Thread: Critique My eBook Sales Page!

Originally Posted by Beepers

Should I add a money back guarantee if my readers don't suddenly get lucky?
Definitely.

I came across a site the other day where many of the members were tracking law of attraction type money that had entered their life. All they had to do was receit some sort of mantra several times, look at it every morning and concentrate on the Universe giving them money. The site's goal was to get over $1m in intentioned money. I really found this approach to be excellent marketing for the site. Members were posting how much they found, and if they thought their intention had worked. (On a quick side note, I did not do the exercise, but later that day I was driving down the street- and there was money just blowing down the street! There were some other people standing around but no one else seemed to notice. I hopped out of my car, turns out it was only $3, but still $3 blowing down the street- kinda weird. If I had done the exercise, I would probably place some sort of stock in his message. Since I didn't, I had to chuckle as think about how many times random money crosses your path. ...Found change in the sofa, a rebate check for your car insurance, etc.)

Point being, I think you could do something similar on your site. This way you'll get tons of credibility and can circulate your message fast, as people like to take a challenge and feel part of a group- not like they are stupid for believing your message.

..I wouldn't offer a refund of anykind, as luck is subjective.

How's everything coming by the way?

Here's a free white paper that concerns salesletters, particularly of Ebooks ... it is quite a long read and makes a few points, but it highlights one item you should be using to increase conversion.

http://www.successdoctor.com/books/d...alesletter.pdf

Originally Posted by Beepers

What should I add? A bookmark?
Add some bonus reports.
How to win at cards or some public domain books.
...Perhaps you should JV with online poker websites....

They'll aready get a free chapter (which is free for me). I can't be throwing in somebody else's stuff for free. What'll happen to my margin? Also, what does do PS and JV mean?

Originally Posted by yveskleinsky

I came across a site the other day where many of the members were tracking law of attraction type money that had entered their life...I wouldn't offer a refund of anykind, as luck is subjective.
How's everything coming by the way?

Was it Steve Pavlina's Million Dollar Experiment? I like it. I may model it! Things are good, thanks for asking. I feel good about the value of my content, now I'm adding some plot to make it a fun read.

Originally Posted by PhxMJ

it highlights one item you should be using to increase conversion.

LOL. Thanks for the suspense. It made me click... now I'm wading through 51 pages.

MJ, you made me feel really old-fashioned. I just printed that white paper out!

Beepers, have a look at my new and improved sales page. I have added the following:
-Narrative that I was really unlucky until I learned the big secret,
-A money-back guarantee,
-3 awesome bonuses (excel spreadsheets, awesome bookmark, and a consulting session) plus my free chapter

Still working on phasing in the other suggestions you and MJ had. Lemme know if there's anything on the new page that's really turning you off.

Hi Peerless

Well your second version is better.
However you need to get rid of your first sentence.
Order LUCK-STRUCK

You should not be asking for the order so early on a sales page.
It's like "Here's my product. Buy it"
Which of course is what you want. But you can't do that.

You gotta seduce your customer FIRST. Show empathy. Be a friend to them.
In other words use some damn foreplay.

How to Take Control and Create your own
Your actual headline above is incomplete. I guess you're missing the word Luck.
On it's own it's not a bad headline. A How to...headline is always good.

However you can add some intrigue and curiosity to your headline for sure.

Remember you only have 4/5 seconds before your reader hits their BACK button.

Now your story is good. But you need to go into greater detail.

get rid of your phone number. people ain't going to phone you up. Why? Because they're terrified they're going to be sold to.
Why should I give you my email address? Bribe me!

Your intro. Needs to be smoother and more in tune with the reader. You've got to enter the conversation going on in your prospect's mind.

Your writing needs to be more emotional. People buy on emotion. Then justify with logic.

Also

CONGRATULATIONS!
You have taken the first step toward improving your luck and becoming Luck-Struck!

You are probably familiar with the saying:

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity."

-Seneca the Younger, Stoic Philosopher, 1st Century A.D.

To have good luck, you have to be prepared, and you have to find opportunities...
Luck-Struck will change your life by

so there you go

cheers mark

I really, really like what you've done to your site.

Oh yeah

You don't have any bullets to fascinate me either.

eg off the top of my head...

One little known five word sentence which when you think about last thing at night
gives you lucky money the next day. You'll be amazed at the 'lucky' results the first time you use this secret technique.

see what I mean peerless?

You want to drive your reader 'mad' with frustration because he wants to know wht that secret sentence is.

cheers mark

PS people will buy purely on the strength of one bullet.

Red buttons! Don't forget that!

Here are some basics for writing sales page/letter:

12-Step Foolproof Sales Letter Template

With the Mac as a large and growing segment of the population, if I were you I'd find someone who could help make sure it looks right to all your Mac visitors too. Sorry, I don't know how either, other than to make adjustment on a Mac and look at the pages in Window too. Just a thought to put on your to do list.

++rep Beepers. GREAT response- your ideas are so right on!

Originally Posted by Beepers

Oh yeah

You don't have any bullets to fascinate me either.

eg off the top of my head...

One little known five word sentence which when you think about last thing at night
gives you lucky money the next day. You'll be amazed at the 'lucky' results the first time you use this secret technique.

see what I mean peerless?

You want to drive your reader 'mad' with frustration because he wants to know wht that secret sentence is.

cheers mark

PS people will buy purely on the strength of one bullet.

Originally Posted by Beepers

Hi Peerless Well your second version is better. However...

Beepers: WELCOME to the forum, and THANK YOU! You are going to accelerate quickly with thoughtful, helpful posts like that! I hope we can return the favor for you. I will begin adding your new suggestions today.

Originally Posted by yveskleinsky

I really, really like what you've done to your site.

Thank you. I have been getting some great help!

Originally Posted by Jorge

Red buttons! Don't forget that!

LOLZ. OK... I'll try to figure that out.

Originally Posted by Dejan M

Here are some basics for writing sales page/letter

Thanks!

Originally Posted by Allthingznew

With the Mac as a large and growing segment of the population...

I'll get there when I can. Mac-users are 12.8% of my visitors. (Yay, Analytics!)

Anyway, thanks you all. THIS FORUM IS AMAZING!

Also, do you guys like 2-page setup? I like the idea of getting the prospect to start saying "yes" to small things before being thrown into my whole pitch.

...Or should the landing page BE the sales page to keep the "funnel" as wide as possible?

The article Dejan M posted was amazing. I am trying to incorporate all twelve steps in my page, though steps 1 and 2 are on the landing page now.

News Flash: Life is NOT Fair!

Luck Drives Your Life!

Peerless

The above is not a headline. It's a statement. It does not offer the reader a reward for reading. It does not arouse my curiousity. So you've instantly lost your reader. Never to return again.
Try something along the lines of

How an Unlucky Kid From Idaho Seperated Himself From The Herd And Discovered The One Big Secret which Can Automatically Make You Lucky With Money, Women, Business and Life.

You'll be amazed how quickly and easily your luck changes
using this simple secret....

Now do you see you've added intrigue, drama, there's a benefit to the reader.
Try writing your headline now.

Google the 100 best headlines.


cheers Mark

Originally Posted by PEERless

The article Dejan M posted was amazing.

It really is. I´m writing my sales letter directly according to the article.