Has anyone dropped their spouse or significant other...

[princephoenix]

In favor of the Fastlane?

As in they were just not about that life and you decided to forge ahead on your own?

 

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[jon.a]

Oops, my answer wasn't related to your question.

 

[Tom.V]

In favor of the Fastlane?

As in they were just not about that life and you decided to forge ahead on your own?

I did this last week. Things are already catapulting in a more favorable direction. No regrets.

 

[smarty]

If you get shame, guilt or intimidation by them and you can't have acceptance with it and can't resolve it in any other way, it may be better to part ways at least temporary. You're not supposed to change people and you can't but you aren't supposed to live with unnecessary anxiety all the time either because it will just add up with time.

 

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[princephoenix]

but you aren't supposed to live with unnecessary anxiety all the time either because it will just add up with time.

Anxiety is one thing I have a lot of right now. Between my relationship and just getting laid off, I'm barely reading water and the only thing thats keeping me marginally sane is focusing on getting my fastlane back in order.

 

[jon.a]

Anxiety is one thing I have a lot of right now. Between my relationship and just getting laid off, I'm barely reading water and the only thing thats keeping me marginally sane is focusing on getting my fastlane back in order.

You and your partner should be reducing the anxiety in each others lives. Your relationship will require some effort to stay in tact, but it shouldn't be a F*cking job.

 

[princephoenix]

You and your partner should be reducing the anxiety in each others lives. Your relationship will require some effort to stay in tact, but it shouldn't be a F*cking job.

Thank you!!! That's what I've been trying to do! I'm all about being there asap when she needs me, but when I need her, she doesn't seem to see the big deal or how much her not being there effects me. Never mind Im working on my fastlane idea, and an idea that she has. I feel extremely unappreciated at the moment and it's killing me.

I'm sitting here thinking this extra stress is really not needed and maybe I should just go solo and get my own life together. I haven't really focused on me in a while and the side effects are beginning to show. I love her, but at the same time, I need to feel appreciated for what I've done and need her to be there for me as I have and would be for her.

(Sorry for the rant, I'm just venting right now.)

 

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[Vagabond 007]

There is another thread on this topic. Do a search for it as there was a lot of great feedback that may help you.

 

[princephoenix]

There is another thread on this topic.

This might be a stupid question, but can you recommend any tags for me to search for so I can narrow down my results? I swear my brain isn't working right at the moment.

 

[jon.a]

This might be a stupid question, but can you recommend any tags for me to search for so I can narrow down my results? I swear my brain isn't working right at the moment.

It might be this one...
https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/being-in-a-relationship-with-a-slowlaner.52312/

 

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[theag]

No but she dropped me

 

[smarty]

Thank you!!! That's what I've been trying to do! I'm all about being there asap when she needs me, but when I need her, she doesn't seem to see the big deal or how much her not being there effects me. Never mind Im working on my fastlane idea, and an idea that she has. I feel extremely unappreciated at the moment and it's killing me.

I see now, you need to have a talk, not an angry butt hurt talk but a compassionate talk. It's clear that she is holding back because some of her needs are not being met. She won't verbalize that but she is showing it by her behavior. You need to bring that out, and do not stop until she tells you exactly what it is that is bothering her.

Check out Corey, he is a real genius and his work has helped me tremendously in the past:

Don't drop her, drop her pants!

 

[Testament]

I say dump her if you're serious about getting your life together. Relationship maintenance on what sounds like a one-sided relationship is going to be poison to any of your personal goals right now. Do you really need to make things harder on yourself?

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Rory Mcilroy

Breaking up with Caroline made me a better golfer': Rory McIlroy says decision to dump his tennis star fiance is behind his remarkable run of form

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...p-tennis-star-fiance-remarkable-run-form.html

The golfer, who has a £12m annual contract with Nike, said: ‘I think what happened has been for the best in terms of my golf.

'I’ve put a bit more time into it and it has refocused me. I mean, what else do I have to do now?

'I go to the golf course, to the gym and it’s just my life at the minute. I worked pretty hard before but the past couple of months I’ve really just buried myself in my game.

'I've practiced hard and I've done all the right things and I'm reaping the rewards.'

 

[princephoenix]

I see now, you need to have a talk, not an angry butt hurt talk but a compassionate talk. It's clear that she is holding back because some of her needs are not being met. She won't verbalize that but she is showing it by her behavior. You need to bring that out, and do not stop until she tells you exactly what it is that is bothering her.

Yeah well I'm definitely working on talking to her, and if that doesn't work, then I guess its times to go our separate ways.

 

[princephoenix]

Rory Mcilroy

Breaking up with Caroline made me a better golfer': Rory McIlroy says decision to dump his tennis star fiance is behind his remarkable run of form

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...p-tennis-star-fiance-remarkable-run-form.html

Thanks for the Article MJ, I'm not willing to give up quite yet, I just want to make sure I have exhausted other option before I take that route.

 

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[Joe Cassandra]

Definitely read that other thread, has some good tips. Don't mistake not being supportive with not understanding. Maybe I'm old school but people casually saying "dump your wife" sounds icky to me. In my head dumping your gf is different than dumping your wife. One you enjoy spending time with and may have a future, the other you made a vow to have a future.

No, let's not get into an argument about divorce and morality, but knowing divorced people, it takes more a toll on you than losing your gf.

Yes, people DON'T change when you get married, so you need to feel out what her worries are. Women are wired to want to feel secure by their men, so it may come down to how you present the fastlane to her. Do you say,

"Dear, I'm quitting my job bcause I need to make this work, don't worry we'll be rich in the end." In her mind, she's freaking out, "Eff being rich, are we going to need to go on food stamps, do we need to put off kids for 10 years and I hit menopause, are you going to go all Wolf of Wall street on me and get hookers when you're rich." That's what their thinking.

You need to make sure you paint the future with her all over it. Set aside a day a week as date night [what we do], keep her involved in your life. Ask for her ideas on your project, let her know you're passionate about this type of stuff and she should at least respect it.

It's like you're pitching an investor, will she buy in or not. You have to speak about it with her worries and thoughts in mind not yours [yours which dances with ferraris and mansions which she could give 2 shits about].

Background: Married with a baby coming, never been divorced. Have had to talk to my wife about entrepreneurship.

 

[jon.a]

Definitely read that other thread, has some good tips. Don't mistake not being supportive with not understanding. Maybe I'm old school but people casually saying "dump your wife" sounds icky to me. In my head dumping your gf is different than dumping your wife. One you enjoy spending time with and may have a future, the other you made a vow to have a future.

No, let's not get into an argument about divorce and morality, but knowing divorced people, it takes more a toll on you than losing your gf.

Yes, people DON'T change when you get married, so you need to feel out what her worries are. Women are wired to want to feel secure by their men, so it may come down to how you present the fastlane to her. Do you say,

"Dear, I'm quitting my job bcause I need to make this work, don't worry we'll be rich in the end." In her mind, she's freaking out, "Eff being rich, are we going to need to go on food stamps, do we need to put off kids for 10 years and I hit menopause, are you going to go all Wolf of Wall street on me and get hookers when you're rich." That's what their thinking.

You need to make sure you paint the future with her all over it. Set aside a day a week as date night [what we do], keep her involved in your life. Ask for her ideas on your project, let her know you're passionate about this type of stuff and she should at least respect it.

It's like you're pitching an investor, will she buy in or not. You have to speak about it with her worries and thoughts in mind not yours [yours which dances with ferraris and mansions which she could give 2 shits about].

Background: Married with a baby coming, never been divorced. Have had to talk to my wife about entrepreneurship.

Well done.

 

[Nadia]

From a woman's perspective :

IF a woman isn't fastlane and most aren't because FL, is a very masculine mindset (fearlessness, audacity, boldness)--she is going to want to feel secure. I want to feel secure but in a way that my man cares for and loves me by small, thoughtful gestures. The rest ? I'm all gung ho on being uncomfortable.

This is what you want to do. You need to tap into EMOTION. I know right now you're feeling F*cked however what is going to work and the ONLY thing that is going to work, is you being HONEST with this woman. No lies, no bullshit, no cover up. Explain your dream, explain how much you love her and if you FEEL (stop using logic here please..) she isn't "on board", nail it down until you find her answer.

If it is something you can work with her, do so. However, if it is a complete mindset overhaul, then you need to know that this person's energetic energy WILL be holding you back. I have an ex that way. I had a dream of attending business school and I knew I couldn't do with him. I felt he had clipped my wings and it made me sad and withdrawn.

A partner needs to energize you. Right now, you are in survival mode and scrambling. Being laid off is ENOUGH pressure as it is, let alone adding an unsupportive partner. Do NOT RUN from this, because most men will. Know that this has been brought into your life to add layers of brilliance and resilience to your character. Stay the course, no matter how painful and face with with boldness.

Your heart will make the right decision.

 

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[jon.a]

From a woman's perspective :

IF a woman isn't fastlane and most aren't because FL, is a very masculine mindset (fearlessness, audacity, boldness)--she is going to want to feel secure. I want to feel secure but in a way that my man cares for and loves me by small, thoughtful gestures. The rest ? I'm all gung ho on being uncomfortable.

This is what you want to do. You need to tap into EMOTION. I know right now you're feeling F*cked however what is going to work and the ONLY thing that is going to work, is you being HONEST with this woman. No lies, no bullshit, no cover up. Explain your dream, explain how much you love her and if you FEEL (stop using logic here please..) she isn't "on board", nail it down until you find her answer.

If it is something you can work with her, do so. However, if it is a complete mindset overhaul, then you need to know that this person's energetic energy WILL be holding you back. I have an ex that way. I had a dream of attending business school and I knew I couldn't do with him. I felt he had clipped my wings and it made me sad and withdrawn.

A partner needs to energize you. Right now, you are in survival mode and scrambling. Being laid off is ENOUGH pressure as it is, let alone adding an unsupportive partner. Do NOT RUN from this, because most men will. Know that this has been brought into your life to add layers of brilliance and resilience to your character. Stay the course, no matter how painful and face with with boldness.

Your heart will make the right decision.

Also, well done.

 

[Ninjakid]

From a woman's perspective :

IF a woman isn't fastlane and most aren't because FL, is a very masculine mindset (fearlessness, audacity, boldness)--she is going to want to feel secure. I want to feel secure but in a way that my man cares for and loves me by small, thoughtful gestures. The rest ? I'm all gung ho on being uncomfortable.

This is what you want to do. You need to tap into EMOTION. I know right now you're feeling F*cked however what is going to work and the ONLY thing that is going to work, is you being HONEST with this woman. No lies, no bullshit, no cover up. Explain your dream, explain how much you love her and if you FEEL (stop using logic here please..) she isn't "on board", nail it down until you find her answer.

If it is something you can work with her, do so. However, if it is a complete mindset overhaul, then you need to know that this person's energetic energy WILL be holding you back. I have an ex that way. I had a dream of attending business school and I knew I couldn't do with him. I felt he had clipped my wings and it made me sad and withdrawn.

A partner needs to energize you. Right now, you are in survival mode and scrambling. Being laid off is ENOUGH pressure as it is, let alone adding an unsupportive partner. Do NOT RUN from this, because most men will. Know that this has been brought into your life to add layers of brilliance and resilience to your character. Stay the course, no matter how painful and face with with boldness.

Your heart will make the right decision.

I think a partner should always encourage the other. If both aren't encouraging each other, then plain and simple, they aren't right for each other.

 

[Worldisyours]

just do both...whats the problem..If she leaves just find another. There are 3 billion women in the world.

 

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[Worldisyours]

Yeah well I'm definitely working on talking to her, and if that doesn't work, then I guess its times to go our separate ways.

Hey, stop being needy man. Putting too much effort and working on the relationship is not your job its hers....

Its already done for you man. focus on building yourself, not her.

good luck

 

[Vagabond 007]

Putting too much effort and working on the relationship is not your job its hers....

What kind of mindset is that?!

 

[Mattie]

My biggest thing is getting relationship advice on forums. Why? Number 1.) Every relationship is unique and different from any other. 2.) People can change and will change with positive influences, the right support team, and right guidance by professionals that know what they're doing in private. 3.) People project their life experiences on the situation which was a different relationship, set of circumstances, and multiple variables. 4.) They have good intentions but not walking in your shoes, nor ever have to live with the consequences of your choices. 5.) Add more chaos and confusion than already exists. 6.) The jury doesn't have all the facts and evidence. 7.) There's a lot of bad advice on the internet in all sorts of forums, social media, and half truths, with truth.

I watch this happen all time in other forums, sites, and social media and it's completely sad, and irresponsible. You can not make any life choices clearly and concisely by looking for answers in the wrong places.

My professional advice is that every relationship is about two people learning life lessons and evolving. It has nothing to do with anyone else, but those two people. Frankly the same lessons arrive with what ever partner you have until you learn them. Exactly why I will hear over and over again why do I find myself with the same type of guy or woman every time even though I find a new partner. You're doing the same thing you've always done. The same way.

Just like with business.

The easy way out of anything when it gets hard is quit and give up. If someone quits when things get hard it means they won't go to the finish line in just about anything in life. I used to be one of those people. Heard a lot of bad advice that screwed my relationships up, and learned finally turn off everybody else, and unlearn the dysfunctional thinking, behaviors, stop the drama, and go to the pro's that know what they're talking about.

Well meaning people, yes, and the most nicest and kindest people trying to help, but there comes a time when you have to grow up and stop allowing other people to make your life choices. You already have the right answers inside, and know whether you love someone one or not. It gets hard, it's difficult, and every couple that's been married for 50 years will tell you they wanted to quit and give up at times. Every couple goes through their struggles of ups and downs. The storms build your character. Toxic relationships are one thing, and first you have to know what they are exactly, and why you make the choices you do. Inner development. Understanding you, and making better and healthier choices.

Those people are filled with wisdom and know what it takes to make it together and some of them are financially off. Sorry, but people are real, human, and have feelings and emotions. They have pain and suffering for various reasons. This forum is about money and business matters.

Some people believe life is only about making money and business. Other people believe it's about relationships, business, and money. Be careful who you get advice and guidance from, because you do have to live with the choices, and consequences once you make relationship and financial choices. No one's going to pick you up when you make the wrong choices based on internet advice. There not even going to think about it after a few days.

 

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[AndrewNC]

they were just not about that life

There are two ways to look at this:
1- They wont listen to you and merge to your lifestyle, and you let them go, or
2- What if you discovered that it is your responsibility to know how to properly communicate this lifestyle to him/her and your communication attempts being out of sync with how they think are the only reason they are not on board?

Depends on how much you want to be with the person.

 

[AubreyJ]

Hey, stop being needy man. Putting too much effort and working on the relationship is not your job its hers....

Its already done for you man. focus on building yourself, not her.

good luck

That is definitely not true. A relationship needs to be built by both people involved.

My boyfriend and I broke up 6 months ago, we where dating for 2 years and we broke up because he was mad I wasn't spending enough time with him and I wasn't willing to sacrifice my business. Not blaming him at all because it was selfishness on my part to choose business over him, but at this point in my life I felt like business was more important than dating I guy I was fairly certain I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life with, and it was unfair for me to put him on the back burner. But it's worked out well so far, and I don't regret my decision.

 

[RogueInnovation]

I think its dumb when business undertakings don't help your relationship.

I don't put business first, or make it some deadly choice
I am confident in myself to succeed, I know what I can drop, and how to adapt.

I use my business to give me boundless amounts of time, which I then freely share.
And as I do business I think about her in between.

I feel sorry for anyone that doesn't give a sh#t
Life is the game to win

And business is just a spec in amidst all that


Does anyone put the author of a book, or a forum post, before themselves and their own life?
Thats weird

Make your own reality.

 

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[PSK]

In favor of the Fastlane?

As in they were just not about that life and you decided to forge ahead on your own?

I made the decision today. One of the toughest things I have ever had to do. 2 year relationship.

My ex was happy to live a life of slow lane, she didn't share the same goals as I do (fastlane - live like a pauper now, so we can live like kings later).

Packing her stuff now to drop off at her mums.

Devastated.

 

[Kingmaker]

Albert Einstein's list of demands for his first wife (like a boss):

CONDITIONS

1. You will make sure:
   1. that my clothes and laundry are kept in good order;
   2. that I will receive my three meals regularly in my room;
   3. that my bedroom and study are kept neat, and especially that my desk is left for my use only.
2. You will renounce all personal relations with me insofar as they are not completely necessary for social reasons. Specifically, You will forego:
   1. my sitting at home with you;
   2. my going out or travelling with you.
3. You will obey the following points in your relations with me:
   1. you will not expect any intimacy from me, nor will you reproach me in any way;
   2. you will stop talking to me if I request it;
   3. you will leave my bedroom or study immediately without protest if I request it.
4. You will undertake not to belittle me in front of our children, either through words or behavior.

http://www.listsofnote.com/2012/04/einsteins-demands.html#