How do you mix entrepreneurship with romantic relationship?

[jarecki]

Hey,

I was wondering, how do you fastlaners and those currently in struggle (especially you!) cope with romantic relationships? I'm on this road for more than 2 years and during those 2 years I've lost most of my friends, sexual and romantic companions. It's a very lonely road and I don't know how to cope with it yet, but I sometimes I just humanly long for a relationship with a girl that at least understands me.

Any advice?

 

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[theag]

Cant help you. Same here. Lost touch with nearly all friends. Girlfriend left me over a year ago, after 4,5 years, which was a big deal for me . Still kinda is.. didnt really talk to a girl in a flirty way since then..

But, right now I'm too busy to feel sad about it (I fall into your struggler group) and wouldnt have time for a girl in my life even if I had one. Maybe after christmas. But then again, I'll (hopefully) smile again when I see my holiday sales numbers :embarrased:.

GF is on the to-do list for 2015 though .

 

[JoeB]

I've been seeing my GF for just over 2 years. She has a job where she works long hours and is away 2-3 days a week. We just see each other Friday afternoon to Sunday Morning each week. It works really well and allows me enough 'alone time' during the week but then gives me something to look forward to at weekends where we will go out and do stuff.

I met my GF at a friend's wedding but I can honestly say the amount of girls I meet dropped rapidly after working from home, same with friends.

If I was single I would be on Tinder or POF if I wanted to meet someone.

 

[Draven Grey]

Inclusion and active support are key. I've noticed this not just from my own experience, and what I learned in my years as a marriage/relationship counselor, but also in the hundreds of musicians and bands that I've coached over the years. If your significant other isn't actively supporting you, or not able to find where they can do so and enjoy it, then either they or your business needs to go away. By "active support", I mean that they seek out ways to be involved with what your doing, even if all they know how to do is listen and be a bouncing board. This is also how I have kept friends throughout my career, by either including them in what I'm doing, or becoming actively involved in what they're doing.

At the root of it all, especially for a romantic relationship, is share core values and how those values are lived out. Without those, the relationship is doomed from the start. Most people start relationships on shared interests. Interests change. Core values rarely change. I teach a method called "appreciative inquiry" for describing your core values, and have seen it work wonders for finding the right team members, including significant others.

Another great help is truly understanding the mind of the opposite sex. I hear people make excuses all the time, saying that it's impossible to understand. Read "Light Her Fire" by Dr. Ellen Kreidman, and you will finally understand the inner workings of a woman's mind, especially in a relationship. It's an amazing book. "Light His Fire" for women out there trying to understand how men work. I've seen those books save marriages, and that's not even yet getting to great communication tools like Non-Violent Communication.

 

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[Mattie]

I suppose the thing women are looking for is love. The one's I deal with don't think about business or the bills being paid. lol I'd hate to say this, but most women are wanting you to pay attention to them 24/7, needy, have emotional problems, and want to control the situation. I always get an attitude from women when I tell them how to behave in a relationship. They don't want to do the inner work or have the patience. Otherwise they are self-reliant and in there own careers and don't care if they cheat or make their partner jealous. The one's your looking for are hard to find and come by.

In my personal relationship I'm supported with my efforts. He probably gets tired of me working on stuff all the time, but he knows it will pay off eventually. We don't usually fight over it, and if we have to go somewhere I go. You just have to make a balance and show up for dinner dates with friends, or holidays, or family events. I suppose it's just finding someone that agrees with your goals and dreams and that's matured.

 

[Jake]

I know the feeling and I'm married with a kid. It's not easy. I squeeze in time on my projects between my daughter running up to me and screaming at me to watch a cartoon and to color with her. I wake up early when I can and do more work after she sleeps.

I used to work in Afghanistan, 12 hrs a day. When I was there I thought if only I quit my job I'd have so much time to work. I didn't account for my daughter.. haha. I think I had more time to work on projects in Afghanistan than I do now. Oh well. Love my family, continue to plug away, should probably get an office. Relationships aren't easy. I have a lot of respect for single guys who build a business but those who do it with a family..man. It's like mastering a juggling act where you find time inbetween throwing a ball in the air and getting shit done...only to catch the ball again when it comes screaming back down.

 

[Choate]

I'm 22 and and my last relationship was when I was 18, only for a year. I have a lot of smaller term hookups and what not, a lot less work and more fun. It's something you have to dedicate time to of course. Been with like 8 girls this year.

 

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[Ninjakid]

For me, I find that Fastlaning makes relationships better. Because I can work from home or anywhere, my gf can chill with me while I work on projects; and I can see her anytime I like, not being confined to the demands of a job. So if anything, I think the Slowlane is a lot more lonely.

As for finding a partner who understands you? I'm assuming you mean a partner who supports you in your Fastlane endeavors. Because many people may have the idea that it's not a worthwhile pursuit. Whenever the topic comes up about your business, display your self-assurance and conviction in yourself and your business. Show that you're the type of guy who can make it happen. Even if she would have initially been reluctant, it's amazing how people's minds can change when they're in the presence of someone who's enthusiastic and sure of their self.

Also while success usually requires a full investment into your business, don't let your business control you. Don't be so consumed and obsessed that you have no time for other people in your life. If you have a great girl in your life, but you never give her attention because everything is all business, it's going to bite you in the a$$ when she gets up and leaves. Don't be that guy. It's like how MJ said in the book, finances are just part of the wealth trinity, along with health and relationships.

 

[GuestUser112]

I actually just talking to a girl I thought was pretty cute at the grocery store. I anticipated that if things move forward, the entrepreneurship lifestyle could interfere.

So what did I do?

I moved the conversation towards business/entrepreneurship, and lo and behold she was interested. She even mentioned that she wanted to learn more about the business world, so I wrote down the name of this website for her.

I think if there was a relationship between two FASTLANERs it would probably work out alright all things considered. Of course there are varying degrees to how people think but for one, I highly doubt that a relationship could survive at all between somebody with a Sidewalk mentality and somebody with a Fastlane mentality. Best to surround yourself with like-minded people I think.

 

[GuestUser112]

I'm 22 and and my last relationship was when I was 18, only for a year. I have a lot of smaller term hookups and what not, a lot less work and more fun. It's something you have to dedicate time to of course. Been with like 8 girls this year.

Lol, I couldn't resist.

 

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[theag]

I'm 22 and and my last relationship was when I was 18, only for a year. I have a lot of smaller term hookups and what not, a lot less work and more fun. It's something you have to dedicate time to of course. Been with like 8 girls this year.

 

[Nadia]

The best thing you're looking to work out very fast if a girl actually UNDERSTANDS the Entrepreneurial lifestyle. Maybe as a woman, some guidance would help.

I can understand loneliness, it affects all of us on this journey from time to time. A girl that understands you WILL be patient, understanding and supportive, whilst most likely working on her own venture. The biggest thing a woman desires is TIME spent with her. I promise you, even if you can give an hour or two to a girl and shower her with both mental and physical affection, you're onto a winner. We appreciate a man wanting to build a life but not to a point, he forgets we even exist (most guys are guilty of this, but don't realise it at all)

Avoid a needy girl that wants to cling to you like a vine constantly. Entrepreneurship for the MOST is a very painful, raw and a road less travelled by most. It is a certain type of woman that loves an Entrepreneurial man.

When you find this type of woman, hold onto her. FL , SL or SK, -- a man needs to understand and quickly, when a good woman is there. Good women are few and far in between--the last thing you want to do is be some idiot, that wakes up one day and thinks "man, I had her but I couldn't see what she was worth".

I hope that helps!

 

[aardvarky]

It helps when one party in the relationship is more...stable. When I get absorbed in something, I totally lose myself and might not see the sun for a few weeks. My last boyfriend was great at making sure I left the house, ate, and behaved like a normal, well-adjusted human being for a few hours. He also didn't take my work-obsession personally. And that is probably one of the most important things in balancing entrepreneuship with relationships.

Maybe it's easier with men, but speaking as a woman - I agree with Nadia above: avoid really needy, clingy women. If she doesn't have anything other than you to keep her occupied, well, that just sucks for you both.

But keep in mind that everyone - even the most low-maintenance women have needs. Suss out what the major need for them is and do your best to at least fill that. A useful thing to read up on is the 5 love languages - it's pretty different for everyone but once you understand what someone's top love languages are, it's easier to fulfill them with less effort (relationship efficiency! yay!)
For example, she might not need you to spend much time with her but love it if you showered her with encouraging words and compliments. Find those types

 

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[PaulRobert]

Just focus on your business and set yourself up for the rest of your life. I am saying this for both sexes. The right woman or man will come along and appreciate what you do at the right moment.

 

[RogueInnovation]

I put relationships first. Why? Cuz thats me.

Business is a claustrophobic thing, and if you let it drive you paranoid, it will.
I think it is a load of sh#t to let take over your life.
I'm currently developing 4 businesses and am scraping by (probably will get out of that soon).
I really do not give a cr#p about getting paranoid about any single one of them, I just make goals, get them done and thats that.

I check in with the people in each biz, we discuss stuff, and voilla, get stuff done.

I have exactly the same time for relationships as always.
Anyone saying they have no time for relationships, probably just is no good at them and making excuses, or is working inefficiently.


My relationships and time for myself are definately number one, then biz is like "yeah yeah yeah... lets go do this". I'm passionate about business, but I mean, come on. You really want to be one of those deluded drones?

Nah, its your life man, live it.


HOWEVER, I don't go out a lot, when I'm in grind mode.

 

[BlokeInProgress]

Heard a quote before that really struck me - "...complete yourself first then find somebody who is also complete. You may end up with each other or not, either way, you win!"

But yes, the path is sometimes sad and lonely, which is why you will need support from like minded people (like this forum, an entrepreneur mastermind group, business mentors, etc...).

 

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[Denis from BE]

Let's unearth this topic. I was looking for this kind of subject because I'm kind confused 'bout the journey I'm about to live. Let me explain.
I'm with a girl for 2 years now, it's all perfect and she really wants to build something with me, include house buying & renovation, and kids of course.
In French there's an expression who says "J'ai le cul entre deux chaises" "I have my a$$ between two chairs".

I'm just starting entrepreneurship and I'm asking myself if life entrepreneurship is really compatible with the fact that I'll put my focus on the others steps soon, like renovate our house & build family. I mean, one of my strategies is start to invest in real estate, thing that I already started since few months regarding that I'm looking for a good first opportunity. If I buy a main residence now, I'll not be able to buy a second house before... long time. (Or I could sell the main one with positive value in future)
This is just one example of constraints that family focused life can be for business chasing option.
Another side of me is confident about the fact that, instead of value making opportunities, we don't have a new chance to find love everyday.

I'm telling my self that today, I have the choice to fill my love/family life and I don't want to be 100% focus on making value on businesses and take the risk to lose my "love part of life"

Many many future opportunities will be present in front of me, I have all my life to take them and make the "money life part" that I F*cking deserve.

Really look forward to your advices guys.

Den

PS: excuse my English

 

[kamil]

It depends on the girl. I mean what operating system she has in her. If she wants you to be for her at every moment and still earn money for future needs (home, kids) then decide if you're going to talk with her or just leave her. In my own experience, I've found that by looking at her's family you can learn a lot.

 

[Iammelissamoore]

At this point in my life, I've made a decision - either I focus 100% on my fastlane career or I focus 100% on a relationship. I am currently not in a relationship, by choice, because I am creating my fastlane biz, because the way I see it, and this is just for me, is that if I am in a relationship, while in the beginning of my fastlane career, it's either the relationship, or the fastlane business that will suffer, and trust me - love on a hungry belly isn't my idea of fun - neither is b*tching about bills every month.

The whole idea of 50% on my biz, while 50% on a relationship is just unreal, one will suffer and I'm not trying to be delusional by doing it - now, if it was a case that I was married, that would have been slightly different - though I still believe one would have suffered, unless are moving as a partnership, where both can be facilitated, because of our dedication to our fastlane biz, while working with each other.

I intend to be with someone who share similar ideals as myself and, in order for me to be with someone as such, I know I have to bring greatness to the table, so, in my case, I made the choice and I'm happy I did.

 

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[Denis from BE]

It depends on the girl. I mean what operating system she has in her. If she wants you to be for her at every moment and still earn money for future needs (home, kids) then decide if you're going to talk with her or just leave her. In my own experience, I've found that by looking at her's family you can learn a lot.

Excellent remark and I can say that she's living with the same mindset than me, 3 years before. As a slowlaner.
She's not really interessted by entrepreuneurship right now because she's Marrocain living here in Belgium for work, regarding that we're not married, she needs her job for stay here legaly. So let's say that she cannot thing about open a business here before get citizen status (5 years work or marriage, she's here since 2 years)

I cannot say that she wants me to be there for her at every moment, but let's say that she needs me and want my presence especially if we make our family.

Regarding her family, they all are in Marroco and I don't really know how they live but all are in slowlane 9-5 dependance.

 

[BigRomeDawg]

First 3 or 4 years for me was 12+ hours per day every day. I think you have to do that until you figure out the right things to do, and how to do them efficiently. I wasn't able to have a successful relationship during that time, and yes lost most of my friends. Now I'm making a little money and figuring out how to do it efficiently. I now have a little bit of free time and a girlfriend who gets why I work so much. The right relationship should support your goals not bog them down.