Don't like being the smartest person in the room....

[dompie85]

I like to learn new things, useful or just out of curiosity, its all one to me. I've learned to code and manipulate code as well as css. I'm learning how to build apps. I've learned this, I've learned that, and all is good even though I am currently not applying my knew knowledge anywhere. Curiosity kills the cat (the most ignorant phrase I have EVER heard anybody tell me), when in fact it doesn't, It feels good learning new things. I feel good.
Now, going back to my title. "Don't like being the smartest person in the room". What does that mean to me? I've done a lot to better myself and change my group of people who I "relate" to. Changed the way I dress on a daily basis, I speak more confidently, positive mindset, work out, changed my posture, educate myself, dissolved my old environment, yet somehow I keep ending up back in that same level, with new people.
meetup.com- very innovative way to meet "likeminded" people but did not better me
mentor.com- tried, failed. I like seeking knowledge from people that do much better than me, but nobody wants to mentor
Sailing clubs- Same thing
and this list seems to continue.
I've even went so far as going where the very wealthy casually hang out (even though very expensive) to make an effort to meet new people on the same (personality) level. Talked to a few. Very positive, natural same level conversations, but ended up costing me quite a bit and no solid connections.
I am considering moving to a new state.
Why can't I seem to tap in to a better social group? Do I need to be a Harvard graduate or something? I cannot figure this out.

 

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[Gsuz]

I like to learn new things, useful or just out of curiosity, its all one to me. I've learned to code and manipulate code as well as css. I'm learning how to build apps. I've learned this, I've learned that, and all is good even though I am currently not applying my knew knowledge anywhere. [...]

I think this is the main culprit here. How can I have a beneficial relationship with someone that doesn't apply his knowledge?

 

[Andy Black]

It seems like you're trying to hard.

Firstly, we all can learn something from everyone we meet. What would happen if you genuinely tried to learn something about every person you met, and then tried to help them with that knowledge? Would you approach things differently and maybe get different results?

Also, as @Gsuz says, it's not about learning stuff, but about doing stuff.

A great line I heard years ago was "Tell me what you've done and I'll tell you who you are."

When someone asks me what I've done I'm not going to reply that I have read certain books or know certain people.

Learn from everyone you meet. Help everyone. Have faith that the cat will come to you when you have something to offer it, rather than chasing the cat.

 

[AgainstAllOdds]

I feel you man. My friend keeps telling me to move out to Silicon Valley. He pays $21,000 a year for rent. However, the way he puts it: "That's a small amount of money to be surrounded by the smartest people in the world. When I was at Brown, I made about 10 like-minded friends. When I moved to Palo Alto, I made about 150 my first year."

 

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[Digamma]

I like to learn new things, useful or just out of curiosity, its all one to me. I've learned to code and manipulate code as well as css. I'm learning how to build apps. I've learned this, I've learned that, and all is good even though I am currently not applying my knew knowledge anywhere. Curiosity kills the cat (the most ignorant phrase I have EVER heard anybody tell me), when in fact it doesn't, It feels good learning new things. I feel good.

You are getting an emotional high from reading shit, but you aren't doing anything with it.
This is what some here call action faking. Learning is bullshit. Only results matters.

Now, going back to my title. "Don't like being the smartest person in the room". What does that mean to me? I've done a lot to better myself and change my group of people who I "relate" to. Changed the way I dress on a daily basis, I speak more confidently, positive mindset, work out, changed my posture, educate myself, dissolved my old environment, yet somehow I keep ending up back in that same level, with new people.

All smoke and mirrors, you haven't accomplished anything. You just adopted a character. You're a poser.

meetup.com- very innovative way to meet "likeminded" people but did not better me
mentor.com- tried, failed. I like seeking knowledge from people that do much better than me, but nobody wants to mentor
Sailing clubs- Same thing
and this list seems to continue.

Me, me, me! Me!
Meetups did no better you, but did you give value to somebody? Nope! and you know why? You do nothing, you have nothing to offer.

I've even went so far as going where the very wealthy casually hang out (even though very expensive) to make an effort to meet new people on the same (personality) level. Talked to a few. Very positive, natural same level conversations, but ended up costing me quite a bit and no solid connections.
I am considering moving to a new state.
Why can't I seem to tap in to a better social group? Do I need to be a Harvard graduate or something? I cannot figure this out.

You are a leech.
I'm not offending you, I'm describing what they see. You go on and show your nice appearance and confident speech. Cool, they think, let's see what this guy is all about. And all your learning and not doing shows. They see that's all sizzle and not steak, they smile and nod and never think of you again.
People care of the value you provide, not about what you want. Especially high status people.

Not tearing you down to be an a**hole. Try to read behind my harsh words. I'm not nice, but I wouldn't have wasted time writing if I didn't have an actual point.

 

[dompie85]

@Digamma No offense taken. I see your point and appreciate what your pointing out. My intention is not to be a leech. I am trying to surround myself with better people. I do help people a lot, and like to help people. But, it always seems to go unappreciated. I'd rather attempt to help and surround myself in a better class of people. People that actually like to help and better each other. I don't get that in the social class i was surrounding myself with before. Everybody was just takers and nobody gave. I was the person they'd fall back on for a bailout (I actually did bail a "friend" out for a DWI and pretty much got a F*ck you out of it). A better class of people might actually show some appreciation or tell me I am doing it all wrong. I hardly get any thank you's neither am I looking for any.... Maybe I just don't get it... and it's really irritating. And yes, I am reading the book and almost done with it.
P.S. I do realize how many times i've said "I" in these posts. But when all is said and done, helping and making changes, isn't it about my lifestyle? Honestly I am looking for a solution because this is just eating at me.

@AgainstAllOdds That is a good point you made. Noticed you live in Chicago, been there a few times, was there when they closed Michigan Ave for the Blackhawks parade, wow!! haha! I might be relocating there due to work. I work for United

 

[Dwight Schrute]

The thread title reminds me of a friend of mine.

He reads a lot but applies very little, if any.
No matter where he goes or who he meets, he always thinks he is the smartest guy in the room.
And because of this 'know it all'-mindset he's often the dumbest guy in the room, he just doesn't want to realize it.


Are you really the smartest person in your current social environment?
Or do hypocritically just think you are?
"Be the change you want to see in the world"

If you applied your gained knowledge and worked hard towards success and wealth, 'the very wealthy' would've probably accepted you.
But if you just show up, trying to become friends with them and hoping that they drag you up to their level,
you'd be

a leech

Some brainfood

“Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.”

“If I accept you as you are, I will make you worse; however if I treat you as though you are what you are capable of becoming, I help you become that”

 

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[Boo Blizzi]

Dude, unlike everyone else replying, I fully understand where you are coming from because I feel the same way sometimes too.
I don't know what kind of environment you come from, but where I come from shit is crazy and after living that way for a long time, one day I woke up and realized that I couldn't get to where I wanted to go in life staying in that environment with those kinds of friends.
I moved away, learned more about computers and the internet, and carried myself differently.
I don't identify with many people locally or the ones I meet on meetup.com.
I fly out to Cali every now and then just to hang out with like minded entrepreneurs. (San Diego is the shit!!)
So my advice is to keep pressing on and don't settle till you get where you want to be and around the type of people you want...
Its your life and as far as we know you only get one so DO THE DAMN THING!!

 

[dompie85]

@Boo Blizzi Wow, somebody here seems to feel my pain and OFFERING INSIGHT in attempt to help. Rather than just lashing out, restating/reminding me of the issue which was presented, without a solution... I'd prefer to be rubbing elbows with wiser people I might learn from rather than these unmotivated, dark, depressing downers I had been associating with (Not everything about these people was really that bad except the unmotivated part. They were good people. But I found no benefit to continue associating myself with them). I cut out the negative and want to build the positive, is that too hard to ask for some help? I'll be going back to the drawing boards for this one. It is frustrating indeed.

 

[Bananas]

@Boo Blizzi Wow, somebody here seems to feel my pain and OFFERING INSIGHT in attempt to help. Rather than just lashing out, restating/reminding me of the issue which was presented, without a solution... I'd prefer to be rubbing elbows with wiser people I might learn from rather than these unmotivated, dark, depressing downers I had been associating with (Not everything about these people was really that bad except the unmotivated part. They were good people. But I found no benefit to continue associating myself with them). I cut out the negative and want to build the positive, is that too hard to ask for some help? I'll be going back to the drawing boards for this one. It is frustrating indeed.

Hey. I sympathize with you because I have felt like this before - and I was able to fix it.

Years ago, I had a business operating inside a club. People who are out and about in the middle of the night are their own kind of people, and not in a good way, and I was surrounded by an abnormal amount of alcoholics. I found myself constantly in conversations with people who wanted discuss 'my boss is such a d1ck man, he wrote me up because I was late twice this week' or 'tips SUCKED tonight dude, I gotta go down to Other Restaurant and get a job.'

I can't even relate to these kinds of topics, because the answers are so simple to me - quit creating your own problems!

I got so frustrated about it until one day I realized I was being an idiot and made a list of people who were better than me who were in my group. I just wasn't seeing them due to my frustration with the others in my group.

The first one was my dad. My dad knows everything. Then I realized, so does his wife. She is such a badass it's unbelievable. My father in law is also a rock star, and I had a couple of people my own age who were either on my level, right below me (but with a similar mindset of wanting to better themselves), or right above me.

When I finished my list, there were a lot more people on it than I had realized.

What I did was maximize my time with the people on the list. If I was issued an invitation from one of them, I did everything in my power to accept it. I also tried to extend invitations to them as well, meaningful ones. Something that each person would actually want to do. By hanging out with these people, you get to know others around them as well; their friends and family, who are probably in your target group, and you widen your circle further. Also minimize your time with those you don't want to be surrounded by. It took me awhile to accomplish that because I ran the business for about two more years.

You can do it. Make out a list, I bet you will be surprised at how many are on it, and then focus on growing those relationships in a meaningful way.

 

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[sija1]

I like seeking knowledge from people that do much better than me, but nobody wants to mentor

There are two reasons. First, there are people who admire perseverance, commitment and hard work. So in order to get their attention, you need to show them that you are committed and unstoppable. If you look closely here on this forum, you will get a lot of advice if you talk about putting yourself out there with some good/bad results than if you come and say: "how should I start".
And there are those people who will give you recognition only once you've done it. Example: if you go to the gym, rare are those who appreciate the hard work, usually you need to get fully ripped for this to happen. That's that event-without-process-mentality.

 

[ZCP]

Give to get. Revisit each of these locations with a mindset to 'give'. Determine the top two or three people as @Bananas suggested. Then 'give' them something. Could be advice. An article to show them you were listening. Something.

Then setup a 1 on 1 lunch / dinner / etc. to talk business. Slowly create a mastermind group and add / filter people as needed.

Reason: it is the same as attracting customers...... You must provide value to get what you desire in return.

 

[Andy Black]

^^^ This.

When you're talking over lunch, do NOT talk about yourself, even once. Just ask good questions. Listen. There aren't many people who do that.

I find a great opening question is "So how's business?".

You're not allowed to talk about yourself. If they ask, keep turning it back to what you can do, and whether it can help them.

After lunch, work out how you can add value. Do it, with NO strings attached.

Watch your network blow up.

 

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[Vigilante]

I was the smartest person in the room when I got to the forum meetup in 2013.

Then I met everyone else.

And I realized...

The the participation ribbons my youth soccer coaches gave me didn't do me any favors.

When you become intellectually honest enough to understand you can learn from everyone you meet along the way, true study of humanity begins.

You're not better than them. Your "lashing out" comment above indicates you're doing what you always do. You are humoring the posters here but you're not listening to them because you're smarter than them if they don't tell you what you want to hear.

The only opinions here that have value to you are the ones that empathize with you or agree with you. The ones that see-through you get discarded. And that… In a nutshell… Is the problem you've had with any of these meet ups you've attended.

When you realize you're not the smartest person in the room is when you might begin to find what you're looking for.

 

[dompie85]

@Vigilante I'm not trying to lash out on everybody, that is not my intention. As for empathy, somebody stepped up that can relate to this issue and I appreciated that. It truly validated that I am not alone here. I am seeking help. I am taking all of this information in, learning from every comment, and applying this new knowledge.

 

[Vigilante]

@Vigilante I'm not trying to lash out on everybody, that is not my intention. As for empathy, somebody stepped up that can relate to this issue and I appreciated that. It truly validated that I am not alone here. I am seeking help. I am taking all of this information in, learning from every comment, and applying this new knowledge.

You will find what you are looking for. Hang in there.

 

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[Boo Blizzi]

I'm listening to the comments and I realize most of the people replying really have no idea what it means to start from below ground zero. I agree with their advice of working hard to prove yourself worthy of the company you seek, but because they think its easy to just go to lunch with a business owner and listen or ask your dad, they really dont understand some people don't have those options.

From your comments about having a job, I know you aren't coming from the type of environment I did, but I know what it is to feel like you see something is wrong with the way things are, but for some reason, nobody else does or is doing anything about it.

So just to clarify what I mean by "don't have those options", for anyone that needs perspective, here's my story in a nutshell:

When I was growing up everyone I knew (parents included) struggled hard to make ends meet. There were no homes, no front yards, no backyard BBQ's, there were concrete blocks, broken glass, wish sandwiches (where you wished you had some meat and cheese in between the bread), corn flakes with water, and junkies in the hallway. The only people I saw that didn't look like they were struggling were drug dealers and pimps.

If you wanted to get ahead without throwing a brick (committing a crime), you didn't think about opening a business, or learning a trade from your father, you got a city job.
Fortunately, that's what my parents did and we were able to move to a nicer area, but it was still in the hood.

A city job was as much as I was encouraged to achieve. For some reason, that didn't feel right. I had always been bright kid and would rather read than watch TV. I forget exactly when I came across the word "Entrepreneur", but once I learned the definition, I knew that's what I wanted to be. I didn't want to be a cop, or fireman, or correction officer, or garbage man, or work for Con Ed, or for transit.

When I started asking questions about opening a business, I turned to my pops. My first biz was a barbershop, so his common sense advice was pretty much on point, but when I got into music and had big money to invest, he advised me to jump into real-estate AT THE TOP OF THE MARKET!

I bought a Carlton Sheets course and he was like, you don't need that crap because Real Estate always goes up. He never talked to me about being a landlord, negotiating a killer deal or none of the painful "lessons" I had to learn first hand. And there was no one in my circle I could talk to about this because no one I knew ever opened up a barbershop with 4k, parlayed that popularity in the hood into a music career, then flipped that money into 12 rentals.

I knew I needed to get around different people that could identify with my situation, but where were they? The majority of landlords in Brooklyn are Jewish, they don't fraternize with black people unless they are YOUR landlord. And when Black people own property, they don't openly discuss it with other black folks because they think somebody is gonna ask them for money or try to mess up what they got. (which is not far from the truth)

In 06 my girl got pregnant, so I cut off my braids, put the Rollie and diamonds in the stash and moved to the burbs. I started introducing myself as Lou instead of Boo and made a few neighborhood friends. I started going over for backyard BBQ's and bringing bottles of wine instead of Henny and Goose. I was charming and well spoken... and even got a few laughs when my neighbor Ray asked me if I was gonna get a fire pit and I told him, "Nah, I like cooking my food on the grill."

As my neighbors and I got better acquainted, I got bored with the conversations about house, kids, and the Mrs. I wanted to talk about my true passion... BUSINESS AND INVESTING. But after a few conversations, I realized these dudes were looking at me like I had 2 heads and couldn't relate to my world. They were like, "You dont get up every morning to go to work to pay your bills and save whatever the Mrs. doesn't take for your hobby on the weekends?" I was like, hell no!

Long story short, I have never felt "in tune" anywhere. Last time I went to San Diego, I stayed at the Grand Del Mar and hung out with a bunch of grey haired multimillionaires in the central lobby. Because of my various interest, I was able to hold my own conversationally, and after an hour or so, we were drinking vintage port and scotch from one of those dudes private locker. We smoked cigars and sung Micheal Jackson songs loudly and out of key around the piano player. I got invited to few rounds of golf the next morning and when I got home, I got a call about an investment opportunity in the Bakken oil shale.

The gentleman had the inside track on a piece of land and was gonna build trailers to rent out to the oil field workers. He said we could rent out the same bed to 2 guys on different shifts for $1k a week each and each trailer could hold about 10 beds. He said he would let me put a trailer or 2 on this land and the buy-in was only $100k. But I couldn't take advantage of it cuz my investment properties were skinning me alive. When I told the gentleman I had to decline, he said, maybe next time and never called me again...F*ck!

He was a luxury home and strip mall developer in Phoenix AZ (MJ prolly know the dude)... and would've made a helluva mentor for this young black kid from Brooklyn. I knew the offer was a test cuz he was gonna let me in for short paper, but I just couldn't bring myself to invest in another piece of real-estate -- especially in Montana. Guess it just wasn't in the cards for the kid.

Sorry for this long winded rant, but if you made it this far... @dompie85 I just wanted to reassure you that you are not a Martian for feeling the way you do and let you know the kind of people you want to be around are out there. It is possible to "hob nob" with them, get drunk and sing Michael Jackson songs... so stay focused and stay on the grind so you don't F*ck up your opportunity to invest with a multimillionaire in a god damn oil field like I did.

 

[Rawr]

If you ask a fish, "how is water today" he isn't going to have a clue what you're talking about, unless he's been around long enough to understand what water is.

Look, it is tough starting out and feeling like you don't have any value. But even then, the folks who have done it have been around the track a few times and know what to look for. One thing they look for - is this person a talker or a doer. When I was 18, I could talk to anyone at any country club and talk big game of how i understand business or how to make it, but the reality was my parents paid some other kid $20 to mow our lawn..and he had like 20 houses he mowed. That kid, if he was talking to those same people would get much better, quality feedback, because even though it would seem he had less ambition, he could back it up with what counts - his work ethic. He isn't providing much value to them by being able to mow lawns, but maybe someone knows a landscape angle this kid could get into..and they'd give him the recommendation. Or maybe they say they need a guy like him at another biz they have, and would give him a shot. Me, I just got a lot of ego boosting by thinking I was rubbing elbows with success. It was a joke.

So it'd be wise for you to forget about how to dress, what to say, and just focus on finding something you can do for others, and then do it consistently over and over to develop the work ethic muscles. The nice benefit of learning the ins and out of a particular thing, is that you will learn to understand many other unrelated things. "Master one thing and you will master thousands." As in, those who have DONE it, who have done the dance, they understand what tune other people dance to and the intricacies of their business because certain constants are the same. Forget the show, forget big talk, forget trying to network and looking for a chance, until you've proven to yourself you have discipline and work ethic, and can follow through on the opportunity. Until then no one will seriously consider giving you a shot or mentoring you. Ask me how I know.

 

[dompie85]

@Rawr So, how DO you know? haha im just kidding. I noticed more then a few of these kinds of people being drawn to me like a magnet. Talkers, Wantrepreneurs, the Tomorrowers, the soon to be millionaires but blow all their money on fast food and drinks every day, it gets old. I have a kid on the way and am getting married in 2 weeks. I have no time to play these big talker games anymore.
I've been looking for a job. After my first attempt with a pool company and not being too pleased with what they had to offer me, especially them looking down on me like I was some worthless laborer, I decided to open my own pool service LLC. Did all that yesterday, as well as handed out fliers to houses that have pools, and today, I put together the pricing. I will soon have my first client and continue to build and learn from there. Win Win

 

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