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20 wise marriage tips from a man that was recently divorced.

Topics relating to managing people and relationships

Rawr

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20 Awesome Marriage Tips From a Recently Divorced Man


Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…
1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

continued...




Agree, disagree, from experience please.

I have drilled the "guy who's a challenge" will get the girl so hard into my head that it took a long time and effort to pull my head out of my a$$ and not be an a**hole. This article has nice, caring tips, for nice guys with humility.

The question is, how do you keep it fun, and re-prove that she made the right choice, or is her being there and smiling is all the proof you need?
 
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garyfritz

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As someone who was recently divorced after a 20-year marriage: yes, these are spot on. It will work a lot better if she is doing the same from her side, but you can't control that. If you do all these things, she will be far more likely to respond in kind.

And, even if you do all these things (I believe I did many/most of them), it can still fall apart. But if you do your best, you hugely increase the chances of a lifelong happy marriage.
 

Thriftypreneur

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Seems like the author is upset that he wasn't "perfect," and that he couldn't cater to his wife's every whim with the potency and tenacity of when they were first dating.

I'm not saying his advice is bad, not at all. I think everyone tries to hit on those points, whether they realize it or not, when they first start dating someone and during a marriage. But, truth is, people get used to people, and if you're married to someone (male or female) who expects day 7300 to feel as exciting, fresh, and anxiety-ridden as day 1 of your courtship... well, I don't think I have to say how unrealistic those expectations are.
 

Groupie

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Not to criticize the article, but it sounds like the man is being portrayed as in the wrong 100% and I can't believe that. It takes two as the saying goes.

Women today seem to have some sort of entitlement persona about them. They are not happy with anything that is going on in the relationship and nothing is ever good enough. Before my divorce, we had it all - money, travel, adventure, good health, houses, cars etc. All of the sudden I started hearing I am bored and then the constant complaints and nagging about everything I did began. Nothing was ever good enough after a decade of everything was perfect.

I was divorced nearly 10 years ago and took a trip around the world and found out that once I got a way from the USA, women valued me higher and were not as crazy. I began dating women from other countries and noticed there attitudes were different, their thoughts on love were different, and the way they took care of themselves was different. They were more feminine, more pleasing to be around and were far more easy going than the US based women. They were not argumentative, not demanding and were a pleasure to spend time with. If you smile at them they do not act like you are a pervert. If you offer to buy them a drink they do not snub you. They were beautiful and dressed like ladies- no heading out to shop in dirty sweats, unkempt hair and no shower.

Panama, Brazil, Thailand, Vietnam, Hong Kong, Singapore, Mexico, Honduras, Philippines, Costa Rica, Venezuela, Japan, Malaysia - all great dating experiences and awesome women.
 
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PopEmersen

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Not to criticize the article, but it sounds like the man is being portrayed as in the wrong 100% and I can't believe that. It takes two as the saying goes.

Women today seem to have some sort of entitlement persona about them. They are not happy with anything that is going on in the relationship and nothing is ever good enough. Before my divorce, we had it all - money, travel, adventure, good health, houses, cars etc. All of the sudden I started hearing I am bored and then the constant complaints and nagging about everything I did began. Nothing was ever good enough after a decade of everything was perfect.

I was divorced nearly 10 years ago and took a trip around the world and found out that once I got a way from the USA, women valued me higher and were not as crazy. I began dating women from other countries and noticed there attitudes were different, their thoughts on love were different, and the way they took care of themselves was different. They were more feminine, more pleasing to be around and were far more easy going than the US based women. They were not argumentative, not demanding and were a pleasure to spend time with. If you smile at them they do not act like you are a pervert. If you offer to buy them a drink they do not snub you. They were beautiful and dressed like ladies- no heading out to shop in dirty sweats, unkempt hair and no shower.

Panama, Brazil, Thailand, Vietnam, Hong Kong, Singapore, Mexico, Honduras, Philippines, Costa Rica, Venezuela, Japan, Malaysia - all great dating experiences and awesome women.

And this is why I don't think I will ever get married. You lose all leverage. I don't see the Pro's in marriage, just cons. Now, I see the Pro's in a long term relationship but not the financial contract that is marriage.
 

Groupie

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I remarried and have had a marriage of pure bliss for the last 5 years. It can work and it can be way more pro than con. Once you find the right woman, then the pros are 99.9%. When you have that one girl that is in your corner no matter what, you are unstoppable.
 

Thriftypreneur

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And this is why I don't think I will ever get married. You lose all leverage. I don't see the Pro's in marriage, just cons. Now, I see the Pro's in a long term relationship but not the financial contract that is marriage.

I've been divorced for around 8 years now, here's my take on this.

Before my divorce:

- Supporting myself financially
- Spare cash to investing in ideas
- Absolutely zero debt
- Car paid for
- Renting my own place
- Lived in the town where I grew up with my friends

Immediately after my divorce:

- $xx,xxx worth of debt
- no car
- no spare money
- moved back in with my parents
- now lived 3000 miles from where all my friends were

Ganted, some of this was my fault as well, but the difference I saw in my life in the divorce before-and-after was pretty shocking, never mind the complete loss of confidence and depression that lasted way longer than should be allowed. I'll be very hard pressed to every go down that path again.
 
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Boyd

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Marriage tips from a divorced man?

Wouldn't this qualify as "Guru Hypocrisy"?
 

Rickson9

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Good article. I agree with many if not all of the points. Thanks for sharing!
 
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FastLearner

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I've been divorced for around 8 years now, here's my take on this.

Before my divorce:

- Supporting myself financially
- Spare cash to investing in ideas
- Absolutely zero debt
- Car paid for
- Renting my own place
- Lived in the town where I grew up with my friends

Immediately after my divorce:

- $xx,xxx worth of debt
- no car
- no spare money
- moved back in with my parents
- now lived 3000 miles from where all my friends were

Ganted, some of this was my fault as well, but the difference I saw in my life in the divorce before-and-after was pretty shocking, never mind the complete loss of confidence and depression that lasted way longer than should be allowed. I'll be very hard pressed to every go down that path again.

Perfect example as to why I'll never get married lol. Just seems like there's more cons than pros. We as humans aren't meant to be monogamous and just be with ONE person for the rest of our lives. I think it's important that we maximize our life experiences by trying different things.. I mean that's the reason why we're all entrepreneurs right? To live our lives the way others are too afraid to. It's not about the norm, it's about what works best for us individually and I've noticed marriage doesn't seem to work for quite a few..
 

Rawr

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Not to criticize the article, but it sounds like the man is being portrayed as in the wrong 100% and I can't believe that. It takes two as the saying goes.

Women today seem to have some sort of entitlement persona about them. They are not happy with anything that is going on in the relationship and nothing is ever good enough. Before my divorce, we had it all - money, travel, adventure, good health, houses, cars etc. All of the sudden I started hearing I am bored and then the constant complaints and nagging about everything I did began. Nothing was ever good enough after a decade of everything was perfect.

I was divorced nearly 10 years ago and took a trip around the world and found out that once I got a way from the USA, women valued me higher and were not as crazy. I began dating women from other countries and noticed there attitudes were different, their thoughts on love were different, and the way they took care of themselves was different. They were more feminine, more pleasing to be around and were far more easy going than the US based women. They were not argumentative, not demanding and were a pleasure to spend time with. If you smile at them they do not act like you are a pervert. If you offer to buy them a drink they do not snub you. They were beautiful and dressed like ladies- no heading out to shop in dirty sweats, unkempt hair and no shower.

Panama, Brazil, Thailand, Vietnam, Hong Kong, Singapore, Mexico, Honduras, Philippines, Costa Rica, Venezuela, Japan, Malaysia - all great dating experiences and awesome women.



Foreign women can be different in their approach to what is a man, what he ought to do in relationship or marriage, etc and they have expectations just like everyone else. You just have to learn what you can deal with.


It is great to hear some saying they agree, they must have married nice girls :)
 

H. Palmer

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The 20 tips that the author offers can work only in the first few months of marriage, because after that it is humanly impossible to keep up a kind of behavior that is more suited to a saint than to a human.

Besides and more important, how people get along with each other is a two way street. How your wife reacts to you is not just due to how you treat her, but mainly based on her own typical kind of behavior.

No matter how understanding, supporting, loving and respecting you are, if your wife has an entitlement mentality, is argumentative and negative and doesn't have much life experience in general, you simply end up in tough relationship that will never make you really happy.

As someone said, marriage advice from a divorced man ... Well, it is the kind of stuff that works in theory.
 
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