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21 year old living with parents and going to college - needing advice

PJ Pahygiannis

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Hey everyone! I'm 21 years old and a lifelong hustler/entrepreneur. I'm currently in community college and will be getting my AA in a month. I live with my parents. They pay my tuition.

My struggle is that my parents are VERY angry, frustrated, flustered with me for not having a job. I don't hear the end of it. At first it was about money, but then when I started making money, it became about me not being social enough and too introverted. I've applied to a lot of places, had some interviews, and even got a few offers like nigh stocker at a Grocery store and a doggy daycare pickup and drop off driver. Both of those weren't social enough for my parents.

I live on $750 a month that I make myself through various hustles - freelance writing, commission sales, and finding emails for people. I don't ask my parents for money. If you ask me, I work hard. But I work hard on business, not school. I hate school. I'm there because if I don't go to college my parents will kick me out. My mom grew up poor and is now solidly middle class and thinks college is/was her key to success. School brings me down, business makes me happy.

I have a younger sister who is 18 and a 4.0 student and athlete. She works two jobs life guarding and waitressing. I'm a C student. My GPA is 2.4. I eat, sleep, breathe, and live business 24/7, mostly online. When my parents see me on my computer they assume I'm doing "nothing". They jokingly call me a freeloader. My mom has called my lazy, selfish, and a bum. These are the same parents that in high school loved and supported as well as encouraged my businesses.

My mom just a few days ago had the "what are you doing with your life?" talk. My moms biggest fear is health insurance. I have adrenal/thyroid/hormone issues that I will have the rest of my life. I'm on 5 different medications that cost thousands without health insurance. My blood tests are also in the thousands.
 
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Solrac

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I don't like sharing financials with anyone, because then they start getting on you for whatever they come up with, but it might be a good idea to show them how much your bringing in through your hustling.

They will still probably ask you to go to school, and I can't make that choice for you or not, but money (aka RESULTS) changes everything. They might lighten the load.

And at the end of the day, if you are happy indoors grinding I don't see the need to "be social". Tell them to screw off.
 

lewj24

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Parents are crazy. I would recommend moving out asap because your relationship is bad and only getting worse from what it sounds like but you have medication issues so i don't know what the best option would be. Aren't you on your parents' health insurance until you turn 26? That's how my mom's plan works. Ask your parents about it. You may be able to move out and mooch off of them for 5 years until you figure shit out.

Disclaimer:

I have no clue what I'm talking about when it comes to medical issues so I could be completely wrong. If I were you I'd become an expert on how health insurance works and what options you have so you can make an informed decision.
 

mike24601

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Disclaimer:

I have no clue what I'm talking about when it comes to medical issues so I could be completely wrong. If I were you I'd become an expert on how health insurance works and what options you have so you can make an informed decision.

In the US the law mandates a child can remain on a parents health plan until 26. I did that through college when I was broke as a joke, and did not share the same address so it shouldn't be a big deal. When I got a job I got a good plan through the employer so I didn't have a lapse, but yeah, you need to keep on good enough terms to stay with your parents health plan. One of the shitty parts about entrepreneurship is that you need to buy your own insurance and it can be very very expensive. If you have 5 more years to milk it, milk it.
 
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MassiveProgress

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My struggle is that my parents are VERY angry, frustrated, flustered with me for not having a job.
I don't hear the end of it. At first it was about money, but then when I started making money, it became about me not being social enough and too introverted.

I've applied to a lot of places, had some interviews, and even got a few offers like nigh stocker at a Grocery store and a doggy daycare pickup and drop off driver. Both of those weren't social enough for my parents.
Are you trying to set up your life or please your parents?

I live on $750 a month that I make myself through various hustles - freelance writing, commission sales, and finding emails for people. I don't ask my parents for money.

If you ask me, I work hard. But I work hard on business, not school. I hate school. I'm there because if I don't go to college my parents will kick me out.
Why are you even living with your parents? Why can you not quit school, get a part time job, live on your own and work on your business?
Is rent that expensive where you live?

School brings me down, business makes me happy.

One more reason not to go there? Are you sure you are studying the right course??? Are you sure you want to study? Can you combine what you are studying with your business/ Internet freelance jobs? Are you doubling down on your strength?? Different courses exist for different people, I can never do drawing or maths as a major but computer science and programming was my strength...

Do not get me wrong it is usually a safe route to get a degree because you can get a job with a salary which allows you to invest into your business.
But getting a degree you hate, will make your life miserable at the job.

My mom has called my lazy, selfish, and a bum. These are the same parents that in high school loved and supported as well as encouraged my businesses.

I think your parents are worried that you will not survive in this world. They don`t want you to be poor..
Hope this helps!
 

AgainstAllOdds

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Your thread title includes 'needing advice' at the end, but you never ask a question or state what you need advice about.

I'd start by defining that question. What do you want an answer to?

Once you define that question, you'll likely be able to answer it yourself.
 

The-J

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Chasing parents' respect tends to be a sucker's game. Many parents have an idea of what you should be, and unless you match it, you won't be their 'star'.

On the other hand... they pay your tuition and you make only $750/mo. You're still in their debt, for better or for worse. The way I see it: if I put forth, say, $30,000 toward a business and I find that the owner of the business is spending all his time working on another project and is letting his current business coast, him and I are gonna have a problem.

"But parents shouldn't see their children as an investment" well, many do. That's just what it is.

As far as the health insurance thing, well, that's kind of on you. No easy answer to that one, except "make enough money to pay medical invoices directly". Sorry man. Nothing wrong with taking a job in the meantime.
 
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OldFaithful

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My struggle is that my parents are VERY angry, frustrated, flustered with me for not having a job. I don't hear the end of it. At first it was about money, but then when I started making money, it became about me not being social enough and too introverted. I've applied to a lot of places, had some interviews, and even got a few offers like nigh stocker at a Grocery store and a doggy daycare pickup and drop off driver. Both of those weren't social enough for my parents.

I live on $750 a month that I make myself through various hustles - freelance writing, commission sales, and finding emails for people. I don't ask my parents for money. If you ask me, I work hard. But I work hard on business, not school. I hate school. I'm there because if I don't go to college my parents will kick me out.
Hi @PJ Pahygiannis. Given what you've said about your parents, I can understand their concerns. They want the best for you, and their idea of "the best" for you is different from your concept. If you want to make them happy, shift your focus to the things they are talking about...because that's their mental image of what's best for you. If you want to make yourself happy, then change your life to focus on the things you want to do. IMO, you can't do both at the same time.

For example, based upon your comments...

To make your parents happy:
1) Focus on school, get good grades. Put hustling aside.
2) Get a good paying JOB with benefits like medical insurance.
3) Start socializing, meet a girl, get married, and produce grandchildren.

To make yourself happy:
1) Quit school and move out of your parents home. Will necessitate a JOB of some kind until your new business can carry you.
2) Focus on finding a need. Then build a business. (Having briefly searched your past threads, I don't see an existing business yet.)
3) Show your parents that you can make it on your own. Action speaks louder than words.

This is just my opinion though, and is basically free advice from a stranger on the internet. Sometimes you get what you pay for! ;)

Best wishes.
 

Black_Dragon43

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If it wasn't for you needing health insurance, I would have said:

If you are a real entrepreneur, no need to get a job. At worst you will work your butt off as a freelancer if you need the money to survive.

Oh, and F*ck your parents. Honestly, what would they have you be like? Like that loser getting a job somewhere, going to parties, "socialising" (ie WASTING TIME), getting married to some girl, having children, your wife cheats on you, you're still F*cking dead broke, your life ends? Really? Common man. Let's be F*cking real.

Your parents are just making up reasons. First it's about the money, then it's about socialising, next if you actually do start socialising, it will be that you're not married yet, and on and on it will go. Whatever you do, it won't please them - it's like a carrot shown to a horse. It gets the horse to move in the desired direction one step at a time, but the carrot is never reached. Don't be fooled in playing that game.​

But, since you do need that health insurance, I'd advise you to scratch my advice above, and be more strategic than that. Communicate openly with your parents. Tell them what you want out of your life and what you don't want. If you're an introvert, then tell them - I'm an introvert and I don't like jobs which involve lots of socialising. That's just who you are, they're going to have to deal with it. Tell them you'll be miserable working in a job requiring a lot of socialising - is that what they want for their son/daughter? Make it clear that it's not going to go exactly as they want it. If they want to get something out of you (cooperation) then they will also have to cooperate. You are an adult at 21, this is fully and absolutely within your right. So discuss things openly, don't be affected by their invectives and insults (remember those are merely tools they employ to force a reaction out of you), and make a great deal. Don't give anything to them unless you take something back. If they want you to cooperate (which they do), then they'll have to negotiate. Otherwise, just don't cooperate. Use this as a tool to learn how to negotiate in business - it will prove to be tremendously helpful to you. There's no tougher negotiations out there than with parents, since they often get fixated on what you should do and shouldn't do, and they are unrelenting, they keep coming back again and again, pressuring you, etc.

Since they care about you, they'll see that they're getting nowhere and change tactics. You must be smarter than them. Also, call out their bluffs about kicking you out, etc. If they actually care about you, they'd never do that (just imagine for Christ's sake how irresponsible that would be, especially since you need the health insurance). You actually have quite a bit of leverage. Use it wisely. Remember - don't ever reveal such things to them. Don't ever say "Oh I know you'll never kick me out, etc". Let them think that you're not aware of their bluffs.

By the way, I'm 23, never had a job, and am making more per month (from freelancing) than people who have worked 10+ years . Some months I even make more than bank directors LOL. So I think it's definitely possible to make it without ever having a job, working for someone else. But then I live in a third world country, so my costs are much lower, and I'm referring my income in comparison with incomes of my country.
 
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Amon

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Not exactly sure what you're asking here, but your question appears to fall along - "what do I do with this household situation?"

First I think it's important to understand your parents perspective as well as the generation they grew up in.
You're currently in community college schooling that your parents pay for. School has been seen as the "way out" for some time.
There is a serious push and pull for your parents between your ability to socialize and bring home money. They appear to want what's best for you and your future financial/social life.
We are very lucky to be going through a period where (thanks to the internet) endless streams of money are possible.

Here's the real question -

Who gives a F*ck?

This is your decision to make. If you're really about business, you should stop giving any F*cks period to anyone that isn't supporting you.

Just a few months ago, my own mother was telling me the same things.
Amon, when are you going back to school?
Did you hear X got into Yale? That's so amazing. He's doing biomechanical engineering.
Running a business - it just isn't meant for people like us.

It's a different conversation when you start paying their mortgage. And It'll be a different conversation when I'm speaking to the 2032 graduating class of Yale.

You're on the right track. Stay on your grind. Block out the noise. Do you.
 
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meysam

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don't ever listen to advises ... broken always tell advises , you need ideas and new horizons ...
 

SteveO

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Your parents want what is best for you. You are living with them. To them, you look lazy. If you don't want their input, don't take anything from them that comes with conditions.

Like many others have stated. Move out.

I moved out of my house when I was 16. My parents did not tell me what to do after that.

As far as the medical condition goes, that is not up to your parents to support. That is your issue and you need to figure out how to deal with it.
 

Justin W.

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All of your issues are referenced in MJ's book, "The Millionaire Fastlane ".

Get that junk out of your trunk. If the people around you, including (and especially) your parents do not bring the best out in you, ditch them. Since they pay your tuition, I would try negotiating with them to see if they will continue paying until you earn your AA (since you are months from earning) it while you figure out a way to live on your own. One of the most difficult, and best choices I made in my life was to disown my parents. You might not have to go that far; I did because simply communicating with them brought out the worst in me. Alternately, buy your parents a copy of MJ's book and have them read it. Educating them will enable them to support you.

I bought a boat for $200 at age 20. It was scrapped of all useful appliances. I sailed it into the local bay and tossed out my anchor for free rent, I started cooking my own food on a propane camping stove and rowed to shore every day. With $100 in my pocket, I bought boat soap and scrub brushes, found someone who needed their boat washed, and used the money I made on that job to buy some business cards at a local print shop. This was my first enterprise. It also taught me the necessity of eating well and exercising, and how both factors are paramount in living a healthy lifestyle.

In my spare time I read books about cleaning boats at the library that I walked to. I ended up finding a constant flow of work on multi-million dollar yachts, and I learned a lot about how to maintain mechanical and electrical equipment. Working on boats is not a path to riches, but it was my first enterprise and got me started in the right direction. These experiences made me who I am today and I am glad I didn't take the easy road and live with my pompously ignorant parents.

Don't live near the water? Try an RV. They are just like boats but they won't sink on you if you neglect to maintain it.

You are on your parents insurance until the end of the month of your 26th birthday, you don't need their permission to remain on their insurance and you do not need to live with them to keep that coverage.

I empathize with MJ when he says you should look into solving your health problems instead of covering them up with pharmaceutical band-aids. If you solve the problem from the root, you can avoid an endless list of side-effects & all the other issues with keeping up on medication. Once the doc has you on one medication, they prescribe more using the Foot in the Door phenomenon, and to counteract the side-effects of the first drug. Eating well & getting proper exercise are great first steps. I recommend a cookbook called "Well Fed" by Melissa Joulwan, it's a book with Paleo-diet recipes. This is the book that taught me to cook well (aside from gathering a ton of information off the internet), and this is why I recommend it. For exercise, I use a book called "You Are Your Own Gym" by Mark Lauren. Bodyweight strength training is great because you can do it anywhere and you get results. The military trains their recruits & soldiers using bodyweight exercises. 1900 Greeks (of which 300 were Spartans) didn't fend off and eventually defeat a Persian invasion consisting of 50,000 warriors with strength they earned by going to a gym, as gyms hadn't been invented yet. They trained in bodyweight exercise & possibly sports.
 
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Roli

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Hey everyone! I'm 21 years old and a lifelong hustler/entrepreneur. I'm currently in community college and will be getting my AA in a month. I live with my parents. They pay my tuition.

My struggle is that my parents are VERY angry, frustrated, flustered with me for not having a job. I don't hear the end of it. At first it was about money, but then when I started making money, it became about me not being social enough and too introverted. I've applied to a lot of places, had some interviews, and even got a few offers like nigh stocker at a Grocery store and a doggy daycare pickup and drop off driver. Both of those weren't social enough for my parents.

I live on $750 a month that I make myself through various hustles - freelance writing, commission sales, and finding emails for people. I don't ask my parents for money. If you ask me, I work hard. But I work hard on business, not school. I hate school. I'm there because if I don't go to college my parents will kick me out. My mom grew up poor and is now solidly middle class and thinks college is/was her key to success. School brings me down, business makes me happy.

I have a younger sister who is 18 and a 4.0 student and athlete. She works two jobs life guarding and waitressing. I'm a C student. My GPA is 2.4. I eat, sleep, breathe, and live business 24/7, mostly online. When my parents see me on my computer they assume I'm doing "nothing". They jokingly call me a freeloader. My mom has called my lazy, selfish, and a bum. These are the same parents that in high school loved and supported as well as encouraged my businesses.

My mom just a few days ago had the "what are you doing with your life?" talk. My moms biggest fear is health insurance. I have adrenal/thyroid/hormone issues that I will have the rest of my life. I'm on 5 different medications that cost thousands without health insurance. My blood tests are also in the thousands.

Make a plan...

Your biggest need is your health insurance, from reading the advice, I see that you are allowed to stay on your parents insurance plan till you are 26, I also see from the advice that you don't necessarily have to live with with them (though I am not a US resident so I don't know about the validity of that),

Your next biggest need is to please your parents, or rather to appease them. Regardless of what others say, they are your parents, you love them and they love you, even though you piss each other off from time to time.

So the way I see it, you need a 5 year plan to lead you from here to independence. You sound like you are a great hustler and like you're trying to find your niche. The writing, sales and finding emails (whatever that is) say to me that you are good at finding need, and that is a great start.

So build on your strengths.

Step 1 - Work out how much time you spend on the above versus how much money you bring in. Can you up that $750 a month to say $3000 or are you maxed out on time?

If the answer is yes, then start implementing that straight away. If the answer is no, then use this forum to find out how you can increase that.

Step 2 - (You may already be doing this, however you don't mention in your post) Open up a savings account and start putting away as much as you can, building up an investment war chest. This should be separate from any personal (rainy day) savings you have or are building up.

Step 3 - Manage your parents expectations - Have you told them what you want to do and what drives you? If yes, then make out this plan so that they can see it's not just some pie-in-the-sky, wishy-washy idea, and that you have real drive and determination to become a millionaire businessman. If no then try them, ultimately every parent worries for their child's future, and they want you to have more than they had.

Show them exactly how you are going to take that $750 per month and turn that into $3000 and beyond, bring them into your world. Show them that you can generate funds with your intellect and your computer. Tell them that you are willing to get a job on the side to boost funds, however you don't want a "career".

Be careful how you put this, remember not to be too disparaging as they both have careers, and might see this as an attack on their lifestyle. You will know if you're doing it wrong, because you'll get answers such as "...well this career puts food on the table and a roof over your head" etc.

Step 4 - Start implementing and keep your parents involved, say something along the lines of "You're the greatest parents, and I know with your continued support I can make this happen. I'm going to keep you guys informed of how it's going and if it doesn't work out, then we'll do it your way."

OK, this brings us back to Step 1, because of course you go to College, you have 1 month left right? So work your butt off, really try and improve. Show them if you put your mind to it you can do anything. You say you're going to graduate with a 2.4 (I have no idea what that means, not being a US resident), show them and yourself that nothing is fixed, that you can grow. This will show them that you're serious and can make things happen.

Once it's all said and done, show them that your plan and make landmark points, each step of the way you are going to say to them "...see it is working; thanks for supporting me, how can we make this happen even quicker?"

They will be pleased that you are showing direction and involving them, eventually they'll sit back and just let you run with it because they'll be assured that you have focus.

As far as the social thing is concerned, get into meet ups, try and find other entrepreneurs near you and hang out with these people. Or even use your college to to this.

Hope this helps, if you need more specific advice, as others have said, ask a more specific question; however I think that covers it generally.

Keep up the grind dude, you'll get there.
 

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Parents really are crazy. 2-3 years ago my parents had essentially forced me into nursing school... I was miserable. Waking up at 5am to wipe some dicks and asses in a terrible industry where you're treated like crap for 65K but "you do so good for the world". I was miserable.

I quit, sat down for dinner with them and told them I wanted to be in business. My mom nearly choked on her food "What the hell are you going to even sell?" and cut me off completely. Was the best thing to ever happen to me.

Shortly after I was about to move across the country to start over, and she staged a "last lunch with her son" which actually was a trap lol. She said she was in a rush, and wanted me to just come eat at the college she taught at. Oh no, all the seats were taken, the only ones that were available were at the table of her nursing students sitting with them... two seats to be exact. Next thing I know all of her students are very very interested in my dropping out of nursing school, and really trying to motivate me to stay in Indiana and finish so I don't go broke.

45 minutes and dozens of red flags later, I asked "so how many of you did my mom talk to before this about pepping me up for nursing school?" as the entire room went dead silent and everyone must've gotten really hungry at once... they all started eating their food furiously.

I felt so manipulated for about 3 seconds, then I stood up, looked at my mom, and gave her the biggest F*cking hug for going through all of this just because she wants her son to be safe. Your parents truly deep down just want you to have a good life, you can tell because they've supported you all the way through high school. They just don't get how business works and are absolutely brainwashed into how they perceive society by the media, their friends, and their experiences. Don't expect them to understand. When they were your age they were probably watching ads on the black and white television singing "duck and cover". Now we've got computers that people run entire businesses on... in our pockets.

Your best move if you really believe in yourself is to work your a$$ off for the next 6-12 months, become very liquid in your bank account, make some streams of income, and move out. Go explore man go make some network connections, and learn. Doesn't have to be in school... but expect to learn as if you are in school through Udemy, books, and life experiences first hand. It's pretty hard but once you really take the plunge it comes together quickly.

Also nothing wrong with having a job and creating a side hustle, I have one right now and it's been an invaluable resource for the planning stage of my company. I'm being paid to learn to sell to companies, I get to pick the founder's brain, and I am saving up a bunch of money while working on my hustle on nights and weekends. No shame in that.

Hope this helps!
 

PJ Pahygiannis

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Parents really are crazy. 2-3 years ago my parents had essentially forced me into nursing school... I was miserable. Waking up at 5am to wipe some dicks and asses in a terrible industry where you're treated like crap for 65K but "you do so good for the world". I was miserable.

I quit, sat down for dinner with them and told them I wanted to be in business. My mom nearly choked on her food "What the hell are you going to even sell?" and cut me off completely. Was the best thing to ever happen to me.

Shortly after I was about to move across the country to start over, and she staged a "last lunch with her son" which actually was a trap lol. She said she was in a rush, and wanted me to just come eat at the college she taught at. Oh no, all the seats were taken, the only ones that were available were at the table of her nursing students sitting with them... two seats to be exact. Next thing I know all of her students are very very interested in my dropping out of nursing school, and really trying to motivate me to stay in Indiana and finish so I don't go broke.

45 minutes and dozens of red flags later, I asked "so how many of you did my mom talk to before this about pepping me up for nursing school?" as the entire room went dead silent and everyone must've gotten really hungry at once... they all started eating their food furiously.

I felt so manipulated for about 3 seconds, then I stood up, looked at my mom, and gave her the biggest F*cking hug for going through all of this just because she wants her son to be safe. Your parents truly deep down just want you to have a good life, you can tell because they've supported you all the way through high school. They just don't get how business works and are absolutely brainwashed into how they perceive society by the media, their friends, and their experiences. Don't expect them to understand. When they were your age they were probably watching ads on the black and white television singing "duck and cover". Now we've got computers that people run entire businesses on... in our pockets.

Your best move if you really believe in yourself is to work your a$$ off for the next 6-12 months, become very liquid in your bank account, make some streams of income, and move out. Go explore man go make some network connections, and learn. Doesn't have to be in school... but expect to learn as if you are in school through Udemy, books, and life experiences first hand. It's pretty hard but once you really take the plunge it comes together quickly.

Also nothing wrong with having a job and creating a side hustle, I have one right now and it's been an invaluable resource for the planning stage of my company. I'm being paid to learn to sell to companies, I get to pick the founder's brain, and I am saving up a bunch of money while working on my hustle on nights and weekends. No shame in that.

Hope this helps!

Thanks! See the thing is I have a really awesome relationship with a guy that is local to me and owns a multi million dollar custom wall decal business. He owns it by himself and sells at least $4 to $5 million a year on his website and on Amazon. He has a small staff - one girl answering phones, a girl doing production, and two guys doing shipping. Anyway, I met him on Facebook in 2015 and worked for him that summer. He has a small office in a industrial park not far from my house. I was doing B2B sales/outreach and a little bit of social media marketing for him. He paid me $12 an hour. He was strict/intense and a bit of a perfectionist, but was an awesome boss.

Well, I did most of my work from home. My parents were NOT happy about that. They want me OUT of the house interacting and socializing. I guess my parents just didn't take it seriously. I still talk to the guy and consider him a mentor. He's a no bullshit kind of guy who will tell it to you straight. What I just described is/was my perfect job. I made around $300 a week and worked around 4 hours a day from home. I really, really do not want to work a retail job. I worked at TJ Max my senior year of high school and hated it, but my parents made me stick with it. I worked all summer and made $1,000. But, my mom tells me she wants me to work a menial retail job.
 
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Envision

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1. Move out

2. Your parents sound negative - i'd distance myself from them for some time.

3. Find a structured and focused vertical that you can create income from. Net 2k/mo and cover your basic living expenses while saving 1k/mo for opportunity.

4. Go back and work for your mentor and climb your way up the chain while learning his processes.

5. Create your own business once you have the skills and know how.
 

Justin W.

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What others have said about increasing income will benefit you more than cutting expenses the way I did by living on a boat. Boats & RVs are high-maintenance and will consume valuable time.
 
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I just graduated college and I'm in a similar situation. Can either move back in with the rents and focus full-time on my freelance business for a few months but be subjected to what you described, or move out, get a part-time job in a low cost-of-living area, and live minimally while ramping up.

Personally I would rather move out for 2 reasons:
1) That safety net is gone. You have to do what it takes to make ends meet. No complacency allowed. Who's going to have more drive to succeed, neckbeard basement dweller or independent hustler?
2) Less distractions. You can be 100% focused on your goal without conflicting influence.

Downsides:
1) Financial limitations
2) Less time due to job
 
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