Travelling the World at 21 - Making the right decisions...

[MagicMystery]

-been traveling the world since im 20
first europe then america
-financing it by E-Commerce (taking me 2 hours a day on average)

Im very introverted to strangers and
extroverted to people I know

one of my goals for traveling was to learn to open up and become a socializer
(good skill for future business)

result after 1.5 years:
Im still as closed up as I was before /
even tough I learned many things about life.

what challenges can i put myself into to get over myself?


met some people that I came closer to but I just dont feel like staying anywhere...
something is always making me run to another place...

separating from close people I met during travels is the hardest thing for me...

 

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[Tiago]

I think you have to dig deeper about why you are introverted, then build up from that.

Do you dislike people?
Do you distrust people?
Would you rather spend time alone enjoying yourself?
Are you anxious?

 

[MagicMystery]

Do you dislike people?
yes mixed feelings when looking at strangers

Do you distrust people?
Incredible distrust to everyone , always think im getting used

Would you rather spend time alone enjoying yourself?
Thats the easiest thing for me.

Are you anxious?
yes always on electricity, in the back of my head



ok I get it - i knew these things but Im not entirely sure how to completely overcome these habits.

Im going to New York in a couple days... any specific things I could do there to deconstruct and rebuild myself?

 

[Fox]

Pick an activity you are passionate about and met people through that activity.

Maybe its business, computers, climbing, surfing - whatever, being around people who are also into the same interests as you is a very natural and fast way to develop some great friendships and of course conversation.

I dislike superficial conversation but can talk for days about the things that I truly love.

 

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[LateStarter]

There's nothing wrong with being an introvert so don't be ashamed of it. Still, as you've noted, it's worth being able to be more extroverted in certain settings. I'm an introvert myself and here's what's worked for me.

I started my own consulting business and it helped me to get out of my comfort level a bit. Being forced to talk to strangers to make deals happen isn't easy but the trial by fire element made me get a lot more comfortable with it very fast. I'm unpolitical and speak my mind which is also a mixed blessing. At the boardroom table I have the confidence to speak my mind and stand behind my convictions. I have become a 'business extrovert'. Still, I have a hard time making small talk and networking for it's own sake.

In my head, I'm thinking that it's all fake chit chat about bullshit I really could care less about. To get through this there are a couple of techniques I use. I tend to encourage other people to talk about themselves (family is an easy starter for most). I find that I give shorter, surface level answers so that I can turn the tables and bounce any life questions back at them. It's still not easy. The worst is when you're face to face with another introvert. Nothing but awkward silence and short answers. In those situations I tend to excuse myself more quickly and move on or rope in a friendly extrovert to draw out some conversation (my wife is great for that).

Generally I try to get through the necessary fluff quickly and start discussing things that or of more interest to me...usually business. Pick people's brains about what they do, how they got started, general info about their industry/business (challenges, pros/cons, etc).

I also tend to I take myself too seriously. I don't know why, it's just part of my nature. Something you may want to try why travelling around is being someone else. I don't mean impersonating someone you know, but instead make up another persona and pretend to be that person. If you take yourself too seriously then by being someone else there's no need to be so serious about 'you'. It kind of creates a buffer of safety to separate your 'real life' from your discussions, particularly when you distrust people. Obviously it's best if you never see these people again, so don't get too friendly with them, but use it as a tactic to start getting more comfortable with talking to people, approaching people, and increasing your confidence.

 

[Silverhawk851]

Dealt with alot of this when training people to do sales Door-to-door.

Just force yourself to look like an idiot and talk to 10 people a day, randomly.
Have a good attitude, relax, and just chat.
Comment or question on a common ground, object, situation.

Then just ask questions. Comment. question. Comment, question.

In a few minutes you'll actually get interested and it'll flow naturally.

In the end you'll realize everyone is just worried about themselves,
nobody cares about if you think you look like a fool or not.

Stop being in your own feelings and thoughts,
and try to see what they are feeling in their shoes, what they are thinking about,
etc.

Eventually it'll just come natural to you,
It's called Rapport.

Mess up a few times, look like an idiot.
Gotta fail to grow

 

[HOVLane]

"wherever you go, there you are."

 

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[The-J]

You need to start loving people for who they are, rather than loving them for what they mean to you.

Be genuine, don't put up big walls between you and strangers, and just focus on having fun and living life.

Trust them before they trust you. Don't be afraid of getting burned, because most people will not burn you. Some will, but most won't. Statistically speaking, it makes no sense to fear getting burned, no?

You said you're going to New York. NYC is one of my favorite places to be. If you haven't been, you'll be shocked at how friendly people are there. NYC has a reputation of being a 'cold' city but it's really not, compared to your typical European city. You'd also be shocked at how easy it is to make lifelong connections there. Talk to everyone you meet and ask them about themselves.

Go catch a Broadway show and talk to people in line. Go to a comedy lounge in the Village and sit with a group of strangers. Go to one of many 'long line' restaurants and talk to people there. Head down to the NYU area and go to the clubs there (Webster Hall what's up?! rofl) Catch a show at MSG for a band you've never heard of.

And get out of your head and into the world, man! You sound European rofl (no offense to Europeans, but y'all are a bit closed off!)