Thread: Dating others with a similar mindset

Originally Posted by yveskleinsky

It sounds like you are clear on what you want and don't want. If you don't want to date a guy with young kids, there's nothing wrong with that. If you are dating him just to have someone fun to hang out with that's fine- but it sounds like it's not going any farther than that. He's making the choice to stay with you, knowing that it may not go any further, so don't feel bad about that. ...I think the bigger questions are: 1. How long are you planning on staying with a guy that you know is a mismatch with you- and are you okay with that? 2. Who are you missing out on meeting because you are treading water with this guy?

Hope I wasn't too blunt.

You were perfect! Thank you!

Originally Posted by RealOG

Most singles are slow laners, but that isnt necessarily a bad thing. Most fast laners are not compatible with each other because they are so focused pursuing what they want, the other things in life come second. Relationships take work, work that most fast laners don't have time for.

I think relationships require more slow lane thinking than fast lane. They feed on consistency, time, repetition, and monogamy to be successful. Sounds like a job, doesnt it? This may be why many of the folks on this forum (including myself) have a hard time with them.

Interesting perspective. I've often felt that some people probably shouldn't be married- and there's a solid chance that I'm one of them. I never daydreamed about Mr.Right and a huge wedding- not once. I'm fiercely independent and tend to become obsessive when working on a project. These two qualities make being married hard (probably harder on my husband). I do enjoy being in a relationship, but not sure if I'm all for running a three-legged race with someone (like when you're married). ...Being married is tough at times.

Originally Posted by unchained

I know that finding others with a similar mindset is very important. I, myself would never want to get into a serious relationship with a girl who does not share a similar mindset, or at least does not have an open mind to learn about financial freedom, investing, etc.

Where does one find someone with a similar mindset? Is it fate that you meet someone at a bar or on the street with similar ideals? Should we start a dating website for entrepreneurs and investors?

Why not start a dating site for entrepreneurs and investors? As you point out indirectly, business is not all about money and the exchange of money. It is also about personal chemistry. How you relate to the investor and how the investor relate to the entrepreneur. You need to feel comfortable with the people you do business with. I think you got something interesting there. Why not dive deeper into the idea and see if it is commercially viable?

"this is such a hard thing. i have been in the slowlane and trying to get into the fastlane but wasn't sure how, and still not sure how, but this site is helping me see better... prior to finding this site, i have been seriously thinking about ending it with my partner, just cuz she supposedly doesn't care about money like i do. i care about her so much, in terms of companionship, she is great, but financially that's another story."

How do you define "cares about money like I do"? ...For some this could mean cares about the finer things in life. For others it could mean financial freedom.

Hmmm.. this got me thinking.. I've seen one girl changing her mind completely from feminist "I will never make food for my husband or be a housewife" to actually being that and still having a career. And guess what.. she is way happier with the guy. So a good Man certainly has ability to influence woman's opinion and the way she views things. Not talking about beating her into it though.

Can one person influence another? Perhaps. It's somewhat of a risk though, and how long do you want to spend hoping they'll change? 1 year? 5 years? 10 years? Not to mention there's a solid chance that if they do change they'll resent the hell out of you for it.

As far as money goes, IMO there are two very different mindsets regarding the pursuit of it:

1. Quantity of life: Money is a means to get stuff. This mindset wants all the toys that money can buy. This mindset can only be achieved with a high income.

2. Quality of life: Money is a means to financial freedom. This mindset wants to exit the rat race and wants the freedom that only time can buy. This mindset can be achieved anywhere from a couple thousand a month to millions of dollars a year.

For me personally, the toys are great, but I don't want to be with someone who works 100 hours a week, making $5m a year and is constantly focused on the next shiny thing. I'd rather have someone who works 10 hours a week making $50k a year and spending our time together, doing things we love. ...Just because we share the value of entrepreneurship doesn't mean that we have the same mindset when it comes to money. So I would never look for an entrepreneur who fit into category #1--and odds are they wouldn't be happy with me as I see very little value in their pursuits.

I suppose in a nutshell, step 1 is if you want to date a canary, date canaries--don't date a horse and then get angry when it won't fly. Step 2 is to figure out if you like red or yellow canaries and then pursue them.