Critique my sales page

[GuestUser116]

www.WeightStenics.com (sales page)

All feedback/thoughts on my sales page are welcome. I need the feedback to improve the sales page and make it a success.

Is it convincing?

What can I do to make it better?

If you were interested in getting an athletic and aesthetic body in 90 days with calisthenics, would you purchase my product?

Thank you.

 

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[MMatt]

Intro copy is weak, needs more emotional benefits.

Progress photos not drastic enough, especially to someone who doesn't lift and will not be able to identify minute changes.

Claim of maintaining single digit body fat even on a bulk is a little farfetched. This has a ton to do with genes and diet, and even the pros put on fat while bulking.

Props for making a sales page and throwing into the lions pit though, it's the first necessary step.

 

[Tyler K]

Seems like a landing page from 2007, I'd say that you should look at the best performing clickbank fitness landing pages and take elements from there.

 

[Deon]

I didn't think it was that bad... not great, but it's ok.

Saying that you don't need to go to the gym, then put pictures of you in the gym sucks though. Change one of the two (I know you see "you don't need to go to the gym", but still it's confusing and makes me trust the program less)

Also, there were too many arrows one after the other at some point... I don't know how I would change that, but it made the presentation weird.

The testimonials with random names made me lose trust. Either put those two guys that have credentials there... or at least add a last name to those you put only the first name of, and add something like "xxxxx xxxx, customer, city, country"

 

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[GuestUser116]

Intro copy is weak, needs more emotional benefits.

Progress photos not drastic enough, especially to someone who doesn't lift and will not be able to identify minute changes.

Claim of maintaining single digit body fat even on a bulk is a little farfetched. This has a ton to do with genes and diet, and even the pros put on fat while bulking.

Props for making a sales page and throwing into the lions pit though, it's the first necessary step.

I'll get a good copywriter once I can afford one.

Seems like a landing page from 2007, I'd say that you should look at the best performing clickbank fitness landing pages and take elements from there.

I did look at bodyofaspartan.com and 30daysofdiscipline.com. Victor Pride is making bank, so I incorporated some of the elements from his sale pages.

 

[GuestUser116]

I didn't think it was that bad... not great, but it's ok.

Saying that you don't need to go to the gym, then put pictures of you in the gym sucks though. Change one of the two (I know you see "you don't need to go to the gym", but still it's confusing and makes me trust the program less)

Also, there were too many arrows one after the other at some point... I don't know how I would change that, but it made the presentation weird.

The testimonials with random names made me lose trust. Either put those two guys that have credentials there... or at least add a last name to those you put only the first name of, and add something like "xxxxx xxxx, customer, city, country"

Those testimonials are not random names; they're amazon reviews I got on my ebooks. I don't know their location.

 

[Deon]

Those testimonials are not random names; they're amazon reviews I got on my ebooks. I don't know their location.

Yep, but for somebody reading your website, they ARE random names.

If that's the case... write "amazon customer" or something. Because to somebody reading the website, I have no idea who the F are Necinov, or Panche, or whatever other name.

Think like your customer... not like yourself.

 

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[Mr.B]

I'm not your target audience, just offering my opinion.

If I came across this page when looking a way to 'get jacked', I wouldn't spend more than 10 seconds on your site before hitting the back button. It seems like the same old scummy sales page that is rampant across the fitness industry.

You acknowledge that the problem is not a lack of information, yet you are selling an info product? And seriously, what's with all the arrows? I've seen webpages before and understand that one is meant to read from top to bottom.

I don't know if your products work, but nothing on the page convinces me that they do. Especially the before and after photos that look like different people (why'd you cut the head off the bottom photos?)

I hope that you can take this feedback in the spirit that it's intended. I wish you all the best with your business.

 

[Mr.B]

Those testimonials are not random names; they're amazon reviews I got on my ebooks.

Hmmm... you sure? I couldn't find your product on Amazon anywhere. If they are real reviews, I'd link to your Amazon page to lend a little credibility to them.

 

[GuestUser116]

Improvements I've made.

Changed the title/hook.
Changed the colors at the beginning to bring attention to the title.
Added the product price next to every "Buy Now" button.
Removed most of the arrows.
Added more on the testimonial submissions.
Removed 2 images from the DVD preview.

Keep the criticism coming, my sales page looks way better with the small improvements made!

 

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[BlakeIC]

definitley change the photos of the before and after
no offense if that is you op but to me there wasnt much of a size difference and it looked like it got better then worse then better


change them

 

[Yasai]

You're probably going to hear a lot of differing opinions.

I'd say acquire data and see what -actually- converts.
Your current page can be Page A. Create a Second page (Page B) and measure conversion-rates.
Keep the winner.
Then keep creating pages and comparing them until you find one that's hard to improve.

Customers can be quite irrational and respond to rather weird stuff.
Other's might feel repelled by certain shenanigans - maybe because they've been burned in the past.

The only way to get valid data is by measuring and split-testing.

 

[FlamingRemedy]

I am by no means an advertisement guru so take this for what it's worth. Going off the html code,the first h2 title is pretty long and if anything you should make it a descriptions and find a better color for them and use something shorter for the title. The first white section I like because it gets straight to the point, but as mentioned above you said without going to the gym but there are pics of you in a gym.

Also if you make any scientific claims, make sure they are backed up and avoid any possibility of a legal dispute. IF tends to work, but just be certain you don't make bro-science claims for your protection.

That aside, are you trying to target the "new year new me" people or people who plan to do this for the long run? Just curious.

 

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[Mr.B]

I'd say acquire data and see what -actually- converts.

Agreed, this is the best approach, however, it can be tricky to do well if you don't already have a decent amount of traffic going to the site.

 

[100k]

Not loading for me.

But I voted "Top notch." .... Just go live and see, we are not the people you have to impress. If the copy needs to be changed your target market will let you know (i.e no sales - high bounce rate etc.).

 

[GuestUser116]

That aside, are you trying to target the "new year new me" people or people who plan to do this for the long run? Just curious.

I haven't thought about that. I'm thinking new year new me, then once they see great results they'll go for the long run.

You're probably going to hear a lot of differing opinions.

I'd say acquire data and see what -actually- converts.
Your current page can be Page A. Create a Second page (Page B) and measure conversion-rates.
Keep the winner.
Then keep creating pages and comparing them until you find one that's hard to improve.

Customers can be quite irrational and respond to rather weird stuff.
Other's might feel repelled by certain shenanigans - maybe because they've been burned in the past.

The only way to get valid data is by measuring and split-testing.

Ye, this is my first sales page I've made tho. So I want to get the greatest model before I advertise it.

 

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[GuestUser112]

For a first time sales page, its very professional looking.

The name sticks in my mouth though. Weightstenics. Not very catchy.

Your imagery looks a lot like Tony's from P90X. Say Weightstenics out loud. Then say P90X. What about CaliLean? It contains part of the word Calisthenics, it rolls off the tongue a little easier, and it kind of evokes the image of sexy Californians on the beach.

Just a thought.

If you use that name though I want a free t-shirt or something...

 

[GuestUser116]

For a first time sales page, its very professional looking.

The name sticks in my mouth though. Weightstenics. Not very catchy.

Your imagery looks a lot like Tony's from P90X. Say Weightstenics out loud. Then say P90X. What about CaliLean? It contains part of the word Calisthenics, it rolls off the tongue a little easier, and it kind of evokes the image of sexy Californians on the beach.

Just a thought.

If you use that name though I want a free t-shirt or something...

I'm not changing the name. Weightlifting + Calisthenics = WeightStenics. And p90x isn't very catchy either.

 

[GuestUser116]

Improvements I've made.

Aligned the text to the left instead of middle.
Changed the "Buy Now" to "Get Ripped Now"
Changed the price from $30 to $29.99

To do when I get back.

Make the page shorter by rearranging the text.
Change the overall design.
Add a menu to navigate thru the page.
Add an "after pic" at the beginning of the page.

 

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[gostorm21]

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of one long sales page. It basically gives me (the customer) no options but purchasing or GettingTFO. My suggestion (and it's a time-consuming one!) would be to divide it up a little. Yes, Victor has a one page sales funnel for Body of a Spartan and 30 Days of Discipline, but (IMO) that works because he has B&D to provide tons of information BEFORE his customers even enter the funnel. Because you're a new face in the crowd, my gut reaction as a potential customer was "I'm not ready to buy yet and I'm not totally turned off to the idea...but there's no other option so I guess I'll close the tab." This was NOT due to the quality of your product or even of your concept...just that you give your audience no other choices! Make some other pages. Let them click around and find the information they're looking for. Add a way to buy on each of these pages, but as a customer sometimes I need to "stall" a bit by browsing a site before I'm ready to put down the $$. But maybe that's just me

On the plus side, as someone with similar goals as your target audience, I appreciated the way you used numbers (packed on 20 lbs of muscle!). I also agree with suggestions to intensify the emotional appeal you already have going as well. Don't sell the what...sell the why!

You're on track to greatness my friend! Congratulations on getting your product out in the world...that puts you ahead of most! Best of luck!

 

[Mr.B]

@Glacier great to see you taking the feedback and board and adjusting things as you go. Keep going...

This article may spark some ideas for you on different ways to approach your sales letter.

 

[MikeC]

White text on a dark background is horrible to look at in 90% of cases. For your page, make it all black text on a white background.

See how victor pride puts his "after" body right up front? That's what you should do too... sells the body.

Also, you need a USP (unique selling proposition).

Meaning, why the hell would I buy your product instead of victors?

Is it because you don't have to go to the gym? Heard it before.

What makes you unique?

Well, I'll tell you what makes you unique in my eyes, and what immediately makes you lose credibility... but I think you can turn it around.

To me, it looks like you're just a kid who went to the gym, and looked a little better.

That's the impression I get from your sales page.

So, maybe you are just a kid. And maybe your results aren't that drastic. Can you still make sales that way? I think so... you gotta narrow it down.

Maybe you call out the fact that you're just a kid right away. "How a dumb ignorant kid gained 20 mounds of muscle without going the gym".

I don't like that headline that much, but it'd at least get my attention.

Or maybe you want to target people who look "average", and want to look like sex gods. I think there's a lot of people out there like that. I used to be F*cking skinny. Now I'm just skinny, with a little bit of muscle.

Has actually made a decent difference in my looks though. And it only took me like a month or two to get. Great bang for my buck. But I just never went to the gym before cause I didn't really like the idea of it.

So you could speak to that niche, and tell them how they can get those really quick results, how they're practically already there, and if they just spend 2 months or something with your program, they'll go from average to really great looking.

Then you should direct your marketing towards that niche completely.

I think you could get some good sales that way.

Remember... a sales page sells to a very SPECIFIC group of people.

Right now, I don't know who your target is. Seems like it could be a shitton of people.

So for that reason, I think almost everyone will exit your page without giving it any attention. If you LASER FOCUS on a niche of people, almost everyone will still leave the page... but the ones who stay, are your perfect buyers, and will buy in a heartbeat.

And when you get that laser focused of a customer, you can sell them a lot of products on the backend as well. So the fact that you're really narrowing the entrance of your funnel is gaining you a ton of money, not losing any like it might initially look.

I say get a more targeted niche, one you can really provide value to. Make your headline much, much more specific, to that niche. Maybe keep the before + after if you go with the angle I just talked about. Otherwise, ditch it and just use your "after".

FWIW, I don't think Victor Pride's sales pages are that great. He sells a shitton of products because his blog is pretty damn good, and really gets a targeted reader. Those readers will then buy his products, regardless of what the sales copy actually says.

There's no "one-size-fits-all" recipe for a sales page. You need to keep in mind it's about selling products. So to do that, you need to make the right page for a very specific group of people. And you need to know where the traffic is coming from. If you have blog traffic, your sales page will be different from Adwords traffic, facebook ads, etc.

Good luck!

 

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[GuestUser116]

White text on a dark background is horrible to look at in 90% of cases. For your page, make it all black text on a white background.

See how victor pride puts his "after" body right up front? That's what you should do too... sells the body.

Also, you need a USP (unique selling proposition).

Meaning, why the hell would I buy your product instead of victors?

Is it because you don't have to go to the gym? Heard it before.

What makes you unique?

Well, I'll tell you what makes you unique in my eyes, and what immediately makes you lose credibility... but I think you can turn it around.

To me, it looks like you're just a kid who went to the gym, and looked a little better.

That's the impression I get from your sales page.

So, maybe you are just a kid. And maybe your results aren't that drastic. Can you still make sales that way? I think so... you gotta narrow it down.

Maybe you call out the fact that you're just a kid right away. "How a dumb ignorant kid gained 20 mounds of muscle without going the gym".

I don't like that headline that much, but it'd at least get my attention.

Or maybe you want to target people who look "average", and want to look like sex gods. I think there's a lot of people out there like that. I used to be F*cking skinny. Now I'm just skinny, with a little bit of muscle.

Has actually made a decent difference in my looks though. And it only took me like a month or two to get. Great bang for my buck. But I just never went to the gym before cause I didn't really like the idea of it.

So you could speak to that niche, and tell them how they can get those really quick results, how they're practically already there, and if they just spend 2 months or something with your program, they'll go from average to really great looking.

Then you should direct your marketing towards that niche completely.

I think you could get some good sales that way.

Remember... a sales page sells to a very SPECIFIC group of people.

Right now, I don't know who your target is. Seems like it could be a shitton of people.

So for that reason, I think almost everyone will exit your page without giving it any attention. If you LASER FOCUS on a niche of people, almost everyone will still leave the page... but the ones who stay, are your perfect buyers, and will buy in a heartbeat.

And when you get that laser focused of a customer, you can sell them a lot of products on the backend as well. So the fact that you're really narrowing the entrance of your funnel is gaining you a ton of money, not losing any like it might initially look.

I say get a more targeted niche, one you can really provide value to. Make your headline much, much more specific, to that niche. Maybe keep the before + after if you go with the angle I just talked about. Otherwise, ditch it and just use your "after".

FWIW, I don't think Victor Pride's sales pages are that great. He sells a shitton of products because his blog is pretty damn good, and really gets a targeted reader. Those readers will then buy his products, regardless of what the sales copy actually says.

There's no "one-size-fits-all" recipe for a sales page. You need to keep in mind it's about selling products. So to do that, you need to make the right page for a very specific group of people. And you need to know where the traffic is coming from. If you have blog traffic, your sales page will be different from Adwords traffic, facebook ads, etc.

Good luck!

I've heard it before, "Go niche to get rich" thing is what niche? You suggested youngsters since I'm young. Most young people don't have money and they don't consume these types of products; they watch youtube videos.

How a dumb ignorant kid gained 20 mounds of muscle without going the gym

I don't describe myself like that haha. And the before pic is at age 16, now I'm 18.

 

[GuestUser116]

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of one long sales page. It basically gives me (the customer) no options but purchasing or GettingTFO. My suggestion (and it's a time-consuming one!) would be to divide it up a little. Yes, Victor has a one page sales funnel for Body of a Spartan and 30 Days of Discipline, but (IMO) that works because he has B&D to provide tons of information BEFORE his customers even enter the funnel. Because you're a new face in the crowd, my gut reaction as a potential customer was "I'm not ready to buy yet and I'm not totally turned off to the idea...but there's no other option so I guess I'll close the tab." This was NOT due to the quality of your product or even of your concept...just that you give your audience no other choices! Make some other pages. Let them click around and find the information they're looking for. Add a way to buy on each of these pages, but as a customer sometimes I need to "stall" a bit by browsing a site before I'm ready to put down the $$. But maybe that's just me

On the plus side, as someone with similar goals as your target audience, I appreciated the way you used numbers (packed on 20 lbs of muscle!). I also agree with suggestions to intensify the emotional appeal you already have going as well. Don't sell the what...sell the why!

You're on track to greatness my friend! Congratulations on getting your product out in the world...that puts you ahead of most! Best of luck!

Like make new pages with the same design and link to them? What will I have on those pages? I'm thinking a menu to navigate thru the site will work better.

 

[gostorm21]

You don't even have to come up with new content. Splitting up the information/content you already have onto separate pages would work just as well IMO. A menu would be a great option as well. Just some way of dividing up the page. Also, I think there's something to be said for customers having a specific need for information and being able to click a link and get that exact information instead of scrolling for a few minutes to find it. As a customer, if I'm thinking "Hmm, does he have any customers that have provided any feedback?", I'd be much more encouraged by finding and clicking a "Testimonials" tab then to scrolling up and down trying to find those dang reviews. But once again, props to the concept and having the guts to throw yourself out there!

 

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[Deon]

Personally, I'm not a huge fan of one long sales page. It basically gives me (the customer) no options but purchasing or GettingTFO. My suggestion (and it's a time-consuming one!) would be to divide it up a little. Yes, Victor has a one page sales funnel for Body of a Spartan and 30 Days of Discipline, but (IMO) that works because he has B&D to provide tons of information BEFORE his customers even enter the funnel. Because you're a new face in the crowd, my gut reaction as a potential customer was "I'm not ready to buy yet and I'm not totally turned off to the idea...but there's no other option so I guess I'll close the tab." This was NOT due to the quality of your product or even of your concept...just that you give your audience no other choices! Make some other pages. Let them click around and find the information they're looking for. Add a way to buy on each of these pages, but as a customer sometimes I need to "stall" a bit by browsing a site before I'm ready to put down the $$. But maybe that's just me

On the plus side, as someone with similar goals as your target audience, I appreciated the way you used numbers (packed on 20 lbs of muscle!). I also agree with suggestions to intensify the emotional appeal you already have going as well. Don't sell the what...sell the why!

You're on track to greatness my friend! Congratulations on getting your product out in the world...that puts you ahead of most! Best of luck!

Actually, it has been shown over and over and over and over again that long sales pages sell MUCH more than short ones. EVERY copywriter expert and legend agrees on this.

It really doesn't matter what we think because we're not going to buy that anyway. But maybe if i was going to buy something and was really interested, I would read all that.

But again, it doesn't matter what we think, because that has been tested again and again, and has been proven to pull more customers.

Now, of course, the most important thing is the headlines and copy itself. A short good copy, is better than a long one that sucks and doesn't flow like it should. But I used to say the same as you about long copy, until I found out they do it for a reason, it works.

Also, why would you give people more choice sometimes? Giving more choice can make the people go "Oh, I don't need to buy this, i'll just check this other stuff"... But if they have no choice but to read your copy, then it's your job to convince them to buy, and if you do a good job then you'll get a good number who does.

Specially with this kind of product that has SO MANY look-alikes out there... you need to convince the reader that your program is different, and that take many words.

 

[GuestUser116]

@Deon @gostorm21 Everyone's got their own opinion on that. But I'm looking into getting a menu to navigate thru the page.

Alright so I've made a lot of improvements, check it out. www.WeightStenics.com

 

[Yasai]

Good, you have (at least) 2 sites now. Time to compare them and track conversions. Maybe your first version converts better, who knows?

I hope you'll let us know when your first sales roll in, like in your other thread. Those posts were always very informative.

 

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[FoxFire21]

.

 

[nebuer]

Taking critiques on a sales page from people who aren't experienced in direct response / copywriting is a bad idea to begin with.

If you wanna know how it converts then spend $100 on traffic.