha Ha, you're a joke. You can't even hold a job longer than a week.

{1 year later}

Believer: {Rolls into driveway} How do you like my new Lambo? I paid cash.
Disbeliever: Now I'm a believer.

Thanks MJ! Also kind of random but can you tell me the author of your recommended read "Transform your habits". Wrote down that I wanted to read it but didn't write down the author, and can't find the chapter where you mentioned the authors name. The title's not on amazon or not in book stores.

 

[BrooklynHustle]

I'm sorry if this one has been discussed before or if I am ranting- but I am curious how some of you have dealt with non-believers and doubters in your lives.

Both my parents and my girlfriend are as slowlane as they get - work boring jobs during the day and complain at night about how much they hate their jobs and hope to win the lottery. Ever since I have chosen the fast lane, my girlfriend and my dad have been on my case about quitting my cushy 70k a year marketing position, even though I'm making pretty good money and supporting myself during these first few months. Half of me kind of wants to say "F*ck these people" and kick them to the curb but the other half makes me think they don't know any better and it's not their fault. Once you do "make it" in these peoples eyes... are they even worth having around?

Anyway! Would love some feedback!

Not my job to change anyone's mind (though results seem to have that effect anyway)

However if they are impeding my progress towards goals & can't help themselves from doing so, I am going to have to limit my exposure (Tom Bilyeu talks about this often on Impact Theory)

Can't totally cut off family, but I would not keep a significant other who was incompatible with my goals

 

[paulmp]

You know the best way to prove someone wrong... go and do what they say is impossible. Don't waste time arguing or trying to convince them, it is a waste of your time and energy, go do the work. Not the most noble motivation / "why" in the world, but it certainly works.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

but can you tell me the author of your recommended read "Transform your habits".

James Clear, he has a great blog as well.

 

[Andy Daniels]

Honestly, whenever I get hate from the non-believers, it adds fuel to the fire for me. If you have a true, burning desire to succeed Fastlane, you'll know it, because eventually the only noise you'll hear is the beat of your own drum.