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Fastlane Parenting (Tips, Tactics...)

MidwestLandlord

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Fastlane parenting:

Taking your kid on an impromtu daddy/daughter camping trip on a Tuesday because the weather was *perfect*.

I first read this, and I was a bit jealous of you.

Then I realized it wasn't really jealousy, it was disappointment in myself.

Because I am more than capable of having this level of freedom as you do, but I don't.

Why???

I have no good excuse. It's all on me and the choices I have made.

Your post was a kick in the a$$ for me, thank you.
 
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Vigilante

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Fastlane parenting:

Taking your kid on an impromtu daddy/daughter camping trip on a Tuesday because the weather was *perfect*.


I didn't need to ask anyone's permission.

I didn't have to put the dates in a calendar weeks in advance.


I just woke up, saw the sun shining, and said "let's go camping".


Getting to pick the best campsite in the park (on top a cliff surrounded on 3 sides by lake), and having the whole state park to ourselves were a bonus.

Panorama view from our campsite at sunrise:

IMG_1492.jpg



Throwing rocks in the lake, while other kids are getting ready for another fun-filled 10 hours of daycare:

IMG_1484edit2.jpg



We came back and I saw that my business shipped 400 orders while we were gone.

This.

If you are reading this thread, and don't have this...

read this post again.

Print it out.

Put it on your bathroom mirror.

And only take it down...

when you're camping on your Tuesday in your park.
 

MJ DeMarco

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Taking your kid on an impromtu daddy/daughter camping trip on a Tuesday because the weather was *perfect*.


I didn't need to ask anyone's permission.

I didn't have to put the dates in a calendar weeks in advance.


I just woke up, saw the sun shining, and said "let's go camping".

Sounds like you aren't following the SCRIPT, eh? Ah, living Unscripted is wonderful isn't it? ;)

Featured post++
Thread marked notable++
 

c_morris

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I first read this, and I was a bit jealous of you.

Then I realized it wasn't really jealousy, it was disappointment in myself.

Because I am more than capable of having this level of freedom as you do, but I don't.

Why???

I have no good excuse. It's all on me and the choices I have made.

Your post was a kick in the a$$ for me, thank you.
I had the same reaction. Actually it was a bit of a breakdown and had me on the brink of resigning from my job this morning. I pulled out of it but my a$$ is still sore from the swift boot I received from that post. I realized that I am still a husband and parent and that I have to provide for them still. This post will be a constant reminder that I need to hustle my a$$ off to get to this point. Thanks @amp0193 for the wake up call.

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk
 
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amp0193

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Your post was a kick in the a$$ for me, thank you.
my a$$ is still sore from the swift boot I received from that post.

I try to post on here sometimes in the style of @Vigilante. His visions of freedom, pictures of his lifestyle, are what got my a$$ moving in the first place.

There's plenty of young male 20-somethings here sharing their success. However, there's not many posters with kids showing what the fastlane family can look like.

The more we can keep in our heads what the destination is, the more we'll make choices that move us in that direction.


Now, to be fair, this post isn't my life everyday. I'm on the fastlane, but haven't arrived yet. I still gotta put in hours of work each week.


I just have the option of when that work takes place.
 
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amp0193

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Sounds like you aren't following the SCRIPT, eh? Ah, living Unscripted is wonderful isn't it? ;)

I had the script, but threw it out during the read-through when the plot wasn't going anywhere.

The actors were shitty too.
 

G-Man

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This reminds me that when I made my intro post here, I had just finished TMF , and had just quit my 80hr/wk job because my wife was pregnant. That was damn near a year ago. I really gotta get my shit in gear :smile:
 
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c_morris

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I try to post on here sometimes in the style of @Vigilante.
Now, to be fair, this post isn't my life everyday. I'm on the fastlane, but haven't arrived yet. I still gotta put in hours of work each week.


I just have the option of when that work takes place.

Though not the ultimate destination, this is still a great intermediate goal. I have no issue trading time for money as long as I'm not chained to a desk in a building 50 miles from my house that is owned by some billionaire!

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk
 

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This thread cannot go on without mentioning "Mindset" by Carol Dweck.

A huge part of the book is about how certain ways of behaving with children defines what their attitudes are going to be in life. There's a lot of research with how different approaches in motivating/encouraging children affects their attitudes in the future.

Highly recommended.
 

MJ DeMarco

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This thread cannot go on without mentioning "Mindset" by Carol Dweck.

+1

So much so, she's quoted in my next book (via Mindset) in terms of how much power we feel we have to modify our circumstances.
 
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amp0193

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+1

So much so, she's quoted in my next book (via Mindset) in terms of how much power we feel we have to modify our circumstances.

Shit.

I specifically didn't read this book, because it was required faculty reading, handed out by my principal a few years ago.


I guess I'll dust it off and check it out then!
 

minivanman

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Danoodle, One way to help with your anger is to remember that the only person that you can control in this world is YOU. You can only do so much and then it is out of your hands.... no matter what or who it is. Life is WAY too short to stress over stuff.... not just small stuff but basically most anything. Stressing and getting angry will not help a thing. This is coming from a guy that had to learn the hard way. :)
 

amp0193

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Typical morning in my house.


8:00 - Wake up, sunlight peeking behind the bedroom curtains.
8:05 - Drink coffee on the front porch in my pajamas
8:20 - Take a shower
8:30 - Wake up my daughter
8:35 - Make a nice breakfast for me and her: today was french toast and eggs and OJ
8:45 - Eat breakfast at the kitchen counter (or on the front porch) and read her a few books or chat.
9:15 - Get her dressed and do her hair
9:25 - Bicycle her to the daycare/pre-school (She goes there some days, she stays home with me some days. My wife teaches part time at the school on the days she does go.)
9:45 - Work-out
11:00 - Eat healthy lunch & read Fastlane Forum or chit-chat with my wife before she goes into work at 11:30.
11:25 - Make some tea
11:30 - Drink tea and start work for the day... Whether that be work on my business, or work on the treehouse in my backyard.


Sure beats my former life of kid being rushed around sleepy-eyed and crying, eating breakfast "on the go", dropping them off somewhere at 7:00 so that I could rush to work on my 25-30min commute to get there by 7:30am.

What if your morning routine could be a pleasant and relaxing way for your family to start the day? What if every morning strengthened, rather than strained, your relationship with your kids?
 
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G-Man

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What if your morning routine could be a pleasant and relaxing way for your family to start the day? What if every morning strengthened, rather than strained, your relationship with your kids?

I think about this every.single.day. We are where wife stays home with son... next step.... dad stays home too, spends day with son having fun and teaching him life lessons.
 

G-Man

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At least you've got that. That's more than most people are able to do for their kids.

Honestly, that's true and it's not.
  • True factor: It hit me after he was born how fortunate we are that I didn't think anything about writing a 4k check to the midwife. There are literally millions of people who would be in debt for years as a result of that. We are fortunate.
  • Not factor: There are also millions of families with considerably higher incomes than ours where wife has to work so that they can have houses and cars they can't afford and all kinds of other bullshit that they are making a higher priority than their relationship with the bambinos. My wife chose to drive a 17 year old car and see her son every day. She made a choice.
It's a combination of being blessed with sufficient resources and also setting appropriate priorities for use of those resources.
 
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amp0193

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Honestly, that's true and it's not.

You're right.

I should have said "that's more than most people choose to do for their kids". Either way, you're blessed, and have your priorities straight.
 

G-Man

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The lesson that quantity of time is just as important as quality of time really sunk in for me the other day.

We watched a friend's 8 year old because they had a babysitter crisis and both had to work. This kid is a nightmare. The worst part: He's not bad natured or dumb. He's smart as hell, and he really looks out for their 6 month old. But: He complains & lies constantly & won't do what you tell him to.

Example: My wife made pizza for him, and he refused to eat it because it had "broccoli" on it (actually it was pesto). Here's how it goes:

Him: That's disgusting!
Me: Look, you don't call food people give you disgusting. Even if you think it's disgusting, you just say "thank you" and eat it. Just eat the pizza.
Him: I'm not eating it. I'll eat when I get home.
Wife: Sweetie, you have to eat. Your dad won't be here for another few hours, you've been playing all morning and you haven't eaten.
Me: That's fine, you can eat when you get home (I say as I gulp down the pizza off his plate).

So, I discover through talking with him that he gets away with all of this with the babysitter. His parents don't allow that behavior, but that's not who he spends his time with. I mentioned all this to my mother (who is basically a lady Spock, and quit her career in the lab to raise 2 boys). Her response:

Mom: Of course he's like the babysitter that's who's raising him.
Me: Yeah but he's got his parents, blah blah blah
Mom: Honey, it's simple arithmetic. If he spends 8 hours a day with the babysitter and 4 hours at home with mom and dad, the babysitter is raising him. That's why I quit my job. I was even making more money than your dad. If you guys had spent all your time at school and with babysitters, they would have been your parents, and not me.

I'm still mentally processing that, and it's a lot of motivation for me to get out of the 9-5 rat race. Something to think about for everyone out there that has children they work for.
 

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I agree with her 100%. 6 years ago at the age of 8 years old we got custody of our grandson.... he was also a nightmare!! So I cut WAY back on everything I was doing and spent from 2:30pm-9pm with him every day. Helping with homework (At the age 8 he could not add 2 + 2 and now he has been on the A/B honor roll for 3 years straight) and just showing him love. Within 3 months he was a changed little boy and within 2 years he was damn near the perfect little boy. We are not kid people. It was never my plan to have any... never wanted any in my life but I needed to step up so I did. Our friends who aren't really kid people either and prefer for others to not bring their kids or grandkids over ALWAYS make sure to tell us to bring Devin over when we come.... they love him. Heck, he has their phone numbers and some of them text back and forth. So yes, they grow up to be who raises them.
 
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MidwestLandlord

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I think about this every.single.day. We are where wife stays home with son... next step.... dad stays home too, spends day with son having fun and teaching him life lessons.

My kindergartner last night, as I was tucking her in to bed, starts crying.

"Dad, why didn't you come watch me sing?"

I missed her spring singing event on Monday, because I bought a job instead of buying my freedom.

"I did a really good job singing, you would've liked it"

She practiced all year. At home, in the car. I would even sing along with her, or pick her up and dance with her while she sang.

And I missed it.

I miss 2/3rds of these things.

Don't be like me.
 

U2ForNow

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My kindergartner last night, as I was tucking her in to bed, starts crying.

"Dad, why didn't you come watch me sing?"

I missed her spring singing event on Monday, because I bought a job instead of buying my freedom.

"I did a really good job singing, you would've liked it"

She practiced all year. At home, in the car. I would even sing along with her, or pick her up and dance with her while she sang.

And I missed it.

I miss 2/3rds of these things.

Don't be like me.

Something most people learn the hard way. Sorry this happened.

20 years from now no one is going to care what happened at your job but the memories with your kids last forever. Life is short.
 

ArcherCarmic

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Very interesting opinions on here.
My mother sent me an article a few months back titled "Your kids should not be the most important in the family" that I'll try to attach to this message.
It was vastly different than the typical opinions you normally hear about parenting.
Thoughts?
30xex68.jpg
 
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G-Man

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Very interesting opinions on here.
My mother sent me an article a few months back titled "Your kids should not be the most important in the family" that I'll try to attach to this message.
It was vastly different than the typical opinions you normally hear about parenting.
Thoughts?
30xex68.jpg

Great article!
 

amp0193

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Very interesting opinions on here.
My mother sent me an article a few months back titled "Your kids should not be the most important in the family" that I'll try to attach to this message.
It was vastly different than the typical opinions you normally hear about parenting.
Thoughts?
30xex68.jpg


Ahhhhhh.... shit.


Just when I was feeling good about this dad stuff... I realize that it's the not the only game in town.

I'd consider myself a good husband too, but I definitely don't put as much effort into that relationship as I do with my kids.

It's easiest to fall into a habit of turning attention to the family member who is the loudest (toddler and/or newborn).

I like the non-interrupting point though... I'm getting sick of that.
 
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minivanman

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I read that article when it came out. I'm lucky that I never do that. I always find family time and never focus on either member more than the other. I always try to be fair in everything.
 

Marco Cuevas

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O... M... G... I read that and caught myself thinking I was reading something I wrote...

I have a Step-Son who is 9 from my wife's first marriage, and we just had a little girl of our own 9 weeks ago. I struggle with the fact my wife does NOT understand the way I think and chooses the sidewalk (I'm slowly helping her understand what she is missing) but at the same time, she is unbelievably supportive of my crazy brain... That being said, I'm doing my best to ensure my kids know they have a choice and it's my job to ensure they learn about the other choices the SCRIPTED life followers like to hide.

I pray everyday that I'll make the difference in their lives (and one day when the feedback loop is working, my wife will understand what I've been doing)

I have 2 daughters, 9 & 6.

I struggle with this, I won't lie.

On one hand they see and hear me talk about making money without trading time for it, being an entrepreneur, and so on.

But on the other hand they have teachers talking about "getting good jobs", a school schedule that is Mon-Fri (5 for 2) so they think that is the "norm", and my other family members that are very good at teaching a sidewalker mentality.

I often feel like my voice is drowned out by the other influences in their life.

My wife and I have a fairly strong marriage, and she supports me in my fastlane endevours, but she is 100% content to be in the slowlane herself (nothing wrong with that), so my kids have that influence too. (she has 2 degrees and works a high paid professional job)

I see it like this:

If they choose to be sidewalkers: I failed.

If they choose to be slowlaners: I succeeded. At the very least they'll know how to have passive income assets so that they can make money when not working.

If they choose to be fastlaners: I succeeded. But I won't push them into this if that is not where they want to be.

My biggest priority is to teach them that the sidewalk, slowlane, and fastlane are all options available to them and that they are responsible and accountable for the choices they make.

I won't have society tell them which road to take. That's for them to decide. But they WILL know that these roads exist.
 

Marco Cuevas

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I know that the forum can't be solely made up of 19yrd olds that aspire to boats n' hoes, so I'd like to solicit stories of how the folks on here that are parents raise their children to have a fastlane outlook on life.

I was just reading about balance in UNSCRIPTED and there is a part @MJ DeMarco talks about I think needs a little clarification. I feel that yes, short term imbalance is absolutely necessary and you will miss family and friend events... However, I feel there are specific family things that should NEVER be compromised... Before I get to them, I say this because the whole argument about time is at play. Yes, once we loose our time, it's gone and we can never get it back so we bust our a$$ now to have our time later.

I feel though, in particularly with kids, developmental milestone should NEVER be compromised.

Just last weekend, I was really stressed because there seemed to be one thing after another taking my time away from doing my next podcasting episode research/recording. I finally was sitting down sunday afternoon and just got settled into my desk, all my equipment powered, my snacks and drink next to me - ready for the next few hours... My wife comes in and says, "Hey, guess who finally decided he wants to learn how to ride his bike without the training wheels?"

I had a very important decision to make right then and there, was I going to be the step-dad that didn't care or was I gonna step up because the other guy stepped back... While I was a little disgruntled to leave my desk after I just dug in for the long haul, I reminded myself, once I miss him ride his bike by himself for the first time, I can never go back to see it - I would never be a part of his memory of that moment.

I didn't get any work done that evening because of the time I spent teaching my step-son to ride his bike without training wheels. I don't resent him for it and I don't feel guilt of putting my work off.

It may be hard for kids to understand us Entrepreneurs who are always working. You must never lose site of the things that, once you miss being a part of it, you can't rewind. Family is important to me (something I prioritized after reading "Life Manual" by Peter Thomas) and I'm thrilled I have an understanding wife who lets me do this; but I will always make time for my kids doing their "First" anything.

I now have a 10 week old and there are going to be plenty of developmental milestones that I WONT miss because I'm working.

I want my kids to not live the status quo but I also want them to learn about the importance of key things in life.

I hope this gives you a little something to think about.
 
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ZCP

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Short answers for now as I just scanned the thread......

TALK with you kids about money. No one talks with their kids about money. If they talk at all, they talk TO them..... Not with them. A good two sided free flowing continuous conversation with THEM.

Get them started in their own small businesses.... Mowing, vending, even..... Selling soap? :)

The conversations and questions will be Unscripted . How many of you have had to have a discussion about gold diggers with your kids?

Finally (for the moment), talk to them about creating VALUE. This is the bridge that gets them from focusing on the money (event) and moves them to the 'why and how' (process).....
 

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Im nor a parent or millionaire, although I think if I was both id raise my kids without spoiling them, that would be kind of hard to balance on a love/hate metre.

Lets say your kid grows up to be 16, I would not buy him or her a car, and FORCE them to earn they're own car. Although I can see a hatred develop towards the parent in that case (entitlement) hey my dads making $100m a year and wont buy me a Ferrari wtf? Most likely force them to get a job and build theyre own life/business aswell.

Here in Vancouver its hilarious when you see 16 & 17 year old kids with brand new ferraris and lamborghinis, its extremely common.

Definitely would have frequent vacations and try to remain as close as possible with my children. Maybe throw in a fun challenge of asking them to move out for a few months and make them try to support them self (with the ability of coming back)

Oh yeh, and read the miliionaire fastlane & unscripted every night to them as a bedtime story! LOL

Also have a super deep convo about drugs & alcohol + relationships when theyre of age
 

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