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I must have gone through 15 wine bottles and some vodka to get past my anger at sh#theads in business.
It wasn't because I was drowning anything, it was because, holding the truth in my mind for several months to heal the true problem left me with no fun at all in my day.
So I'd give myself a break, chuck on music, or a silly movie, get barely tipsy and it would let me laugh and dance.
It was important to me to give myself a break from being too serious. And since I was seriously angry holding all that truth infront of myself, a healthy couple glasses of wine a day, was the most controlled way I could ease the pressure off.
My point isn't that drinking is good, my point is that SEEING what you are angry about is the only way to really get past it, and an approach that works, is to never let the pressure off TOO MUCH.
If you drink too much, slack too much, get angry too much, you end up getting in tailspins.
You need to take it steady, slow, and respect that you are a person that needs a little relief (not so much, but just enough to crack a daily smile).
So, two months later from ground zero of the truth, the flames came to a simmer, and my smile became a daily habit (I don't drink now, no point, its better when its natural, but you can't always do it natural). I eventually have found my peace with the a##holism, without REACTING to it, or contorting my principles to conform to that sh#tty existence.
I now gained an awareness of why they are such jerks, and WHY I can let it go, that works for me.
It is an emotional understanding, 2 months in the making, that took a lot of self control to refine and smooth out, so it might not make sense for you personally, but I'll do my best to try to explain it.
Yes everyone is a d#ck. Weak. And they take advantage of their natural strengths to shame anyone of different nature in a search for a "homeostasis" closer to utopia.
AND there is no redemption for that, no backing down that makes it right.
But I keep seeing this idea, of a man who fishes with a child.
The man fishes alone all his life and fishes to eat, and over time loses respect for the life of the fish.
The child learns to fish quickly after his fathers short and factual lessons and in his joy he keeps pulling up small fish, and chucks them onto the road behind him. 20 or so fish pile up behind him, and not a single one can get eaten. But he is high on this "idea", and thinks the fish is not really sentient or whatever.
The man in seeing this doesn't scorn the child. He goes off and thinks. And as he thinks he is moved to fish. So he catches all these fish while trying to think, and in each one he pulls up, he sees his childs pile of fish on the road, and he "pays a toll" in his mind then lets the fish go.
He does this for weeks.
The father takes the child fishing again and teaches, "we sometimes catch them to eat, sometimes to marvel, and other times, we respect their life and give them back so that we never forget what they are".
The child catches a big fish and gives it back, and later on when they are hungry they catch a fish to eat and the child asks "do we let it go", and the father says "no, this one we eat, but we don't forget the ones we free".
Its just a simple idea that kept running through my head, until it helped me let it go.
The point isn't that you should give money back etc, the point is that, we should not lose touch with the "life" in something as simple as a fish.
I'm not saying fish are sentient and we should be hippy about it, the fish is a metaphor for people without a face. A member of the crowd. Just "some guy".
The fishing metaphor kinda allowed me to let go of my anger, because I started to realise, that we are not fish, but even if we ARE. What is right?
I came to deepen my understanding of the value of each "victory" we take.
I am not an angry father yelling at the child. I just fish...
And I remember to give some back (victories).
Like I said, I haven't backed down from the hard truth.
I went through a lot of wine just to crack a daily smile, because it was tough to hold in my mind.
But as I gave it time, as I gave a##holes the firey gaze, as I slowly paused to smile and think.
Something as simple as a fish swimming away, made me feel good enough, that I relieved the pressure, even while I see the horrible way people can be.
I've let it go.
But I'm not stupid, or naive, or supressing things.
I've gone through things I can't forget or "just let slide".
And I know its not going to change.
And I know I have to be ready.
But I know that the more balanced I feel, while holding that fish in my hand, the more happiness I feel in the times I'm given a break, and the more peace I can feel in the depths of sh#t I will probably be thrust into more times before it is done and settled.
We can't always stop things from happening, but we can choose how we face them.
The anger is not bad. Sometimes it is an acknowledgement of truth, or the purging of unhealthy denial (sh#t holding you back). It is how you face the anger that matters.
I took my time. I gave a cr#p about how I felt. I had a daily smile even though I held that anger up to the light of day for what it was. I found a mood amidst the chaos. I felt ok.
I didn't let go of the anger, I just let go, of blaming it for the pain.
I know people are jerks, I know they disrespect us all like kids throwing fish on the road, and I don't forget the pain that creates and the lengths it takes to get past it, I just take it a step at a time.
And the step I am now able to take, is to let the pain go, so the anger can be about what is ACTUALLY wrong, and not how it affects me alone.
You can't truly see clearly, if you think it only relates to you. You have to respect the life of that fish, and in doing so, let go of your pain, in the pursuit of respect for the simplicity of life.
Respect the fishes
Let the anger not be about your pain
Smile a little until your mindset catches up
Then when you are ready... Let it go
Just that little story, that feeling of giving that fish back.
Makes it not about me.
And its the self, that eats you alive.
That father, never understood fishing, until he had someone to share it with. Only then did he question the "facts" and add a deeper understanding to his life.
I thank the fishes, for getting me through my arrogance.
Even though people are D#CKS!
Its ok.
It wasn't because I was drowning anything, it was because, holding the truth in my mind for several months to heal the true problem left me with no fun at all in my day.
So I'd give myself a break, chuck on music, or a silly movie, get barely tipsy and it would let me laugh and dance.
It was important to me to give myself a break from being too serious. And since I was seriously angry holding all that truth infront of myself, a healthy couple glasses of wine a day, was the most controlled way I could ease the pressure off.
My point isn't that drinking is good, my point is that SEEING what you are angry about is the only way to really get past it, and an approach that works, is to never let the pressure off TOO MUCH.
If you drink too much, slack too much, get angry too much, you end up getting in tailspins.
You need to take it steady, slow, and respect that you are a person that needs a little relief (not so much, but just enough to crack a daily smile).
So, two months later from ground zero of the truth, the flames came to a simmer, and my smile became a daily habit (I don't drink now, no point, its better when its natural, but you can't always do it natural). I eventually have found my peace with the a##holism, without REACTING to it, or contorting my principles to conform to that sh#tty existence.
I now gained an awareness of why they are such jerks, and WHY I can let it go, that works for me.
It is an emotional understanding, 2 months in the making, that took a lot of self control to refine and smooth out, so it might not make sense for you personally, but I'll do my best to try to explain it.
Yes everyone is a d#ck. Weak. And they take advantage of their natural strengths to shame anyone of different nature in a search for a "homeostasis" closer to utopia.
AND there is no redemption for that, no backing down that makes it right.
But I keep seeing this idea, of a man who fishes with a child.
The man fishes alone all his life and fishes to eat, and over time loses respect for the life of the fish.
The child learns to fish quickly after his fathers short and factual lessons and in his joy he keeps pulling up small fish, and chucks them onto the road behind him. 20 or so fish pile up behind him, and not a single one can get eaten. But he is high on this "idea", and thinks the fish is not really sentient or whatever.
The man in seeing this doesn't scorn the child. He goes off and thinks. And as he thinks he is moved to fish. So he catches all these fish while trying to think, and in each one he pulls up, he sees his childs pile of fish on the road, and he "pays a toll" in his mind then lets the fish go.
He does this for weeks.
The father takes the child fishing again and teaches, "we sometimes catch them to eat, sometimes to marvel, and other times, we respect their life and give them back so that we never forget what they are".
The child catches a big fish and gives it back, and later on when they are hungry they catch a fish to eat and the child asks "do we let it go", and the father says "no, this one we eat, but we don't forget the ones we free".
Its just a simple idea that kept running through my head, until it helped me let it go.
The point isn't that you should give money back etc, the point is that, we should not lose touch with the "life" in something as simple as a fish.
I'm not saying fish are sentient and we should be hippy about it, the fish is a metaphor for people without a face. A member of the crowd. Just "some guy".
The fishing metaphor kinda allowed me to let go of my anger, because I started to realise, that we are not fish, but even if we ARE. What is right?
I came to deepen my understanding of the value of each "victory" we take.
I am not an angry father yelling at the child. I just fish...
And I remember to give some back (victories).
Like I said, I haven't backed down from the hard truth.
I went through a lot of wine just to crack a daily smile, because it was tough to hold in my mind.
But as I gave it time, as I gave a##holes the firey gaze, as I slowly paused to smile and think.
Something as simple as a fish swimming away, made me feel good enough, that I relieved the pressure, even while I see the horrible way people can be.
I've let it go.
But I'm not stupid, or naive, or supressing things.
I've gone through things I can't forget or "just let slide".
And I know its not going to change.
And I know I have to be ready.
But I know that the more balanced I feel, while holding that fish in my hand, the more happiness I feel in the times I'm given a break, and the more peace I can feel in the depths of sh#t I will probably be thrust into more times before it is done and settled.
We can't always stop things from happening, but we can choose how we face them.
The anger is not bad. Sometimes it is an acknowledgement of truth, or the purging of unhealthy denial (sh#t holding you back). It is how you face the anger that matters.
I took my time. I gave a cr#p about how I felt. I had a daily smile even though I held that anger up to the light of day for what it was. I found a mood amidst the chaos. I felt ok.
I didn't let go of the anger, I just let go, of blaming it for the pain.
I know people are jerks, I know they disrespect us all like kids throwing fish on the road, and I don't forget the pain that creates and the lengths it takes to get past it, I just take it a step at a time.
And the step I am now able to take, is to let the pain go, so the anger can be about what is ACTUALLY wrong, and not how it affects me alone.
You can't truly see clearly, if you think it only relates to you. You have to respect the life of that fish, and in doing so, let go of your pain, in the pursuit of respect for the simplicity of life.
Respect the fishes
Let the anger not be about your pain
Smile a little until your mindset catches up
Then when you are ready... Let it go
Just that little story, that feeling of giving that fish back.
Makes it not about me.
And its the self, that eats you alive.
That father, never understood fishing, until he had someone to share it with. Only then did he question the "facts" and add a deeper understanding to his life.
I thank the fishes, for getting me through my arrogance.
Even though people are D#CKS!
Its ok.
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