Critique my sales page

[theag]

Just so everyone knows, I didn't write the sales copy on the page; it is outsourced.

Not a good investment.

 

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[GuestUser116]

Not a good investment.

It was free.

And I got Cloud Flare so my page will be faster.

 

[Mr.B]

It was free.

That still doesn't make it a good investment.

@Glacier, I think the best idea at this point is to scrap everything on your sales page. Go back to the beginning. Figure out who your target audience is and get clear on what value you are actually providing, then try writing it again.

 

[theag]

It was free.

Its not free when its costing you money by not converting

Check out ca$hvertising

 

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[csalvato]

These kinds of posts always attract people who say long form doesn't convert.

Long form converts WAY better than short form in a lot of situations. It depends on the product and level of commitment you are expecting from the customer and their current state of awareness of you.

Your sales page is great for one situation. Horrible for another. Would need so much more context. Just run it and see it doesn't work then kill it. Or if it does work, keep it. I don't think it will work unless you are buying display network traffic, very targetted solo ads or similar. Just my take.

 

[csalvato]

So, you came to this forum, asked for critiques, and now you're exhibiting foot in mouth disease?

This isn't the first time...

https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/community/threads/project-amazon-my-ebook-journey.53998

 

[csalvato]

So they are targeting weak, fat, beta males?

A way to reach alpha, have great sex, and live at your potential. What about fitness? They barely mention weights and IF. How do I re engineer their marketing and change it to calisthenics?

HINT: They're not selling fitness...they are selling a less shitty, less BETA male life. Just like a beer company doesn't sell beer...they sell FUN and SEX.

 

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[GuestUser116]

I started a new campaign on Bing Ads.

 

[Yasai]

Are you already testing/measuring conversions?

 

[Mr.B]

Long form converts WAY better than short form in a lot of situations.

I agree with you on this @csalvato - I wasn't hating on long form, I just think that @Glacier would get better results if he could get clear on what value he is providing and who his target audience is. That being said, after reading through the other thread that you linked to, I don't think I'll bother trying to help any further. All the best @Glacier, hope things work out well for you.

 

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[GuestUser116]

Are you already testing/measuring conversions?

I don't know what this means but it doesn't look good.

 

[GuestUser116]

I don't want my product to fail because I don't know anything about marketing. I'm looking to partner up, PM if interested.

 

[Yasai]

I don't know what this means but it doesn't look good.

196 Impressions = Your ad has been put in front of 196 people. That's assuming you have an ideal-case scenario. What it actually says is that it has been put in front of people 196 times (which is slightly different than the previous sentence).

0% CTR (Click-through rate) = Noone clicked on it.

Both Values determine how many visitors come to your page, based on your ad campaign.

Betting on more keywords might improve your impressions. If the ad itself is compelling, it'll increase the CTR.

 

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[Villain]

@nebuer - Why is word press bad for landing pages? Is it purely for loading speed?

OptimizePress is on word press and it looks amazing (although I haven't used it).

 

[Durete]

Just a few points on why I personally would never buy your product.

- Unorigional name, Create a better brand name. "Weightstenics" Weights, but no weights as you do calisthenics, calisthenics is a word only used by people that are in the fitness industry, yet your sales page looks to target total beginners. Beginners don't know calisthenics, so why would they even care to read it?
Also adding weights to calisthenics movements equals a weight training exercise, not calisthenics.

- Very cheap looking "hook": Are you trying to lure in Teenagers? Pimps? or are you trying to lure in the people that actually have money (Which will be most likely turned off by your "hook")

- Pictures are nothing convincing. Can get that by any training system, heck most training systems will give better pictures.

- You're asking me for my dedication to something, before you actually tells me What it exactly can do for me. (Asking a few standard questions is not telling me what it does to me.)

- You claim things without providing evidense to support your claims. (Your body can be accustomed to gym training, making your body less effective)

- You need to edit your writing, this is adequate for a free high-school advertisement, not if you want to focus on getting actual money from someone.

- Remove all the words'I, Me, Myself" etc. I don't care what it did for you, I care what it will do for me.

- Where is your guarantee? and I don't mean the 60 day money back one.

- I would suggest hiring a fitness model, or someone that is actually what you claim your product will do; "Become jacked" to perform the exercises instead of seeing a person who is pretty much the average gym-goer.

- Still to much arrows.

- Your price is lower than most "fitness professionals' books out there, this shows me that it is a low quality product.
At the same time it is also not in the bottom price range. I would suggest re-evaluating the value of your product. and then pricing it accordingly.
Either stay below the $20 or go and up your price to be in the P90x, Insanity, AthleanX(and all other top-fitness sellers) pricerange if you think your product is of that quality.

 

[GuestUser116]

Alright I changed the price to $19.99 and changed the hook.

 

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[nebuer]

Alright I changed the price to $19.99 and changed the hook.

Why?

Read a few copywriting books. Set up a split test with a totally different lander. Make changes based on that. Not on a "hunch" or "opinions". Test. Get data. No matter how much feedback you get on here.. I can guarantee it'll take a LOT of testing and losing money to get this profitable.

Adding a CDN like CloudFlare is going to do nothing for your load speed. CDNs help when international people are visiting your page... not when people from the US are.

To fix the load speed problem: use this: http://tools.pingdom.com/

Notice your images are huge? http://weightstenics.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Transformation.png --- this is 16mb!! Make it smaller. There's others 1.5mb+ that are slowing it down too.

Honestly I'd almost recommend not bothering with paid traffic right now. You'll get killed with it. You're in one of the most competitive markets with no experience, no copywriting skills etc

 

[Digamma]

I think you need to stop, take a breath, and regroup.

As of this thread, I think we identified the following problems:

• The brand is weak, there is no clear direction;
• The copy on the sales page is not targeted enough, and should be rewritten;
• You are not testing different sales pages;
• The website is not optimized, you need to take care of those images, compress the assets, make everything smaller: it's 26mb of a page, for F*ck's sake;

I know it seems overwhelming. That's ok. One step at a time.
First thing, stop wasting money in ads for now. Sit down, think about the brand, think about who is your client. Research how others are doing it. Write this shit down.

 

[GuestUser116]

To fix the load speed problem: use this: http://tools.pingdom.com/

Notice your images are huge? http://weightstenics.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Transformation.png --- this is 16mb!! Make it smaller. There's others 1.5mb+ that are slowing it down too.

I resized all the images. Now my score on tools.pingdom.com is 83/100, everything loads fast.

Honestly I'd almost recommend not bothering with paid traffic right now. You'll get killed with it. You're in one of the most competitive markets with no experience, no copywriting skills etc

How do I test then?

 

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[Mattie]

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/mft28-greg-plitts-4-week-military-fitness-trainer-by-met-rx.html
It just be me, but these types of websites as a consumer I would feel more comfortable buying from because they have video's, and content that doesn't seem like your blatantly trying to talk me into buying something. It gives me an idea you may know what you're talking about and more personal versus a like you have it now. The information tells me whether you're an authority on the subject. The way you have it now reminds me of all the scam sites that try to convince you why you need to buy this book and there are a lot of scam sites with that type of website. For me it's a red flag when I see those type of sites. It makes you question whether it's legit or not. Another diet plan, a never quick fix scheme, I promise you if you buy my product your world will be magical in thirty days.

 

[Jake]

Adding a CDN like CloudFlare is going to do nothing for your load speed. CDNs help when international people are visiting your page... not when people from the US are.

CDN's distribute the workload as well as reduce latency. Sure it will make a difference. Always best to reduce the size of what is being delivered though.

 

[theag]

Adding a CDN like CloudFlare is going to do nothing for your load speed.

Please dont speak about what you dont know. Cloudflare does great caching and other speed optimizations, and is much more than a CDN.

 

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[GuestUser116]

 

[Jake]

Change your ad

 

[GuestUser116]

Change your ad

Change what about it?

 

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[GuestUser116]

I'm looking thru some sale pages right now. Is becomingthebull.com good? What about thepancakesdiet.com?

 

[GuestUser116]

I've made a whole new, superior sales page. My old one didn't convert so I improved everything I can.

Wrote a whole new sales-letter myself, targeted at skinny guys
The sales page is all about calisthenics and speaking to my audience (skinny guys)
Created a new professional, neat, slick looking design
Added background color to the texts so they're not floating
Added more pictures and the copy I wrote has less words
Created a bonus ebook and added it on the sales page
Made a new page for the testimonials and linked the 2 pages together. This way potential customers can go back and forth thru the pages and make up their mind

I cashed in a lot of time and effort in this. I legitly believe this product can become a success. And I feel accomplished.

weightstenics.com
weightstenics.com/testimonials

 

[Durete]

Looks 1000% better,

I personally would change your header of "I've been there" to "Being skinny sucks".


There are 2 pictures that don't seem to work, they are your "Before" and "after" picture.

Keep us up to date how this new website affects your sales.

http://nibbler.silktide.com/en_US/reports/weightstenics.com
Shows us that your code quality has improved since last time.
Your SEO/Marketing has improved by a little bit, but not too much.
Do you have the YOAST SEO, or ALL-IN-ONE SEO plugin active on your website to help you improve your SEO (Almost automatically)
It also shows that you're not using any analytical plugin, How do you know what to improve if you don't get any statistics about your site?

 

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