How to connect with a new "better" social class and dissolve the old?

[dompie85]

I am a very nice, helpful, and a somewhat intelligent person. But, somehow I manage to find myself intermingling with, what I would call, a low class of people. Motivated but lazy and don't live up to a presentable standard. These "friends" like to settle for less.

Dissolving these "friends" i think will be the least of my concerns once the ball is rolling. Finding the new, likeminded, will be the hard part. Where do I start? A good example of what class of people I am looking to assoisate my time and friendship with would be best defined as confident, always moving forward, always improving, motivated, inovative, positive mentality, successful. I know this is a certain breed of people (which I feel like I fall into), but not impossible to find. The current group is just bringing me down. It is a HUGE distraction.

 

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[healthstatus]

meetup.com

 

[Entrepreneur21]

I feel like you always attract the people that you are like, maybe this is a wake up call for you

 

[dompie85]

Yes, this is a wake up call, I already realized that and I am working on progression and asking for help from a person that made this progression as well. These people I was attracting have been in and out of my life the past few years. It all started when I wanted to build something of myself in the music industry. Not understanding what I was getting into, I was naturally friendly, connected well, got to know people, helped others, all was fun. And soon to find out, these "kids" usually still live with their single parents, very unreliable, and are living in a fantasy world. Not to mention, everybody kept talking shit about everybody rather than supporting each others goals. It is sickening. Unfortunately, I was unaware of this social class I was getting into. I do not associate myself with this group anymore, these "friends" were temporary and were on a "can you help me out bro" basis and cared not about anything else. They essentially dissolved. I currently do not have a group I can connect with, but would prefer connecting with likeminded people. I don't know how to progress into this new, better class.

 

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[Growth & Learn]

I think the feeling you're experiencing is a common feeling in various stages of your entrepreneurial journey. Even though I own what most would consider 2 successful businesses, I've had the desire for the last year to spend a lot more time with successful people. It's getting harder and harder to relate and communicate with my current group of friends and contacts.

They're all smart, funny, and educated but they're not pushing the boundaries that I am, taking the risks, dealing with the intensity/pressure, and reaping the rewards.

One of the reasons I actually came here...

 

[Disobey]

Do you like playing golf?

 

[dompie85]

Do you like playing golf?

Yes, I was watching the Masters as Jordan Spieth was sinking in his final putts and tying as well as almost beating Tiger Woods record of -18. Will most likely be attending The Players Championship coming up very soon as I live 15 minutes away from the course. What are you getting at here??

 

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[Ninjakid]

Make one kind of friend that you want to have. From that friend, you'll meet more similar people. Then from them you'll meet even more people. Then you'll go hang out with them and meet even more like-minded people. Before you know it you'll have a completely new group of friends.

Also remember the golden rule, be the kind of friend to someone that you would want for yourself.

 

[Disobey]

Well, the players you'll meet on a golf course on a monday morning (for exemple) tend to share some or most of the traits you are looking for. Most might not be the youngest but they could possibly introduce you to other likeminded people.

Think about it next time you hit the golf course, try to socialize with them. You've got nothing to lose.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

Dissolving these "friends" i think will be the least of my concerns once the ball is rolling.

When you're obsessed about creating value and a worthwhile business, the poor influences tends to disappear on their own.

However, any friend who supports your goals and dreams is a friend to keep, Slowlane or not.

And if you really want to get rid of a deadbeat low-life friend, lend them money. They'll be sure to disappear.

 

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[The-J]

Here is a pretty good place to start.

Check the Meetup section of this forum. Take some time out of your day to actually hang with people in your city.

B+P happens once a year. Tickets usually go on sale around October or so.

Also, you don't do yourself, or anybody, any good by considering people who aren't into business a 'low class of people'. They're living their lives and might very well be happier than you.

 

[dompie85]

And if you really want to get rid of a deadbeat low-life friend, lend them money. They'll be sure to disappear.

MJ I very much appreciate you noticing and responding to my post/concern. As you may have noticed, I am fairly new to the forum, and to add to that, I am just getting to the Fastlane section of your book. I must admit, having ADHD and unable to commit to reading a book for a long period of time, your writing has kept me tuned in and the knowledge has helped a lot! I must admit, the "Lend a friend money" is very clever! I can recall one incident where I loaned a friend $50 and disappeared for well over a year! Ran into him recently and was very casual and genuine about our friendship. Ironically, he was the first person to bring up the topic of the funds that he owes me and how he is committed to paying me back, even though I was just being a casual friend at the time we ran into each other. It's funny how just a small amount of money can overwhelm the person in debt to another.

Regardless... @MJ DeMarco ,if you are still following this post and as a real life example of fastlane success, What else could you suggest? The meetups never seem to work out, and honestly are usually a shot in the dark. From my experience, they are very vague and lack a core topic or mindset foundation. Its very open and lost at the same time if you know what I mean. Not in harmony.

"When you're obsessed about creating value and a worthwhile business, the poor influences tends to disappear on their own."

I have started to notice that and understand why these people are leaving. It does not bother my a bit. they are an anchor I need to get rid of... I don't have time to go out to dinner or have drinks, I don't have time to talk about useless drama, etc. It's honestly a waste of my time. Same s**t different day, I'm over it.
My biggest concern is, where are these new people I can associate with?? Same mindset. How do i connect with them and hopefully be accepted in this circle? I don't have any friends with reputable leads, neither would I trust their leads. All of these "friends" are are just flat out unmotivated. With the exception of my very few close slowlane best-friends, which are almost like family. I am essentially left with starting from scratch. My only strategy is cold calling, but in person. but where is a good place to start?? From my experience, Bars and Nightclubs did not work, haha! And members and golf clubs lead me to, i'm retired and don't give a crap.

I am really looking forward to get an honest strategic solution from somebody that has had to go through this. I've tried to simplify this problem (Meetups, Mentors, Cold calling, following a confident reputable crowd, moving, etc.), and it has lead me nowhere.

P.S. For those who might think I might "Not act the part or not look the part" that notion still hasn't lead me anywhere... I honestly did not want to go this far, but felt obligated to due to the debate of this conversation. When not in New York, I drive a 1995 Rolls Royce Silver Spur III on a daily basis in FL. I DID NOT PURCHASE THIS CAR, It is my fathers, and I respect and maintain it very much so. He does not use it and he insists I drive it (That is unless its sunny all day, I prefer to ride my motorcycle... It's very peaceful and therapeutic). I dress the part, I am very confident, I make good money working for a large US airlines, I hang out with very rich people (15 million+, usually their parents money, new money arrogance, or inheritance), and attempt to connect with better quality people any chance I get.... Nothing seems to work and this is why I entrusted my time of the broad knowledge and experience of this forum. Maybe I'll have a better chance in the members forum.

 

[Mattie]

This is just what I experience, but like some one said above your mindset gravitates toward the same mindset. And the thing I've noticed is the more you grow and develop the more you change friends because they're not interested in becoming successful. Just like M. J. stated the more you change, the more they fall away and the one's that are true ones to keep still stick around. You either choose the crowd you hang around or they find you.

Really you do have to work through all your personal issues that may be holding you back from having the relationships you desire and the success you desire. It's really a journey about discovery you, what you're capable of, and how badly you want to rise above the hurdles and obstacles in your life. In a sense you are the Hero in your journey not someone else.

Learn to be deliberate about who you surround your life with on daily basis. Pay attention to detail. Be the observer. Listen to how people speak about themselves, the world, about money, success, and whether they're supportive or a naysayer. I think you answered your question. You have to stop looking out there. And start looking inward. Perhaps you're looking for love, validation, approval, and acceptance outside of you and the challenge and lesson is to find your worthy without anyone paying attention to you or reward you for being you. You have to do this for yourself first and then of course the right people will be drawn to you.

Nothing seems to work and this is why I entrusted my time of the broad knowledge and experience of this forum. Maybe I'll have a better chance in the members forum.

When ever you say this quote. It means you're looking outward instead of inward for the answers to life. The world will give you a gazillion different takes on who you are, you should be, ought to be, could be. They can decide for you. You can decide for yourself. You don't have to do anything but show up and talk to people. Learn about personalities and how they speak. What a person says, says a lot about them. The more people you talk too, the more you know the difference.

Whether you drive the car or not doesn't make a difference. Materialism and money have nothing to do with your identity and self-worth. It's an extra in life and adds happiness and many other material things, but it doesn't make you're mindset, experience, belief system, feelings, emotions, and personality. I don't remember who wrote it in here, but if you lost all your money, the only thing left you have is your mind. Money and materialism or none, you're the same person. No more or less. Be confident standing on your own with or without friends. In your whole life how many people have walked in and out. There always coming and going constantly. Some stay for long periods of time, some short. If you're out there interacting and talking to someone, then you will run into the right people depending on your mindset. And this will constantly change. I know I just switched contacts again the last year. And the year before that and the one before that.

I've tried to simplify this problem (Meetups, Mentors, Cold calling, following a confident reputable crowd, moving, etc.), and it has lead me nowhere.

This tells me you're not getting the lesson: Thinking and doing things the same way with the same result. Do the opposite of what you're doing right now. Do something different.

 

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[P3HSB]

Finding the new, likeminded, will be the hard part. Where do I start? A good example of what class of people I am looking to assoisate my time and friendship with would be best defined as confident, always moving forward, always improving, motivated, inovative, positive mentality, successful.

The meetups never seem to work out, and honestly are usually a shot in the dark.

This can potentially be a mindset thing. The reason why it might not be working for you is because you are approaching them with a needy mindset. You want something from these people and they can sense it. Its subconscious.

It was the first day of class, I remember, I sat near an attractive women. My mind would start racing. I had thoughts like "I want to be her friend". "I need her in my life". As soon as these thoughts came up, two seconds later she literally got up from her chair to switch seats. I did not say a word.

Amazing.....How did that happen?

The answer?

You can't want something from someone. You have to flow.

The best thing you can do is put yourself in the situation and flow. That is all you can ask for.

 

[H. Palmer]

And if you really want to get rid of a deadbeat low-life friend, lend them money. They'll be sure to disappear.

Lol!

 

[dompie85]

@Mattie @P3HSB I suppose I have been very focused on looking outwards, seeking approval from the type of people I wish to associate with. Maybe I am coming off as unnatural or fake to them. Not my intention. Maybe they see something that I do not. Maybe I wanted an instant gratification of connecting with a new class of people. It could be a ton of different things. I'm going to step back and reevaluate myself in an attempt to see why this, along with other obstacles, are not working out the way I want them... or maybe they are, just needs some more time and consistency. Just from this, I have noticed my routines have always been the same, hence the same results I continue to get. I'll work on breaking out of this barrier and trying some thing new today. Something different. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. That's Insanity!" - Jon Taffer (I must admit, Bar Rescue is an amazing show, Jon Taffer's energy and drive says it all, haha!)

 

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[Get Right]

Join a big Chamber of Commerce
Take up Golf or Tennis
Donate your time to Charities
Go to an art exhibit, symphony or orchestra
Go to nicer trade shows in your industry
Learn to use LinkedIn better
Do something nice (and free) for somebody you want to meet

It's easier than you think - remember these guys were probably like you once. Now go get em'.

 

[fastlanebeast876]

Well, the players you'll meet on a golf course on a monday morning (for exemple) tend to share some or most of the traits you are looking for. Most might not be the youngest but they could possibly introduce you to other likeminded people.

Think about it next time you hit the golf course, try to socialize with them. You've got nothing to lose.

damn never thought of that. My moms townhouse is surrounded by a golf course and my stepdad plays golf there. Only problem is my stpdad is a jackasss..

 

[fastlanebeast876]

When you're obsessed about creating value and a worthwhile business, the poor influences tends to disappear on their own.

However, any friend who supports your goals and dreams is a friend to keep, Slowlane or not.

And if you really want to get rid of a deadbeat low-life friend, lend them money. They'll be sure to disappear.

ha lend them money lol and i like tht. slow lane or not.

 

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[RazorCut]

ha lend them money lol and i like tht. slow lane or not.

Also very, very true.

I lent a friend I used to see often several thousand dollars when he was in need. The only time I see him now is occasionally in a supermarket and then he will do his best to avoid contact if he can. Sad, as I accepted I wouldn't see the money again a long time ago. Also sad that he sold a software program he created for well over $120k several years back and yet it seems he never thought about paying me back. He must have thought a lot about buying a Jaguar though. :sour:

 

[fastlanebeast876]

Also very, very true.

I lent a friend I used to see often several thousand dollars when he was in need. The only time I see him now is occasionally in a supermarket and then he will do his best to avoid contact if he can. Sad, as I accepted I wouldn't see the money again a long time ago. Also sad that he sold a software program he created for well over $120k several years back and yet it seems he never thought about paying me back. He must have thought a lot about buying a Jaguar though. :sour:

He will get his karma...and hopefully you get yours too. You're a really good person for not telling him off and just letting it go like that. I couldn't do that. That very selfish of him.

 

[dompie85]

Ok, following back up. I checked out meetup.com. Went to an oyster roast yesterday through meet-up, with none of my current friends. Solely to get to know new people. The meet up group, Everybody was much older than I was. It was more of like an I'm old and I'm bored social club, but thats ok. I got to know 2 out of the 8 people that showed up, and these 2 were the group hosts. It was not that impressive. But at the event, I met a few more people, no strong connections, just general conversation, but seems like a positive start. I'll stay persistent with this and natural when meeting people, I'm pretty confident I will get to know some likeminded individuals, just have to know where to look.

 

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[7.62x51]

I have always believed that the higher you go in life, the lonelier it gets.

 

[fastlanebeast876]

@dompie85 i went through the same thing. Do you go to a gym? Thats where i have met many people. Especially in the morning time at 6 am. Those people usually have good discipline being up at that hour working out before they start their day.

@7.62x51 Haven't reached that high yet but it does feel lonely when you have friends from high school already making six figures and you're barely catching up. That's why im on this site.

 

[dompie85]

@dompie85 i went through the same thing. Do you go to a gym? Thats where i have met many people. Especially in the morning time at 6 am. Those people usually have good discipline being up at that hour working out before they start their day.

I actually do not go to the gym. Even though I am 6'1 and weight 220lbs (+-10lbs from time to time), which is somewhat overweight. I am content with the way I look and feel from day to day. Never felt the reason to go if I'm feeling fine. Although I do have a gym membership. Maybe I'll get a personal trainer for a few sessions for proper form and guidance, and take it from there. I'll check it out.

 

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[People>Cash]

+1 for chamber of commerce

It's full of business leaders in your area who are very successful

 

[Hanalore]

Change you own perspective, become the influencer, and relax. Judgment begets judgment.

 

[ZCP]

In successive order, take your lawyer / insurance agent / banker to lunch and discuss what you just brought up here. Their circle is large.

And +1 to chamber of commerce.

Join the local flying / sailing / climbing / skiing / etc. club. Give to get.

 

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