How do you behave when finally rich? (but your friends aren't)

[xhcsurge]

Here's a question I've had in my mind from the day I started considering 'the good life' as possible:

Obviously, not every entrepreneur has friends and family who think alike. Many of us have spent evenings at the bar trying to talk people out of their jobs. Most of the times, however, this just doesn't work, and they stick with what they believe. So we continue pursuing our goals alone.

But then: Let's say you make it. You reach your target, sell your company and you're finally a millionaire. This must sure have a huge impact on the relationship you have with your friends. So then how do you behave? Do you try to keep your wealth secret ("Yeah I just sold the company for a couple thousand dollars"), or do you share your wealth with them in any way? I, for example, would love to go sky diving in Dubai and bring my friends along. Do you try to help them start a business as well? Do you just dump them, or do they dump you? Do you find new friends who are wealthy?

Having a lot of money must be awesome, but not having any friends (except maybe a spouse) to share the good times with must suck...

I'm curious to find out how you all handle this (or how you would, if you made it big one day)!

 

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[LibertyForMe]

This is a great question and one that I have thought about myself. Will money change me or will I still be the same me but with money?

 

[Steve37]

Why would money change your relationship with friends? Money doesn't change how you act and who you are, it just gives you more freedom. Will you gravitate towards more like minded people? Yes, but doesn't mean you need to get rid of old friends.

 

[Vigilante]

My wife and I were talking about this the other day. The best way to live is in an unremarkable fashion so that people like you for who you are vs. what you have. Live casually. Give generously.

If you meet me on the beach on that day, it's less important for you to know where I came from or what my bank account balance is. I don't care where you came from, or what your bank account balance is. We can share the same waves, the same sand, and the same day.

And that... is where you will find me a few years from now.

 

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[Runum]

One thing I have learned from those more successful is to listen and observe.

When you have more wealth, yeah it's more money, but it's more than that. You also have more resources and a different view of the world.

Those that want to know will ask. Those that want help will ask. Those that want to learn will ask. They may not come right out and ask but their language and body language will let you know that they are open to your resources and help.

The worst one can do is force yourself on someone that is not open and didn't ask.

Think about it. You do know about you and your needs but you may not really know their situation and they don't need you to butt in.

So, being self assured but not arrogant and treat people with kindness and understanding. Willing to help but not willing to be a push over.

 

[DeletedUser9]

A certain amount of wealth will cause people around you to change, some change more than other.

Certain friends will resent you for having money, freedom and time while their stuck doing whatever job they are doing.

Mark Cuban said the hardest thing about getting rich is telling your family and friends that your bank balance doesn't define who you are, one of friends asked him for 250,000$ and he gave it to him and never saw the money or his "friend" again.

People will start to look at what you have as opposed to WHAT YOU'VE DONE to get the wealth you deserved.

I always say share the experience......... not the money

If you were rich enough you could pay for the entire skydive holiday with all your friends, don't start handing people cash, paying peoples rent and never loan money, just give it away if you have to.

Never let anyone use you as a financial crutch it never works out in the end.

 

[CommonCents]

You will find out who your real friends are, and you will end up having some new friends.

 

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[GuestUser8117]

I respect slowlaners. But I don't really hang out with people who don't share my aspirations and have a poor mindset. I seek growth oriented people and people who seek freedom. It sucks to have sidewalk/slowlane friend who don't understand you. F*ck the naysayers, you don't need them in your life, it's just wasted energy.

 

[InMotion]

Worry about that when you are rich!!!

Overall most people are jealous creatures IMO, they secretly would rather see you fail, you will lose "friends" just because of that but they never were really your friends anyway.

There are several reasons why rich people tend to hang with other rich people.

 

[AmyQ]

My husband and I are in a very different financial situation that most of our family and old friends.

The first thing from your post - trying to talk people into different thinking - is the first thing that changed for us. There is a great saying: "People don't want to hear a sermon, they want to see a sermon." We quit giving out free and unsolicited advice. Not because we ceased to care, but because we value our ideas and time too much to waste them on people who aren't actively interested.

As far as keeping your friends, I think a lot of it has to do with boundaries. I have never bailed a friend out who needed money. I see that as robbing them of an opportunity to learn from natural consequences. I have sent anonymous financial gifts to people who were in need and struck by misfortune, such as a medical accident. The anonymous part is key because being seen as the bank of AmyQ would not help my friendships.

I have also done things like paid for friends airfare and meals to come and visit. I handled this by telling them frankly that they would need to budget for: souvenirs, and that everything else would be my treat. Money can't be weird for you if you want to make lots of it and keep it. You have to be able to talk about what you are willing to do and not do financially. Finally, I don't invite my friends with less money to do things they can't afford to do unless I am offering to foot the bill upfront.

Family has been harder. I do have some poor relatives who have made comments that I am too good for them, or think I am better than they are. While it is true that I haven't responded when they reached out to me, it is also true that they didn't reach out to me until they thought I was in a position to help them financially.

Really, my relationships haven't changed as my financial situation has. The people I was close to and made a priority to spend time with are still people I am close to and make a priority to spend time with. Also, I have made some great new friends along the way, and some of them have much more money than we do. They extend me the same courtesy of not inviting me to do things out of my means unless they are offering to pay. When I get advice from them, it is always requested, and I always pick up the dinner tab to show my appreciation.

 

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[TheBlackLion]

A wise man once told me that money is nothing but a magnifier. If you are nice to begin with, you'll tend to be nicer. If you are obnoxious, you'll probably go full-blown a**hole.

 

[OzGrinder]

It's definitely been an issue. When your friends know you could buy their homes in cash while they're struggling and living week to week chained to mountains of debt. Then the walking on egg shells when talking to them ie. not mentioning your trip around Europe you just got back from, or the cool new toy you just bought etc. as not to give the impression that you're bragging (you're not, you're just making conversation).

Then there's the fact that you have to hold your tongue every time they go off on a rant about how the government should be paying them more welfare on top of their salary from the jobs they hate when they're already raking in baby bonus, tax breaks, gov hand-outs etc. because they popped out a bunch of kids to early that they couldn't afford to support.

Eventually these 'friendships' break down. If on the other hand they're the sort that don't get jealous or envious and realise what you have is due to hard work and sacrifice, are happy and comfortable with their own financial position, and don't have that 'the world owes me a living' mentality, and your not shamelessly flaunting what you have either, then it can work.

Having a lot of money must be awesome, but not having any friends (except maybe a spouse) to share the good times with must suck...

Actually, it's pretty good. More time for me and my partner and our interests, and our families. There are still plenty of people I'd class as 'friends' of some degree, although I lost a few close ones. Doesn't stop them from coming to me with their 'million dollar ideas' though. Provided I'm willing to front the cash, expertise, workload and sign a non-disclosure because their idea is so valuable that's all they need to bring to the table, even if I haven't spoken to them in 6 months...

 

[Molattee]

Considering how most "friends" behave these days, I for one would keep my supposed wealth a secret and will only share it with few close friends that I can really trust.

I say this because out of experience, some friends tend to be envious of our success and will end up resenting us even if we don't mean to show off our wealth.

Eventually they start realizing that we their success means nothing compares to ours so eventually they'll distance themselves away from us.

 

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[Kak]

You become like the people you spend the most time with. Choose only extraordinary people.

I live by this.

 

[GuestUser8117]

You become like the people you spend the most time with. Choose only extraordinary people.

I live by this.

Very true. I'm writing this in my note book. I behave almost exactly as my best friend. Same for me, he behaves like me my vocabulary is very similar. I think I'll need to cut a friend out of my life. Negative influence and he thinks he will get rich by buying lottery tickets.

 

[mimedia]

I respect slowlaners. But I don't really hang out with people who don't share my aspirations and have a poor mindset. I seek growth oriented people and people who seek freedom. It sucks to have sidewalk/slowlane friend who don't understand you. F*ck the naysayers, you don't need them in your life, it's just wasted energy.

I don't think its necessarily a slowlane vs fastlane divide. Its more a internal vs. external locus of control divide.

People with an external locus of control tend to blame all the bad stuff that happens to them on "luck", and also attribute good stuff that happens to other people to "luck". This tends to breed failure/mediocrity in their own lives, and jealousy/resentment when looking at successful people. Most sidewalkers fall under this category, and so do some slowlaners.

On the other hand, people with an internal locus of control tend to believe that you play the cards you are dealt, and that you are largely in control of your own destiny. People with an internal locus of control tend to take responsibility for their failures, and feel inspired when observing the success of others. Most fastlaners fall under this category, but there are also "slowlaners" who fall under this category as well.

All of my friends are so-called slowlaners, but they're also hardworking, ambitious professionals. When they talk about the successful people they interact with everyday, its never with jealousy and envy, but with respect and admiration.

 

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[Kak]

Very true. I'm writing this in my note book. I behave almost exactly as my best friend. Same for me, he behaves like me my vocabulary is very similar. I think I'll need to cut a friend out of my life. Negative influence and he thinks he will get rich by buying lottery tickets.

You know what to do.

I would rather be alone than hanging out with someone that will have a negative subconscious influence on me.

 

[CryptO]

When I'm rich, I'll tell you how I behave! :coolgleamA:

 

[Michael Raphael]

Alty. I haven't read the previous posts but I have experienced this personally. You do a little bit of both. Your best friends will know you sold for millions, but don't let that change how you act/behave or how they treat you. True friends are not going to act like gold diggers. If you want to spend your money do it.

I just made 10k thats not a lot, but I am 19, I told maybe 2 people because I know if I told others it would just change how they think of me. How do I know this, cause one of the people I told my best friends for me just got pissed at me for it, than said in a joking manner to get her a horse. Was she kidding, perhaps, but secretly she envied me.

So be careful. Be very careful. Don't let wealth define who you are. And please, (if you are a guy) do not, and I can not stress this enough, use your money to pick up girls. They dont give a shit. Don't one-up people in conversation, literally just be yourself before you got rich. Was everything about you and money, no you had a personality, so why should that change.

Also please take me skydiving in dubai. haha I just went recently check my photo I was in NJ skyline I could see NYC it was gorgeous. Going again when I get back to tampa!!

 

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[DeletedUser2]

Depends

First, making money becomes a process

In that process, the people you are around change you gain some you lose some. Vig says it well. When you are in the beach that's who you are. No bank balance needed.

Runum has a good point


AmyQ says don't invite people where they can't afford to go, or just foot the bill.
Bottom line. You are still you. Be a GOOD you

Be that you and you won't be alone. Unless you want to be.

Z

 

[campbellronald7]

I don’t see any connection in living casually and your profession, I always keeps my personal life separate from my professional life.

 

[D11FYY]

as someone said previous like hanging about with succesful people etc.
Alot of people will try up their game and end up giving off a false persona will they not?
We all love the thought of bettering ourselfs but shall never forget our roots or true friends
But it is true though most people want to see you do well.. just not better than them

 

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[1PercentStreet]

I've made and lost it several times.
I behaved like myself, the people around me never changed either. They just really showed who they were.
When the going is good, everyone loves you. When it's tough, you'll know who loves you.
Be careful and associate with like minded people.

 

[1PercentStreet]

Love it!

I wont apologize for being rich. I honestly do not care what most people think of me.

I kind of have a disdain for normality.

NEVER be sorry for who you are.

Disregard haters, acquire authenticity.

 

[campbellronald7]

It’s better to be casual no need to show the world that you have your pockets full. Even after being rich never forget where have you come from and always try to help the needy because you were in their position at some point of life. Don’t be greedy for more always be satisfied with what you have and what you dint had .Spend wisely and Invest for better future by starting an income source.

 

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[Brander]

The reactions are usually indicative of true friendship or just friendship for convenience sake.

I remember when I received my citizenship - girlfriend was jealous as she wanted (and eventually gained) the same. I remember when I bought my first apartment, my best friend (or so I thought) seemed jealous and depressed. When my initial company was sold my dad was pissed off. And so it goes...

Let everyone who is close to you know about it, enthusiastically - it's a good indication of their genuine emotions for you - some mild temporary jealousy is probably fine if you suddenly sell for millions, but it should pass rather quickly into happiness for you without any schemes to now "share" your wealth.

You will inevitably lose some "friends", but you will gain new ones, hopefully real ones. Your perception of who is who will inevitably become much more evolved.

 

[GlobalWealth]

It has very little to do with the zeros in your bank balance.

It has everything to do with how you grow personally to achieve the wealth you have acquired.

As Kak said, surround yourself with exceptional people. If you aren't already exceptional, you will likely become so. At a minimum you will grow personally from the associations.

As you grow personally, you change. You acquire more knowledge, experience and connections.

You will most likely outgrow your current friend circle. Maybe some of them grow with you, but some will certainly stay within their own comfort zone.

You needn't alienate them, but most likely they will alienate themselves from you because they can no longer relate to you.

Plus you will have grown your sphere of influence and acquired new friends who are at your level (not financially necessarily, but at your level of life experiences, intellect, and attitude).

Your friend group will inevitably evolve. If you fight this evolution, you are fighting your own growth. You are struggling to stay in that same old rut of mediocrity.

Again, this really has very little to do with your financial well being, but only your growth from experiences, intellect and attitude.

Look at it another way. Are you still friends with your 1st grade buddies? Maybe, but that is likely because you chose similar paths and have grown together.

But those 30 or so students from 1st grade likely aren't in your friend circle anymore because each of you have grown in different ways. As you should.

Just because you are 20, 30, or 40 doesn't mean you cannot continue to grow personally, and thus you will eventually outgrow you current friend circle just as you have outgrown your 1st grade classmates.

 

[exige]

The best way to live is in an unremarkable fashion so that people like you for who you are vs. what you have. Live casually. Give generously.

This. Just keep it quiet.... quiet money... I've been up, and down. One lesson I learned when I was up was that you don't need or want unwanted attention. Got to the point where I would hide the car and avoid answering questions like what I did last weekend. Keep your money in the bank and just be yourself.

 

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[jon.a]

Don't talk about money for the sake of talking about money.

 

[Worldisyours]

If you eat a good meal, make sure they do too. Other than than don't be too sensitive.

Money will always be hard, but you won't