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Fastlane Parenting (Tips, Tactics...)

MidwestLandlord

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If you refuse to talk to her about those realities you leave it to a high school "social sciences" teacher with an axe to grind, so better it come from you.

Really not looking forward to my son being old enough to grasp human nature. I got a few years, though. :smile:

It starts at about age 6. They start understanding things better at that age. It's full blown "where do babies come from?" "I want to kiss this boy" "how much money do we have?" "why did you marry mom?" "why do people get divorced?" "why do some people die?" "where do people go when they die?" "what is war?" and so on by age 9...

It's stressful and depressing, but wonderful and exciting all at the same time haha.

I love being a father for sure.
 
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JAJT

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Yeah, 6 is fun. My son is 6.

Yesterday he asked how people get to heaven from the hospital and why they can't come back and visit once they get there.

The fun ride begins.

Luckily my daughter is still 4 and the hardest thing I have to explain is why she can't marry mommy even though she loves her "sooooooo much".
 

amp0193

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I tend to be a "that's just the way the world works" type of dad. So I just told her the truth. I thought maybe the word "hate" was too much, but you know what? It's true.

I'm the same way, and I think you handled that really well.

Someone stole my bike a few months ago. Right off my driveway. Even a 2-year-old can understand that some people are "not nice".

You just gotta be real I think, kids are pros at seeing through our bullshit.
 
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amp0193

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I think I would have a full on panic attack. LOL :clench:

Last night, I read the book "For every child, a better world" to my 2-year-old. It's Kermit the Frog showing the famine and war and horrible things that other kids have to deal with in other places in the world. I used it as a lesson for her to appreciate what we have.

"Would you be sad if you didn't have any food to eat today?"

War is.... "a big fight, with lots of people hurting lots of other people"

I've shown her books about natural disasters: fires, floods, hurricanes. There was one about WW2 Japanese internment.


Appreciating what you have. You can trust your daddy to keep you safe. Your home is a safe place. Being kind to others. I think that these lessons are more powerful, when contrasted with the evils in the world.
 

G-Man

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Appreciating what you have. You can trust your daddy to keep you safe. Your home is a safe place. Being kind to others. I think that these lessons are more powerful, when contrasted with the evils in the world.

Very valid.

There was one about WW2 Japanese internment.

Good God, they're being rougher on Kermit these days.
 

amp0193

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Good God, they're being rougher on Kermit these days.

Haha, there is a kid's picture book for literally everything.

I got one about the Underground Railroad from the library this week, but decided not to read it to her. Another time.
 
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OldFaithful

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We have a daughter that is 10 and the fun is really just beginning. Oh my.

At the moment, we're teaching her that money is earned. There are apparently kids at her school that get an allowance, but she doesn't. My wife and I have "jobs" that we pay her for. My wife pays per task, and I pay per hour. I've got more work in my startup shop than she can handle, and it's not the most fun for her...but she gets paid more. In the past 2 weeks she's made about $75 between my wife and I, which she's saving for a bicycle that she wants. It's about $125 and she'll be there quickly. She's actually coming to us to ask for work so that she can get paid! I'm happy with her progress!

The kids at school have also had the "my dad is richer than your dad" arguments. We don't tell her how exactly much $ we make, but that it's enough to pay our bills and it's more than some of her peer's parents, less than others. We really don't want the other kids or their families to know about our financial status or my business startup. There is a lot of jealousy over "income inequality" in this country and we don't want her to go through @MidwestLandlord 's recent situation.

We've told our daughter to divide her earnings into 3 segments. 10% goes to giving (tithe to our church, charity, etc.) and the remainder is to be split between savings (45%) and her spending money (45%). She must be learning the lesson, she almost always puts the full 90% into her savings!

@JScott , I really like your investing program. Can I get in on that? ;)
If not, I'm going to discuss it with the wife and we may use it as another income stream for our daughter. I think it's a good idea, but my daughter will catch on and drain us dry!
 

G-Man

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I got one about the Underground Railroad from the library this week, but decided not to read it to her. Another time.

This is one I'm particularly dreading. I'm a WASP and my wife is black. I've already gotten tastes of the nonsense that my son will eventually be fed, and I'm not sure how I'm going to explain certain facts of life to him in a way that will make him feel neither entitled nor jaded.

In a sense, it's no different than the facts of life that have to be explained to any kid, but there's this weird politics that takes place between the families involved when you marry someone from a different race/society/culture.

I guess in the end it's no more traumatic than explaining that a war is where some people kill other people, occasionally to take their shit.
 

G-Man

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amp0193

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At the moment, we're teaching her that money is earned.

Awesome, it sounds like you're doing a great job!

I try to teach my 2-year-old how money is earned.


"Daddy sells XXXX. That means I give someone XXXX and they give me money. I use that money to buy food and clothes and diapers."

*blank stare*



She'll get it one day, haha.
 

amp0193

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I think what I've learned from this thread is that children are horrible. :rofl:

After teaching middle school for 3 years... you really have no idea how bad it is.

Kids are the F***ing worst. The cruelty is unbelievable.

Other people's kids of course, never my little angel. :blush:


(actually, mine has been pushing around the cerebral paulsy girl at daycare... trying to put a stop to that. *facepalm*)
 

G-Man

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After teaching middle school for 3 years... you really have no idea.

Kids are the F***ing worst. Other people's kids of course, never my little angel. :blush:

So, I have a bunch of friends from back home that are teachers, and worldview wise, they're on a different planet than me. Would be interested to hear the point of view of someone that worked for gov't and went fastlane.
 
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amp0193

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So, I have a bunch of friends from back home that are teachers, and worldview wise, they're on a different planet than me. Would be interested to hear the point of view of someone that worked for gov't and went fastlane.

The altruistic "do the work", "sacrifice your time", "work more hours", "save every kid" gets jammed down your throat all day long.

Self-sacrifice for the good of the kids.

And by the way, now you have to do after school TAKS test tutoring 4 days a week for an hour and a half after school.

And you aren't allowed to give the kids a grade ending in 9, unless you call their parents.

And you can't fail the kids. But if you do, we're going to pass them anyways.

And also, stop giving them homework, because they don't do it anyways.

Also, be sure to give them pencils. It's too much, to expect them to bring their materials. Some kids can't afford pencils you know.

Also, it's the principal's expectation that you give $15 to the sunshine club, so they can buy shitty refreshments at our next get together.

And by the way, we're not giving you a raise this year. Add inflation, and you're making less every year!

It's for the kids!



If someone is still a teacher after 5 years, it's because they bought into the brainwash. Or they are @Runum and they don't need the money and really just want to make a difference in at-risk-kid's lives.


The parents who have the worst kids? Teachers. They spend all day at school and have nothing left to give to their own.
 
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G-Man

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The altruistic "do the work", "sacrifice your time", "work more hours", "save every kid" gets jammed down your throat all day long.

Self-sacrifice for the good of the kids.

And by the way, we're not giving you a raise this year. And you have to do after school TAKS test tutoring 4 days a week for an hour and a half after school.

It's for the kids!

Your entire life you're in between a government bureaucracy, a union, and other's people's children. It's the devil's butthole trifecta. I really respect teachers that do a good job and pour their heart into it. I had some, and I'm forever grateful.
 

MidwestLandlord

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The kids at school have also had the "my dad is richer than your dad" arguments. We don't tell her how exactly much $ we make, but that it's enough to pay our bills and it's more than some of her peer's parents, less than others. We really don't want the other kids or their families to know about our financial status or my business startup. There is a lot of jealousy over "income inequality" in this country and we don't want her to go through @MidwestLandlord 's recent situation.

After yesterday, my kids both know exactly how much I make.

I dunno if that was wise or not, considering the "my dad is richer" arguments in school...

But I think them learning about money is more important than the opinion of some brat classmate or their parents.
 
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MidwestLandlord

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At the moment, we're teaching her that money is earned. There are apparently kids at her school that get an allowance, but she doesn't. My wife and I have "jobs" that we pay her for. My wife pays per task, and I pay per hour.

I do the same.

They keep a third.
They donate a third.
The other third I "invest" for them, and return it in 30 days with 25% "passive interest"

Then I tell them that their "investments" are making them money while they are at school, at home, and even while they are pooping. (they get a kick out of making money while pooping haha)

If they don't do a good job, they don't get paid.

Besides that, it's really reduced the work load for my wife haha.
 

amp0193

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I really respect teachers that do a good job and pour their heart into it. I had some, and I'm forever grateful.

Me too. There were a handful of teacher's that changed my life for the better. That's probably true for everyone.

I wasn't knocking teachers themselves, just the b.s. that we throw at teachers.

Teachers have no real support, and are always asked to give more than they have been.

It's easy to blame the world's problems on the teachers.

Some thrive, despite all that.
 

c_morris

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After yesterday, my kids both know exactly how much I make.

I dunno if that was wise or not, considering the "my dad is richer" arguments in school...

But I think them learning about money is more important than the opinion of some brat classmate or their parents.

If anything, it will give them a good gauge of Fastlane vs. Slowlane. They will be able to see the fruits of your labor vs. the road most traveled and hopefully be able to avoid the trap.
 
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amp0193

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This is one I'm particularly dreading. I'm a WASP and my wife is black. I've already gotten tastes of the nonsense that my son will eventually be fed, and I'm not sure how I'm going to explain certain facts of life to him in a way that will make him feel neither entitled nor jaded.

I won't get political about it, but in my first 4 years of teaching, I never once heard the word racist. Or heard kids making fun of each other for being of a different race. I'm sure it probably happened, but not openly. It was taboo to say that stuff out loud.

That changed last school year. It was something I heard 5 or 6 times a day, (and I'm sure it's even worse now).

The news/politics/parent's beliefs, all comes out through the mouths of kids. Except kids have no filter, and they just let it out.

This is not going to be fun for you, but you'll find a good way to help your son navigate it.
 

G-Man

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parent's beliefs

Family is honestly the worst. I tell my racist grandmother my kid's favorite music is Sam and Dave, and I shaved my head white power style to piss off my father-in-law.

If I can't troll these people I'm not gonna survive :clench:
 
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Ninjakid

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I for one don't want kids, nor do I have any interest in getting married, but I could offer advice to parents/future parents, teach your kids this one thing:

Work ethic.

Don't fill their young minds with financial planning, how the system is rigged against you, or any of that bullshit; simply teach them to work hard towards their goals, and to relentlessly pursue whatever it is they want to achieve.

My parents didn't raise my sister and I with a fastlane ideology, but neither of them were ever lazy. They always set goals, they always aspired to be better, and they always taught us that a person is the master of their own destiny, and anyone is capable of anything. They never pressured us to do anything, only that whatever we decide to do, we relentlessly pursue it.

I'd say they're a big part of what inspires me to constantly do better for myself. They've always supported me when no one else would, and provided assistance whenever possible. One of the reasons I work as hard as I do now is to show the effort was put to good use. This is why I don't understand how some parents can be like "you have to go to college and get a job or we're kicking you out" because I could never imagine my own parents doing that to me ever in any universe.
 

c_morris

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@JScott I wish I would have read this 13 years ago. Our conversations were anything but comfortable. Thankfully my wife is good at that part.

Sent from my SM-G930W8 using Tapatalk
 
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MidwestLandlord

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Likewise with the "where do babies come from?" conversations. You just give them the facts,

I told my kids they came from Amazon. I told them to be grateful we had a prime account, so they shipped 2-day. haha.

Anyway, great comment @JScott

I figure it this way too, if *I* don't have these conversations with my kids, they'll learn about it first from somewhere else. Kids were already talking about sex at school in 2nd grade!

I'd rather we talk about this stuff first, so I have the chance to influence their moral character.

My wife runs screaming for the hills with these types of talks, so they always come to me for this type of stuff. Plus, I just bring it up if the situation warrants it anyway. The first "where do babies come from" talk with my oldest I brought up when my sister got pregnant for instance.
 

G-Man

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I figure it this way too, if *I* don't have these conversations with my kids, they'll learn about it first from somewhere else. Kids were already talking about sex at school in 2nd grade!

They should learn about sex the way I did, crowded into a school bathroom with a bunch of other 4 graders peering in amazement and confusion at a magazine stealthily stolen from someone's dad :clench: That's the natural way.

When my kids asked about death (I'm not religious), my answer was simply, "I don't know what happens when you die. In fact, nobody knows for sure. What do you think happens?" And then I listened to a 20 minute discussion between my two boys about all the possibilities. My wife was a little uncomfortable with the conversation (she doesn't like death talk), but my kids were just fascinated at the possibilities.

I did grow up in a religious household, but still after giving me the heaven and hell speech my dad was like "Unfortunately, the only people that really know what happens are dead".... thanks Dad, that's not confusing :rofl:
 

Mattie

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Right now still working on not screaming in public or barfing in daddy's face!
Hopefully not the volcano! I always feel bad when this happens. :(
 
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amp0193

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Fastlane parenting:

Taking your kid on an impromtu daddy/daughter camping trip on a Tuesday because the weather was *perfect*.


I didn't need to ask anyone's permission.

I didn't have to put the dates in a calendar weeks in advance.


I just woke up, saw the sun shining, and said "let's go camping".


Getting to pick the best campsite in the park (on top a cliff surrounded on 3 sides by lake), and having the whole state park to ourselves were a bonus.

Panorama view from our campsite at sunrise:

IMG_1492.jpg



Throwing rocks in the lake, while other kids are getting ready for another fun-filled 10 hours of daycare:

IMG_1484edit2.jpg



We came back and I saw that my business shipped 400 orders while we were gone.
 
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