Dealing with lonliness

[HenkHolland]

Ninjakid, you sound like you are on the edge of a mild form of depression.
Become physically active, e.g. running, cycling, weight lifting or a team sport. The latter will bring along new contacts/friends at the same time. So, you'll hit two birds with one stone.
It has been proven scientifically that physical activity fights off depression and gives you lots of energy to take up new initiatives.
So, the more active you are, the more outgoing you'll probably become. That will help in solving loneliness.
Also, watch what you eat. Fatty fish with a high amount of Omega 3 is very good for your mood. If you don't like fish, you can always take Omega 3 supplements.

Good luck.

 

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[Waisec]

I have met a lot of people by becoming a regular at my local gym. The trick is to open up and talk to people; introduce yourself! I'm not sure how introverted or extroverted you are, so this may/may not be difficult for you, but the best way to get over cold-approach anxiety is repetition. I'm not trying to get ahead of myself, but when you've been alone for a while it can take a bit to get acclimated to a new social atmosphere. I'm speaking from my own experience. If you're a member of any other forums, see if people are having meet ups. It's a common social activity for car enthusiasts and I know that they're not the only ones who do it. Into games? See if there are any LAN parties in your area. You catch my drift.

This is spot on. Start lifting weights even only if it's just a few times a week. Eventually as people see you go there often you are bound to meet new people. I have seen some of the shyest guys making friends just because they regularly hit the weights.

The added benefit is that most guys who lift regularly also tend to be executives/CEO's/own businesses/athletes. Successful people, the kind of people you should surround yourself with anyway

 

[qvantage]

Its really sad to know that you are lonly but to deal with your lonliness you can play games online or otherwise join any club where you can spend lot of time to learn something new on everyday.

 

[pickeringmt]

But bro, all the same, I wouldn't recommend isolating yourself.

Oh I understand, and I don't actively seek being alone.

For me it has been part of shifting the course of my life and leaving the old behind. It has made me a stronger person.

I could not do it without the great people in my life - some of which are right here on this forum. All I am saying is that I have found that some of the most painful parts of creating a life you are proud of can become some of the greatest sources of inner strength.

 

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[Ninjakid]

Ninjakid, you sound like you are on the edge of a mild form of depression.
Become physically active, e.g. running, cycling, weight lifting or a team sport. The latter will bring along new contacts/friends at the same time. So, you'll hit two birds with one stone.
It has been proven scientifically that physical activity fights off depression and gives you lots of energy to take up new initiatives.
So, the more active you are, the more outgoing you'll probably become. That will help in solving loneliness.
Also, watch what you eat. Fatty fish with a high amount of Omega 3 is very good for your mood. If you don't like fish, you can always take Omega 3 supplements.

Good luck.

Yeah bro, I don't deny that. It's probably the case.
Right now I work out regularly, and I eat whole foods (specifically a lot of fish). Thing I have all my workout gear at home. So it's like I get all the benefits, but none of the social aspect of it like I would if I went to a gym. So I think joining a gym would be great for me to be around like minded people. Thanks man

 

[Ninjakid]

Its really sad to know that you are lonly but to deal with your lonliness you can play games online or otherwise join any club where you can spend lot of time to learn something new on everyday.

It's okay, I'm kind of used to it. I've always been more of the loner type. Partially because I don't seem to have a lot on common with most people I meet.
But being an avid gamer, some of the coolest people I did are fellow gamers

 

[Ninjakid]

Oh I understand, and I don't actively seek being alone.

For me it has been part of shifting the course of my life and leaving the old behind. It has made me a stronger person.

I could not do it without the great people in my life - some of which are right here on this forum. All I am saying is that I have found that some of the most painful parts of creating a life you are proud of can become some of the greatest sources of inner strength.

I agree man. People around you sometimes have a different plan for you, and the only person on your side is yourself at times (seemingly, even though it might not be actually the case). So in those cases, a dude just has to go at it himself.
I think back to the movie Up In The Air when George Clooney says, "think of the best moments in your life. Were you alone?" And the guy he's talking to says no.
No one can really do it all on their own, so it's good to hear you got some valuable people in your life

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Entrepreneurship can be very lonely, especially if you are a one-man show. And still, even if you have employees, it can be lonely because its not always best to befriend employees.

Things that help me deal with the daily loneliness? This forum. Talk radio. Find like minded groups on Meetup, FB, and yea, even Craigslist. Right now there's probably a few posts in your area in the activities section for gym partners, kickball, softball, tennis partners, for Fantasy Football leagues, list goes on and on. Join one of those and you expand your circle.

 

[AndrewNC]

But on my downtime I don't really have people hang with, or talk face to face.

Do you think this will automatically change when you reach your business goals? Close your eyes and picture yourself making the fastlane, selling your company. Really get in the moment...see what you will be seeing., hear what you are hearing, feel what you are feeling. etc. When you do that, who is standing next to you?

Or are you all alone? I was when I quit my job and moved 1,000 miles to a new city after my first small fastlane success. I have one friend from the forum who will be my roommate for the next year, but for the first month of living here, I only saw him for three days before he began to travel. I was all alon.

In a new city, all alone, right after my first small business success... Thinking about it, if I stayed in the same city as before, I wouldn't have had many friends who were still around that are outside of this forum.

Do you want to be alone when you 'make it', or do you want to be surrounded by a wide variety of friends that share unique interests with you? I went to a meetup.com group and the first event was at some german bar. While drinking beers with some people there, I started talking to a guy who is in the startup community and his girlfriend is actually starting a business in my industry. We became friends and then I will be promoting their product to my user base.

The other night I was writing about how too many entrepreneurs (mainly myself) lock myself in my room in front of my computer all day to race to the finish line of success and leave the outside world behind. As I was writing that story, I walk out of my room and my roommate has a friend over who I decide to sit outside with and talk to for a little while. It turns out he is the Vice President of an organization with 46,000 members who are exactly in the market for what I am offering.

He offered free marketing to 46,000 people who are my target customers...

I also had a conversation with a stoner hippie who taught me something that would make me a better salesman on anything in life...

This just happened from stepping outside of my bedroom into the kitchen... Imagine what is possible if you leave your house and meet people with similar interests as you?

 

[MichLap]

I don't really want this post to sound sad lol

Anyways right now pretty much all of my friends live somewhere else right now (some went back to their native countries, or have gone away for school). Currently, my business requires only my input, so I usually work on it alone. But on my downtime I don't really have people hang with, or talk face to face. I've got my family around, but they're usually busy with their own lives.

I don't go to school, or work at a job (for now anyways), so any advice on how to meet like minded people?

Whats your business? Couldn't you meet people in similar fields?

 

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[Ninjakid]

Entrepreneurship can be very lonely, especially if you are a one-man show. And still, even if you have employees, it can be lonely because its not always best to befriend employees.

Things that help me deal with the daily loneliness? This forum. Talk radio. Find like minded groups on Meetup, FB, and yea, even Craigslist. Right now there's probably a few posts in your area in the activities section for gym partners, kickball, softball, tennis partners, for Fantasy Football leagues, list goes on and on. Join one of those and you expand your circle.

Yeah I'm both both my businesses I'm basically solo right now, except for my dad being my partner in one.
Speaking of entrepreneurship being lonely at times, there were times when I literally thought "it is really worth it? I feel completely on my own here."
But those were fleeting moments, and in a way, while entrepreneurship can seem lonely, it provides great opportunities to meet people that a 9-5 wouldn't.
For example, when you aren't stuck in the same place with the same people everyday, you get a chance to go out more, and network. Partially because it's a good idea to expand your business, and also you can choose your hours. So even with the initial loneliness and hardships that an entrepreneur can face, I think the benefits far outweigh everything else; and I don't even have much success in this field yet haha
But those are some great ideas MJ, thanks a lot
By the way,I used to listen to talk radio pretty much 24/7, because it would always feel like I had company

 

[Ninjakid]

This is spot on. Start lifting weights even only if it's just a few times a week. Eventually as people see you go there often you are bound to meet new people. I have seen some of the shyest guys making friends just because they regularly hit the weights.

The added benefit is that most guys who lift regularly also tend to be executives/CEO's/own businesses/athletes. Successful people, the kind of people you should surround yourself with anyway

I have a weight training routine that I follow every day. It's one of the greatest motivators for me. I feel way more energized after a workout, and I love seeing abs every time I take off my shirt
And you're completely right, I have heard that a lot of successful people work out and stay fit even if their jobs aren't particularly physically demanding. You can tell a lot about a person by how they take care of their body. Even more so when people get older, because it's a lot easier to stay fit when you're my age (even though the vast majority of my peers are out of shape). A CEO who lifts weights and stays in shape is the guy I would imagine to negotiate the best deal, or get trading rights in that foreign country.
Also, I've made it a point to surround myself with like minded people. A lot of the people who were my "friends" before would always criticize my fastlane path, and make "logical" reasons why being overly successful isn't likely. I'm cool with people whether they're fastlane or slowlane, but I don't need these downer types in my life

 

[Ninjakid]

Do you think this will automatically change when you reach your business goals? Close your eyes and picture yourself making the fastlane, selling your company. Really get in the moment...see what you will be seeing., hear what you are hearing, feel what you are feeling. etc. When you do that, who is standing next to you?

Or are you all alone? I was when I quit my job and moved 1,000 miles to a new city after my first small fastlane success. I have one friend from the forum who will be my roommate for the next year, but for the first month of living here, I only saw him for three days before he began to travel. I was all alon.

In a new city, all alone, right after my first small business success... Thinking about it, if I stayed in the same city as before, I wouldn't have had many friends who were still around that are outside of this forum.

Do you want to be alone when you 'make it', or do you want to be surrounded by a wide variety of friends that share unique interests with you? I went to a meetup.com group and the first event was at some german bar. While drinking beers with some people there, I started talking to a guy who is in the startup community and his girlfriend is actually starting a business in my industry. We became friends and then I will be promoting their product to my user base.

The other night I was writing about how too many entrepreneurs (mainly myself) lock myself in my room in front of my computer all day to race to the finish line of success and leave the outside world behind. As I was writing that story, I walk out of my room and my roommate has a friend over who I decide to sit outside with and talk to for a little while. It turns out he is the Vice President of an organization with 46,000 members who are exactly in the market for what I am offering.

He offered free marketing to 46,000 people who are my target customers...

I also had a conversation with a stoner hippie who taught me something that would make me a better salesman on anything in life...

This just happened from stepping outside of my bedroom into the kitchen... Imagine what is possible if you leave your house and meet people with similar interests as you?

That's a really inspiring story man. Ever heard of the law of attraction? I think it's been over-hyped, over-marketed, and spat all over with frauds and phony science; but there's some things I do agree with. I believe that the right kinds of people come into our life for a reason, and inspire to bring out the best in us. And interestingly, it often happens at the most random moments and times.
That's a bold move to move to a new location when you don't know anyone there. Good job, homey. I can't say I am really prepared to do the same. I was planning a move to Japan a few years back for university, but I kind of chickened out. Or rather, I decided I'd rather be near those close to me.
Some of the most important people in my life... actually now that I think about it pretty much all of them.. I didn't meet at work or at school, but in a very coincidental setting. Given the bonds we've formed over the years, I don't think that out of the thousands of people I could pass on the street in a day, I would meet and befriend these particular people at random. And for you, my friend, you met the right people who could help you accomplish your goals at impeccable timing. How cool is that?

In answer to your question, I only picture a handful of people at my side. Some really special friends, and some of my closer family members. These are people I would would trust with my life, or even my bank account I firmly believe these people will be at my side no matter what. But I ubderstand that when you become fastlane, some people drop out of your life because you have money, and some come into your life just because you have money.

 

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[Ninjakid]

Whats your business? Couldn't you meet people in similar fields?

I have one bumper-sticker business, and a tech business that makes programs, apps, and websites and such. I feel both would fall under the realm of internet business though.
I'm sure there's tons of people in a similar field as me, but I don't personally know them. However sometimes I like to pretend I'm friends with Elon Musk, but not in a stalker type way.

 

[marklov]

I battled the same issue but at the end of the day I just worked out , clubbed , fished , went to local meet ups of all kinds , different social environments etc...

Met some great people and some pretty abrasive ones aswell lol.

Felt good to not only talk about the same interests but hear others experiences and just chill.

I think i'm starting to really realise that people especially friends will come and even ones you wish were around.

I do wonder which faces ill see when the dust has cleared.

 

[Yasai]

Was about to give some advice, but it seems the lads (and ladettes) of this forum already took care of that ;D

Like some other people mentioned: It's perfectly possible to "not be in need of direct social interaction" and just being content with being alone. Especially if you need time to think about stuff (in a good, non-brooding way of course).

Having "time for yourself" can also teach you some valuable lessons. The only person you have to deal with 24/7... is yourself. And that should be as enjoyable as possible.

Some people almost like to "collect" "friends", as if they were some kind of currency ("Look how many people on facebook I (don't) know! Approve of me and my epic social skills! Please?"). Acquaintance collecting seems a bit slowlaner-ish, too.

That being said, I'm sure you'll find great people - especially if you don't focus on your lack ("I feel alone") but rather what you DO want (and it seems you made that shift already).

Cheers

 

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[MichLap]

I have one bumper-sticker business, and a tech business that makes programs, apps, and websites and such. I feel both would fall under the realm of internet business though.
I'm sure there's tons of people in a similar field as me, but I don't personally know them. However sometimes I like to pretend I'm friends with Elon Musk, but not in a stalker type way.

I love Elon Musk, he was a loner in his childhood Probably still is

 

[Ubermensch]

I don't really want this post to sound sad lol

Anyways right now pretty much all of my friends live somewhere else right now (some went back to their native countries, or have gone away for school). Currently, my business requires only my input, so I usually work on it alone. But on my downtime I don't really have people hang with, or talk face to face. I've got my family around, but they're usually busy with their own lives.

I don't go to school, or work at a job (for now anyways), so any advice on how to meet like minded people?

Embrace the loneliness. Great realizations are to be obtained in the cave. Just ask Zarasthustra.

To paraphrase Nietzsche: Ape is to man as man is to Ubermensch.

That said, the only people worth your time are people who can make you money. Find something to sell. Get it for the low (Hustlin' 101). Speak to allies. Build an army. Create a comprehensive strategy, an ultimate strategic goal - and then strike... like a Thunbderbolt. [HASHTAG]#theartofwar[/HASHTAG]

 

[throttleforward]

Embrace the loneliness. Great realizations are to be obtained in the cave. Just ask Zarasthustra.

To paraphrase Nietzsche: Ape is to man as man is to Ubermensch.

That said, the only people worth your time are people who can make you money. Find something to sell. Get it for the low (Hustlin' 101). Speak to allies. Build an army. Create a comprehensive strategy, an ultimate strategic goal - and then strike... like a Thunbderbolt. [HASHTAG]#theartofwar[/HASHTAG]

However, the people who can make you money are often those who you'd least expect.

 

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[Ubermensch]

However, the people who can make you money are often those who you'd least expect.

How do you know what I'd expect?

 

[throttleforward]

How do you know what I'd expect?

I don't. My only caution (not to you, but in general) is that no one can know in advance who can or can't make them money.

 

[Ubermensch]

I don't. My only caution (not to you, but in general) is that no one can know in advance who can or can't make them money.

"There's no such thing as luck... only probabilities." ~Yoda, Master Jedi

You can talk to people with a higher probability of making money, rather merely reyling on luck.

While that's technically true, it IS true that there are ways to increase your chances of success. If I specifically target a group of 100 people - based on their profession, who their clients are, and THEIR need to help me FILL the need (a.k.a introducing me to their clients), then I reckon that is far more effective than walking into a Starbucks and asking random college students and senior citizens with no current business experience.

I just plain disagree with the statement that you can know in advance who can make them money. You can't know with 100% accuracy, but what CAN you know with 100% accuracy? But you can definitely help yourself out by doing research, being smart and a little clever and creative.

Example: I am inking deals with sales organizations, some of which have hundreds of sales reps, that are going to be pitching my product full-time. Speaking to the principles of these organizations, and executing business development agreements with them, is far more effective than talking to the mother of four children that just walked out of the cafe across the street.

 

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[Ninjakid]

I've read all of your comments and I really appreciate the support, guys
@Yasai I agree that alone time is valuable. But the problem is I get depressed when I'm alone for long periods of time. But it's sometimes nice to collect my thoughts and work on my own thing.

 

[Ninjakid]

@MichLap I do too! And yeah, he is kind of a loner, when he was making Zip2, he apparently didn't have friends.
Funny story: He went to Netscape to ask for a job, but he was too shy, and he ended up just walking out. He said in an interview that he felt like if he asked for a job, they would call the police or something and tell him to get out haha. I think he was like 24!

 

[jilla82]

Whatever you do, make sure the people you hang out w/ arent just "filler friends"...people who you keep around just because you are lonely. They will add nothing to your life.

In the past two years ive changed a lot, I dont even like being around the people I used to hang around.
So I stay away.

This thread has opened me up to finding new people to be around...but I refuse to be around the average broke complaining excuse filled person.

 

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[Lauryn]

At least I know I'm not alone with the lonely ish. Sometimes I deliberately shut everyone out if I feel at risk of being vulnerable to filler friends. I can't waste my time or anyone else's like that.

 

[Ninjakid]

At least I know I'm not alone with the lonely ish. Sometimes I deliberately shut everyone out if I feel at risk of being vulnerable to filler friends. I can't waste my time or anyone else's like that.

I'm kind of the same way at times. Just remember though, if you don't give someone a chance, how will you ever know for sure?

 

[marklov]

loneliness can become a matter of perspective.

Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone

When friendship disappears then there is a space left open to that awful loneliness of the outside world which is like the cold space between the planets. It is an air in which men perish utterly.

 

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[Ninjakid]

Loneliness is really a feeling state. There's many people who are alone, but not lonely. And there's many people who are always surrounded by others, and feel lonely

 

[AndrewNC]

I just made a post that relates to getting over loneliness on another thread that I started. It could be worth the read.

https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/co...ed-in-not-seeing-any-success-heres-why.54295/