Sorry, But I Can't Make Your Life Decisions For You!!

[MJDeMarco]

I'm starting to receive a lot of emails, and even messages on this forum that request advice on major, life-changing decisions ... as if, I hold some type of crystal ball that knows the right decision for your life, your family, and your happiness.

Do I quit my job?
Do I move across the country?
Do I risk going into business with Joe Blow or stay in school?
Do I do this?
Do I do that?

Folks, I don't know!

I can't make these decisions for you. Everyone is different and only you know you.

Please understand that every decision of major consequence in your life carries with it RISK. And yet, RISK is fundamental to the Fastlane because it is the ROAD LESS TRAVELED and often involves sacrifice, and hard-work beyond the "well-traveled" road.

You have to do what is right for YOU and what YOU think will make you happy. And guess what? For some folks, that just might be a Slowlane -- no worries -- life is about happiness and being resolute in your dreams and goals. Whatever path you take, understand that everything extraordinary in life often involved an extraordinary risk.

If you are having trouble making a big decision in your life, I suggest you use the WADM decision matrix that I have used so many times in my life.

Got a Tough Choice? HelpMyDecision.com Helps You Make Better Decisions!

I have been HAPPY in every decision this matrix solved for me.

So to sum it up, I don't know if you should quit college.
I don't know if you should quit your job.
I don't know if you should move to another country.
I don't know if you should quit that business and start another.
I don't know if you should piss-off your parents and do what they don't want.

While I'm flattered that I am asked about such big decisions, my answers are automatically BIASED based on my life experience. This does not guarantee you will get a good answer based on what is best for YOU.

Take a deep breath, and ask yourself ... What is going to make me happy not just this week, but over the long term? Should you be blessed with another 40 years of life, is this the path you want to take?

In general, you should already know what my answer will be ... the Fastlane path. But again, that is ME. I am not you. You may possess other strengths, talents, and attributes that make the other answer, BETTER.



Good luck and happy decision-making!

[Darkside]

I see threads with those kind of questions started on a daily basis but I hadn't considered that people are sending you these questions privately as well. Personally, I think major life decisions should be made by the person taking them. That way, if things go wrong you can't blame someone else for your choice and if it turns out going right then you can be pleased that you chose a path and it turned out well.

[MJDeMarco]

but I hadn't considered that people are sending you these questions privately as well.

Almost everyday ... and they are BIG decisions.

[canadiangal]

Almost everyday ... and they are BIG decisions.

It is not fair to expect life decisions from you, but at least an opinion. The ultimate decision will come from the us, but the reason why one goes to an expert is to get an advice, an opinion, not a complete silence.
I haven't sent any private message, but I have posted a few times in here and expected to receive an opinion from you but you remained silent :-(.
I told myself that maybe it is because I don't have the 'I have read the book' mention yet, so I decided to order the book and am currently reading it, hoping to get an opinion from you; though the help and opinion of others have helped me tremendously.

:-)

[MJDeMarco]

but I have posted a few times in here and expected to receive an opinion from you but you remained silent

My apologies. I'm sorry about that and it has nothing do to with an icon.

It's because I haven't read whatever was addressed to me. There are dozens of posts made here daily and frankly, I probably only get to read a tiny % of them. So if someone is asking me something in a long thread somewhere, there's a great likelihood that I'll never read it, or I scanned it over.

[maximus20895]

I think another thing to take into consideration is that when he made some of his life decisions such as leaving Chicago for Phoenix, he didn't have $10,000,000. I think some people are asking him these questions are because he is successful in their eyes, but you have got to understand when he made his life decisions he wasn't where he wanted to be and that's why he made the decisions he did. He was in the same boat of you guys are currently in. It was the decisions he made for himself that determined where he is now.

You don't become successful and then ask the big questions, you ask the big questions and then become successful.

[911Carrera]

I can guarantee that anyone who would ask someone to make life changing decisions for them are not cut out for the fastlane and very likely to fail. Fastlane is not for everyone, that's why the slowlane and sidewalk exist. Again, I don't mean to be mean but I have a hard time understanding some of these guys' behavior.

[maximus20895]

Alot of it has to do with the mindset.

[garyfritz]

MJ, IMHO: I don't think you should feel responsible for running a free "Dear MJ" advice-for-the-lovelorn column. People should feel welcome to post questions here, and they will probably get some good advice from a wide range of viewpoints. *IF* you choose to chime in, great. I don't think you're required to. Neither do I feel it's appropriate for people to PM you directly for advice. As you said, you can't make THEIR decisions FOR THEM.

Just because you run the asylum here, doesn't mean you're "on call" for everybody with a question!

[BobbySoFamous]

It is not fair to expect life decisions from you, but at least an opinion. The ultimate decision will come from the us, but the reason why one goes to an expert is to get an advice, an opinion, not a complete silence.
I haven't sent any private message, but I have posted a few times in here and expected to receive an opinion from you but you remained silent :-(.
I told myself that maybe it is because I don't have the 'I have read the book' mention yet, so I decided to order the book and am currently reading it, hoping to get an opinion from you; though the help and opinion of others have helped me tremendously.

I think it's unreasonable to expect someone who is inundated with requests for his limited time to drop whatever he's doing and spend hours answering everyone's questions *FOR FREE* no less. Why should MJ have to do this? If he has the time and desires to he can contribute on the forum here and there but he's under no obligation to do so. Would you ask Stephen King or JK Rowling for basically a one on one consultation just because you read their book? Probably not so please respect MJ's time, he's done enough by writing the book and putting this forum together for us.

[dnice]

Great post MJ. I agree you cannot help someone to make a life changing decision. People need to be responsible for their own decisions. It may be great to have your opinion but it seems that those who ask these types of questions think your answer will reduce their risk in life. To be in the fastlane is all about risk and no ones advice can reduce it.

[kurtyordy]

problem solved- todmaffin: I will make a difficult decision for you for $5 on fiverr.com

There are many on fiverr that will help you make a decision, but this guy will actually make it for you.

I should hit him up for a commission

[MamaD]

I find that often people seek others to help them with major decisions just to have a 'fall guy' in the event the decision turns out to be the wrong choice.

[InMotion]

"Almost everyday ... and they are BIG decisions."

As Mj already knows, im sure, these people are simply trying to confide in somone and want someone to make their decisions for them instead of them making the decisions. This is very common among people who seek approval from others; I’m not a psychiatrist MJ but this usually starts with their conflict within themselves or from lack of support from their parents or others around them. They simply need somone else who they feel is knowledgeable to give them the go ahead, even though they know what must be done, they just aren’t listening to themselves. These people will be lost until they realize that they alone can make their decisions, no matter how difficult they are; when you hold a gun in your hands your the only one pulling the trigger.

[Lights]

People send me private messages, and I'll help you solve your problems.

Better yet, pay me $15 dollar for every 10 minutes and I'll give you a tarot reading.

-
kidding here

[FutureBlessings]

I agree MJ sometimes people need a reality check!! Im certainly one of those people who needed to hear that but thank God I never had the guts to ask you any of those questions lol. This post is a true wake call.

I think most people are living in fear and are afraid of making bad decisions because we have been brained washed for so many years to follow rules to live a "happy slowlane life". I have this fear too, but I will overcome it.

Most people feel if they could ask someone what to do it might solve their problems and unfortunately it doesn't. They have to look deep down in themselves. Everyone has a reason to be successful and over come obstacles in their lives. I guess they feel maybe you have the magical answer since you made it out the rat race.

We can only make ourselves do what are minds tell us and, if its all negativity then thats what life will bring us and vice versa. MJ cant guide us to the millions only YOU can. You wrote in your book what are good businesses to start to become fastlane. It's understandable if people just really need advice but, honestly NO ONE can decide your future/life for you.

I have major reasons to get out of this rat race I'm trapped in right now and, I will not stop until I succeed. Trust me I am taking my OWN advice as well, to make things happen.

[Dutchy]

I can guarantee that anyone who would ask someone to make life changing decisions for them are not cut out for the fastlane and very likely to fail. Fastlane is not for everyone, that's why the slowlane and sidewalk exist. Again, I don't mean to be mean but I have a hard time understanding some of these guys' behavior.

Excellent post, very well put!

[PND]

If you are having trouble making a big decision in your life, I suggest you use the WADM decision matrix that I have used so many times in my life.

Got a Tough Choice? HelpMyDecision.com Helps You Make Better Decisions!

I used this method on paper. I tried it on your website. The "issue" is that I would have "liked" the result was different.

I have a difficult decision to make nowadays. Deep inside I know the right answer but I am really afraid. I know I need to change my plan. I know if I don't change that will be a sidewalk action. I know in the end I will surely change my plan. The fact is if I send you an email and you say to me "Yeh you should change" it would help me. I could say "Even the great MJ thinks I should change".

Actually I didn't asked you by email because I know already which is the good answer, I know what I should do (even if not yet decided). However I thought about asking you. I understand some people may need your answers when crossing roads.

[Darkside]

I find that often people seek others to help them with major decisions just to have a 'fall guy' in the event the decision turns out to be the wrong choice.

Yes, that's what I was trying to get at. They want to remove the responsibility for the decision from themselves, so that if it turns out to be a bad one, they will feel like someone else is to blame: "It's so and so's fault I quit my job and started a business because he said that's what I should do!"

[hekks]

Personally, I think major life decisions should be made by the person taking them. That way, if things go wrong you can't blame someone else for your choice and if it turns out going right then you can be pleased that you chose a path and it turned out well.

Exactly! If you need advice from a stranger on a life decision, then you don't really understand major Fastlane concepts like CONTROL.