Hi all,
I need some serious advice...and the reason I am asking here is because I think you all are in my position. We are entrepreneurs... risk takers...we have sacrificed a lot or everything to be either: filthy rich, become financially independent or just hate working for "the man" and like the freedom of being in charge.
I have a lot on my mind right now...and I'm going to tell the full story. It's going to be a lot and I'm spilling out my heart here but if any of you take the time to read this I would appreciate any help or insight on this. It would be great to hear from any female entrepreneurs...
So here is my dilemma. My gf and I met in 2007, and we have been dating for now 9 years now. We met when I first graduated school and she was still in school. She saw how I struggled in my first year on not finding a job. Then I finally landed my first company job and worked there for a measly $25k/yr salary for 2 years. She heard how my ex boss was a screamer and an a**hole and she was with me when I made the decision to quit and go out on my own. She saw how my first 2 companies failed and how I lost thousands of dollars as a result of it. But she doesn't know exactly how much money I lost.
Then on my 3rd try, 4 years I started this agency, marketing agency. The first here with absolutely no competitors (I'm not in the US but in a foreign country) and we are also very niche. The first year was rough, I was working mornings and evenings doing part-time and working on my biz with my partner during the day and weekends. She supported me during this time, helped with rent sometimes, paid for dinner, groceries and what not. During this time we were living together...
Her parents hated me, they thought I was not talented enough for their daughter. I think some of it was racism as well (we are not of the same race). They sent emails telling me to break up and tried to bribe and coerce her into leaving me and going back to her home country. She is also a expat here. So yes, I have never met her parents during the 9 year relationship. I always felt like she never stood up for me..in her culture, respecting the parents wishes is the norm, i guess that's why. It hurt a little to be honest. For those who are unfamiliar with asian culture it's very hard to understand. Your parents have a lot of say in what you say or do for everything! (education, marriage, where you live, where u work, etc).
So from the 2nd year of the business, we started growing. We were getting a lot of government contracts and we grew to about 10 or so employees. Salary was a bitch, hitting at $30k a month. Then last year, we hit a down year and it was really rough. No projects or government contracts and a lot of our clients went out of business.
We haven't saved anything and my partner (native to this country) had to take loans, took mortgage on his house. I had to sign a loan with him too, we took out $200k (where I have to pay $100k, but I always felt like I could move back to the US and not pay back he loan if we went out of business) then he took out an additional $150k to keep the business floating.
Btw he is 40 years old, 2 children. I am 32, no kids and not married. $50k in debt for student loans back at home, and now $100k in debt here in this country. He has a lot to lose and I told him last year that we had to shut down. I told him it was better to be 100k in debt than $250k in debt. But for him, it was all or nothing and he wouldn't even consider it.
We realised last year that we were depending too much on government contracts and money to run our company. Our current or perceived future client base, at least in my opinion, still does not bring enough to be able to run our agency. Anyways during that time it was rough. We cut our salaries by 80%, had to fire employees and what not.
I still think we need to cut and downsize but in this country, appearance is everything and if we moved to a smaller office, and downsized my partner feels that we would go out of business immediately. In this country, appearance is EVERYTHING. Anyways we have downsized, instead of 8 full time employees now we have 5 and 3 interns. 10 including my partner and I. Our office bill is at $3500 month, but he doesn't want to move because if we move he says that everyone will think we are going out of business and will not want to bring work to us. But we aren't getting any work though, aside from the gov't contracts.
Anyways back to the GF. So last year in May, my gf decided to go back to her home country. Back to where her parents were living and we made arrangements to talk to each on the phone other every Sun/Mon/Wed & Friday. In the beginning it was ok, we flew to each other's countries (her and this country is very close so only about a $300 roundtrip plane ticket away) every 2 months, went on cheap vacations, etc.
She is a great penny pincher, wow can she cut corners really well lol. She knew my salary was cut then so she paid for the security deposit on my apartment which was $30k (in this country, security deposit is min. $10k but the higher the security deposit the lower the rent). So even my apartment isn't even in my name..even though I'm paying rent, which is at $1k a month.
But last year she was 29, now this year she is 30. Last year she pushed me on getting married and i said I wasn't ready. Actually it was 2-3 years ago when she started pushing me and last year I gave in and I said, ok I will propose next year, which is this year. Now this year has come around and she is telling me that it's time to fulfil my promise to get married...
Leave my partner and go join a big, "safe" company. She wants to live a "safe" life with me and not have to worry about money. Well, what I mean is, she wants me to work somewhere where I have a "stable" salary.
Ok, so we both live in asian countries. Those who are familiar with asian cultures know that getting married having children is very very important. Now that she is 30, she wants to have children and start a family. Family is the most important thing, not your business, not your parents, not your career. Family is.
These days on the phone, it's just fighting and nagging and she just complains about:
* why she hates my company
* why I'm not paying back my student loans
* telling me to go find a cheaper place to live
* asking repeatedly on why I'm not looking for another job
These days we don't even talk anymore because I don't want to talk about it or fight. Yesterday I asked her, 'so you want me to betray my partner?' and she replied,' well you are betraying me.' Gah... She even knows my partner, met many times and sincerely likes him as a person.
With my experience, 4 years in what I have been doing, I am quite confident that I can move to any company. In the 4 years of this business, I have turned down a headhunter offering me $100k/year (in this country, only about 10% even make 100k a year) and we even turned down an acquisition of about $1million (which we are REGRETTING to this day) of the agency. Shit its rough, I wish we took that offer but its too late now.
So 2 months ago we received a gov't contract, which will help us pull through until the end of this year. But after that, I honestly don't see us surviving. We haven't gotten any projects and I really don't know how this company will stay afloat.
I'm pretty sure we will go out of business. My partner doesn't think so, he is so optimistic and these days I have been becoming very pessimistic. You have to remember last year I told him that we should shut down but he refuses now. During that time, I gave him 5% of the company, so now he is the majority shareholder. That's the least I could of done since he was taking all the risk i.e. loans to keep this company afloat.
My friend told me that if I quit now because of her that this will be it. This won't be the first time that I will give up something I want. They tell me to make sure it's something I want to do and not something she wants. Half of me wants to keep going, but I know she will not support me or respect this decision.
She is so nasty and negative these days. During these 4 years I have always asked for encouragement and support. She said that the way she supports me is with the money (which I have paid back aside from the apartment that is in her name) but there is no other support or encouragement from her. She's not an optimistic person, never has been and quite pessimistic actually. The way she counters with her negativity is that she wants to be "safe". The other half says, 'well it was a good run, maybe in another lifetime'
But my reasons for starting this business are this:
1. I like the freedom. Yes coming in at noon sometimes after a late night of drinking is awesome, but i also work late too.
2. Pay is not bad during our uptime's, and using the corporate card whenever i want is awesome
3. The status for being a CEO in this country is very respectable, I like feeling respected
4. I like being independent and not having to work or report to someone
5. In the beginning I wanted to make a lot of money...who doesn't, I now realize that running an agency that I will *never* become rich. It's just impossible for an agency. Even being acquired, companies don't acquire agencies for much cash so i wouldn't even make that much money or not any at all. It'll most likely all go to loans..
6. When marketing, I love being able to make the decisions on what kind of direction, what services/companies, etc I want to use or pitch to our clients.
7. I love how I can bring my dog to work everyday
Even though this is an marketing agency, I know I am not a client facing person. I just hate dealing with pesky clients who complain a lot. My work is all in the operations side, my partner does all the sales and client relations.
Sales have been about 1m a year for 3 years, last year we were -$150k. As an agency, 1m in sales isn't much because if we make 10-15% of that, its only 100-150k/year, then take into employee salary/rent/business trips/etc and we don't make any money. And from that 1m, I say...80% is gov't contracts.
We are also an award winning agency, we have won a few awards from the work we have done. We have a great image in this industry but none of that has come in large contracts from companies. Now that it's 4 years, there are competitors. I would say maybe 3-4 competitors now so not everything comes to us.
Ok wow...i wrote a lot. I spilled my guts and for those of you who read this far, thank you for reading this. If anybody has any insight, please share it. Would really love to hear from women in this. If I asked on any other forum, I don't think they would understand since they are not entrepreneurs and that is why I came here.
Thank you and look forward to hearing your thoughts.
struggling CEO
I need some serious advice...and the reason I am asking here is because I think you all are in my position. We are entrepreneurs... risk takers...we have sacrificed a lot or everything to be either: filthy rich, become financially independent or just hate working for "the man" and like the freedom of being in charge.
I have a lot on my mind right now...and I'm going to tell the full story. It's going to be a lot and I'm spilling out my heart here but if any of you take the time to read this I would appreciate any help or insight on this. It would be great to hear from any female entrepreneurs...
So here is my dilemma. My gf and I met in 2007, and we have been dating for now 9 years now. We met when I first graduated school and she was still in school. She saw how I struggled in my first year on not finding a job. Then I finally landed my first company job and worked there for a measly $25k/yr salary for 2 years. She heard how my ex boss was a screamer and an a**hole and she was with me when I made the decision to quit and go out on my own. She saw how my first 2 companies failed and how I lost thousands of dollars as a result of it. But she doesn't know exactly how much money I lost.
Then on my 3rd try, 4 years I started this agency, marketing agency. The first here with absolutely no competitors (I'm not in the US but in a foreign country) and we are also very niche. The first year was rough, I was working mornings and evenings doing part-time and working on my biz with my partner during the day and weekends. She supported me during this time, helped with rent sometimes, paid for dinner, groceries and what not. During this time we were living together...
Her parents hated me, they thought I was not talented enough for their daughter. I think some of it was racism as well (we are not of the same race). They sent emails telling me to break up and tried to bribe and coerce her into leaving me and going back to her home country. She is also a expat here. So yes, I have never met her parents during the 9 year relationship. I always felt like she never stood up for me..in her culture, respecting the parents wishes is the norm, i guess that's why. It hurt a little to be honest. For those who are unfamiliar with asian culture it's very hard to understand. Your parents have a lot of say in what you say or do for everything! (education, marriage, where you live, where u work, etc).
So from the 2nd year of the business, we started growing. We were getting a lot of government contracts and we grew to about 10 or so employees. Salary was a bitch, hitting at $30k a month. Then last year, we hit a down year and it was really rough. No projects or government contracts and a lot of our clients went out of business.
We haven't saved anything and my partner (native to this country) had to take loans, took mortgage on his house. I had to sign a loan with him too, we took out $200k (where I have to pay $100k, but I always felt like I could move back to the US and not pay back he loan if we went out of business) then he took out an additional $150k to keep the business floating.
Btw he is 40 years old, 2 children. I am 32, no kids and not married. $50k in debt for student loans back at home, and now $100k in debt here in this country. He has a lot to lose and I told him last year that we had to shut down. I told him it was better to be 100k in debt than $250k in debt. But for him, it was all or nothing and he wouldn't even consider it.
We realised last year that we were depending too much on government contracts and money to run our company. Our current or perceived future client base, at least in my opinion, still does not bring enough to be able to run our agency. Anyways during that time it was rough. We cut our salaries by 80%, had to fire employees and what not.
I still think we need to cut and downsize but in this country, appearance is everything and if we moved to a smaller office, and downsized my partner feels that we would go out of business immediately. In this country, appearance is EVERYTHING. Anyways we have downsized, instead of 8 full time employees now we have 5 and 3 interns. 10 including my partner and I. Our office bill is at $3500 month, but he doesn't want to move because if we move he says that everyone will think we are going out of business and will not want to bring work to us. But we aren't getting any work though, aside from the gov't contracts.
Anyways back to the GF. So last year in May, my gf decided to go back to her home country. Back to where her parents were living and we made arrangements to talk to each on the phone other every Sun/Mon/Wed & Friday. In the beginning it was ok, we flew to each other's countries (her and this country is very close so only about a $300 roundtrip plane ticket away) every 2 months, went on cheap vacations, etc.
She is a great penny pincher, wow can she cut corners really well lol. She knew my salary was cut then so she paid for the security deposit on my apartment which was $30k (in this country, security deposit is min. $10k but the higher the security deposit the lower the rent). So even my apartment isn't even in my name..even though I'm paying rent, which is at $1k a month.
But last year she was 29, now this year she is 30. Last year she pushed me on getting married and i said I wasn't ready. Actually it was 2-3 years ago when she started pushing me and last year I gave in and I said, ok I will propose next year, which is this year. Now this year has come around and she is telling me that it's time to fulfil my promise to get married...
Leave my partner and go join a big, "safe" company. She wants to live a "safe" life with me and not have to worry about money. Well, what I mean is, she wants me to work somewhere where I have a "stable" salary.
Ok, so we both live in asian countries. Those who are familiar with asian cultures know that getting married having children is very very important. Now that she is 30, she wants to have children and start a family. Family is the most important thing, not your business, not your parents, not your career. Family is.
These days on the phone, it's just fighting and nagging and she just complains about:
* why she hates my company
* why I'm not paying back my student loans
* telling me to go find a cheaper place to live
* asking repeatedly on why I'm not looking for another job
These days we don't even talk anymore because I don't want to talk about it or fight. Yesterday I asked her, 'so you want me to betray my partner?' and she replied,' well you are betraying me.' Gah... She even knows my partner, met many times and sincerely likes him as a person.
With my experience, 4 years in what I have been doing, I am quite confident that I can move to any company. In the 4 years of this business, I have turned down a headhunter offering me $100k/year (in this country, only about 10% even make 100k a year) and we even turned down an acquisition of about $1million (which we are REGRETTING to this day) of the agency. Shit its rough, I wish we took that offer but its too late now.
So 2 months ago we received a gov't contract, which will help us pull through until the end of this year. But after that, I honestly don't see us surviving. We haven't gotten any projects and I really don't know how this company will stay afloat.
I'm pretty sure we will go out of business. My partner doesn't think so, he is so optimistic and these days I have been becoming very pessimistic. You have to remember last year I told him that we should shut down but he refuses now. During that time, I gave him 5% of the company, so now he is the majority shareholder. That's the least I could of done since he was taking all the risk i.e. loans to keep this company afloat.
My friend told me that if I quit now because of her that this will be it. This won't be the first time that I will give up something I want. They tell me to make sure it's something I want to do and not something she wants. Half of me wants to keep going, but I know she will not support me or respect this decision.
She is so nasty and negative these days. During these 4 years I have always asked for encouragement and support. She said that the way she supports me is with the money (which I have paid back aside from the apartment that is in her name) but there is no other support or encouragement from her. She's not an optimistic person, never has been and quite pessimistic actually. The way she counters with her negativity is that she wants to be "safe". The other half says, 'well it was a good run, maybe in another lifetime'
But my reasons for starting this business are this:
1. I like the freedom. Yes coming in at noon sometimes after a late night of drinking is awesome, but i also work late too.
2. Pay is not bad during our uptime's, and using the corporate card whenever i want is awesome
3. The status for being a CEO in this country is very respectable, I like feeling respected
4. I like being independent and not having to work or report to someone
5. In the beginning I wanted to make a lot of money...who doesn't, I now realize that running an agency that I will *never* become rich. It's just impossible for an agency. Even being acquired, companies don't acquire agencies for much cash so i wouldn't even make that much money or not any at all. It'll most likely all go to loans..
6. When marketing, I love being able to make the decisions on what kind of direction, what services/companies, etc I want to use or pitch to our clients.
7. I love how I can bring my dog to work everyday
Even though this is an marketing agency, I know I am not a client facing person. I just hate dealing with pesky clients who complain a lot. My work is all in the operations side, my partner does all the sales and client relations.
Sales have been about 1m a year for 3 years, last year we were -$150k. As an agency, 1m in sales isn't much because if we make 10-15% of that, its only 100-150k/year, then take into employee salary/rent/business trips/etc and we don't make any money. And from that 1m, I say...80% is gov't contracts.
We are also an award winning agency, we have won a few awards from the work we have done. We have a great image in this industry but none of that has come in large contracts from companies. Now that it's 4 years, there are competitors. I would say maybe 3-4 competitors now so not everything comes to us.
Ok wow...i wrote a lot. I spilled my guts and for those of you who read this far, thank you for reading this. If anybody has any insight, please share it. Would really love to hear from women in this. If I asked on any other forum, I don't think they would understand since they are not entrepreneurs and that is why I came here.
Thank you and look forward to hearing your thoughts.
struggling CEO
Dislike ads? Remove them and support the forum:
Subscribe to Fastlane Insiders.
