It's Lonely At The Top: Dating Slowlane Women

[Cyberseraph]

Hello everyone,

It would be great to hear your experience if you are in a similar situation. I was a slowlaner for many years myself till I was fortunate to read the TMF book. About one year ago I quit my job and since then I am a location independent entrepreneur. I moved to Thailand and I have a really good life here while making good money.

Recently I started dating which is challenging because of the language barrier. But I was very fortunate to find an amazing woman: She speaks fluent English, is smart, self-reliant and has a pleasant personality. She works as a doctor in a hospital at day and night, taking only 1 day off per week. Her goal is to retire by 40 and to save as much as she can by doing the night shifts. She is in her 20's now.

This is not only a typical slowlane financial blueprint but also a challenge for our relationship. I see her only once a week and even I really like her, I am wondering how to make it work.

Anyway, I would really like to help her. But I don't want to come across like: "What you are doing is slowlane and wrong". How would you approach this situation?

Thanks for your suggestions.

 

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[Unknown]

Retiring by 40 isn't really slowlane. Give the relationship a shot. Let go of your hang ups and see where it goes.

 

[parkerscott]

Just support her. Some people just don't want to live the same lifestyle. Maybe she enjoys helping people or enjoys the certainty of for the most part having a stable job and stable income. Not seeing her enough is a problem though. Try and come up with a compromise.

 

[Unknown]

I'm not sure if you're American, but if so try to remember that we grew up in a country where falling on our butts means we might have to work for minimum wage or get governmental help. We're not going to starve to death. Not every country has that luxury. I don't know how Thailand works though.

 

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[Red]

If you want a supportive partner, you need to be a supportive partner. If you found someone who shared all your mindsets/quirks, you'd probably be driven crazy pretty quickly. Can't spend quality time with someone? Barrier to a relationship. Differing mindsets on how to accomplish early retirement but a helluva work ethic on her? That's up to you if it's an actual barrier.

 

[Disciple]

Remember that many people enjoy their lower-tiered jobs. Many people take pride in knowing that they perform some unsung dirty job that allows the rest of the planet to run smoothly as they work beneath our feet. Someone has to do it, and it may as well be them.

Being a doctor comes with a lot more to some people than just finances. Some enjoy the mental gymnastics of diagnosing patients. Others just like being not only social with others, but knowing that they're helping.

If you like her, try it out. If it becomes a problem, talk to her about it. You won't know how it turns out if you never give it a shot.

 

[liquidglass]

Sounds like she has a fastlane type mindset in a slowlane position. Maybe she loves what she does, maybe she finds her time well spent where she works and couldn't imagine doing anything else. If so she'll be supportive of your fastlane pursuit. If it makes her happy then let her do it. I would only suggest you start asking her what she'll do after she retires at 40. If she doesn't have a plan for what comes after and won't make one then she's just blowing smoke and you might want to consider an exit.

 

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[Humble man]

Help her create a Medical oriented website. We all know health niche is lucrative and evergreen.

Maybe some general advice type of website and maybe an eBook on how to take care of your health so you can avoid a hospital as much as possible.

And if she is easy on the eyes then you have an added hook. If you show her how to make money in her sleep that will wake her up. Pun intended.

 

[Yasai]

Most of the time, people aren't even aware that the fastlane is a possibility for them. They believe that those "tycoons" and the "1%" in general are where they are because they either inherited all their wealth, achieved it via exploitation or because they are somewhat gifted or blessed.

If you can show them that (with a little work and dedication) they can achieve financial freedom too, Slowlaners usually "convert" to a fastlane/entrepreneur mindset quite fast.
All they need is evidence that it is possible.
And as far as I can tell, you are evidence that it can work. And didn't you start out as a slowlaner too? (Like almost everyone on this forum)

If she doesn't feel like being an entrepreneur, that's fine too. Not everyone desires money, as long as they are happy and fulfilled and protected.
Life has all kinds of "freedoms" - financial freedom is only one of them.

If she enjoys doing her job and feels a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment by helping others, she should do that as long as she can, because it means she found something that other people are searching for their entire life.

On the other hand, you mentioned that she looks forward to retire at 40, which means she wants to quit rather early. In that case, you can basically assume that she has what it takes to become an entrepreneur.

Tell her a little bit about how you earn money and if she would be interested to earn some passive income as well (maybe while still being employed, so she can have the best of both worlds).

 

[Mattie]

It's very simple, you do your thing, and allow her to do her thing. It's really not hurting you if she has the slow lane plan. And perhaps she enjoys being a Doctor and helping people.

You're a fast lane, and so that is your path not hers. So why is it a problem. She has her own money to spend. She can buy her own clothes, car, etc. You don't have to support her. It's only a problem when you insist it being a problem. Love isn't about being slow lane or fast lane. It's enjoying each others company and bonding with one another.

If she's a doctor she knows how hard it is to work and get there. That may just be her dream and be happy with it. If not she'll change to fast lane if she sees you progressing yourself and has a different dream to do something different.

And really I don't think Doctor's are that bad. We need them in society when ever or body parts are mangled, broken, or falling a part.

 

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[EvanOkanagan]

I was a slowlaner for many years myself till I was fortunate to read the TMF book.

How would you approach the situation? The answer is in your post...

 

[Gsuz]

If you recently started dating, simply look for a person that fits your lifestyle more. No point in trying to change someone that you've probably only known for a few months.

 

[H. Palmer]

Women don't do fastlane, so it's useless to expect them to be like that.

Don't try to correct her.

What you should look for is if she is compatible with YOUR fastlane.

On the basis of how you describe her she seems like a good catch.

 

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[Red]

Women don't do fastlane

 

[GuestUser113]

Women don't do fastlane, so it's useless to expect them to be like that.

Don't try to correct her.

What you should look for is if she is compatible with YOUR fastlane.

On the basis of how you describe her she seems like a good catch.

 

[Unknown]

Women don't do fastlane, so it's useless to expect them to be like that.

Joke??? If not, you might want to build a time machine so you can head back to the 1920s.

 

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[Formless]

*Random picture of a wolf or lion goes here.*

 

[quanttastic]

Hello everyone,

It would be great to hear your experience if you are in a similar situation. I was a slowlaner for many years myself till I was fortunate to read the TMF book. About one year ago I quit my job and since then I am a location independent entrepreneur. I moved to Thailand and I have a really good life here while making good money.

Recently I started dating which is challenging because of the language barrier. But I was very fortunate to find an amazing woman: She speaks fluent English, is smart, self-reliant and has a pleasant personality. She works as a doctor in a hospital at day and night, taking only 1 day off per week. Her goal is to retire by 40 and to save as much as she can by doing the night shifts. She is in her 20's now.

This is not only a typical slowlane financial blueprint but also a challenge for our relationship. I see her only once a week and even I really like her, I am wondering how to make it work.

Anyway, I would really like to help her. But I don't want to come across like: "What you are doing is slowlane and wrong". How would you approach this situation?

Thanks for your suggestions.

She sounds like a tremendous catch to me. The fact that she is looking to retire by 40 instead of waiting until mid 60s (or having no plan at all!) is a really good sign. This means she is open to new possibilities. Not only that, but she is obviously intelligent and a hard worker as well to be a doctor keeping those hours!

It certainly wouldn't hurt to introduce her to the fastlane. As she is around you more she might see possibilities open up. If she enjoys her current situation, then I don't see why that couldn't work as well, if she could decrease her hours a bit so you two could actually see each other.

 

[H. Palmer]

I'll just repeat what I said: women don't do fastlane.

Just look around you and if you don't trust your own observations, study the rich lists.

So it's useless to try to find them.

 

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[H. Palmer]

I have never been vulnerable to brainwashing.

 

[H. Palmer]

Joke??? If not, you might want to build a time machine so you can head back to the 1920s.

Maybe the brainwashing started in 1920, but women are still the same.

No matter what list of rich people you study, the only women really rich are those who inherited their money and those who divorced.

There is always an exception like in the Forbes 500 list Oprah Winfrey. But that's the exception.

I think the world is a better place for it.

If nature would have wanted it differently, it would have created one gender.

 

[jon.a]

Maybe the brainwashing started in 1920, but women are still the same.

No matter what list of rich people you study, the only women really rich are those who inherited their money and those who divorced.

There is always an exception like in the Forbes 500 list Oprah Winfrey. But that's the exception.

I think the world is a better place for it.

If nature would have wanted it differently, it would have created one gender.

I can't believe you just did that. Are you drunk?

 

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[Ninjakid]

Does she support your ambitions in life? If so, you should give her the respect of supporting hers, without judging her or worse resenting her. She could have the biggest heart, you will love her for qualities other than her approach towards micro-economics.

Your S.O. is NOT your business partner, and if you want to keep her and enjoy a healthy passionate relationship, you should never expect to be. Maybe as you two spend more time with each other, she will take more interest in your goals and viewpoints, but you should never expect her to change.

But if you two have enormous egos and each think that you're right and the other is wrong, you will probably clash with her and should maybe rethink your relationship.

I'll just repeat what I said: women don't do fastlane.

Just look around you and if you don't trust your own observations, study the rich lists.

So it's useless to try to find them.

So basically, you're saying that all the bright and talented women on this forum are less capable than the men here, because they're inherently incapable of creating a business and obtaining wealth? Not only is that a incredibly ignorant, misguided, and downright rude thing to say, but it's not even credible.
Your attitudes are constructed by pseudo-science that isn't taken seriously by anyone with their head in the modern day. Go to school and take a class on gender studies and you'll see that everything you believe about women is constructed bullshit.

 

[Unknown]

Maybe the brainwashing started in 1920, but women are still the same.

No matter what list of rich people you study, the only women really rich are those who inherited their money and those who divorced.

There is always an exception like in the Forbes 500 list Oprah Winfrey. But that's the exception.

I think the world is a better place for it.

If nature would have wanted it differently, it would have created one gender.

I'm really not even sure how to respond to this. I don't follow any trends and I'm not brainwashed. I just believe we're all equal, and I always have.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

@H. Palmer has been banned from the thread, thread is already sketchy and I'm getting tired of it.

 

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[AndrewNC]

This is not only a typical slowlane financial blueprint but also a challenge for our relationship. I see her only once a week and even I really like her, I am wondering how to make it work.

Anyway, I would really like to help her. But I don't want to come across like: "What you are doing is slowlane and wrong". How would you approach this situation?

I once "dated" a girl who was not on board with my entrepreneur career path. She saw it as reckless and not 'normal' for the reality she lived in. She was surrounded all day by people with the same mindset as her. Because she keeps hearing this same message, she thinks that her way was the only way. Can you relate to how you think about your girlfriend now?

It's rather frustrating when the person you date isn't supportive of your career goals and that your choice is wrong.

I say this to help, and not to attack you: Don't tell her that her path is wrong based on the reality you live in.

It goes both ways in a relationship, and sometimes it is good to step into the other person's mindset for a second.

Not the answer I think you were looking for, but it should give you a new perspective on where to go from here.

 

[Julio Andres]

Her goal is to retire by 40 and to save as much as she can by doing the night shifts.

Is this is as you say it is, she is working so hard just to get money fast. Maybe she loves been a doctor, but just in the morning shift. If you can show her that she can make more money than the night shift in some fastlane venture, you will open her eyes. And maybe she earns so much money that she can keep been a doctor, but without a paying check, for the needy ones or something merciful-benevolent-holy-thing.

Other thing man: “There are many fish in the sea”, I know is cliché, but it is true. A couple of years ago I started this self-development journey with all the pick-up community thing, that was the first eye-opener to me. Then it follows all the entrepreneur, business, freedom and fastlane mindset. I think a man who wants to get serious in all this business-freedom lifestyle needs to have the relationship area of his life handled. And I don’t mean been married or with long time girlfriends. Handled in the one it doesn’t mess with the other areas of his life. If you are really in love with a girl, and she breakup with you, ok, is a sad, let’s be sad and cry for a while, but then get your shit together and move on. If you are not happy with a relationship, move on. If you live with an scarcity mentality about relationships and woman, it will hold you back on the business side. Language is a barrier? go learn some Thai and teach English. Maybe you got a business opportunity there.

Good luck man!

 

[100k]

Just make sure not to get married bro. She will financially ruin you

 

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[Mattie]

H. Palmer has been banned from the thread, thread is already sketchy and I'm getting tired of it.

Thank God...

 

[Mattie]

She will financially ruin you

I believe any man or woman can ruin you if they really want too. Seems this thread is filled with women are the enemy. Last time I remember, both men and women make stupid choices, have the art of control, manipulation, and the art of seduction going on. Both can be con-artists. I believe it's easy to blame the opposite sex, but hey, "Let's be grown up about it and take responsibility for the part we play."