Self Pity vs clarity

[RogueInnovation]

I think self pity comes about when you start in business because your "reach exceeds your grasp", it becomes an expression of the anguish that exists between seeing and doing, and is removed once you start doing what you see yourself doing.

Maybe you have an image of success, maybe you can recall what it looks like, maybe you were swayed off that path by making appologies to idiots (bosses, angry onlookers, those who feel like failures and want to spread it via trolling, cr#ppy business operators).
Maybe on a phone call you did whatever the guy on the other end of the line said, maybe you were rocked into jitters because a person you were making a sale to looked at you weird. Maybe you made one or two silent excuses. Maybe that turned into a little bit of self pity. Maybe because of that self pity you stopped yourself from bold actions that might have led to success. Maybe you were then ridiculed randomly. Maybe you forgot you had plenty enough power to get back on path yourself.

Self pity is a lot like any other road block to success, you need to dissolve it to get ahead.


Self pity is a natural reaction to being overwhelmed, but in order to stop being overwhelmed you just need to step out of the shadows and take up some space.
- Make a call with a strong sense of self and take responsibility on in a firm way (puff up your chest, hold your breath a little, strengthen your voice)
- Get in the mood to do business (yes, there is a mood, and its not dry and aggressive, it is smooth and upright, fluidly taking initiative in your OWN manner. Just dip your toe in the water and cultivate the mood that follows)
- Plan decisively and realistically (don't plan "right", plan in a decisive manner, and question in an appropriate manner later, without pity)

A lot of stresses stem from self pity, things like thinking people are a##holes, getting the run around, being undermined.
So what you need to do is stand firm, but without "rationalisation".
Just be stoic and clear, and do not look for reasoning, because reasoning leads to "negotiation" and screw negotiation. Negotiation is to be left for when you are talking to friends, not during game face time.

Act with clarity.
Instead of always flowing around, take punctuating stops and stalls in your process and evaluate the situation and how it is currently progressing. Use that time to add clarity to your next act.


Your grasp will meet your reach, when your process is no longer overworked by bending over for jack#sses. Don't play nice, just play even, talk strongly and do not question yourself.
Improving in business will never happen if you allow others to put their hand in your cookie jar.

So shut the trap, don't self pity, and burden the task of standing upright.


So what are you waiting for, go ahead and make yourself proud again.

 

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[Iammelissamoore]

Love this, it really is easy to pity oneself, I did it a lot when I was starting. You are correct, there is an actual attitude one can 'put on' when bringing the A-Game. You know what they say about practice. For me, I often dealt with fears, especially when something seem overly complex. After reading MJ's article about "How to handle anything big without getting swallowed," it helped me to break the complexities down to simplicities and work on them a bit at a time, and my fave - reverse engineering, taking the end result, how you'd like it, map out the details and work backwards, bringing yourself to a detail-oriented, well-comprehensive state.

Now, instead of the fear and the self-pity, I see myself going in deeper with challenging projects. Yes the pity and fear comes around, but, it's so small that it doesn't even phase me, it does; however, keep me grounded.

Loved reading your post.