Sorry, But I Can't Make Your Life Decisions For You!!

[MJDeMarco]

I don't think you should feel responsible for running a free "Dear MJ" advice-for-the-lovelorn column. People should feel welcome to post questions here, and they will probably get some good advice from a wide range of viewpoints. *IF* you choose to chime in, great.

Thank you, this has been my approach, and the *IF* is if I read the post/question/thread.

I think it's unreasonable to expect someone who is inundated with requests for his limited time to drop whatever he's doing and spend hours answering everyone's questions *FOR FREE* no less. Why should MJ have to do this? If he has the time and desires to he can contribute on the forum here and there but he's under no obligation to do so. Would you ask Stephen King or JK Rowling for basically a one on one consultation just because you read their book? Probably not so please respect MJ's time, he's done enough by writing the book and putting this forum together for us.

I actually don't mind. I'm here everyday. I try to read what I can. But the bottomline is, I hate having to opine on major, life decisions because again, I am biased.

I find that often people seek others to help them with major decisions just to have a 'fall guy' in the event the decision turns out to be the wrong choice.

And that's what scares me ... I want someone to quit their job because they *felt* it was the RIGHT thing for them, not the RIGHT thing for me.

Im certainly one of those people who needed to hear that but thank God I never had the guts to ask you any of those questions lol.

It's no big deal, I would have thought of you no less. I just want you to be happy with the choices.

I know in the end I will surely change my plan. The fact is if I send you an email and you say to me "Yeh you should change" it would help me. I could say "Even the great MJ thinks I should change".

But do you understand that my answer will be BIASED based on my wisdom, life experience, and personal knowledge of myself? In the end, I want YOU (and anyone else that asks one of these personal, life-altering choices) to be HAPPY. Therefore, I'm not sure my BIASED answer is the ANSWER that will lead the questioner to happiness (or success), considering the decision had to be asked.

PLAN A might be the best Fastlane route for me, while PLAN B might be for someone else. I will pick PLAN A when internally based on your strengths, the correct action is PLAN B. (I'm just saying generically, not referring to you.)

While I'm flattered that I am asked about such big decisions, my answers are automatically BIASED based on my life experience. This does not guarantee you will get a good answer based on what is best for YOU.

In general, you should already know what my answer will be ... the Fastlane path. But again, that is ME. I am not you. You may possess other strengths, talents, and attributes that make the other answer, BETTER.

Also, the when I picked-up and moved across the country, I *knew* it was the right decision. It felt right. I didn't ask anyone. The other big decisions, I also *knew* but needed confirmation, that nudge, and that's when the WADM matrix fell into place because it was BIASED toward me.

The synopsis of this post is basically I want YOU to be happy with your decisions and live with them with responsibility - when MJ/Hakrjak/Sparlin/Rickson/RussH/Your Mom/Your BFF/Some Stranger on A Forum or anyone else *thinks* you should take PLAN A when the best for YOU is PLAN B, there's a potential for an incongruous result, one that won't make you happy.

YOU know YOU best.

I want everyone here to have the same result ... and that result is happiness via the 3 F's, fitness, family, and freedom.

[Darkside]

This thread should be a sticky so that new members can see it at the top and not make the same mistake.

[77startup]

MJ DeMarco,


When I first joined there was no "book" and it seemed like the majority of people had a leader personality which was great because there were so many great threads of people "executing" and gathering feed back on their well thought out ideas. After all to even find the forum you had to be motivated and serious enough to search it out.

However, since the book came out it's attracted a large amount of "Follower" types as well. Follower types who look for "inspiration" instead of looking for a "market".

Instead of looking at business as a non-stop fight involving attacking, defending,retreating and countering they view it as a test which contains questions that you have to answer correctly. Which is why MJ's opinion matters so deeply because he's already "passed the test".

I think trying to get them to "stop" would be a waste of time, instead I think it would be cool if you tried to monetize them.

[Likwid24]

I agree with you 100% MJ.

I have to admit it. I'm guilty of emailing you too after I read the book. It was for something so silly when I think about it now. It wasn't a question you should be answering for me. It was something I should have answered myself, which I did.

I could imagine what it's like having people messaging you for answers to such huge decisions in their life. Then if you did answer them and they failed or something went wrong in their life because of it, who knows how many lawsuits you might have against you or how much hate mail you would get.

It still might be good to post your big decision in this forum to get some feedback. You would probably get answers for and against your dilemma so you can see the positive and the negative and then make an educated decision based on the feedback.

[Talisman]

I find myself coming to these forums less. At first it's been interesting, but most of the posts are "help me with <stupid question #49871087>".. I even see that there's a Fastlane Fantasy Football thread.... WTF!

There are a few people that appear to be doing, but mostly it's people whose money I'll be taking in years to come, when I'm fastlane and they're still dreaming and wondering why it hasn't fallen into their hands.

Ah bah. </rant>

[millionairesol]

It still will not be a bad idea to open Help Line to "ASK MJ This" MJ may not necessarily answer all. But the ones that involve the individual's personal decision will be skipped. and the ones that could help even other members might be treated. If there are other admin members in here, they can even help out. Some of these questions might even be good and ideal for discussions on the forum here and everybody learns at the end of the day.
But questions on SHOULD I QUIT MY JOB and bla bla bla, could go for consultation service charge.

[andviv]

I read this and a thought came to my mind... MJ, get your "Guru-style" answer ready:

"We have a seminar for that, Free. For free, we will up-sell you a $500 seminar for more details. After that, another up-sell to a $50,000 seminar where I will tell you read my material and do what you want, cause IO don't care anymore"

It must be Monday, cause I keep thinking of bad joke after bad joke....

[bateati]

MJ should I use hair spray or gel?

[^eagle^]

Its not necessarily the big decision that we make that makes the difference. Its the little decisions we make afterwards that make the difference.


Well anyway it sounds good. Something about chaos and the universe and how its all connected in there somewhere. LOL

[Rickson9]

Sigh. I wish I had hair... J/k

[MJDeMarco]

MJ should I use hair spray or gel?

I use both; my hair is totally cowlicky.

[Hokoleskwa]

I think often times people who are considering taking a big risk want a more experienced or successful person to tell them they're making the right choice so that the risk will feel safe. But if you refuse to step outside your comfort zone and walk the wire without a net, you'll never realize your full potential.

[Jonleehacker]

Here's my favorite decision making technique...

Think about your tough decision.

Get a coin, assign heads to one result, and tails to the other result.
eg. Heads I move to Phoenix, tails I stay in Chicago.

Take deep breath, with a clear head, flip the coin in the air.

Now, while the coin is in the air pay attention to your thoughts and feelings... which result are you hoping for?

The one you were rooting for is the answer to your decision, forget which side the coin lands on.

[MJDeMarco]

Bumpety Bump!!

[Rawr]

I think we need a thread on how to deliberately make decisions, and increase the aggressiveness/ risk.

That is the cause. Alleviate that and these emails will stop.

Some advice from someone's who also asked way too many questions:


1. Recognize choices have outcomes. You can't have every outcome, so narrow it down to the few you'd prefer and look for those choices. "Should I move?" hence becomes a write out of what "moving" means - "do I want nicer weather? Different crowd? Bigger/smaller city? Ocean? Hiking? Job opps?" - use matrix to select the choice.

2. Not making a decision is a decision. This one was hard to learn for me - when you are still feeling like you could do anything and be anything it is very hard to pick something and eliminate other options. But until you start narrowing it down, you can't move. Imagine sitting in a plane thinking of all the wonderful places in this world to go to. But never picking even a continent- so time passes and you are still stuck on the runway.


3. Making a decision can be scary but it is required if you want to make progress - don't think you will fail. We make many decisions daily - what to eat, when to go to bed, what to do - take confidence in these things - make better decisions and step them up to greater ones, feeling more confident in your choices.



If anyone feels they have more to add to decision making strategies I am sure there are many who would learn and the benefits are worth it. You start reaching for the steering wheel...

[hrishikesh]

I am a very slow decision maker, although my decision are almost always the right.
There is this book about decision making which has 5 star reviews. I have ordered it. Lets see.
Do it! or ditch it!

[ClintonSkakun]

This tool is awesome, I use it now and then when I have super pressing decisions to make.

[Vigilante]

MJ.... will you adopt me?

[MJDeMarco]

HelpMyDecision.com went over 1,000 decisions today!

[MJDeMarco]

Bump.