Thread: Critique My eBook Sales Page!

I've made some vague references to an eBook I'm working on. It's developed enough that I would really like to request some specific criticism.

See the rough draft of my sales page for
Luck-Struck: How to Take Control and Create Your Own Luck.
(I know, I know: it's a hyphenated domain. But the title is hyphenated. Should I buy the un-hyphenated one? It's parked for $1,750.)

Anyway, I have sales experience, but not in sales copy. I really welcome your input on my copy, my design, and my concept.

Please be gentle on the concept. I'm motivated now, but I don't want to become one of those 9 out of 10 statistics, you know?

Thanks, in advance, everyone!

the best way to critique a sales page is to run some kind of split testing software, load up different versions and see which one converts best.

Google provides a free tool which helps a lot:

http://services.google.com/training/...rview/2995095/

Doesn't have to be used with AdWords.

The two most important things to test are the headline and the offer. (price, bonuses, etc)

^Wow! Great resource, thanks. I was going to run A/B testing manually, but I didn't know Google Analytics had the software for it already. PERFECT!

Take a good look at the landing pages of the top sellers on Clickbank: http://www.clickbank.com/marketplace.htm By my estimates, quite a few of these are doing at least $1 million a year in revenue, if not that much in a month.

I would definately second clickbank. I figured that was a standard and didn't mention it earlier. Also, see sites similar to sitepoint to get a scope of monthly revenues. Understand they're maximized, but the converting factors are still easy to decript.

Skyler, I remember you wanting to do something with proprietary tatoo designs. I saw this on clickbank and thought of it. There could be more, I don't know. Maybe a market for your stuff in the same manner as your current project.

http://www.chopper-tattoo.com/index.php?hop=0

^Thanks. I will consider that as well. LOL! I have so many irons in the fire!

So, clickbank, as opposed to paypal?

Originally Posted by PEERless

^Thanks. I will consider that as well. LOL! I have so many irons in the fire!

So, clickbank, as opposed to paypal?

I don't know what you meant by that. Sort of depends on what you're aiming at.

You do kind of need to make a choice though. Clickbank is for affiliates. You recruit people to promote for you, in exchange for a commission. If you market you own product simultaneously on your own, if you undercut them, they'll ditch you. Moreover, if your commission payout is high enough, people will run cpc to drive more traffic, and if your doing that as well, you can imagine the problems you might encounter.

There are some other creative things you could do here, but I'll wait to see what you meant first.

Well, I have my own sales page, and I want to be able to sell it from my own blog and other webpages. But I want others to sell it for me too.

Any other thoughts/help? I think I made a mistake by hiding this in the Speedway... Think I'd be risking piracy by moving it to the regular area?

Not to be harsh, but your sales page needs some work bro. To start, you need a headline in black or red, or if you don't like the sounds of that find a way to separate the opener from the body. Make sure it's grouped properly. In other words, don't stat a HEADLINE, move to a sub headline, and then back to a HEADLINE.

It doesn't pull the eye properly. It would be different if one was above the fold and then you see another after scrolling.

Whether intentional or not, people may not respond well to your logo having a crew cut. Switch it up.

This is my opinion, but try less. Split test an ugly 2-3 color sales page. White background, red opener, black body.

Go to Clickbank and look in the different categories at the highest overall sales. Be sure to analyze the differences in landing pages. If you still want to subscribe to CB, I would develop tiers to your book. Don't offer the same one yourself that your affiliates offer. At least not promoted in the same way or likely to run them over.


You can also go over to the warrior forum and see some of the common landing page layouts that some of the idiots use to sell a bunch of shit. Remember, you don't want to peddle ebooks only for the rest of your life, so make sure what you sell, or the way you sell adds to your credibility to use later in your fastlane plan. Note- not everyone over there are idiots, but if the idiots can have high converting sales pages, then so can you. Just don't fall into the hole and make an ass out of yourself, if you know what I mean. You're better than that!

THIS IS WHAT I WAS ASKING FOR! THANK YOU!

Originally Posted by mtnman

Not to be harsh, but your sales page needs some work bro. To start, you need a headline in black or red, or if you don't like the sounds of that find a way to separate the opener from the body. Make sure it's grouped properly. In other words, don't stat a HEADLINE, move to a sub headline, and then back to a HEADLINE.

It doesn't pull the eye properly. It would be different if one was above the fold and then you see another after scrolling.

I was kind of going for having a hard, fast pitch at the top, then an order button. If they aren't convinced, they can scroll a bit, get more info, then another order button. I've seen this on other landing pages, but without knowing whether it works or how. Thanks.

Originally Posted by mtnman

Whether intentional or not, people may not respond well to your logo having a crew cut. Switch it up.

Wait, what? Logo? Not seeing what you mean.

Originally Posted by mtnman

This is my opinion, but try less. Split test an ugly 2-3 color sales page. White background, red opener, black body.

I'll try it, thanks.

Originally Posted by mtnman

Go to Clickbank and look in the different categories at the highest overall sales. Be sure to analyze the differences in landing pages. If you still want to subscribe to CB, I would develop tiers to your book. Don't offer the same one yourself that your affiliates offer. At least not promoted in the same way or likely to run them over.

So, basically have two different "editions?"

Originally Posted by mtnman

You can also go over to the warrior forum and see some of the common landing page layouts that some of the idiots use to sell a bunch of shit. Remember, you don't want to peddle ebooks only for the rest of your life, so make sure what you sell, or the way you sell adds to your credibility to use later in your fastlane plan. Note- not everyone over there are idiots, but if the idiots can have high converting sales pages, then so can you. Just don't fall into the hole and make an ass out of yourself, if you know what I mean. You're better than that!

I will do all of it. Thanks for the detailed help! Rep+!

Yeah, I called it a logo, but it's just an text image when I check it. Lucky something....with the top cut off after the page initially loads.

As for the editions or tiers, it really depends on the depth of your knowledge on the subject and where you want to go with it. And also, what your niche allows as well. But yeah, I was thinking something to differentiate so you're not in direct competition with your affiliates, as they are working for you, you just don't earn full net. BUT, you often earn more by having them through volume, which is the whole purpose of Clickbank. So of course you would want to minimize anything that may hinder their performance.

I don't really know how to give you example because I don't really know your subject matter. For example, in the health arena (my specialty), it's very easy for me to develop different tiers of info and programs that don't directly conflict with each other. In other words, I can write an ebook to promote via Clickbank, but have something different (or my preference) more valuable direct from my sites.

This is getting closer to my personal ethics though--I don't like the idea of having real valuable info that can really help people plastered all over an affiliate site. Only for the simple fact that sometimes it should be presented in a delicate manner and IMers only care about the check, whereas, I created the product to help people.

But this is also a passion of mine (health) and my knowledge base reaches far and wide, which can make a big difference.

mmm....one more thing I remembered. When reading your sales page, I don't recall you telling the prospect enough of what he/she will gain from your ebook.

Yeah, I think you played on the mystery of luck, but what will they really get out of knowing the real deal about the "luck." That's what someone will want to know AND be given to part with their coins. And wrightfully so, you need to deliver.

Have a story that prompted this writing by chance? Use it.

Again though, check out the top converting stuff and learn from it.

Check these books too...

Hypnotic Writing by Joe Vitale

The Adweek Copywriting Handbook by Joe Sugarman

anything by Gary Halbert; I've heard good things about his news letter even though he has past.

Web Copy That Sells by (I can't put my finger on it)

You guys are WONDERFUL! Thanks so much. Right now I am running an Optimizer test to choose a layout and color scheme that converts, then I will go back and un-spam it. I love yveskleinsky's specific notes, and I'll let you know once they are in place.

Home 3 is way better than home two. But, I will say you still need to fix the opener. When the page loads, there should be one point that draws your eye, the opening header. You should add a third test.

The way you have it is like this....

Logo
h2
H1
h2
H1
body
....it doesn't make for a sharp focal point. The idea is to get someone to read your opening headline to spark their interest.

Try...

Logo
H1
h2
body
and so forth...

So that you optimize your chances of someone staying on your page through focusing on getting their attention through the headline. Typically for this type of sales page, it will yield someone reading the rest of your copy versus hitting the back button.

And how are you getting traffic? It sometimes makes a difference in what prospects expect depending on how they got there.

When I mentioned clickbank, I didn't mean to use it as a payment processer (though you can), but to use the top products on there as a guide to good landing pages.

Originally Posted by mtnman

Home 3 is way better than home two. But, I will say you still need to fix the opener. When the page loads, there should be one point that draws your eye, the opening header. You should add a third test.

The way you have it is like this....

Logo
h2
H1
h2
H1
body
....it doesn't make for a sharp focal point. The idea is to get someone to read your opening headline to spark their interest.

Try...

Logo
H1
h2
body
and so forth...

So that you optimize your chances of someone staying on your page through focusing on getting their attention through the headline. Typically for this type of sales page, it will yield someone reading the rest of your copy versus hitting the back button.

And how are you getting traffic? It sometimes makes a difference in what prospects expect depending on how they got there.

Thanks for the tips. I'll adjust content in the next day or two. I'm spending so much energy on the writing of the book. I'll soon have direct quotes and that free first chapter.

I'm driving traffic through an adwords campaign and through spamming my contact lists, FaceBook friends, etc.

Originally Posted by Andrew

When I mentioned clickbank, I didn't mean to use it as a payment processer (though you can), but to use the top products on there as a guide to good landing pages.

OK, thanks.

Thanks to the amazing input I received, I have taken a sledgehammer to my original sales page. I have taken a lot of your advice, including:

• Changing the colors and layout,
• Adjusting the headline/paragraph formatting,
• Cleaning up voice and tenses,
• and others!

I also created kind of a rabbit hole that entices action on the landing page, but doesn't push for a close until they have started "saying 'yes'" to me!

Still, I am not in love with what I currently have, so please keep the honest feedback coming on www.luck-struck.com!

Also, I am still looking for quotes and anecdotes. Want to be in my book? Comment here.

Thanks again!

Are you sending traffic to the landing page yet? I wouldn't try too hard to refine it before running some tests.

Just a personal example that happened in the past few weeks, I set up a split test for one of my websites. There was about 10 different designs, I had no idea which would work best. I accidentally screwed up the graphics on one of the pages. Guess which one converted better, the messed up one.

There is just no way either I or anyone else could have picked this out and said "here's the winner." If I had been more cautious and checked everything over before uploading it, that winner would have never even had a chance.

This was for a web site receiving quite a few visitors. There is a six figure a month budget for traffic.. so this wasn't a fluke by any means. The test was statistically significant.

Until you actually have real visitors and sales coming through, there is only so far you can perfect something.