How to recover after life beats the shit outta you?

[Imgal]

Thunder_God, I really can't beat the advice of these guys - follow those words and you'll get back on track / on a new better track in no time.

Building your new line of business up is definitely a strong direction to be taking, but I'd say even more important is to work on yourself and your self-confidence and self-esteem. I spent a long time struggling in my early entrepreneur years, not because I didn't have the skills, but because I listened too much to all the people who said it wasn't possible. Looking back I made life doubly hard on me for no reason. Not only was I trying to achieve in my work, but I was spending an inordinate amount trying to prove people wrong and continually wasting energy trying to make blinkered people change their mind. Obviously they didn't and all it caused me was more and more stress fighting a losing battle.

The moment I stopped looking outside myself for approval and justification for who I was and what I did was the real life changer for me. It seriously felt like a cloud was lifted. Not second guessing what others would think of me and trying to make them approve me left me with a whole lot more time to send far more positively striving for success, not approval. Do I wish that my family took an interest, that certain (past) friends could see what I do as an exciting journey for me and not some weird dig at them for not working hard enough). Yes. Am I going to let it stop me? Not a chance in hell.

 

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[jason91]

Sorry I was at the employment centre earlier today and didn't get a chance to reply back to any of the comments. I'm grateful for the advice that everyone is giving me here. I've learnt very quickly that I'm the only person who can get me out of this mess, no one gives a shit about me so I need to start giving a shit about myself instead and stop relying on others. Even at the employment centre now, I'm realizing its a waste of my time, the staff there don't seem to give a shit about any of the people there looking for help. Its all self directed so I'll probably use my time more efficiently by staying at home and applying to jobs or reading up on how to hustle or something instead of going there unless I need to get my resume or cover letter tuned up for a specific position. I've pretty much cut off most of these so called friends, even my best friend I stopped hanging out with him for over a month now. He still reaches out to me from time to time.

As for my parents, I can't really tell them at the moment. Last year when I went into a major episode of depression and I told my parents that I was getting suicidal thoughts about killing myself, they both told me to go ahead and kill myself. They said see if we care. After that I pretty much stopped sharing anything with them. I've signed up for Fiver and upworks today and will start looking for gigs today. Yah that China teaching job sounds pretty interesting and I think its definitely what I need as it would help clear my head and give me a fresh start. Only problem is trying to get a teaching job in some city that isn't a hick town out in the middle of no where, but I think I might just end up even taking these positions just so I'm not wasting my time doing nothing. You mentioned that I sound like someone who gets pushed around a lot and I'd have to agree, but I'm slowly learning to try and be more assertive. I think the problem was that I have low self esteem from decades of verbal and physical abuse by my parents and also from my social environment.

Women is probably the last thing on my mind right now. I just need to get back on my feet and get some regular income coming in that I can also save to start repaying back my student loans.

Man, I think my initial post was a bit harsh and exaggerated. It's not that people don't care about you. It's more like they have personal matters on their mind and personal survival is usually before taking time out to help you.

If I was starving without any food to eat and no place to sleep, no shoes to walk , no clothes to wear - I would not have the time or luxury of commenting on this thread. I'm sure your parents want the best for you, but don't know how to express it. Or they just want to beat you up with their negativity, whatever it is - you can't let it impact you.

I see this a lot with asian families. One of my friends in his early 20s who I used to hang out with is lost. He doesn't know what he's doing and his family keeps beating him up about it. Does it have a positive impact? Not likely. But - it is what it is, and that is the way his parents do things based on their experiences.

The "go kill yourself" type of stuff can be really hurtful - but realize that people give words power. If I told you water was fire, and fire was water - which one would be the thing you can drink? The blue stuff or the red stuff? If you can hear me tell you you are absolutely smart, brilliant and stupid. It would make no real sense would it? That's because you've been taught each word with relation to reality. This is some deep psychological stuff that you might not understand. But you give the word and context a meaning. You can be in control of the emotions each sentence creates for you. The reframe of events in a positive context creates positive emotions which boost your performance. Of course.. sometimes it's okay to feel down and depressed. But you CANNOT dwell on it or it will kill your productivity.

Well, back to the family... I'm the first to realize a support system is crucial to success - but you can't rely on it. You've gotta harden up and be the pillar that holds others around you together. One of the mindsets you may want to adopt is that nobody else will figure it out. You have to be RESPONSIBLE - the one to figure it out, and tell others what works. I personally remind myself that if I don't complete what I'm doing - peoples living conditions will not become better because nobody else will do it. I've got to do it. When you have people depending on you for food, shelter, or whatever else - it's a big responsibility but it can also drastically increase your performance.

Steve Jobs had many interviews and speeches - in one of them He said something along the lines of "One day you'll realize the things around you are made by people no different than you. "

We all go through these challenges, and we all come into contact with people who are abusive, scared, confused or whatever and express themselves in a way that may bring you down. The journey through the pain will give you a sturdy foundation that can't be wrecked by a little "You suck you loser" type of thing. You'll become immune to comments and realize the only thing that matters is what you decide the purpose of your life is. Take the feedback as feedback - it usually has some merit. You've gotta toughen up and not let the emotional vampires impact you. You've gotta be the example that others confide in when they're scared. GO GET EM TIGER ! Man, sorry for these melodramatic posts. I just love writing stories lol.

 

[tafy]

You sound like your on the right path, but you need to keep pushing. Why not go down to the startup co working space and ask for a tour and talk to some people who are building something.

 

[tonycanevaro]

The first battle you need to win is between your ears.
Get into activity and read good books for ten minutes minimum per day. Start with The Slight Edge by Jeff Olsen. It makes every book I've ever read work better.

Next: want to learn about business? Go find a good relationship marketing company. Start with them and go to work.
You will learn very valuable skills around sales, leadership , discipline and more. Plus you be surrounded by a positive support team for a change.
You might not make much money, quickly, but you will learn HOW to build teams, move product and lead.
You can make a very good income, but beware two things:
1) free start ups - nothing worthwhile will be free to start.
2) anyone that promises you will make a boatload of money quickly.

Good direct sales companies are businesses and take time to build like any other business, but the rewards (both $ and development) are worth it.

Don't pick a company just on product or compensation plans. Look for leadership that will invest in you, that has character and integrity.

Feel free to call me anytime. If I can help in anyway I will.
5874344890

25 years of traditional and untraditional business experience
Tony


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

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[cautiouscapy]

My best friend once again was putting down my idea saying why would they want to pay you to teach them English, they already speak English in Europe. It kind of pissed me off.

Your "friend" is an IGNORANT JERK, but I guess you know that. There are many English-language schools in the UK and plenty elsewhere in Europe. They LOVE to have native speakers from countries that speak English other than England, so's the students can understand when they go to Sydney or Cape Town or Toronto just as well as if they go to London. (Work permit aside, I don't know about that.)

With an Asian background, do you speak an Asian language reasonably fluently? This could be an asset.

 

[thunder_god]

Your "friend" is an IGNORANT JERK, but I guess you know that. There are many English-language schools in the UK and plenty elsewhere in Europe. They LOVE to have native speakers from countries that speak English other than England, so's the students can understand when they go to Sydney or Cape Town or Toronto just as well as if they go to London. (Work permit aside, I don't know about that.)

With an Asian background, do you speak an Asian language reasonably fluently? This could be an asset.

Ya I got rid of him and I also had another mutual "friend" call me a few days ago but I ignored their call.
I wouldn't say fluently but I can have a basic conversation in Cantonese. I speak it with my parents.

 

[tbfmiss]

Use your haters to be your motivators. Don't listen to them and make yourself prove them wrong.

I had my own brother and mother recently as a few weeks ago say I was going to fail and waste all my money on my startup. They brought up the subject, I had to defend my position and basically tell them that I will prove them wrong.

You need to get better friends, go find some startups to work for, go to the tech co working spaces and ask around.

Quite common and needed to be said. Thanks

 

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[FiftySeven]

I did a podcast on this very topic several months ago.

Hope it helps you.

http://www.twincitiesnewstalk.com/m...s/mind-your-business-is-college-the-25644446/

skip to the back half of the podcast, after the college discussion.

For those of you that stumble upon this thread later, this podcast (the back half of it) was probably the best radio we created to date. Hope you get something out of it.

Vigilante -

Sincere, heartfelt podcast with one very specific piece of business advice -

Thanks!